Jackie sat at the bar, already on her fifth drink. She'd managed to dodge Lucy and was currently trying to drown her sorrow in booze. The thing Jackie was slowly discovering was that the alcohol never really numbed her pain or made it go away; it simply made her not think about it or obsess over it. She needed those drinks. They were the only thing that kept her dwelling on the fact that she was practically the reason Jason was dead. Anyone else would tell you that Jason's motorcycle accident had been completely random and unexpected. Jackie knew better. Her brother was a good driver and would have only gone that face if he was angry about something. Jackie had been the one to make him angry. She blamed him for scaring off a guy she was sleeping with at the time. Jason had gotten angry and started shouting about how she should stop trying to sleep with every guy who looked in her direction. The two siblings had argued, and he had left in a rage, speeding off and getting hit by a car. Looking back, Jackie knew her brother was just looking out for her well-being like he always did. She wished she could back in time and tell herself that.
By the time Lucy found Jackie, the tiny brunette was on her sixth drink. Lucy scowled. She was sick of this. She wanted to fix her friend but had no clue how to even start. "Jackie, put the drink down," Lucy commanded softly. She knew Jackie could easily kill herself this way. And if the drinking binges didn't kill her, the not eating would. Lucy dragged Jackie into a quiet hallway to talk. The girls didn't know that Hyde had followed Lucy and was listening. "Jackie, you can't run to the bar every time someone says his name. It's not healthy." Lucy lectured.
Jackie felt her infamous Burkhart temper flare up. She did the best to stop it, but the strength of the alcohol was too much to resist. "I'm not the only one with fucking problems here, Luce," Jackie sneered. It was a low blow, but she wasn't sober enough to notice that.
"I got help, which you clearly need. You're out of control. I'm scared for you, Blue." Lucy stated sincerely. For the first time, Hyde noticed how broken Jackie really was, and it scared the heck out of him. He wanted to make the midget feel better; Hyde felt his feelings for Jackie increase.
Jackie snorted. "Help? What help did you get? You ran off on a tour of the country without a warning while I was stuck here to fend for myself. And guess what? I've been perfectly fine without you here to baby-sit me." Jackie's voice had edge to it, but also a bitterness. She had been upset when Lucy had left. It only made the sting of losing Jason hurt more. Her brother's death had cost her two people instead of one.
"Trying to starve yourself is fine? Doing shots until you can't see straight is fine?" Lucy challenged. She wanted Jackie to admit that she had a problem. That was always the first step in those cheesy twelve step programs that they used to make fun of when watching tv. Now, the sad truth was that Lucy thought it was the only possibility for Jackie.
Hyde let the information sink in. He slowly put the pieces together. All of Jackie's little tricks were starting to appear in her head. The way she'd refuse a popsicle using the excuse of being too cold, politely declining offers eat with the Formans or at the Hub saying that she had to eat dinner at home. He held back a sarcastic laugh. None of them had realized Jackie had always been going home to an empty house; there were no meals to eat there. Hyde remembered the way Jackie had been drinking the night before and realized something. Jackie drank the way his mom had drank, trying to fill a void in her heart. He wished he could be the thing to fill that void.
"Well, at least I don't need a knife to make myself feel good," Jackie retorted venomously, not realizing what she was saying. "We all have our ways of coping, right Luce?" Jackie's words cut through her best friend like a blade. Lucy looked at Jackie and didn't recognize her. The girl yelling at Lucy wasn't her best friend. It was a complete stranger. Jackie went back to being herself and realized what she just said. "Oh shit. Luce…" By then, the blonde was already walking out of the hallway. Jackie slipped into a hallway and fell to the floor. Sobs shook through her body like they'd been trapped there for years.
Hyde took a step into the hallway. "Jackie?" he called out softly. She looked up, her eyes brimmed with tears. He had never seen the petite cheerleader so distraught; the sight unnerved him. Jackie was, if anything, the group's rock. A perky, loud, and sometimes obnoxious rock. She wasn't supposed to be bawling on the floor of some bar. Just like Hyde wasn't supposed to attempt to comfort her. Yet he was.
"What, Steven? Come to burn me, tell me what a spoiled brat I am? Well, go ahead." Jackie's words were harsh, but her tone wasn't. "I probably deserve it anyways." She let out another small sob, her hands shaking. Jackie had messed up big, and she knew it. She had just hurt the most important person in her life. Jackie knew that she couldn't handle Lucy leaving again the way she had. The tiny brunette didn't know how to handle life without her best friend.
Steven's answer surprised her. "No, I didn't. And no, you don't deserve it. Jackie, what's wrong?" The question surprised her. Jackie couldn't remember the last time anyone had ever asked her that question. Lucy and Dexter always seemed to know without asking, and no one else really cared enough to bother.
Jackie tried to compose herself but just kept sobbing. Hyde sat down in the hallway next to Jackie and put his arm around her. She buried her head in his neck, and he rubbed her back comfortingly. The two were both shocked by how right and natural this felt. Finally, after what seemed to be hours, Jackie lifted her head up and looked at Hyde. At some point, he had slipped off his shades. She could read all his emotions in his eyes, and that alone made her sure she could trust her. "I'm always messing everything up," Jackie confessed, pain her voice. "Everything that's good in my life, I just find a way to screw it up. My relationships, my friendships. Everything I touch turns to crap." She paused for a second. "I just keep pushing the people I care about away, and I don't know how to stop." A tear fell down her face, and Hyde reached out to wipe it away. "And now I'm completely alone."
"That's not true," Hyde stated. This clearly shocked the crying brunette. "Despite what any of us say, we do care about you. You're one of us now, no matter what. We'll take the good, the bad, the everything, but you have to let us." This rare show of emotions from Hyde touched Jackie's heart. For the first time that night, she smiled.
"Thank you," Jackie whispered softly. She turned to the dirty burnout and gave him a sad smile. "Hey Steven?" Jackie asked gently. He looked up at her. "Will you stay with me tonight?" At Hyde's shocked expression, she explained. "After what I said tonight, I doubt Lucy's going to come home, and I hate sleeping in that house alone. I have an extra bed in my room."
Hyde couldn't refuse the tiny brunette's request. "Sure," he answered casually. The two got up and headed back into the club. Jackie made sure that Dexter had packed up his drum and that he was going to leave the key to his house out for Lucy so she'd have a place to stay. She was always thinking of her best friend even when they're fighting, Hyde noticed. They left for Jackie's house.
When they got there, Hyde parked in front of the house. Jackie turned to him. "Watch your step. It's messy." Jackie and Hyde walked up to the front door, and Jackie got her key out. She slid it into the lock and opened the door. They stepped in, and the first thing Hyde noticed was that it didn't look like anyone actually lived there. Sure, it was a beautiful house, but it had no homey touches. There were no family pictures, shoes by the door, or mail on the table. Jackie led him upstairs. It was clear the girls only used the upstairs. Clothes and records were strewn everywhere, pieces of paper cluttered every flat surface. Hyde noticed one room that was completely closed off, a Do Not Enter sign hanging on the door. He didn't have the guts to ask Jackie about that. Jackie was explaining where everything was to him. "Bathroom's down the hall, and don't go into the room on the right." Hyde nodded, and Jackie went to her room to change. He headed to the bathroom and changed into some sweatpants and a wife beater. Jackie changed into a tank top with a pair of record printed flannel pajama pants. She went downstairs to grab some water, and Hyde got a chance to look around the room.
Jackie had tons of pieces of paper everywhere. He picked some up and sorted through them. They were mostly song lyrics, some completed and some not. Hyde also noticed the pictures and posters everywhere. There were posters of bands Hyde liked and some that he hadn't even heard of. Of course, there was the ABBA poster, but surprisingly, it didn't dominate the room. Jackie had better music tastes than they gave her credit for. He looked at the photos closely. There were many of Jackie and Lucy at different ages. There were quite a few of Trent and Dexter. Hyde smiled when he noticed the numerous pictures of the gang. There was only one of Jackie's parents, a forced-looking portrait. Pam's smile looked as fake as her boobs, and Jackie's dad looked downright miserable. One other photo stuck out at him. It was of Lucy, Jackie, and some guy Hyde had never seen before sitting on a table. It was one of those moments you couldn't plan. Lucy was laughing, and the sparkle in Jackie's was brighter than he'd ever seen it. He slipped the picture into his pocket.
Jackie came back, and they went to bed. Hyde could hear Jackie shivering over in her bed, probably because her fragile body couldn't handle the changing seasons. He got up and laid down in Jackie's bed, putting his arms around the girl to keep her warm. To his surprise, Jackie didn't move. Instead, she snuggled into him and contently slept in his arms. Hyde smiled. This was probably one of the best moments of his life. Still, his mind kept wandering back to the photo. Who was that guy in between Jackie and Lucy? Hyde didn't know, but he knew a little detective work would answer that question.