I woke up a couple of hours later, still laying under my covers an already on the verge of crying. I could smell food and hear Momma Knight yelling at the boys to set the table. I thought back about how it was when Kendall was the sweet boy I fell for. When he would never hurt his sweet innocent Carlos. I remember back to the day that all of this started, the day I had waited 5 ears for, and the day that would ruin me forever.
Kendall and I were in the apartment alone for 2 days. Logan and James went to some concert about 3 hours away and were staying the weekend, and Katie and Momma Knight were back home for a couple days. We watched Friends With Benefits the first night as we started to talk about how much we wanted and needed sex.
"Damn, I miss fucking." Kendall said as he looked over at me, waiting for a response.
"Yeah, I guess." I said shyly as a chuckled nervously.
"Wait, you've never had sex, have you?" He smirked and turned his body towards mine, looking at the side of my face.
I blushed nervously and looked at him. "Yes I have, Kendall." I crossed my arms and looked back at the tv.
"No, you haven't. It's okay though Carlos, I can help you if you want.." He stood up and sat down on top of me, straddling my waist. He looked into my eyes, gingerly holding my face in his hands, running his thumb over my cheek. Slowly he leans in, my lips and his softly brush over each other. I can feel his hot breath on my lips and I can't take it. I pull him towards me in a lust filled kiss. His tongue glides along my lower lip, begging for entrance. I grant that for him, our tongues dance together fighting for dominance. Soon I grant that for him too. He pulls back for a breath with a giant smirk on his face.
"What are you thinking Kendall?" I asked, looking at his face. I know when Kendall has something in mind.
"We should have casual sex. Like whenever you need a relief come to me, and whenever I need one I come to you. What could go wrong?"
"Kendall, is that really such a good idea? I mean someone could get hurt.." I tried not to jump at the chance to fuck Kendall whenever I wanted to. Just to think that Kendall wants to be fuck buddys with me blows my mind.
"Carlos, come on. No one is going to get hurt. I know you want to." He said biting his lip, grinding down into my hips. He knew this would get to me. He leaned down and nibbled on my ear, occasionally blowing in it which drove me crazy.
"Fuck it." I said as I pulled his face to mine, kissing him again.
I heard a knock on the door and I jumped up, wiping my eyes to hide that I was crying.
"Who is it?" I asked, my voice shaky.
"It's Logan. Carlos please let me in." He sounded concerned and sad.
"Fine." I said as I got up and opened the door. I felt a tear stroll down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away, before looking back up to Logan. He was my bestfriend and could tell whenever I was sad. He walked in and followed me to my bed, shutting the door behind him.
"You ready to tell me what's wrong?" He asked looking at me and placing his hand on my shoulder, rubbing my neck and shoulder.
"I-I-I can't.." I said, biting my lip to hod back my tears.
"Carlitos, please. I can't help you if you don't help me.." His eyes were full of concern. He always worried about me. They all did, except for Kendall. I tured to face him and I sighed.
"Logan you can't tell ANYONE. Not even James. Promise?"
"Why not Kendall?"
"Just promise."
"Promise."
I looked at the bed, twiddling with my thumbs. "About 2 months ago Kendall and I decided that we would be... fuck buddys.. I didn't want to do it because I knew I would end up being hurt because I love him, I love him so much and he doesn't love me he loves Jo and I can see why. Why would anyone want to love me? Stupid, immature, emotional Carlos?" I start to cry again. I feel the hot tears strolling down my soft reddened cheeks.
"First of all, you're NOT stupid, immature, or emotional. I never want you to say that again. Second of all, how do you know he doesn't love you? He very well could, you're perfect. Do you see how protective he is over you? He would give anything for you Carlos."
"Today, we were, you know, and he said, 'I love you, Carlos.' When I asked i=if he meant it he said no, it was the heat of the moment."
"Okay Carlos, just calm down okay.. We'll figure it out. Right now, lets go eat dinner and don't have sex with him until you tell him how you really feel. Please? It hurts me to see you hurt, hell, it hurts us all. Please just smile and forget about Kendall for a while."
I nod, I know it hurts everyone but not everyone can be happy all the time. They can't expect me to always be happy. I try my best to hide my hurt but sometimes it's just too much..