Perplexities of Growing Up
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the places or characters used here except for Náriël-I did invent her and if she resembles anyone else's character in anyway, I'm sorry- not done on purpose. Everything else belongs to Tolkien.
A/N:
Oh wow, I am soooo sorry for not updating in so long! I do promise that there's no way im gonna abandon this fic! School was absolutely crazy but hey, I survived AP calc! and actually passed! Woo hoo. Plus I had the SATs and all that crap and honestly, I just really didn't have much motivation to write . o.o;;I really do appreciate the wonderful reviews a I got from some of you urging me to continue and hurry up my lazy ass and update! Hehe. Anyway, this chapter and the next were originally going to be just one chapter, but then I decided it would probably be better to break it up into 2, I still have to sort out how exactly im going to write the next part, but without further ado, here is the long awaited update! Enjoy!
Ch. 14
POV: Author
Almost two months had passed since Legolas left Rivendell and returned to his home in Mirkwood. Late October's chilly wind wrapped its arms over Middle Earth and the clouds above whispered of rains promised to come. The leaves of the forest had turned brilliant shades of orange, red, and yellow, giving off the impression that the woods were blazing every time the evening sun peaked out.
Náriël had not felt quite right since the end of the summer. She didn't feel like doing anything and the slightest thing seemed to set her off. All she wanted to do of late was walk alone in the woods or sit in her room and cry silent tears. This change had not gone unnoticed by her father.
Her heartache clearly identified what the problem was, but her brain would not acknowledge it. She simply refused to accept the truth –she was in love with Legolas.
…
But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen, listen and wait for
The echoes of angels who won't return
You're waiting for someone to put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say…
…
It was on this very evening, while Náriël sat locked in her room yet again, that a messenger from Mirkwood arrived in Imladris. Náriël, finally deciding to feed herself, heard an unfamiliar voice coming from her father's study as she descended the steps. Standing just outside in the hallway, she listened intently to the conversation between the messenger and her father.
"…he says it is urgent My Lord. It is about his son, Prince Legolas…"
Náriël gasped at hearing his name. Her ears strained so that she wouldn't miss a word.
"What is it? Is something wrong?"
"I was not told, but King Thranduil wishes to meet you as soon as possible."
'What's happened to Legolas? I wonder if he's alright…I hope nothing is wrong…'
Her thoughts were broken when she heard the shifting of chairs as the two elves stood up. Quickly scurrying into the kitchen, mind racing, Náriël wondered what she would do. At that moment, her father entered. He looked at his daughter and she could clearly see worry written all over his face.
"Ada, what's wrong?"
"Nothing…I'm afraid I'm going to have to leave to Mirkwood tomorrow morning. I'm not quite sure how long I shall be gone…"
"Let me come with you!" Náriël implored.
"No, no. That's not a good idea. You must stay here, and promise that you'll behave yourself."
He gave her a pointed look. Upon seeing her nod in agreement, he walked over and placed a fatherly kiss on the crown of her head. With that, he left the elleth to her thoughts.
'This will not do. I won't be left in the dark…I guess I'm just going to have to go to Mirkwood anyway…'
…………..
During the entire journey to Mirkwood, Náriël fallowed her father without him knowing it. She kept a safe distance, but made sure she was aware of his location at all times. Needless to say, she was grateful upon reaching her destination at last. A problem suddenly hit her: Where was she to go now? What was she to do now?
'Well, now that I'm here, Ada can't just send me home…I mean, he wouldn't…would he?'
It was early morning and the fog was just starting to lift as the sun stretched out its long fingers to warm the world below. From a distance, she saw Elrond speaking to the king. She knew that something was very wrong when she saw the frown on her father's face deepening. She had to know what they were saying, the curiosity was killing her.
She snuck forward until she could hear their conversation, hoping against hope that neither elf would pick up her presence with their keen intuition.
POV: Náriël
From my position amidst the trees, I was close enough that I could hear their conversation, although barely. I could also make out Legolas at a distance. The trees in which I was located were sort of the border to a woodsy area. Looking out at Legolas, I saw that he was sitting on a bench off to the side of an elegant house.
His back was to me and he was facing a giant open field. The grass was a luminous dark green despite the late autumn month. The sun was shining down on his golden hair, donning him with a sort of halo. With every wisp of wind I could see his glowing locks flowing back.
He was apparently far enough away from his father and my own to be out of earshot, for I quickly picked up that their conversation was already about him. The two Elvin lords stood in front of the entrance to the house beyond and looked upon my heart's desire with worried eyes.
King Thranduil sighed.
"I just don't know what to do. This is a very rare occurrence amongst the Elves. Although he has hardly spoken a word since his return, I can guess what is ailing him."
'Ailing him! He's sick! With what?' I thought frantically.
I saw my father shake his head before he responded to the Elvin king.
"You are correct, my dear friend. Depression is not very common, however, it does happen. But why so sudden? What caused this? He seems to be a completely different elf. The melancholy in his eyes seems to reach his very soul and constrict his heart. You say he no longer sings or plays on any of his instruments?"
"Aye, he no longer smiles or laughs…It is because of Solith…"
'Solith? Who was Solith?'
"Solith…but surely…he would be past that now…?"
"You would think, wouldn't you? He was so young…and I understand that what happened hurt him deeply…but this will not do. Elrond, I wish to make my son happy again, yet I do not know how."
I saw the king look at my father will imploring eyes. I had no idea what was going on or who this elleth was that they were talking about. I was very curious to find out what could have happened that would cause this reaction in Legolas. Was Solith his mother?
I was broken out of my reverie when I heard a distinct laugh. But it was not filled with mirth; it was not sincere; it was a dry, sardonic sort of laugh – one filled with sorrow and disdain. Looking to its origin, I saw Legolas approaching the elderly lords.
"You think you can just stand there and talk behind my back like that? You think after all those years of battle and living in the wilderness my keen hearing would not pick up what you are saying!"
His voice was rising and I could sense the anger emanating from him.
"Solith…"
He barely whispered her name.
"HOW DARE YOU DISCUSS HOW I SHOULD FEEL ABOUT HER! I HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUST LET HER GO LIKE THAT! I HAVE NO RIGHT TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE WHEN SHE WAS NOT ALLOWED TO DO SO WITH HERS!"
His father spoke softly in an attempt to calm the raging elf before him, "Legolas, calm down. It has been years…you must let her go…you must move on…"
'Maybe she wasn't his mother after all…' I felt an unexplainable surge of jealousy enter my system.
"No. I cannot do so…it is my fault…it is all my fault." His voice was hardly above a whisper and his eyes stared up at the sky, seeing something that was invisible to all but him.
"Legolas," Elrond put a comforting hand on his shoulder, "You mustn't blame yourself. You could not have foreseen it. Even I did not foresee it. You have to forgive yourself and let her go…"
"HOW CAN I FORGIVE MYSELF! IT'S MY FAULT SHE'S DEAD!"
Tears were now pouring down his face. My heart clenched in my chest.
'What's going on? What is he talking about!'
"I loved her with all my heart; my soul; my entire being…I should have listened to her and stayed by her side. But no, I had to be the valiant warrior and go off to battle…leaving her to just die… alone…"
I could now see that he was trembling. His father stepped up and embraced his son in an attempt to calm him. I was suddenly aware of the hot tears silently streaming down my own face. A sudden realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt as if my heart were torn into shreds. He could never love me…his heart will always belong to someone else…
…
I am everything you want, I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you that you wish you could be
I say all the right things at exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you, and I don't know why
…
All of the wonderful times we spent together. All of the times I made him smile and laugh…he never saw anything beyond friendship. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have let my guard down like that?
'I don't love him…I don't. He's just a good friend and nothing more.'
Yet despite what I told myself, the pain in my bosom would not subside. I wiped the tears from my face and cautiously looked through the branches. Legolas was walking inside the house. My father half turned towards me and I gasped.
"Náriël, you can come out now."
'Uh-oh.'
I cautiously descended from the branches of the Mallorn tree in which I had been perched. I knew I was in quite a heap of trouble. I slowly made my way to my father and King Thranduil. However, although I expected there to be scolding and arguing, there was none. My father simply put his arm around my shoulders and guided me into the royal family's home.
We walked into a room, which I'm guessing was the study, when my father ordered me to sit into one of the grand chairs. I did as I was told and squirmed around a little as I attempted to get comfortable in my nervousness. As the king walked into the room, he closed the door behind him and the two lords turned to face me.
"How did I know you were going to pull something like this?"
I looked down at my hands sheepishly.
"You didn't seriously think that your presence would go unnoticed did you?" asked the king.
I blushed furiously and then realized that it wasn't a rhetorical question.
"Well I…I just figured that since Legolas couldn't hear what you were saying…and I was only a bit closer than he was…that maybe you….wouldn't?"
My voice was meek and I think it trembled slightly. It was pathetic really. I'm not usually one to talk in such a way. However, I knew the gravity of the situation, and it was no time to make things difficult.
"Yes, well…first of all, we are no young elves and certainly have greater perception than most. However, with Legolas, I suppose we underestimated his skill."
The prince's father gave a slight wry smile at his own statement. I nodded and mumbled a small apology which I hoped they'd hear.
"Well," My father began, "Since you're here and you did hear that conversation, I suppose you deserve to know what happened. Yes…I want you to know that it is not your fault that Legolas just left abruptly like he did…"
I nodded my understanding, silently urging my father to continue. I'm a very curious elleth and I desperately wanted to know what happened in Legolas's past to make him the way he is – so locked up and unwilling to let anyone in.
My father's melancholy voice brought me out of my reverie as he began to unfurl the tail of the Prince's heart wrenching past…
…
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk aloneMy shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone…
(Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day)
…
A/N:
Please don't forget to review! I know I haven't updated in forever so I've probably lost many loyal reviewers and I'm sooo sorry, but PLEASE REVIEW!
OOOOHHH! Also, I LOVE YOU GUYS SOOO MUCH! With my last chapter, I was brought up to 200 reviews! That made me sooooo ecstatic! (does happy dance)
Solith: her name translates to "fire star"
First song used: Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon