"You know, Quinn, in all these visits you've never talked about your home life. Your parents are divorced, right?"
Quinn hesitated, almost disgusted by how casually Doctor Jessup asked the question. "They are…" She nodded.
"And you live with your mother?"
"Yes."
"When was the last time you talked to your father?"
Her face was stone. "It was sophomore year," She said. "The night I told him I was pregnant,"
"Oh," Doctor Jessup's brow furrowed. "So your mother…she was supportive?"
Quinn smiled at Doctor Jessup's naivety. "She let him throw me out. She waited until he cheated on her with a 22-year-old to leave him and let me come home."
"And you think under different circumstances she would've chosen him…?"
"I know she would've," Quinn shrugged confidently.
Doctor Jessup was prepared to dig deeper. "What was your family like when you were growing up?"
Quinn had to think hard about this one. "Everything was perfect. At least that's what they wanted me to believe. If it wasn't perfect, they'd fix it as quickly as they could." Her voice was dripping with resentment.
"And even as a child, did you recognize this was a bad thing?"
"I loved it," Quinn smiled sadly. "Nothing ever felt hopeless."
"Give me an example…" Doctor Jessup said. "…Of how your parents solved a problem."
"If my dad had a bad day at work, it was obvious. He wouldn't talk. He'd keep his temper, but still quietly criticize my mom's house work. She didn't want to fight with him, especially in front of me or my sister, so they'd just start ignoring each other."
"And did their relationship set an example for you? Have you ever felt unable to fight?"
"No, I stand up for what I want," Quinn said surely. "I'm nothing like them."
"Of course not…" Doctor Jessup looked down at her clipboard and wrote something down. Quinn was suspicious, but she kept talking.
"My sister got all the attention," She said. "I couldn't compete with her. They saw the daughter they wanted to. She was perfect: tall, thin, blond…"
"So are you," Doctor Jessup shrugged.
"Frannie didn't have to try," Quinn told her resentfully. "She was born that way. I was born…Lucy Caboosey."
"Do elaborate…"
"I was bullied every day. My parents brushed it off. They just told me not to pay attention to it. I never felt like they really cared enough. So, I did what I thought I had to. I made a change."
"Define change…"
Quinn was hesitant to bring up her eighth grade year: the year of the transformation. She was almost ashamed of it. "I went on a diet. I started counting calories. I started doing sports. I dropped forty pounds in six months. That really got my mom's attention. She was so encouraging. She bought me all the clothes I wanted. My dad went one step farther and bought me a new nose."
"Really?" Doctor Jessup raised her eyebrows, examining Quinn's face. "It looks so real."
"I loved the way they were treating me. I felt like a princess. I got a little obsessed. By the time I got to high school I barely ate at all. I know now that it was a bad idea, so don't give me a lecture. I ate a lot of carrots and celery. I'd have a few saltines over the course of the day to settle my stomach, because it was always in knots…I'd binge at least once a week, and I'd keep it down, so I never considered myself anorexic."
"You were just… hungry,"
"I was beautiful," Quinn shrugged. "And it was so worth it for a while."
"…Until you realized that you couldn't be perfect," Doctor Jessup nodded. "…Not even in your parents' eyes…"
"I messed up," Quinn said. "I brought it all upon myself."
"People mess up. We've talked about it."
Quinn felt a lump in her throat. "But most people are forgiven for it," She said. "I never stood a chance."
Quinn woke up with two different pimples on her forehead. Maybe therapy had been a bad idea. The stress of it was making her break out. To make matters worse, she couldn't make her hair go the way she wanted to. She finally gave up, put some make up on, and headed off to school.
Self conscious, she kept her head down avoided talking to anyone all morning, but at lunch there was no way out. She had made plans to practice her duet with Rory. They'd decided on "It ain't me", and were set to perform that afternoon.
"Are you ready for this?" Rory asked as he came into the choir room.
Quinn placed a hand on her hip and tried to appear confident. "I was born ready."
Rory turned on the music and instantly started singing.
"Go way from my window
Leave at your own chosen speed
I'm not the one you want babe
I'm not the one you need"
Quinn grinned charmingly and started harmonizing with him for the second verse.
"You say you're a looking for someone
who's never weak, but always strong
to protect you and defend you
whether you are right or wrong"
Really getting into it, they stepped toward each other and sang close together.
"Someone to open each and every door
But it aint' me, babe,
No, no, no
It ain't me, babe
It ain't me you're looking for"
Quinn tried to get into character, looking determined not to be with him. As the song ended, she was smirking meanly at him with her hands on her hips. He stared at her, a distant smile on his face. After a few minutes of prolonged eye contact, Quinn was uncomfortable. She looked away, but Rory kept staring. Maybe he was staring at her zits and thinking about how disgusting she was.
"What…?" She asked.
"Nothing…" He blushed, looking at his feet. "It's just that…you might be the most beautiful girl in all of America."
What? Did he really think that? It's not like no one had ever told her that before, but now more than ever, she had needed to hear it. Sort of loosing control of herself, she went over to Rory and wrapped him in a hug. "Thank you." She told him. "That means a lot."
They pulled apart slightly, realizing how close their faces were. Rory wasn't stupid. He could read signals. He nervously reached up and pushed a piece of her hair from her face. She didn't flinch. He took it as a very good sign, and kissed her.