Chapter 2 – Dinner
JJ could barely contain his excitement, as he skipped down the stairs towards the parking lot. This terrified him. Could it be that he was 'getting over' Dee? That couldn't be possible, not with the intensity that he had loved him.
Loved…? He had thought of it as a past thing. Does this mean I don't love him anymore? And besides, even if I didn't, why does it have to be Berkley that I fall for? This last thought confused him and he stopped in his tracks. Am I falling for him?
When he thought about this a little more, he noticed how his heart had raced as Berkley had hugged him, how he felt when Berkley had told him to come to dinner. Everything added up, but could he bear to let go off his love for Dee? He shook his head, clearing it of the disturbing thoughts. I'm not gonna think about that tonight. I'm gonna go out and enjoy myself. He glanced at his watch; he was a little early, but he picked up his pace anyway.
When he arrived in the lot, the harsh grey walls turned dark because of the time, he was shocked to see Berkley already there standing beside his car, cigarette in his mouth. The car in question was a smexy Lamborghini, in fire red. This was not the car that JJ was used to seeing Berkley drive. He usually drove the custom black car with tinted windows.
JJ was shocked further as he took in the sight of the other man. Berkley was wearing a dark blue vest top under a light blue button-down shirt with tight fitting, ass-hugging blue jeans, with yellow stitching. JJ felt his mouth drop open, then he looked down at his own attire.
I feel underdressed. He thought. Berkley caught him looking at him, then at his self.
"We can stop by yours on the way." He suggested. Opening the car door for him.
"Where are we going?" JJ asked.
"Well, I thought we could go clubbing later on? I mean, you're not on duty tomorrow, so that means…" Berkley smiled, looking sly as he stared at JJ, a new emotion in his eyes. "I can get you as drunk as I want."
JJ felt his breath catch and his face grow warm. He stuttered, "Erm.. sh-shall we?"
They got into the car and Berkley started the engine. JJ's hands shook as the car vibrated with expected power. The engine roared and then they were off. They sped down the motorway towards JJ's apartment.
"So… erm, what's the point of this?" JJ asked hesitantly.
"Well, you needed cheering up and I felt… obligated, if you will, to help that along."
So he's just like the others. Not interested in me. Just interested in my body. JJ couldn't figure out why this upset him, perhaps it was yet another feeling that he was unsure of. I thought that there could be something there. He shook his head quickly. Well, he thought, at least I'll get a decent shag.
When they reached JJ's apartment, JJ quickly ran through the flat.
"Take a seat." JJ said, as he hastily made his way to his room, throwing off his work shirt as he went. And Berkley felt his heart jump at the glimpse of flesh that he saw as JJ disappeared into the bedroom.
JJ undressed quickly. Standing only in his socks and boxers, he regarded the various clothes that he had in his large wardrobe and tapped his chin with his long and delicate fingers. He wanted to look good, but not over-dressed.
In the end he decided on a pair of black wash-faded jeans, and a dark tank-top and a pair of black sneakers. It was hot outside and JJ was placing his bets that if the two of them stopped off at a club it would get even hotter on the dance-floor. He glanced at himself in the mirror. Black suited him. It highlighted his next-to-flawless pale skin, making it appear almost translucent if caught in the right light. Black also showed off his unusual natural eye colour and that always worked to his advantage.
When he finally stepped out of his room and back into the living room, Berkley was sitting on the sofa; his eyes were closed and he had let his head droop back, exposing his sensuous, masculine neck. His arms were spread wide, across the back of the sofa, a dominant male pose that JJ found incredibly enticing.
He cleared his throat quietly, and Berkley's eyes shot open, glancing over to where the noise had come from.
"How do I look?" JJ asked, "Will I do? Not too casual or…?"
Berkley cut him off, "You look great." He smiled slightly, getting up off the couch. "Shall we?" He put one arm out towards the door.
"Let me just grab my wallet…"
"No, let me pay for tonight? My treat." Berkley smiled again and for a reason that JJ couldn't explain, he felt his knees go weak as he saw that smile.
"Uhm… okay."
They left the apartment quickly and were soon speeding off to the restaurant the Berkley had in mind.
It turned out to be a high-class Italian joint and JJ bailed.
"I can't go in there!" He hissed at Berkley. "Not dressed like this!"
"JJ," Berkley said, a soft tone in his voice as he took the smaller man's hand. "You look amazing… a little casual perhaps but still unbelievably beautiful." And with that said Berkley, for once threw all thought away and acted only on impulse. He ducked them both into the alley way just beside the food joint, then grabbed JJ close to him and kissed him on the lips.
JJ couldn't believe what had just happened. One second he was standing next to Berkley, the next his mouth was being taken by him. It was all going very fast, even for JJ's standards.
However, as soon as he felt Berkley's tongue against his, he melted. His knees went weak and he clung to his boss, his hands finding their way into his hair. Wait…
His boss…
HIS BOSS!
JJ slowly pushed him away, although both wanted the kiss to last an eternity, and said, "Can we go eat?... I feel a little hungry."
Berkley smiled at him, he could understand his hesitance of letting go of his love for Dee, and he could forgive him for that.
"Sure." He also went to let go of JJ's hand, but the smaller man squeezed his hand a little tighter, smiling at him.
They entered the restaurant together hand in hand and the waitress showed them to their table. It was in a secluded corner and for that JJ was grateful, judging by both of their behaviour outside, they'd be lucky if they even got to the club.
The waitress handed them a menu each and JJ hid behind it quickly. At this rate I'm gonna end up sleeping with my boss, he thought.
But is that really so bad, another voice in his head asked, it's not like he's not attractive. Or that you couldn't grow to love him. Or that you could even love him already.
He tried to block out those thoughts but they did disturb him. Greatly.
When the waitress came back, Berkley ordered oysters for starters and as a main course he had a pasta dish. JJ ordered the same starters, but was lost as to what to have as a main. He ended up having Berkley pick for him as he simply had no idea. As a dessert they decided that they would share a chocolate fondu. Berkley also ordered a bottle of Italian red wine, called Chianti.
JJ giggled at the way that Berkley had wriggled so many types of aphrodisiacs into one meal. Perhaps they were both bent on getting some. (A/N please excuse the pun)
"What's funny?" Berkley asked, suspicious as he poured a glass of the expensive wine for JJ and himself.
"Nothing." JJ replied, eyeing him over the rim of his glass as he took his first sip of wine and he locked eyes with Berkley over the candle-light.
"So," JJ started, "there must be a reason, other than the whole cheering me up thing, that you brought me out."
Berkley looked confused. "What do you mean?"
"Well, I get the feeling that that kiss out there had nothing to do with cheering me up, that's all." He looked at Berkley expectantly. When the other man didn't respond, JJ looked down into his wine glass, resting his head in his other hand. "You know, if you just want to fuck me, you can say so. We don't have to do the whole 'date' thing. I mean its not like it'd be the first time that someone's done that to me. *Bitter laugh* I could probably start out as a prostitute, the amount of men that want to screw me." He said, calmly, taking another sip of wine.
"JJ, for God's sake! Listen to yourself!" Berkley roared, then proceeded more quietly. "Do you always see yourself as that?"
JJ shrugged. "Might as well. You know, once, Dee told me that that was all that I was good for. 'A decent fuck' he said. He was right, you know. There are many times I thought that I'd got over Dee, but they all ended the same. Scenario was different, but I still ended up alone. Whether it's the morning after or a couple of months down the line."
Berkley felt his anger rise and he had no idea why, but he felt no anger towards JJ, or his words. Words that were accusing him of wanting to just fuck him then ditch him and never talk to him again. But he did feel anger towards himself, and the other men that had done that to JJ. He had begun with the intention that if he just fucked the man, then all the confusing feelings he had for him would go away, but now? Now he just wanted to hold JJ close. Even whisper loving things into his ears. Anything to make the pain, that was sure to drown him unless someone pulled him to the surface, evaporate into nothingness.
When he focussed again on JJ, he was still staring into his wine glass, but something was different. There was something glistening on JJ's cheeks, and the thought of JJ crying sent Berkley's heart into space. He didn't want to see the man cry.
JJ saw all of the memories of his past loves and past hurts float before his eyes, overwhelming him. Then he felt strong arms encircle him and he lent into them.
"I'm sorry." JJ whispered. "I didn't want to ruin this evening. I thought that it could mount to something that would briefly make me feel good." The arms around him tightened and he felt lips beside his ear.
"Let's go back to your place." Those lips murmured, and JJ felt his heart both sink and sing. It may mean that he would have no relationship with Berkley – not that that was what he wanted – but he did get a good screw.
"Okay. But what about dinner…?"
Berkley chucked, pulling back to look into JJ's eyes. "I don't really think that this is your kinda thing, is it?"
JJ thought about lying, then decided it was useless considering that he had protested so loudly before entering the restaurant. He shook his head and blushed when Berkley chuckled again, helping him up from his seat.
They got back to JJ's apartment in record time, and Berkley would have totally understood if the man had turned him away. After all, he had revealed so much of himself already. Instead however, JJ said, "Wanna come in?" he had blushed too.
Berkley had entered the apartment – for the second time that evening, his mind registered. JJ immediately went off into his kitchen, calling back over his shoulder, "Do you want coffee? Tea?"
"Coffee." Berkley said from the doorway.
"I'm sorry, but I only have instant… is that still okay?" JJ asked, holding the jar in one hand as he boiled the kettle and grabbed mugs with the other. He was oblivious to Berkley's entrance into the kitchen.
Berkley rolled up his sleeves and came to stand behind JJ. "Instant's good, thanks."
JJ jumped at the sudden proximity of the other man. This action caused his ass to bump against Berkley's lower hips and the tops of his thighs, gently… erotically. Both men froze at the contact. JJ remembered with great intensity, how the kiss that they'd shared felt. How he had wanted to continue. And then his mind travelled back a little further, to when the two of them were in the stairwell and how great it felt to have Berkley's arms wrapped around him. He couldn't help but let his mind wander, imagine what it would feel like to have sex with Berkley. He imagined how the older detective's blue eyes would almost glow with passion and desire, how they would end up looking almost completely black. He imagined how his long, masculine fingers would feel against his own flesh… these thoughts, though they only took a second to spring to mind, presented a problem. A large problem that was clearly visible through the front of his pants.
Berkley was also suffering from this problem, and as JJ looked over his shoulder, straight into his eyes, both felt an electric shock shoot through their bodies. Without another thought, Berkley grabbed JJ and spun him around; pressing his lips to the smaller man's, hard and persistent, quickly gaining entry to JJ's warm cavern.
JJ moaned in the back of his throat. This feels good. He thought, deepening the kiss and, whilst clutching one of Berkley's firm ass cheeks, he ground his erection against the other man's leg – as he could not quite reach Berkley's erection with his hips. The moan that this elicited from the taller man encouraged JJ more. He was about to continue exploiting this when Berkley surprised him by grasping JJ's ass and pulling their hips up to meet one another, making JJ wrap his legs around the other man. Berkley ground their erections together, ripping moans from both of them. He pulled back briefly, to see if JJ wanted a relationship or if he just needed a release. Both desires were in the smaller mans eyes but the most prominent was definitely the need for a release.
This saddened Berkley. JJ shouldn't have had to feel that all he was going to get was just a fuck – off of anybody. JJ should feel loved.
What kind of shit-face am I? He thought to himself. JJ's heartbroken over Dee (the bastard) and all I want to do is shag the beautiful… I can't. It's not right. Simple as.
Just as the violet-eyed man was about to swoop in and claim the other officer's lips again, Berkley pulled back. His heart ached as he saw JJ's eyes narrow slightly, disappointment blooming in the beautiful orbs.
"JJ," He said, "This isn't right. Not after everything you said at the food joint."
Realisation suddenly dawned in JJ's eyes, then anger burned brightly in them. "Don't you dare! I can't believe… you just… I mean… shit!" JJ shoved him away furiously, jumping down off of the work top.
"JJ, I didn't mean…"
"Just…!" JJ was close to tears again. Tears of frustration. Tears of hurt. And tears of anger. He covered his eyes with one hand. "Just go. I thought… I thought I'd at least get a fuck – apparently I'm not even good enough for that anymore. I might as well not bother anymore. Just leave."
Berkley didn't move for a second. Then he reached out to JJ, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder, only to have it slapped off.
"Get. Out. Of. My. House." JJ growled at him, looking up and meeting his gaze for the briefest of moments. The pain that Berkley saw in those violet eyes worried JJ. He had the most horrid feeling that JJ was going to do something stupid.
Barkley sat down at the table in the kitchen. "I'm not going anywhere. I suggest that we have a takeaway…" He said very calmly.
"Don't you dare!" JJ growled, anger showing in his eyes. "Don't you dare pity me! I'm fine on my own. I have been for years. I'll prove it to you, even if you, or Dee, or even Ryo don't think I'm man enough, I'll prove it to you." And with that JJ stormed out of the kitchen.
"Shit!" Berkley stumbled out of the kitchen and into the living room where JJ was at the front door to the apartment, pulling on a jacket and glancing at his watch. "What are you planning to -"
"It's now nine o'clock." JJ said, a strange glint in his eye. "Please be sure to lock the door when you leave, sir."
"JJ, wait -" But he was only talking to thin air. The other man had left, the door was wide open and when Berkley went to see if JJ was still on the corridor, he was terrified to find that it was empty.