Perplexities of Growing Up
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the places or characters used here except for Náriël-I did invent her and if she resembles anyone else's character in anyway, I'm sorry- not done on purpose. Everything else belongs to Tolkien.
A/N:
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
Ok everyone, listen up…I'm warning you right now that the beginning of this chapter has some semi-explicit sexual content (it's not really that bad, but still)…so if you're not old enough or don't like reading that kind of stuff PLEASE skip over the first half, you don't have to read it to really get the relationship btwn. Legolas and Solith! So once again, if you don't like it, PLEASE DON'T READ IT! I really don't want to get in trouble w/ b/c someone reported my story and then they have to take it off! So seriously, you've been warned!
Ch. 15
My father's melancholy voice brought me out of my reverie as he began to unfurl the tale of the Prince's heart wrenching past…
POV: Náriël
It happened about a century ago (A/N: this would mean Legolas was like 16ish human wise)…Solith was merely one century younger than our dear prince….
POV: Author: Flashback
The evening forest was calm and quiet save for the melodies of a few lone birds and the soft sounds escaping the lips of the two young lovers entwined below. It was late summer and the warm breeze wound its way around the already changing leaves and blanketed the couple splayed out on the soft summer grass. The evening sun danced upon the forest floor in wild patterns caused by the shifting foliage above.
"oooh…"
Legolas dipped his head into the crook of her neck and kissed her gently, encouraged by her soft moans of approval. His hand tenderly caressed her side as he pushed in and out of her with a steady rhythm. Her fingers ran through his hair and down his back.
"ahh, Solith…"
He trailed off, unable to put his feelings into words.
The two had known each other ever since they were young elflings. Every time he visited Rivendell he made a point to stop by her small village on the edge of the forest of Imladris to see her. They had been dubbed "an item" for about two centuries now…this stage in their relationship, however, was a recent development.
She squeezed her legs around his waist tighter and arched into him.
"oh Legolas….ahhhh, I'm so close…"
He only grunted in response.
He nuzzled her neck as she threw her head back and panted out his name in pure ecstasy. A few more thrusts and he joined her in rolling over the hills of bliss…
"Solith, I love you" was all he breathed out.
They laid there and simply held each other in complete and comfortable silence for a while. Gazing up into the towering and mesmerizing trees above, Solith turned to her beloved prince and looked at him. He turned his head to the left and stared into her eyes, completely enthralled by the idea that she was his; that the elleth that he so deeply loved and cherished felt the same way about him.
"Legolas," she began.
"Yes, love?"
"Promise me you'll always love me."
Legolas smiled softly and turned to whisper in her ear, "I promise…"
…….
-Several Years Later -
"Legolas, please I beg you! Don't leave!"
"I must, I have to go! The Orcs are out of control and the men ask for our help. I too am a soldier of Mirkwood. I must go and fight. I have to prove my worth as something other than a prince that simply sits on his behind and looks pretty! Do you not understand?"
Then more softly, "I love you Solith. I will be back for you, I promise."
"Legolas, don't leave me! They are too near! Stay and protect my village. Please, stay with me! I know I'm being selfish, but what can I do? I love you with all my heart. I wouldn't be able to stand losing you…"
The last part was barely said above a whisper and the tears in her eyes were just about ready to break through the dam holding them back. Legolas swiftly walked over to his beloved elleth and held her close to him. After several minutes he kissed her on her forehead and leaned back to stare into her eyes.
"I have to go love," he spoke quietly, "but I will be back. Know that you are always in my heart and on my mind."
"Prince Legolas, we must be moving out now, it is getting late!"
Legolas grabbed Solith by her upper arms and pulled her into a passionate kiss. He poured his soul into the few precious seconds that it lasted. Pulling away, he turned and mounted his horse. He didn't turn back. He couldn't. He feared his guilt might consume him and convince him to stay.
"Legolas," she whispered.
Solith fell to her knees and broke into heart-wrenching sobs.
'Will I ever see you again?'
…….
- Two Years Later -
Legolas galloped into Rivendell, and as the rest of the company continued on to bring the news of their victory to the Lord Elrond, he turned off onto a winding and very familiar path. It had been a little over two years since he had left this place without a second glance behind him. By the time of his return, autumn had already set in. The forest was aflame in vibrant shades of red, orange, and yellow.
He slowed his raven colored horse down to a slow trot as he admired the nature around him. As he sat here atop his horse, he noticed something quite odd. Silence. Complete and utter silence. Apart from the wonderful crunching of leaves from his horse, there were no sounds in the forest – no birds, no animals, not even the wind dared to stir. A deep foreboding feeling filled his heart and he immediately urged the beast forward.
Legolas stopped dead in his tracks. He dismounted, nearly falling off the horse instead of his usually graceful jump.
There, before him, was his beloved village… in complete ruin. Smoke curled up its teasing and taunting fingers from the ruins of the once beautiful Elven houses. Not a single building remained standing. He numbly made his way through the wreckage, looking for anyone still alive. It was all in vain; anyone he managed to find was burned beyond recognition, many still clutching their bows and arrows or in the arms of their loved ones, with Orc arrows protruding from their once elegant bodies.
Legolas whirled around in a circle. His mind racing, heart pounding. Only one thing occupied his mind at this moment. Solith.
'Where is she! With Lord Elrond? She must be…She can't…She can't be…no.'
He made up his mind and ran back to his horse, unshed tears stinging his eyes. He galloped toward the Last Homely House like Hell itself was on his heels. He tore into Elrond's study like thunder and stared wildly around him. All he found was a forlorn Elrond sitting at his desk, not daring to look up into the eyes of the soon to be mourning elf.
"Where is she?"
His voice was a deadly calm, but Elrond could hear the underlying panic. He knew exactly of whom the young warrior spoke of.
"I suppose you've been to the village," was all he managed to say.
He couldn't bring himself to tell Legolas what he already knew; to make his fears a complete reality.
"Where is she!"
His voice was now clearly shaky with sorrow and rage.
"None made it Legolas. None survived. By the time we got there….we managed to kill the Orcs, but it was too late for the village."
"No…no…she's smart, she must have run away!"
The tears were now clouding his eyes to the point that the entire room was blurry and Legolas could no longer tell the difference between Elrond and a chair beside him.
"We found the body Legolas. It wasn't badly burned…This all happened only but a day ago. She's been buried in the soils of her birthplace, and covered with the ashes of her cherished village…"
He trailed off, unsure of what to do or say. But Legolas just stood there. He didn't seem to want to let it all sink in. It was too much. She wasn't supposed to die. Solith was supposed to be here, waiting for him. If anything, he was supposed to be the one to die. Not her. She was too young; too full of life…and love. Love…
She had begged him to stay. Pleaded for him not to go; to stay and protect her and the village…if only he had listened…
"It's all my fault…"
He seemed to be staring off at nothing in particular as the tears gently rolled down his fair cheeks and hit the soft rug below. Elrond stood and walked over to the grieving young elf. Wrapping his arms around him, he attempted to assure Legolas that it was in no way his fault.
But Legolas knew better. He was a great warrior and if only he had stayed he knew that he could have got her out of there safely. If he had listened to her heartbreaking cries for him to not leave her, she would still be alive now, warming him with her soft body. Her lips, her eyes, her hair, her touch, her voice.
Legolas couldn't take it. He wrenched himself free of Elrond's embrace and stormed out of the house. Elrond quickly followed, calling after him.
"This is all my fault! It is! Whilst I was casually trotting along back there in complete relaxation and basking in the glory of victory, Solith was here! She was dying a horrible and frightening death…alone! She was probably thinking about how I betrayed her! How if I had stayed things would have been different! How she was burning to death and I was not there to save her!"
"Legolas, this is madness! You could not have stopped that onslaught by yourself! Do not be ridiculous!"
Legolas now spoke in a cool voice, yet full of sorrow and despair, "I am left with nothing now, Lord Elrond. I have nothing left. She was everything to me…my life, my happiness…everything. And now she's gone because of my selfishness and need for glory; because of my need to prove something. I shall never be able to love someone again…"
"You are wrong there Legolas. You are still young, you will see, you'll find someone."
Legolas glared at the Elven lord before him.
"You misunderstand me my lord. I shall never love someone again because I can't. I am no longer allowed the luxury. I would be betraying her memory. All that we had gone through, all the promises I had made…I could never do that to her. I'll at least give Solith that, she can have my eternal love and happiness. I no longer have the right to it."
With that, he turned his horse and ran off as fast as his horse could carry him back to Mirkwood. It would be many years before Legolas would once again return to Imladris, but he would always avoid strolling in the woods that now seemed so forbidden to him. He spent quite a few years mourning the death of his beloved Fire Star, and she forever stayed in his heart, haunting his dreams at night. Eventually, he managed to let some of it go and forgive himself a little, but to love someone else, he knew would be the greatest sin he could now commit…
POV: Author: End of Flashback
Náriël sat stark still as it all soaked in. She vaguely remembered her younger self sitting on the stairs and listening to the muffled and anguished cries of someone coming from her father's study. She remembered seeing wisps of beautiful golden hair flying out the front door before she had to scamper back up the stairs in fear of being caught eavesdropping.
Now she knew. Now she knew everything, and a small part inside of her wished she didn't; yes, ignorance is bliss. This stung her to her very core for she now was positive that any affections she had for Legolas were a waste and must be immediately forgotten. She screamed at herself inside for letting him in like that…for allowing herself to be lulled into a false sense of security with him…for falling for him.
During the long story Náriël hadn't even noticed as King Thranduil quietly slipped out of the room, but she was brought out of her inner battle as he now slowly reentered. His face was sullen as he gazed upon Lord Elrond before he spoke.
"It is time. He's leaving."
With that he turned and walked out of the room. Elrond hung his head slightly and put a hand on Náriël's shoulder. She whirled around and looked up at her all-knowing father.
"Legolas? He's leaving?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so."
Náriël stood up numbly and allowed her father to guide her out of the room and to the expansive fields out front that they had occupied only a few precious hours before. There, she saw him. Legolas was tying on a few small bags onto the back of his proud and gorgeous stallion. As he worked in arranging his baggage, he not once glanced back at Náriël.
POV: Náriël
He knew I was there, and yet he would not look at me. It tore at my heart to think that he could turn so cold to me in so little time. Did he hate me now? Did he resent me for my foolish affections towards him? Did he even know I had any feelings for him at all?
I turned towards my father and asked quietly, "Why Ada, why is he leaving?"
But it was not my father who answered me. King Thranduil turned his sorrowful eyes upon me and replied, "He must leave to deal with his grief. An elf's feelings run deep, and wounds such as these are not easy to heal. He needs to go out and rediscover himself, he needs to forgive himself. This will take much time; I only pray to the Valar that his journey be a safe one and he return home swiftly. But alas, it must be done, or his heart and soul will never be at rest."
"But where is he off to? Where will he go?"
"Where ever his heart's desire shall carry him."
I turned back towards Legolas to find him staring at me. He was holding the reins to his horse and his currently slate grey stormy eyes bore into mine. The message in his gaze was hidden from me as usual. His eyes broke from mine as he stepped up to my father. They embraced one another and said their goodbyes. He next walked past me and to his own father, King Thranduil. After following the same ritual, he turned to me. The expression on his face and the feelings in his eyes a pure enigma to me.
"My lady," he said as he slightly bowed, his eyes never leaving mine, "I am sure we will see each other once more in the future, but for now, I must take my leave."
'Will I ever see you I again?'
With that said, he gently took my hand in his and placed a soft kiss on the back of it. Straightening up, he mounted his steed and rode off. Once again, I was left standing there with a broken heart, staring at the retreating back of Prince Legolas.
For the second time in about two months, Legolas had left me hurt and confused. My heart seemed to have shattered, yet I did not shed a tear this time. I refused to; I wouldn't cry. He no longer deserved my tears; my sorrow began to mix with anger and anguish. I hated him for making me feel this way. I hated Legolas.
….
So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now…
So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely…
And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right,
You're always right
You're always right…
(Best I Ever Had by Vertical Horizon)
….
- Story NOT over yet! -
A/N:
wow, this was an interesting chapter to write…I'm almost kinda embarrassed by the first part…and if that's the case…o gosh…cause I was planning on making Legolas and Náriël a bit more intense…maybe…yes? No? any thoughts? Please let me know, I'd love some feed back…
Thanks to all of you who reviewed!
Princess Shadowcat: Yay! My first reviewer after my long break! So loyal! LOL! thanks a bunch, don't forget to review this chapter too :-)
Michelle Moonshine: WEEEEE thanks sooo much! I love positive reviews like that!
Elfie Gurl: new reviewer? Yay!
Ctimene: hope you liked this chapter too, don't forget to review! (hey, that rhymes…)
Elizabeth: another new reviewer :-) well, hope this chapter answered your question!
Priestess of Shadows: woo hoo! Happiness! I'm really glad you like this so much! Thanks for reviewing!
FitzyBabe08: HAHAH! (blushes) yes…well….who wouldn't like to get a peak at em naked eh? (wink wink) anyway, I'm glad that you like my story and think it's very original b/c I wouldn't want it to seem similar to anyone else's, obviously. I loved your review and I'm glad it was a bit more than just a "I liked this chapter."
Beagle: Well, let's see…ok, I admit that using two songs may have been a bit too much, but no, I'm not using em just to take up space, b/c my chapters are an ok length even w/out them I think…theyre on average 8-10 pages. Anyway, I just use the songs b/c I often find one that seems to fit in with the mood of the story or the feelings of the characters at that particular time. So if you don't like em, you can skip over them! Lol. anyway, in response to an earlier review, you had said that I need more foreshadowing. Well, after reading this chapter, if you go back and reread some of the things that Legolas said or thought when around Náriël, you'll see that I actually had quite a bit of foreshadowing. For example, at one time, Legolas was thinking about starting to feel something for Náriël and he thought something along the lines of "No, this isn't right, I'm not allowed to be feeling this way…" so you see what I mean? Make sense now? Btw. Im annoyed b/c kt nv did review -.- lol
IloveOrlando08: yayness! Another new reviewer! Thanks so much for your kind words! And no, I don't plan on dropping this, no matter how long it takes, im going to finish! Lol anyway, we might be getting closer to the end now b/c I don't wanna drag it all out too much…so we'll see.
Raider-K: well im glad ive got yet another new reader! Anyway, I hope that this chapter has satisfied your curiosity and answered your questions!
Elven at Heart: thanks so much for your review! I really appreciate your loyalty lol (kinda sounds like a dog doesn't it? Hahaha) anyhoo, I really enjoy reading your reviews! Thanks again!
Lady Falcon Ranger: well, despite the fact that both "Elvin" and "Elven" sound the same to me, I still thank you for the correction b/c, lol, if you hadn't noticed, a reviewer once pointed out to me that I kept switching between "Elvin" and "Elfin"…I think the reason for that was that neither one really looked right and for some reason I couldn't figure out how to fix it o.o;; anyway, "Elven" does look a lot better so I'll be sure to use that from now on.