"One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple." -Jack Kerouac, The Dharma Bums

OtO

The sun was just starting to stream in through the cracks in the old storm shutters when Edward startled awake, coughing and sputtering blood out of his nose.

"Sit up, sit up," I said groggily but urgently, pushing him off of me.

"I had a bad dream."

I gingerly held a towel up to his nose to try and catch some of the blood.

"Don't choke," I told him, rubbing circles on his back while he tried to catch his breath. The bleeding slowed to a trickle and he leaned back against the couch, taking as deep a breath as he could before he started coughing again.

"I really think you need to go to the doctor, Edward. You can't breathe; you probably have internal bruising or a broken rib or something. What the hell happened last night?"

"Got into a fight with someone bigger than me. Couple of times. I believe you were there for the last one."

I sighed. "Yeah, I believe I was. Am I going to have to drag you to the doctor?"

"Probably. Not right now, though, right?"

"No, not right now," I answered him.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle."

OtO

The gulls were swooping low over the waves as I cast my line back out into the surf. I already had a cooler full of croaker, spot, and a few flounder but I could see a school of dolphin in the breakers right past a sandbar and I was determined to catch one for dinner. It wasn't even noon and I could feel my bare shoulders starting to redden under the hot June sun. Dropping the rod into a holder buried into the sand, I sat down next to the cooler and opened another beer. I had no idea how many I'd had; I lost count right around the time I stopped worrying about Edward.

I had situated him in bed so that he was sitting up but still as comfortable as possible, concerned he would start bleeding again and drown in his own blood. He fell right back asleep but I was completely out of my mind with worry and regret and something else I couldn't even describe. Something that was starting to bubble up into the pit of my stomach and threatened to poison me as sure as I was standing there watching him sleep uncomfortably.

I threw beer and bait into a cooler and grabbed a couple of fishing rods as I hurried out the door, suddenly suffocated by everything in that damn house. I didn't calm down until I was up to my knees in cold seawater with two lines in the surf and enough distance from the house that I could pretend like it wasn't just 500 yards behind me.

I guess it was an improvement. Usually when I ran it took me getting across the bridge and well past Edenton before my vision cleared and I could breath normally again. I was trying for him but I was pretty sure it was going to end up killing one of us.

So I just drank and caught croaker and eventually talked to the horses when they wandered down to the water, trying to escape the heat and black flies. The school of dolphin swam on and I reeled in both lines but didn't move from my spot in the sand. I think for once I wanted him to come find me and try to put me back together. It was selfish, but at that point I really didn't care.

I sat and finished the rest of the beer as the sun passed overhead and then started to dip towards the Sound. Despite my initial resolve I started to worry about Edward and finally stood up, gathered my things, and headed back to the house. As I climbed over the dune I could hear piano music drifting through the open windows so I knew he was still alive. He was playing something I'd never heard before; it was haunting and sad and caused the hair on the back of my neck to stand up. I knew he heard when I put the cooler on the table by the spigot outside because the notes faltered for a second before resuming their sad story. I cleaned the fish and tossed the heads and guts to the cats that had surrounded me before I headed inside.

He stopped playing when the screen door smacked shut but didn't turn around to face me or say anything. I put the fish in the refrigerator and went to sit next to him on the piano bench.

"You're drunk," he said softly.

"A little bit, yeah."

"I woke up and figured you were gone."

"My car is still out there."

"I didn't look. I didn't want you to be gone."

"I said I wasn't leaving. I think I wanted to, though. I don't anymore."

"Can we fix this?"

I didn't have an answer for that. When I didn't respond he started playing again, but this time the music wasn't sad. It reminded me of the tides, the ebb and flow of the water surrounding us, and I realized then that Edward was the sun to my moon. He was constant and bright and burned with so much force that he had the ability to alter everything about my life. Even though we seemed to be constantly at odds with each other, it was glaringly apparent that we couldn't survive on our own.

"We can. At least I think we can. Either way, I'm willing to fight for it, Edward. But no more neap tides."

"No more neap tides," he repeated, the faintest hint of a smile on his beautiful, battered face.

"We need to talk about what happened last night. And I think you probably still need to go to the doctor. But I'm tired and don't feel like doing anything except eating and going back to bed."

"I think that sounds like a pretty good plan," he replied. "I promise to go to the doctor tomorrow without too much resistance if you promise to make me talk about things. Don't let me drink or fight or fuck my way out of it, okay?"

"Meet me halfway and you've got a deal."

He smiled and kissed me, tentatively at first but when I grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him closer he opened himself up to me. I realized how much I had missed him over the last twelve hours and hated myself again for ever leaving him alone. I pulled him even closer to me and buried myself in him, crawling into his lap and wrapping my arms around him.

"Right back to where we started," he murmured into my neck.

OtO

"How are you feeling?" I asked him. We were sitting on the couch, listening to harness racing in Elizabeth City on the radio, both full of fish and potatoes and corn. It always amazed me how food just showed up on his doorstep. I never saw anyone drop it off, but you could always count on having enough to make a meal most days.

"Well, my head hurts pretty damn bad. But it's a little easier to breathe. The whiskey helps." He turned and leaned back against the arm of the sofa, stretching his legs out and shoving his feet into my lap.

"Maybe you don't have a broken rib after all," I said as I began to absently rub circles on the bottom of his foot.

"I promised I would go to the doctor. What's tomorrow?" he asked.

"Thursday," I told him.

"Dr. Wright will be down here from Jarvisburg, which is good. There was no way I was going to let you get me into your car and go see a doctor. I hate that car about as much as I hate the doctor."

"You are such an asshole."

"Yeah, but I'm your asshole. And I'm easily swayed by peer pressure and bribery," he said, smiling. He closed his eyes and slid further down the couch, humming with pleasure as my hand traveled even farther up his leg.

"I had a really awful day," I reminded him.

"I know you did. But it doesn't have to stay awful," he responded as he leaned forward and put his hands on either side of my face. "I'm sorry and I love you. Let me make it up to you," he said, biting my bottom lip and thrusting up into my hand.

"Dammit, Edward. This is exactly the problem," I muttered as I grabbed him through his shorts and bit back. He hissed in pain; his lip was still split open and I could taste blood in my mouth as my teeth reopened the wound. He growled as anger flashed in his eyes. Pushing me onto my back, he popped the button off my pants and plunged his tongue into my mouth.

"Fuck you Carlisle. I hate feeling like this. I hate that my happiness depends on you," he said as he leaned back to take a breath.

"Exactly. You have to always be in control, don't you? The problem is you're so goddamn out of control that no one else can keep up with you. I can't win." I pushed him off of me and stood up, kicking the couch for good measure. I turned towards the back door, my heart racing and vision spotty as anger coursed through me. I'd had enough of his temper, his mood changes, his inability to talk about anything that made him slightly uncomfortable.

"DON'T FUCKING WALK AWAY FROM ME AGAIN!" Edward roared as I reached for the doorknob.

I stopped and turned around slowly to face him. There were tears streaming down his face but his eyes were still filled with fury, his jaw clenched and his fists balled up at his sides. My shoulders sagged as the fight in me went away as quickly as it had come. We stared at each for what felt like an eternity before he finally gave up being angry too, collapsing to the floor and hanging his head in his arms.

"This has to stop," I said softly as I turned and walked out the door.

A/N

Neap tide: A tide in which the difference between high and low tide is the least. Neap tides occur twice a month when the Sun and Moon are at right angles to the Earth. When this is the case, their total gravitational pull on the Earth's water is weakened because it comes from two different directions.

Thank you for everything, Suz.

Ok, so I've realized I can't keep on a regular posting schedule. This story has just become very, very personal and it's incredibly hard for me to write. But I'm slogging through my emotions and I will finish it. Please have faith in that; I owe it to many people and it's very important to me that I tell this story the way it deserves to be told.

Thank you for reading and reviewing. See you soon. xo