A/N: Lucky for you guys, I'm really sick with some lingering cold/cough/extremely sore throat/overall illness that makes me want to curl up in a ball and die, so I have more time for writing. I'll try and upload tomorrow as well, but I have total writer's block. Any suggestions from my loyal readers?
A/N: READ AHEAD FOR EXTREME FINCHEL SPOILERS: This is completely unrelated, but I love you guys so much I felt the need to share the good news. 1) Finn thinks Quinn is cheating on him with Sam (probably is) so he enlists Rachel to help him stalk Sam. Because really, who can stalk people quite like our crazy Ms. Berry? 2) Lea Michele is teasing Rachel's prom date. It has been confirmed it is not Sam (darn), but the news that Jesse is definitely returning by the end of the season to beg for Rachel's forgiveness starts a whole new conspiracy. St. Berry. No. Finn become extremely jealous and realizing that his one true love is, in fact, Rachel? YES. 3) Major Faberry drama. Their upcoming duet promises to not disappoint and they have a scene that will 'make viewers scream'. Out of what? I don't know. 4) Not Finchel, but Rachey considers a nose job in the next episode. I can't wait for the scene in which she realizes that she's better than that. Maybe a certain Mr. Hudson will be her savior from the big scary scalpel? 5) Lea Michele and Cory Montieth were scene shooting a dance scene to Duck Sauce's 'Barbra Streisand' at the Gleeks' local mall. Totally Rachel's song, by the way. 6) And the really super over the top major one...one Glee couple ends up in a motel room after Prom. While no one has been confirmed yet, we do know the actors in the scene, which is a total give away. Are you ready for this? Are you? It's Lea and Cory. Finn and Rachel together, in a motel room. Yeah, Finchel is on bitches.
Disclaimer: I think by now you've noticed from my weekly rants on the episodes that none of you really care about and probably ignore completely because they are very obnoxious and annoying that I, in fact, do not own Glee. Sorry for the disappointment. I also do not own the amazing song used in this fic. I was excited, though, to see all the Wicked fans I have reading who caught on.
Rachel POV
"Hey."
I jumped at the unfamiliar voice at my locker. I turned to see Santana standing there awkwardly, biting on her lip.
"I don't like you," she started off defensively. "But, I was wondering if I could maybe talk to you sometime?"
I was struck by just how vulnerable Santana looked at that moment. She was defensive, and she came out with an insult, but she was speaking to me. She was asking for my help. Well, at least I assumed she was. Suddenly, the years of torture didn't matter. Santana was heartbroken. No one had said a thing, but I overheard their conversation after Landslide. So had Jacob, unfortunately. Although he was kind enough not to include any details, he let loose the information that Santana Lopez was a lesbian. Anyone with half a brain would have noticed the way Brittany and her were acting around one another. The news had spread like wildfire.
"Sure," I answered quietly. "Any time you want."
She nodded and walked off again. I sighed and glanced at the back of my locker. My 'Finn' memorabilia was mostly gone, but one picture of him and me together at the state fair remained, cloaked in shadow from my books. Heartbreak was never easy.
Thinking of Finn made me think of Quinn. Thinking of Quinn made me think about our upcoming duet. That was this afternoon. With no rehearsal. I do impromptu performances all the time, Jesse had made sure that any shyness I had was eliminated when we started dating, but when I was relying on another person, the stress level became so much more intense.
I hadn't talked to Sam all day. I hadn't even spoken to him much all week. I just couldn't look him in the eye. I should be strong, confident, ready to siege the day, but somehow I just felt wrong. Like I did after Finn and I broke up. Like part of my soul was missing. How was I supposed to feel that way and be able to hug and kiss a guy like Sam?
Maybe romance wasn't what I needed right now. Maybe it was friendship. I was always so paranoid about getting all the solos in Glee Club because I thought that if they found their voices and became really amazingly confident, they wouldn't need me anymore. It's not like they would keep my around for my personality. I needed the club more than anything in the world. I wanted to be a part of something, to have a place in high school. I couldn't just drift alone. I need to be needed. Now that I had friendship in Glee…I didn't feel so desperate. If I didn't get a solo, whatever. There would be other solos. I was an addition to the club, not a ticket to win. I felt needed for a reason other than my voice. I really loved that
"Hey, girl, looking good!"
Speak of the devil…
"Hope you're ready for your second diva off in what, a month?"
I smiled. "Was our diva off really a diva off, Mercedes? It ended in us hugging and complimenting one another."
Mercedes smiled even wider. "Oh, sweetie, that was out of pity since I so clearly won.
Anyway, it's you versus Quinn and nobody knows what you two are singing. I was thinking that you were really in the mood to tell me…"
I snatched the sheet music out of her reach. "You probably wouldn't know the song anyway. Unless Kurt made you watch it."
I rolled my eyes as she mumbled, "Of course, it's from a musical…"
"Anyway, girlie, I'll see you later. Gotta get to English!"
I laughed as she strutted down the hall. Since Kurt left she kind of adopted me. I loved every minute of it. I had lost my best friend when I lost Finn, so having Mercedes was the only think keeping me afloat sometimes. I guess I never really appreciated just how my friends help me.
The day drudged on. I was so confused I couldn't even think. I didn't feel right. Part of me knew I belonged with Finn. But at the same time, I knew I was really happy with Sam. And Finn doesn't love me. He feels something when he kisses Quinn. He never felt anything with me. He was willing to destroy our relationship just because I was angry and did something stupid. He didn't think twice about it. He got over it instantly. He forgave Quinn, but he couldn't forgive me. No one ever forgives me.
Eventually the clock turned to 2:45 and I had to go to Glee club. Well, I had to go to Glee club in fifteen minutes. I rushed to the bathroom.
After locking myself in a stall, I broke down. I didn't feel empowered. I wasn't excited to tear Quinn's throat out. I just wanted to leave. I wanted to leave Finn. I wanted to leave Quinn and all the mean girls. I wanted to leave the prying eyes of my peers.
Who are you? I asked myself. You're not that girl anymore. You're not the girl who breaks down and lets people control her. How does that old song go? When you're smiling, when you're smiling, the whole world smiles with you.
"I'm ready," I whispered to my reflection.
I stood in the choir room confidently. Quinn was on the other side of the room, looking just as determined. Sam was giving me a small and encouraging smile. They had been waiting to hear this song all week. Nobody knew what song it was except for Quinn and I, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't know where it's from. The music started to play:
[QUINN]
Dearest darling Momsie and Popsical...
[RACHEL]
My dear Father...
[BOTH]
THERE'S BEEN SOME CONFUSION
OVER ROOMING HERE AT SHIZ ...
[RACHEL]
BUT OF COURSE, I'LL CARE FOR NESSA ...
[QUINN]
BUT OF COURSE, I'LL RISE ABOVE IT ...
[BOTH]
FOR I KNOW THAT'S HOW YOU'D WANT ME TO RESPOND
YES, THERE'S BEEN SOME CONFUSION
FOR YOU SEE, MY ROOM-MATE IS ...
[QUINN]
UNUSUALLY AND EXCEEDINGLY PECULIAR
AND ALTOGETHER QUITE IMPOSSIBLE TO DESCRIBE ...
[RACHEL]
BLONDE.
[QUINN]
WHAT IS THIS FEELING
SO SUDDEN AND NEW?
[RACHEL]
I FELT THE MOMENT
I LAID EYES ON YOU ...
[QUINN]
MY PULSE IS RUSHING ...
[RACHEL]
MY HEAD IS REELING ...
[QUINN]
MY FACE IS FLUSHING ...
[BOTH]
WHAT IS THIS FEELING?
FERVID AS A FLAME
DOES IT HAVE A NAME?
YES!...
LOATHING
UNADULTERATED LOATHING ...
[QUINN]
FOR YOUR FACE...
[RACHEL]
YOUR VOICE ...
[GLINDA]
YOUR CLOTHING ...
[BOTH]
LET'S JUST SAY - I LOATHE IT ALL!
EV'RY LITTLE TRAIT, HOWEVER SMALL
MAKES MY VERY FLESH BEGIN TO CRAWL
WITH SIMPLE UTTER LOATHING
THERE'S A STRANGE EXHILARATION
IN SUCH TOTAL DETESTATION
IT'S SO PURE! SO STRONG!
THOUGH I DO ADMIT IT CAME ON FAST
STILL I DO BELIEVE THAT IT CAN LAST
AND I WILL BE LOATHING
LOATHING YOU
MY WHOLE LIFE LONG!
The background vocals of the students started playing on Rachel's iPod.
[STUDENTS]
DEAR GLINDA, YOU ARE JUST TOO GOOD!
HOW DO YOU STAND IT? I DON'T THINK I COULD!
SHE'S A TERROR! SHE'S A TARTAR!
WE DON'T MEAN TO SHOW A BIAS
BUT GLINDA YOU'RE A MARTYR!
[QUINN]
WELL ... THESE THINGS ARE SENT TO TRY US!
[STUDENTS]
POOR GLINDA, FORCED TO RESIDE
WITH SOMEONE SO DISGUSTICIFIED
WE JUST WANT TO TELL YOU ...
WE'RE ALL ON YOUR SIDE!
WE SHARE YOUR ...
[QUINN AND RACHEL sing simultaneously with students (see their part below)]
WHAT IS THIS FEELING
SO SUDDEN AND NEW?
I FELT THE MOMENT
I LAID EYES ON YOU
MY PULSE IS RUSHING
MY HEAD IS REELING
OH, WHAT IS THIS FEELING?
DOES IT HAVE A NAME?
YES...
[STUDENTS:]
LOATHING
UNADULTERATED LOATHING
FOR HER FACE, HER VOICE
HER CLOTHING
LET'S JUST SAY:
WE LOATHE IT ALL!
EV'RY LITTLE TRAIT
HOWEVER SMALL
MAKES OUR VERY FLESH
BEGIN TO CRAWL..
[ALL:]
AHHH...
LOATHING!
[QUINN AND RACHEL:]
[Here students sing "Loathing" in counter point a number of times]
THERE'S A STRANGE EXHILARATION
IN SUCH TOTAL DETESTATION
SO PURE, SO STRONG!
[STUDENTS]
SO STRONG!
[QUINN AND RACHEL]
[Students sing back-up "loathing"]
THOUGH I DO ADMIT IT CAME ON FAST
STILL I DO BELIEVE THAT IT CAN LAST ALL
AND I WILL BE LOATHING
FOR FOREVER LOATHING
TRULY, DEEPLY LOATHING YOU LOATHING YOU
FOR MY WHOLE LIFE LONG!
[STUDENTS:]
UNADULTERATED LOATHING
[RACHEL]
BOO!
The song had gone smoothly. I couldn't help but notice how flat Quinn was. She couldn't even begin to match Kristen Chenoweth. Her voice was just too weak. And she didn't have a vocal range. She was only able to sing one note.
We had spent most of the song circling around each other like vultures. When it ended our faces were only centimeters apart, each of us with fury in our eyes. My breathing was labored, as was hers. There was so much tension in the room if someone had lit a match it would have gone up win flames. My performance was dramatic enough to make Barbra proud.
"Wow."
Quinn and I simultaneously turned to look at Mr. Schuester.
"Impressive performance, guys," he praised us, looking a little scared. "We've had songs with a really positive attitude, but that really captured something a little deeper. Excellent."
"Hatred is a hard pain?" Noah interjected. "I thought it was the simple one."
Mr. Schuester got his "Oh no they figured out I'm don't know as much as I think" look. "Well, it's real. Sometimes being positive is just too easy. Not to retain and get, but easy to say. Saying 'I will be positive' is easy. Saying 'I really feel this strong emotion' is harder."
"I'd say that was pretty easy," Quinn said, flicking her ponytail over her shoulder.
"Then why were you so flat?" Mercedes chimed. Half the room laughed.
"That's enough Mercedes," Mr. Schue denounced her half-heartedly. Mercedes just shrugged and fist-bumped Sam.
Quinn and I went back to our seats, avoiding eye contact or speech.
"So guys," Mr. Schuester started. "I'm really proud of you guys with this assignment. We have a while until Regionals, so I think we'll continue this for a while. I am a little considered, however, with how many duets you guys are doing. Although I think it's great you guys are finding…common denominators, so to speak, what I really wanted was for you guys to get to a place where you can stand on your own and express yourselves. You guys can sing together, I would just really want you to try and fit in a few solos. Okay?"
We all murmured 'okay' and gathered our things. To my horror, Sam came up to talk to me.
"Hey," he smiled. "Wanna hang out tonight?"
"I can't," I excused myself quickly, cringing at the sight of his falling face. "I'm really tired. See you tomorrow, 'kay?"
Sam nodded and headed off. I ran to my car with a pit in my stomach.
When I got home, I couldn't even eat. I didn't care that I had finally vented my anger against Quinn. I could hardly breath. All I could do was curl up into a ball, pop in some ballads about heartbreak, and cry until I fell asleep. But it only made me feel worse. Because the one song I couldn't stop listening to, was "I'm Not That Girl".
Please Read:
A/N: A few things. I made Rachel judge Quinn's singing so harshly because I felt like I was making Rachel too perfect. She's not. That's what she does. She criticizes people rudely, without meaning to be rude, and I want to be true to Rachel's character because I love Rachel's character. Also, for you non-Wicked fans out there, the reference to I'm Not That Girl was to show that Rachel is still pining over Finn and hurt that he's gone to Quinn. I wanted to really show that, because Rachel loves Finn and feels very inferior to Quinn. It also must really hurt that he forgave her for something so much worse when he broke off their relationship without a second thought. And if you haven't heard the song 'What Is This Feeling?' I recommend you look it up. It's a fantastic song and really funny, plus I can really imagine Quinn and Rachel singing it, though there's no way Quinn would be able to keep up with the song. That is all, my beautiful butterflies.
HINT: Reviews are great medicine. *wink wink*