Chapter Fifteen: Not Again! Intimacy Interrupted, Part Deus

"Oh, me too. Thank you, Zelgadis."

Zelgadis was relieved as well, relaxing with his lover in his arms. A hope for the future was building inside him and he could no longer picture tomorrow without Xellos beside him. It still seemed a little unreal, that Xellos truly felt this way. But something had been allowed to change within the chimera. He wanted to believe. He wanted to believe!

He got dressed shortly after so he could order the sushi, though he was still far too shy to do so in front of the former Mazoku. When he emerged from the bathroom, Xellos was changing the sheets on their bed. He was also still very irresistibly naked. Zel stood in the doorway watching with no small amount of appreciation.

"Do you want some help?" he asked, not taking his eyes off Xellos as he placed the notebook on the nightstand back with the others on the table. He was actually somewhat glad that Xellos didn't share his trepidation about nudity, since it afforded him quite a nice view.

Xellos smiled, not at all shy. It figured that he would be an exhibitionist too. "If you like. Doing mundane things is an interesting change of pace."

Together, they moved around the bed, smoothing the sheets over the mattress and tucking them neatly. When this was accomplished, Xellos slipped into the small bathroom to wash and dress, hiding his tempting body from Zel's eyes. Shaking his head, willing his blush away, Zel pulled the mask over his face and called for service.

He did this by pulling on the rope by the door and opening the door a crack when a maid came to the door. He handed the girl enough money to cover a large assortment of sushi, since Xellos hadn't wanted anything in particular, and closed the door shut after she had walked away.

Xellos came back into the bedroom wearing only pajama pants, but he seemed fresher and brighter-eyed than a few minutes before. "Ah, better. Semen dries strangely. It's uncomfortable."

"Oh." Zelgadis flushed deeply. He was embarrassed, but not strictly because it was rather frank; it was a reminder that, in this body, he would never truly be able to feel the little things, as unimportant as they may seem.

"What's wrong?" Xellos asked, coming at once to his side.

"Nothing. I just didn't know that," he admitted out loud. He couldn't feel it, so he didn't realize it.

Slender arms wrapped around him. "It's alright."

Zelgadis leaned into his embrace with a sigh. "I probably wouldn't be able to feel it, honestly."

And that was part of the problem. He was still… like this.

"You wouldn't want to feel this. It dries and starts flaking off..."

Zelgadis nodded, even though it wasn't true, and took a deep breath before uttering his next words. "Xellos... If I find a cure in the real temple..."

Xellos' smile was both understanding and sad. "It won't change anything."

He touched the silky skin of his face gently. "It'll be easier for both of us. My body..." The way he was now, it would make their sex lives difficult, to say the least of the rest of it.

Xellos blushed. "Yes, I know. I meant my feelings."

Zelgadis watched his face carefully. "You don't look happy about it, Xellos."

"It's only that I like you this way. But you will still be you regardless." He brightened considerably. "Besides, if we're going to go for that happy ending, let's shoot for the whole thing, ne?"

Zelgadis smiled a little bitterly and kissed him. "If it's possible."

Xellos pressed their noses together. "If not, then we will make do."

"I know." He looked away, shrugging. Xellos had his own problems to deal with, without adding Zel's own to the list. "Really, Rezo was probably right. It's a long-shot."

He kept his voice level, his face blank, trying to pretend that it didn't matter, even though it still did; it always would.

Xellos cuddled close, soft and adorable, melting away ice and hostility with ease. "I have no idea, Zelgadis. Even as a Mazoku, I didn't."

"I know." He hadn't before, but he figured that now, Xellos would have told him the truth if he knew. He could trust Xellos now, and he did. Zel could, at least, take comfort from him.

They separated only when the food arrived. Zelgadis pulled his hood and scarf back up before he opened the door, tipping the maid well out of the change, and brought the food to the table. He handed Xellos a pair of cheap takeout chopsticks when they sat down.

Xellos' face lit up as he surveyed the various cartons as they were opened. "Oh my. These look very delicious."

"We're lucky it came so quickly, if Lina's there."

Xellos giggled. "They probably had to sneak it out."

Zel smiled. "I'm more surprised that they had the time to make it."

The other man giggled more as he took a bite, his features becoming enraptured. "Mm. Very delicious."

Upon starting on a few himself, Zelgadis could only agree. It was so good that between them, they ended up eating the entire order.

"Oh my." Xellos covered his mouth and Zel could tell he was holding in a burp politely. "I'm afraid I ate too much."

He laughed. "It's sushi. You won't be full long. With sushi you pay more for the art and taste than the food."

Xellos giggled again, a light and happy sound. "I see." He began picking up the garbage and throwing it away. "Thank you, my dear. That was a pleasant lunch."

"Definitely worthwhile." Zel sat back in his seat with a smile, sipping his tea, relaxed. He motioned absently to the notebooks on the table, stacked out of the way during their meal. "I figured I'd finish with these so we can make a key for Lina later."

Xellos nodded, then his eyes widened suddenly. "Oh. Well actually, there are a few things I need from the market. It won't take long."

The chimera glanced at him, wondering what Xellos could possibly need. From his tone, it sounded like the priest wanted to go alone. "I'll come with you. You don't have any money."

Xellos looked uncertain. "Well, it's only that... You might be embarrassed to come with me while I buy certain things."

Zel frowned, blushing slightly as he imagined what that might be. Human now or not, with Xellos it could be almost anything. "I'll trust you on that, but... the Mazoku are still after you, Xellos. I can give you the money so you can buy it privately, but I'm going with you."

"I suppose you're right. It can't be helped."

Zel, deciding to lighten the mood again, raised a stone eyebrow. "You might want to wear something more than pajama pants."

Xellos flushed sheepishly. "Ahaha, yes." He disappeared once more into the bathroom to change.

Shaking his head in amusement, Zel waited for Xellos to return, occupying himself with the notebooks as he did. Xellos dressed in his black outfit, the purple one still in the laundry, but it didn't matter. Xellos still looked good in it.

Besides, he realized with some embarrassment, he was beginning to have a preference for his lover without any clothes at all.

They walked together to the nearby market. Zelgadis stuck close to Xellos, unsure of exactly what they were doing. Xellos still hadn't told him what he was buying.

"Where are we going?"

"The apothecary."

Zel glanced ahead at the small shop, which they had been heading toward. ""Alright. I can wait outside. How much do you think you'll need?"

"Hm…" Xellos held up four fingers.

The shaman offered four silver pieces and Xellos took them, promising not to be long. Zel tried to look as unassuming as possible, and most passersby very obviously avoided looking at him, but when they didn't, it was usually children who gazed up as his masked face with curiosity before their mothers tugged them away. It was highly uncomfortable, especially knowing that those same curious children would scream if they saw under his mask. He wished Xellos would hurry.

When Xellos finally returned, he was carrying a small bag of items.

"Do you need anything else?"

Xellos smiled. "I believe that's all for now. We'll probably get a chance to buy more supplies before we leave, so I can wait until then."

They returned to the inn, where he was able to hide away in their room, no longer visible to the eyes of strangers. Xellos very obviously went out of his way to comfort him until Zel felt halfway calm again, and the chimera decided to distract him with the notebooks.

They sat across from each other at the table, Xellos making a key, Zelgadis looking through the novel notes he hadn't gotten to yet. When Zel finished the last notebook, he flipped through Lina's inventory out of curiosity, and frowned.

"I don't think she's taking this all that seriously..."

Xellos looked up. "Why's that?"

He held up the notebook for his lover to see. "I know she can draw better than this."

Xellos looked very surprised to see the comical images that Lina had drawn, most decorated with little drawings of the sorceress herself. "Oh dear."

Zel sighed. "Typical Lina. I'm going to have to redo this whole thing." More work and more time just because the girl had been feeling pouty. "Make her work on the weapons instead of inventory. Gourry and Amelia can help me."

Even though they didn't have time—Lina would want to get moving soon, and the Mazoku were still after them—they could lock up the temple and come back for it later. "If there's nothing of use in these notebooks to Lina, she'll have to suck it up and come back so we can keep working," he added.

He set Lina's notebook aside and started flipping through his own inventory, starting the task of noting possible qualities of each item. This kept him distracted and he didn't notice that Xellos had stopped working at first. Zel looked up to find him chewing at the end of his pen and staring down at the table with a thoughtful, blank stare.

"Xellos?"

"Hm?"

"What are you thinking?"

Xellos' smile was faint. "It's nothing, really. I just realize I haven't really given much thought to the future, beyond surviving this current predicament."

Zel blinked. "Oh?" It sounded like a lot more than "nothing."

"Mm. But it might be nice…"

He could only shrug. "You're not the only one who hasn't. I don't think any of us has given real thought about the future. We just let things happen, for the most part."

Xellos continued to nibble on his pen. "Mm. But we will survive this, right? Perhaps we'll have time to think about it then."

Zelgadis smiled. "Definitely."

Xellos smiled wider; this apparently appeased some worry he'd had, that he hadn't shared with Zel yet, and he went back to work. The chimera watched him for awhile longer, studying every small movement, before returning to his own. Xellos would tell him what was wrong, if anything, when he wanted to.

Xellos finished with his key, but Zelgadis could only do so much with his notes, as it was mostly conjecture until he tested the weapons. "I figure if I try those swords," he told his companion, "I might be able to figure out what they do."

The former priest nodded. "You and Gourry-san should try out your new swords to see what they can do.

"I'd prefer to do it before having to use them seriously. We'll have to find a safe place to do it, away from town. We don't want to cause a panic."

"Of course."

He sat back with a sigh. "I just wish Lina had taken inventory seriously. It means I have a lot more work to do."

Xellos reached across the table, petting his hand. "I will help."

"You're working on those books. Don't worry about it. I can get Gourry and Amelia to help me."

"It feels as though I'm not doing enough."

Zel shook his head, smiling reassuringly. "Xellos, if it weren't for you we would never have found any of this, and those books would be useless." He flushed slightly. "And I'd still be a girl."

Xellos squeezed his hand. "I thought you looked nice."

Zel recoiled at the remark. "Just crossdressing was humiliating. This was a lot worse. I've already lost enough!"

His reaction seemed to startle Xellos. "I know, Zelgadis. I didn't mean anything by it."

He swallowed hard, realizing belatedly that Xellos hadn't been making fun of him, or even teasing. He looked away from the hurt that flashed in those purple eyes, even though it was obvious Xellos was trying not to let it show. "Sorry."

"No, I apologize," Xellos said immediately.

"I overreacted."

"It's my fault entirely. Please don't worry about it." Xellos stood, walking quietly to the window and looking out at the darkening sky, not from night's approach, but from dark clouds.

Zel sighed and finally looked back at him, catching sight of Xellos biting his lip. He wasn't angry, but the hurt he'd spied earlier was more pronounced now.

Why should Xellos be hurt? Zelgadis hadn't been the one who said—but Xellos hadn't meant anything in the statement. He felt stupid now, taking it so seriously. If felt like they'd had a fight, with the awkward silence stretching between them, but it was just a misunderstanding. He didn't know how to fix it. Were they really so fragile?

No, but this was new. This relationship was new to Zel, but everything was new to Xellos, and the former Mazoku had attached himself to him for some sort of stability, maybe. That didn't mean that he didn't love him, just that he was probably dependent on him—as Zel was becoming to him.

And if he didn't know how to fix it, Xellos might not either. He stood and hesitantly touched his arm.

"You didn't know. It's not something I can explain."

He couldn't find the words to explain how he felt. That his masculinity, to a large extent, was the only thing left of who he'd originally been that he could cling to. Even if he could, he wasn't sure he'd be able to voice it, even to Xellos.

Xellos relaxed visibly, offering a soft smile. "It's alright."

Relieved, Zel put his arm around Xellos and turned toward the storm, happy as the former priest leaned against his weight. He supported him easily as they listened to distant rumbling. "Hopefully it doesn't make the roads too muddy. Lina will get cabin fever and drive us all crazy."

"I can imagine." Xellos nuzzled against his neck, all warm and soft, and Zelgadis arched his head to the side to let him.

The storm moved closer, quickly, and all of the sudden a loud thunderclap broke through the peaceful quiet. Xellos jumped.

"Don't like storms?" Zel asked, surprised.

Xellos lifted his head, embarrassed. "No, I rather like them. That one was just very loud."

"Ah." He looked back out the window and grinned. "I hope Lina gets soaked."

Xellos giggled in his ear, and Zel watched the clouds for a long time before he noticed Xellos' attention was on him. "Hm?"

"It's nothing." Xellos kissed his nose.

Zelgadis blinked, not sure how to take that. "You mentioned you like the feel of the rain. Do you want to go out on the balcony when it starts?"

Xellos smiled. "That would be lovely."

"Alright."

Xellos opened the balcony door as soon as the first raindrops fell. Zel watched him from the doorway, unable to help smiling as his boyfriend giggled and twirled around in circles in the rain. Watching Xellos' wonder and excitement, he could almost remember how rain felt.

When it became obvious that Xellos wasn't going to come inside on his own, Zel urged him back. Xellos pouted and did as bidden, dripping on the floor. The shaman fetched him a towel.

"Sorry," he said. "Limitations." Zel didn't want him getting sick.

"I know." Xellos removed his wet clothing, not bothering to go into the small bathroom this time.

Blushing, Zelgadis handed him a pair of pajamas, unable to keep from staring.

Xellos smiled at the attention and, after dressing in only the pajama pants, sat on the bed to begin towel-drying his hair. After taking a few minutes puttering around the room, trying to calm down, Zelgadis gave in and sat beside him. By then Xellos was brushing his hair and leaned against him easily.

Zel relaxed. The rain started to slow up soon after, which he noted to his lover.

"The roads won't be washed out, but Lina-san won't be soaked," Xellos commented. "Ah well."

He smiled. "They were probably too busy eating to even notice the storm."

Xellos giggled and, setting the brush aside, reached up to touch his face. His eyes shone with happiness as he traced Zel's features. "Probably."

Zel caught his hand and kissed it lightly, which earned him a real kiss soon after. They were alone and the door was locked, so he didn't hesitate to pull Xellos closer, hooking his arm around Xellos' waist. Xellos smiled against his lips, eyes glittering as he moved into Zelgadis' lap.

The chimera caressed Xellos' back as idly as Xellos had touched his face earlier, feeling his lover's sinewy muscles and the straight line of his spine. He leaned down to kiss the tempting skin of Xellos' chest, curiously tracing a finger around one of his nipples. He watched with a little fascination as it hardened and caused Xellos to squirm. Zel kissed the hardened skin, licking it gently, amazed at himself that he felt confident enough to explore his body like this.

He felt Xellos bend his hair in his excitement but he didn't care, still suckling on his skin, happy that he was pleasing Xellos so much. He wanted to do more, to make Xellos feel as good as the man made him feel when he touched him.

He laid Xellos on the bed gently, teasing the other nipple momentarily before moving down Xellos' body. He rubbed his cheek against Xellos' soft, taut belly, nuzzling and earning a gasp from the man beneath him. He kept moving further down, toward his goal beneath Xellos' trousers.

"Zelgadis?"

Zel glanced up and noticed Xellos' confusion. "Hm?"

Xellos smiled and reached down to touch his cheek. "You don't have to."

The chimera was startled. Had Xellos changed his mind? "Xellos… Then what…?"

Did Xellos not want his touch? The very idea made him feel ill.

Xellos was flushing as well now. "I meant that you don't have to do that just because I did it earlier. Only if you want to..."

Confused, Zel moved back up Xellos' body, frowning. "Why wouldn't I want to?"

His boyfriend continued petting his cheek. "Actually, there was something I thought we could try instead..."

Zelgadis relaxed. "Oh?"

Xellos nodded, smiling more. "Not that I wouldn't like for you to do that. Later, perhaps?"

Zel smiled back, relieved that it wasn't a rejection. "Alright."

Xellos reached for his bag from the apothecary and admitted what he had planned. Zelgadis, though he didn't know a lot about foreplay, understood what he meant immediately.

He stared down at his beaming lover. "But... my skin. I don't want to hurt you."

Xellos kissed his nose again, fingering the bottle of lubricant. "There's a spell I can use on myself, if it's me. And if it's you, your inner muscles won't hurt me."

He was suddenly nervous again, but the mental image of Xellos' words was too tempting to pass up. "You're sure?"

"There... will be some pain for either of us at first. I'm a virgin in this form as well."

"Alright." He was glad Xellos admitted that, since he'd admitted his own virginity a few days ago.

They kissed, Zel throwing himself into the activity in order to hide his nervousness—maybe Xellos' body wasn't experienced, but his mind still was, and he couldn't imagine how his ineptitude and shyness could be attractive to the former priest.

Xellos' next question, whispered softly, distracted him in a different way. "Which of us should...?"

"Should what?"

Xellos blushed softly. "I mean to say... I want you inside me."

Zel was startled. He shook his head firmly. "No. That... That would hurt you. I can't."

Xellos pouted as though he didn't understand, but Zel wasn't fooled. "But…"

He looked away, not wanting to give in. "No. I don't want to hurt you."

Fingers lightly touched his wire hair. "I know, dear. I really don't think you would hurt me much more than what it would normally feel like... The skin on your shaft is much softer."

Pained, Zel rested his head against Xellos' shoulder. "It's not just that. I'm a lot stronger than you now. I told you that. If I lost control, even for a second... I can't."

"I believe in you."

"No."

To hurt his Xellos – his Xellos! – he wouldn't be able to bear it. He couldn't risk it.

Xellos relented and said he would be on top. Zel slowly relaxed as he was cuddled and reassured.

"Unless you don't want me to?"

Zel shivered, the idea thrilling and terrifying at the same time. "I do."

He was confident enough to let Xellos remove his pants and roll over onto his stomach, as his lover claimed it would be easier. He was a little wary because of the previously mentioned pain, but not enough to hesitate anymore. Zelgadis wanted to give himself entirely to Xellos.

His shirt was still on, which made him feel a little comfortable, and he stayed still as the finger lubricated finger was pressed to his bottom. He shivered. "Xellos…"

He heard Xellos' smile in his voice. "My Zelgadis." He pushed the first finger in.

It didn't hurt, but it felt a little strange, and definitely new, but he couldn't get a handle on it before a shout from outside broke the moment.

"Just go in, Gourry!"

"But Lina—."

There was no time to react. Lina kicked the door in and, though he couldn't see her, he went rigid with horror. While Lina and Xellos shouted at each other, Zel hurriedly pulled the blanket over his head to hide his mortification.

Oh god, he panicked. Lina had seen him!

"Dammit! Put a sock on the door next time or something!"

"Normally people knock, Lina-san!" Xellos shouted, clearly infuriated.

"Yeah well this is Gourry's room too, you know!"

It didn't last much longer. He heard Gourry rush into the room briefly before tugging a still-arguing Lina out, and the door closed behind them.

Zel didn't relax. He didn't know if he ever would again. He couldn't believe she'd just…

"I'm so sorry, Zelgadis," Xellos murmured, cuddling him through the blanket.

"She saw me," he rasped hoarsely. Even the times where he'd been shirtless in front of the others because of injuries had been embarrassing. It had taken quite a while for him to be comfortable enough with Gourry to consent to use the baths with him. And now…

"I was on top of you. She mostly saw me."

"Oh, gods." That made it worse. Not only had she likely seen him, but there was no way she didn't know what they'd been doing—or, rather, what they'd been about to do. He was even more mortified.

After taking a few deep breaths to calm himself, Zel sat up slowly, keeping the blanket around his waist. "My pants, please."

Xellos obeyed silently, handing them over, and Zel put them on under the blanket. Once he was dressed, he lay back down with a sigh, closing his eyes.

As Xellos tentatively touched his arm, he pulled Xellos against him, hiding his face against the other man's chest and letting himself be comforted. He pulled the blanket back over them, still wanting to hide his body.

"Let's eat here tonight," Xellos murmured.

Zel was all too happy to agree. "I'm not going to be able to look at her after this."

He let Xellos go long enough for his lover to call someone up to fix the door, the lock, as well as part of the doorjamb, broken by Lina kicking it in. Zelgadis stayed under the blanket the entire time. Xellos had them put them repairs on Lina's tab and locked the door once it was fixed.

Zelgadis welcomed him back under the covers once Xellos returned to the bed, cuddling close. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault Lina-san doesn't have any manners."

"I know. But…" He'd wanted to be with Xellos. He'd been ready, and now there was no way he was going to be comfortable enough for that, with the lack of privacy.

Xellos smiled, almost shyly. "Don't worry about it. We're going to have a long time together, aren't we?"

Zel returned the smile slightly. "Yeah."

Xellos cuddled close adorably. "A very long time, hopefully."

"I hope so, too," the chimera whispered. He reached up to pet Xellos' hair in apology as well as fondness, until he fell asleep in his lover's arms.

He dreamed about Xellos singing.

TBC.