Perplexities of Growing Up
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the places or characters used here except for Náriël-I did invent her and if she resembles anyone else's character in anyway, I'm sorry- not done on purpose. Everything else belongs to Tolkien.
A/N:
Hey everyone, I'd just like to say thank you for all of the great reviews that I got for the last chapter, I really appreciate them!
Ch.17: Heartache and Utter Confusion – What a Doozy!
………
You and I are here
Underwater
Seconds are so dear
Underwater
I'm searching for a light
to draw me closer
I hold my breath in tight
bring me closer
I feel your touch
will you pull me up again?
It's not so bad down here
Underwater
Once you get past the fear
Underwater
I sense you through the haze
just like a memory
We've been down here for days
have you seen me?
I feel your touch
will you pull me up again?
You're just in sight
will you save my life again?
- "Underwater" by Vertical Horizon -
……..
POV: Author
Legolas slowly ascended the steps leading to the Last Homely House. He looked down at the placid elleth in his arms. She no longer contained the look of sheer panic and desperation on her face; instead, it was replaced by a look of total composure. However, Legolas knew better, looking into Náriël's eyes he beheld nothing; total emptiness. He momentarily thought if she had learned the trick from him – revealing no emotions, and then thought better of it. The Náriël he knew could never discipline herself enough to have such control. Was it then, perhaps, that she really was expressing her feelings…of emptiness?
Legolas sighed. He stepped inside of her home and stood there, taking in his surroundings. In a moment he could hear Lord Elrond's robes ruffling as he entered the room in which Legolas was located. His eyes widened from the double shock of not only seeing the Elven prince, but also beholding his beloved daughter in the young elf's arms. From the look on Legolas's face, Elrond knew better than to start asking questions.
Legolas continued his way up to Náriël's room, and upon reaching it, gently placed her atop her bed. Her eyes quietly blinked up at him. She hadn't spoken a word since the incident in the woods. Legolas gave her a weak smile as he stood up and walked out of the room, softly closing the large wooden door behind him. Descending down the stairs and into Elrond's office, he seated himself wordlessly in front of the Elven lord.
"Aniolad?"
The air was thick and heavy. That one name brought such fury to Legolas. His throat was tight and he could not bring himself to explain to the elf sitting before him that his daughter very well may have been raped by the one elf they both despised the most. So instead, he simply nodded. His head was bent low and his eyes did not meet those of Lord Elrond.
"What happened? What did he do to her?" he whispered.
Legolas clenched his fists and ground his teeth together. Snapping his head up he looked out the window. Taking a deep breath, Legolas realized that he could no longer keep the information from him. He slowly brought his sad eyes up to meet the worried father's.
…………………………………..
Elrond quietly opened the door to his daughter's chambers and poked his head inside.
"Náriël?"
She curled into a tighter ball under her covers and continued pretending to sleep. Not knowing what to do, Elrond decided to just let her be for the moment. Walking down the hall he came upon Cyrith.
"Cyrith…"
"Yes my lord?"
"Náriël has been through a great deal today. She is tired, hurt and dirty. I would greatly appreciate it if you would help her clean up a bit."
"Of course."
…………………………..
Náriël sat in front of her mirror and watched the monotonous motion of the brush going through her locks as Cyrith brushed her hair. She was dressed in a long but light and simple, white sleeping gown. She sat straight and quiet, not a word escaped her mouth. She could feel a drop of water roll off of her damp hair and continue down her neck, but she nothing to wipe it away.
'Strange. Náriël would usually protest to me babying her so. I don't even remember the last time that she let me brush her hair. I wonder what happened. She's so quiet…' thought Cyrith.
Once the elleth finished with her task, Náriël crawled into bed. Curling up in the safety of her blankets, she thought back on the crazy events of the day. Everything that happened kept whirling around in her head and despite how exhausted she was, sleep would not come. Well past midnight, she still was still lying there, staring up into the black nothingness of the dark night.
An exasperated 'humph' left her lips as she threw the covers back and set her bare feet on the cool bedroom floor. A sour look graced her face as she quietly opened her door and made her way down the hall. She approached the large semi-circular balcony on which she had had so many interesting conversations with Legolas; sometimes so deep he left her puzzled, other times about such trivial nothingness that she could not stop laughing.
The thoughts left her heart throbbing.
Shaking her head, she silently scolded herself. She would not allow herself to feel such things again; no form of heartache was acceptable. But deep down, she knew she could not fool herself – Náriël yearned for the past.
As she stepped out onto the balcony, she froze, still hidden in the shadows. There, sitting on the ledge and bathed in the soft light of the full moon, was Legolas. He looked breath taking. His golden hair was illuminated in such a way that there seemed to be a halo around his head. He was dressed in a simple silver sleeping tunic and black leggings. One leg was hanging over the edge of the railing, and he'd brought his other knee up to his chest, where his right arm was currently resting. He looked like something out of a painting.
Náriël couldn't remember the last time she saw Legolas so relaxed. He was completely consumed by whatever he was thinking about, lost in his own world as he gazed out upon the quiet Rivendell blanketed by night. It seemed as if he hadn't even noticed her presence. Náriël's eyes widened in curiosity, giving her face the expression of an innocent young elleth just entering womanhood.
"Náriël."
His voice was so soft and quiet, for a moment, she wasn't sure if he had actually spoken or if she had imagined it. Being quit stunned at the fact that he had noticed her after all, she just stood there, not knowing what to do. All she knew was that she did not want to talk about the previous day. He turned his face to her. His features were soft and gentle and the look on his face took her breath away.
There were so many emotions expressed on his face at that moment that she just stared. He had never been this open with her before. True, had let his mask fall plenty of times in the past, but he had never let his emotions pour out of him quite as they seemed to at the moment.
Seeing that she was not planning on moving, Legolas stood up instead. He stared at her for a moment before slowly walking up to the elleth. Seeing her so lost and hurt tore at his insides. They were now both covered in shadows. The night was still and quiet, even the wind failed to blow. Standing there beside her, Náriël was suddenly reminded of just how much taller Legolas was. Something about him was so captivating at the moment. He exuded such gentleness and strength at the same time that it made her insides squirm.
He slowly brought his hands up to her shoulders, his fingers gently brushing against her barely covered arms as they went up. Tenderly gripping her, he quickly pulled her against him and embraced her. Náriël's hands where flat against his chest and as her head lay there, she could hear his steady heartbeat.
In that one moment, Náriël felt more content and safe than she ever had in her entire life.
In that one moment, Legolas wanted nothing more than to never let her go.
She pulled away from him a little and looked up into his face through her lashes. Looking back down at her, his face began to suddenly get closer and closer. Náriël's mind abruptly brought her out of the magic trance she seemed to be in. The gears started working and the memories began to flash: her first kiss, the mystery of Legolas, Aniolad, Legolas leaving her, Aniolad killing her heart.
She gave a big push against his chest and managed break his hold on her. Falling down on his behind, Legolas stared up in wonder the elleth before him. What he saw was definitely not something he was expecting. Tears were streaming down her face, but there was no sorrow in her eyes. Instead, there was only suspicion and hate. Hate for him?
'Did I really almost kiss her?' he thought panicking, 'what the hell was I thinking!'
Though he had to admit that at that moment there seemed to be forces at work that neither one could control, it was still a grave mistake. He would never be able to regain her trust now. Her chest heaved as she tried to breath through the tears. With one more glance at the elf she whirled around and ran back inside. Legolas sat stupidly on the ground, cursing himself for being such a fool.
……………………..
Náriël raced back to her room and swiftly shut the door behind her. Pacing back and forth she muttered to herself, "How could I have been such a moron! For heaven's sake! Letting myself get so caught up in the moment! And what was he thinking? Did he just try to kiss me?"
She stopped dead in her tracks upon realizing this. For some reason, the thought enraged her. How dare he try to kiss her after everything? It was completely brash! She huffed herself. Her tiredness finally seeping in, she crept back into bed and fell into a fitful sleep.
……………………
The next morning was as dismal as the one previous. Crawling out of bed Náriël proceeded to dress herself. Stopping by the window she gazed out at the already busy Rivendell. She was procrastinating going down stairs for breakfast. How she dreaded this moment. She didn't want to have to face both her father and…him. But alas, her stomach's protests won her inner battle and she opened her door and walked out, leaving the sanctuary of her room behind her.
Descending the steps she made her way to the breakfast area only to find it completely empty. Surprised at this, she decided to put off breakfast and opted instead to go in search of the rest of the household. She walked through the entire place and yet failed in her quest for hunting down both Elrond and Legolas. Sighing to herself she resigned to having a lonely and solitary breakfast.
…………………..
Stepping outside, Náriël gloomily gazed at the trees surrounding her. The rain drops trickled down, making the leaves dance in their wake, and yet, her heart was shrouded in sorrow. She didn't want things to happen this way; she wanted to be able to love. But past events made her shrink inside of herself and build a platinum wall around her heart. Fear and doubt gripped her insides and held her heart locked far away. Despite all of this, her heart gave an involuntary leap as her eyes settled on the angelic tresses that so starkly contrasted with the deep hazel ones of his companion's.
Legolas and Elrond slowly made their way up the path leading to the Last Homely House. The moment he spotted her, Elrond's face lit up. He smiled warmly as he reached his daughter and gave her a hug that whispered of love and safety. Náriël forced a small smile for the sake of her father. She spared Legolas only a fleeting glance. He bowed formally in response. Sensing the tension, Elrond decided to speak up.
"Náriël, Legolas here was just telling about how much he would like to stay here with us for a few more months…"
Her ears twitched at hearing this and although she pretended to be bored with what he was telling her, she was now keen on hearing the rest.
"However," her spirits dropped at hearing this, "he must first leave for a few weeks and go back to Mirkwood, for he has not seen his father in three centuries."
Náriël on huffed in response as she glared arrogantly at Legolas.
'Figures, it's just like him to do something like this. He's always leaving. It seems to be all he knows how to do,' she thought bitterly.
Legolas looked at her curiously. The expression she wore seemed foreign to her face. She resented him. His heart fell.
"Why are you telling me this?" she asked her father.
He looked at her with surprise and shock written all over his elegant features. Even Legolas was a little taken aback.
'It would seem,' he thought, 'that the old Náriël is back. And here I thought she had finally matured.'
He looked at her with distaste and she only scowled back.
"My point is," she continued, "that it's not a surprise to me. It's nothing unusual for him. I mean, he comes and goes as he pleases. He has no reason to linger here."
Her expression had changed, but to what he was not sure. Legolas felt his heartstrings tug.
"Náriël…"
"Good day!" she exclaimed sternly.
Then, brushing past them, she hastily hurried down to the shops, leaving two very hurt elves behind her.
…………………………….
It had been nearly a month since Legolas left for home. Náriël sat on the steps leading to her house reading. Only, she could not seem to concentrate on the book. Her thoughts kept drifting back to that day….yes, she had been short and snappy with Legolas, but he deserved it.
'Besides, it's much easier to hate him and have him hate me back than to love him and have him be totally indifferent to me…'
She sighed dramatically and leaned back on her elbows. It was a fine day in early April and Náriël delighted in basking under the warm rays of the sun. She contemplated what Legolas had told her before he left….they had gotten into an argument, she couldn't even remember over what…
Flashback:
"Náriël! Despite all that happened to you, that does not give you license to act in such a way! You are being completely immature! I would think that after being gone for so long you would finally grow up! Stop being a child! You are no long a little elfling, so start acting like a dignified and decent elleth, if you are even capable of doing so that is!" Legolas furiously bellowed.
-End flashback-
'Hn! Well, fine! I'll prove it to him, to everyone, that I can be a "dignified and decent elleth." I'll make him wish he could take back those words.'
She threw her head back and closed her eyes. The sadness still dwelled deep in her heart, making her both love and hate quiet moments such as these, when her mind would glide back to the past. The silence was soon interrupted by the steady and rhythmic sound of hooves hitting the dirt road. She decided to simply ignore it, but the horse and its rider kept coming closer and closer until she could feel someone staring directly at her. The sound had finally stopped. Lazily opening her eyes she snapped her head up and gazed into deep and piercing blue eyes. The lips curled into a warm smile before parting and issuing something that she did not pick up on.
"Huh?" she shook her head to get out of the daze.
"I said, 'Good morning Náriël.'"
Legolas dismounted from his horse and guided the majestic beast towards the elleth still seated on the stone steps. She turned hear head away from him. Thinking for a moment, she moved only her eyes and suspiciously surveyed him. She gave him a curt nod. Legolas's kind expression twisted into a sour one.
'She cannot still be mad at me? There is no way she would still be holding this grudge!'
He huffed at her and turned towards the stables. Stopping briefly to look behind him, he saw Náriël close her book and make her way back inside. Several moments later, Legolas followed suit. After greeting Elrond he made his way to his previous room, passing Náriël on the way. She did not even acknowledge him.
'Well then, if she wants to be this way, fine. Two can play at this game'
He was finally fed up, and if she was going to be rude to him, then he would be rude right back! Screw the formalities, things were going to get dirty. While unpacking some of his belonging, Elrond stepped into his room and made himself comfortable in one of the large chairs positioned in a corner of the room. Despite his resolution, Legolas could not stop worrying about the rude elleth.
"So….how has Náriël been?" he looked up questioningly.
Elrond shrugged before replying, "She won't talk to me, of course…in fact, she really hasn't spoken all that much. In all honesty, the silence in the house is starting to get to me. I never thought I would miss all the noise and chaos she created."
He nodded in response and the two both lapsed into their own thoughts. Afterwards, Legolas decided to take a stroll through Imladris, staying out well into the evening. He mulled over the position he seemed to find himself in with Náriël. He wasn't sure how he felt about her, but most of all, he had no idea how she felt about him. In all actuality, the poor elf was completely oblivious to any romantic notions that the elleth may have had towards him. Despite her childish behavior, something about her kept drawing him to her.
He growled in frustration as he walked back into his room. He hadn't seen Náriël all day and was slightly curious as to what she had occupied herself with. His stomach protested to the long day without food as Legolas exchanged his tunic for a nicer one for dinner.
…………………
Náriël looked at herself in the mirror. She had indeed grown over the past three centuries that Legolas had been absent. She had completely filled out in all of the right places and her face had definitely matured as well. She stood up and looked at her beautiful wine red dress. The cool silk fabric felt wonderful against her skin. The dress just grazed the floor as she walked around her room. It had a square cut neck and long sleeves that looped around her middle finger. The bodice, unlike the sleeves and skirt of the dress, was made of rich velvet and laced up in the front, creating almost a corset effect and giving a generous sample of her cleavage.
She wore a long silver chain around her neck, so long in fact, that the pendent dipped down into her dress and rested in between her bosom. She swept her hair up and braided half of it back to keep it out of her face. In spite of her efforts, several strands managed to escape, but once examining herself in the mirror again, Náriël decided it was just the effect she was going for.
'Now then, let's put this plan into action.' (A/N: her plan is NOT to seduce Legolas, but rather to tease him and enrage him)
She walked down the stairs and entered the dinning room. Her back was straight, her shoulders were pulled back, and her head was held high. She wore a look of utter arrogance on her face as she stepped inside the room.
Legolas nearly choked on his wine.
A/N:
Ok, I know that there wasn't too much Legolas/ Náriël action in this chapter, but I thought it was all needed to set up events later to come. Anyhoo, review and let me know what you think!
– to all of you who reviewed ch.15, THANK YOU SO MUCH! I really appreciate the reviews, they give me great motivation, and I'm very sorry that I wasn't able to respond to them.
RedOthello: Thank you sooooo much! That was such a great review! I LOVE reading reviews like that!
Maren L P: thank you!
Enchanted Picture: yup yup, I sure do…I mean, otherwise I don't think it would be a very good story!
Austin B: I am so glad to get you back! I remember I loved reading your reviews, so welcome back! And thanks for the support!
Quessealqua: hahaha, smarty pants!
Ctimene: thanks a lot, and this one is like 2 pages longer I think….haha
Michelle Moonshine: thank you sooo much for your support! That was an awesome review and I would have sent you the petition, only for some reason, everyone who left their email for me in the review…it didn't show up! Anyway, if you still want me to send you the petition, then just email me ok?
Brownie24: yes, poor Náriël! And as far as her getting raped….well….there's more to come about that…. XP
Madrone: hmm…interesting review….let me give you a hint…you're sorta on to something…if that doesn't seem to make sense now, just wait and you'll see what im talking about…it'll make sense later
Elizabeth: it wasn't THAT short…but yeah, this one is longer…and this is an AU I guess….b/c there really isn't a "lord of the rings" I mean, Arwen and her bros don't even exist in my story…get it?
Glil: here's your update! Hope you like it!
April: thank you!
N3bul4str1k3: sheesh your sn was annoying to write! LOL! and yes, I am happy with another review :-)
TheLoneShe-Elf: I'm so sorry, but your email addy didn't show up! If you email me, I'll send you the petition thing.
Jen: well, you'll just have to keep reading and reviewing to find out hehe
Ditzy28: (grins) I loved your review! I love the word 'brilliant' HAHA and I don't mean it in the conceited way as in I'm brilliant or my story is, but just the word…you know what I mean? Gosh im so weird! O.O anyway, I agree w/ u about the author's notes things, it's annoying as hell! But as you said, that's in the past…and once more, as w/ other ppl, your email addy didn't show up in the review, so just email me and I'll send you the petition!
Phicaddictdpiratephantomprsny: omg. And I thought that "N3bul4str1k3" was annoying to write! Sheesh…how do you sign into w/ that! O.o (lol I mean no offense, im just teasing) and yeah….id be happy to take leggy as well ;-)
Rougelovelegolas: well here it is! Hope you liked it!