Lord of My Dreams
Chapter 2: Expectations
She walked along a long, dark hallway with doors on either side, carrying a wooden plate that held some bread and cheese in one hand, and a candlestick in the other. She did not know where she was headed, but she knew that He (who?) was waiting for her. She knew that she wanted nothing more in life than to spend one more moment with him, for he was her Lord.
A glance down at her heavy clothing, and she recalled—she was a nun, a Sister of the Order. It was wrong to want so dearly to spend time with a man, let alone to revere him more than God. Yet she could not bring herself to care. Another door came into sight on the right, and her heart skipped a beat—this was the door, she suddenly knew as she quickened her pace to the door where she set the candle on the floor so as to be able to open the door.
"I've brought your supper, father," she said, closing the door behind her.
"You should know that I hate being called that."
The woman laughed. "Why be a priest, then, if you hate everything associated with it?"
"It was expected of me."
She sighed and carried the plate of food over to the table to set it down. "Why, then, do you spend all day in here praying to a god whom you claim not to believe exists?"
"You believe in him."
She smiled. "And so you have decided to borrow my faith?"
"I figure that if I pray for you, it will mean something more to you than it means to me."
She looked at him in surprise. "I-" She cut herself off abruptly, instead stepping forward and settling for wrapping the priest in her arms in an embrace.
"I would kill those scoundrels if I could," he supplied.
She laughed. "What an inappropriate comment for a man of god." Releasing him, she sat beside him on the organ bench, leaning on his shoulder.
"I once could play the organ," she said quietly after a long silence.
"What a coincidence—so could I." He smiled. Her heart leapt.
"Would you play for me?"
"I will play with you."
He began with a melody, and she recognized it as a Kyrie that she had loved in her young childhood years. She joined him, harmonizing as best she knew. They fell easily into the scheme of the duet, as though they had been playing together all their lives.
Rin awoke to find herself outside. It took a few moments of blinking and gathering her wits to remember that she had come for a walk in the park to clear her mind, and ended up sitting down and falling asleep on a bench.
Standing, she headed homewards in order to write down her dream before she lost too many details. Her steps were unsteady with sleep at first, but gradually she awoke fully and began making her way more quickly and steadily.
When she reached the apartment and opened the door, before she could say "I'm home!" as she always did, she was distracted by voices in the main room.
"-dreams, but not the right kind!" Kagome was saying.
Intrigued, Rin closed the door quietly behind her and sat slowly so that she would make no sound.
"Sesshoumaru isn't even supposed to be here," came Inuyasha's voice. "And he doesn't have any memories either—he's just the same bastard he was before he met Rin."
"Minus the slaughter of all humans that cross his path," added Kagome.
"Yes, maybe that." Inuyasha's voice was a grumble, as if this point was given begrudgingly.
"But the fact remains that Rin has no memory of that life," said another male voice which it took Rin a few moments to identify as Miroku, a good friend of Kagome and Inuyasha's. Which meant…
"Maybe it's like our families," said a woman's voice, and Rin knew at once that it was Sango, Miroku's on-again-off-again girlfriend. "Part of the spell was that we retain our personalities, and for that we required the same families—that's how we all ended up with the same parents as we had in the last lifetime, minus the family tragedies. But Rin…"
"Yes," concurred Kagome, "that's something that's been bothering me. Wouldn't it be essential to Rin's modern-day life that she have her parents? And if not, wouldn't she have at least had a time of her life with Sesshoumaru? But they don't know each other, let alone remember…"
"Remember what?" Rin wanted to shout, and she had to bite her lip to keep from revealing her presence.
"But our of our memories surfaced by the time we were fifteen or so; why would Rin be any different?"
"Have you ever considered a that the dreams could be the same scheme of reincarnation?" asked Miroku, sounding more serious than Rin had ever heard him. "Perhaps the spell was weaker on Rin, and her mind is trying to relieve the memories but mixing them up with dreams that she is dreaming."
"That would explain Sesshoumaru's presence, but then why are none of the rest of us ever there?" asked Sango.
"Not once has she even hinted about the Feudal Era," added Kagome.
"That…I can't explain," said Miroku, sounding tired.
Rin wanted to listen to more, but the building suspense was making it more and more difficult to keep quiet. So she opened the door and closed it, loudly. Then, taking off her shoes as if she had just entered, she called, "I'm home!"
"Welcome home!" called four voices from the living room, and if she had not heard the conversation, she would not have identified the touch of panic in their voices.
She peered into the living room. "Oh, hi, Miroku-san, Sango-san."
"I've told you, Rin, drop the san," smiled Sango. "We're practically family."
Rin smiled, hoping it wasn't too stiff. "I've got a lot of homework to do, so maybe I'll see you later?" she said, and hastily made an exit from the living room doorway into her own room.
Closing the door behind her, she heaved a deep sigh. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to resent the entire group for discussing her—and her past life, apparently—with no intention of letting her in on the conversation, or to resent Kagome for revealing to all of them what she had told Kagome in confidence.
But as she sat there, cooling her head, it suddenly occurred to her that perhaps Kagome's talk of a past life was the answer. Perhaps she ought to keep telling Kagome about her dreams… Perhaps she could even tell her about the dream she had just had in the park, replacing the nun and priest with…a Shinto priestess and a Buddhist monk? No, it just didn't have the same implications… It also seemed that Kagome was looking for something very specific, and if she began to lie, Kagome may lose interest in her dreams.
Then again, she thought, thinking back on the conversation she had heard, perhaps they believed Miroku's theory of jumbled memories, in which case all she needed was a believable story.
Grabbing her bag, she headed out again.
"Leaving again so soon?" asked Kagome, surprised.
"I have to go to the library to research something!" said Rin as she hurried out the door.
The feudal period in question, known as the Sengoku Era, was a time of battles and warring kingdoms, Rin knew. From books she learned that the Era known as such was a period of about a century, between the late 1400s and the late 1500s. It was a time when states were warring for territory, and people were fighting to have enough food to feed their families. It was the period when construction began on a number of famous castles, which would then be redone during the Edo period. There were so many different tales of how the Sengoku Era had begun, some even conflicting with each other, that Rin had a terrible headache.
She found herself wondering how it was that she was going to University to study history, only to find that when she wanted to know about a particular point in history, there was little or nothing that she knew.
Rin found a reliable-looking book on the Era—it was an old book, bound in hardcover and worn out by time, and the title was simply Life in the Sengoku Era. A glance at the publishing date made her raise her eyebrows in surprise; the book was a reprint of a book published in the Meiji Era.
Mere moments after she had made herself comfortable in a chair in the corner with the book, she already found herself intensely thankful of the fact that this was a reprint: while she was reasonably confident that she could translate the archaic Japanese on her own, it was far easier to rely on the editor's notes in the margins.
She read about the history of the era, from the beginning of the wars between states to the unification of the nation by Oda Nobunaga. She read about the intervening battles and alliances, and felt herself drift in and out of consciousness.
She was running down the path of dirt. She was terrified, but knew not of what. She was running to sanctuary, but had no idea where. She knew only that it was vital to get where she was going, and quickly.
A glance behind, and she saw the horrid, gleaming fangs and the rough brown fur. Wolves, she suddenly recalled in horror. She was being chased by wolves. She applied herself to running, but she already knew that it was no good. Her legs were too short—no amount of running seemed to gain her any distance…
They were upon her, and all she felt was pain and blindness. His face was all she could think of, and she knew that this was a dream again—for, again, it was He. He was supposed to have saved her, she thought in disappointment. She felt her life fading quickly, the flesh being torn from her bones. This was the worst dream by far, she thought, and wished to wake up as she found herself only wishing that she could have seen him again.
And then there he was, his face above her as majestic and beautiful as she remembered. She blinked slowly. She had been dead, but now he was cradling her in his arms. She swore to herself then and there that she would love and serve this Lord of hers for all her life.
He drew away and helped her to her feet. She vaguely registered that there was a toad-like creature at his side, stuttering in obvious surprise at something or another. She couldn't have said that she remotely cared what the problem was, for she could not bring herself to look at anything or anyone but this beautiful angel who had just become her Lord.
She followed him. She knew that she would follow him forever, to the ends of the world if necessary. He never once turned to acknowledge her, but she cared not a whit. He was not telling her to go away—for if she had, she would have had to comply even if it tore her heart to shreds—and that was more than enough for her.
Rin blinked in surprise at the book before her eyes. Ah, another dream, she realized, and wondered why it was taking her so long to wrap her mind around that fact.
She wanted to say that it was the same sort of dream as the others. Only…there was something different this time. The dreams were always vivid, there was no doubt about that, but this one was even more vivid than the others. She had been awake for long enough to come to her senses, yet she still found it difficult to convince herself that the scene that still burned before her eyes was truly a dream.
Furthermore, there was the matter of Him. For it was not He who appeared in her dreams, whom she felt was Sesshoumaru. It was Sesshoumaru, and of that she felt no doubt.
And yet…there was something very different. His silver hair and golden eyes were the same; yet there had been majesty, something exotic, about him that had inspired more than mere awe in her other self.
Furthermore, her other self had felt so very young, while Sesshoumaru had been fully an adult, at youngest. Never in her dreams had she and He been so far apart in age; though, she supposed, such details were different from time to time.
As she looked around her, she was struck by the oddness of the clothing that people were wearing. Only then did it strike her that in her dream, she and Sesshoumaru had worn kimono.
Rin grinned wryly, understanding. I suppose I dreamed what I was reading, she realized.
Yet when she turned her eyes back to the page of the book, still open on her lap, the words were even drier than they had seemed before. What was there in this book that had anything in common with her dream?
She sighed and flipped through the pages, wondering if this was a sign that she should just go home and stop thinking about it. Then she stopped and rifled back through the book to a page with a caption that had caught her eye:
Demons of the Sengoku Era
Rin stared at the caption, and her eyes naturally drifted to the small paragraph—all in red, to indicate that the writing was that of the editor, rather than the original author—below the caption.
The original manuscript here describes in great detail supernatural creatures of many varieties, which the author claims to have existed in Japan during the Sengoku Era. Folktales were deemed out of place in this historic document, and have therefore been excluded in all printings since the original.
Rin stared. Demons. That word rang a bell—and for some reason, brought to mind the Sesshoumaru from her dream. She could see him, all grace and beauty, floating through the sky, his hair and tail floating behind him…
Tail? Rin blinked. Then she shook her head and closed the book, inwardly laughing at herself. I must be sleep deprived. Or maybe I'm coming down with the flu…
Placing the book back in its place on the shelf, Rin left the library and headed home.