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I actually said the words to Jacob, well an unconscious Jacob. But I had really said it out loud, and I couldn't feel any happier. I loved this giant man beside me, and had discovered it in a record setting 3 days. My mind repeated the words over and over again. It was like my inner self was jumping in joy. I smiled and turned back to face the wall that held the door to my room. Listening to Jacob's snore, which had suddenly stopped.
His arm that was lying limply across me suddenly was alive pulling me closer to him. I wasn't sure if he was still asleep or now was awake. My back was now to his large chest, I had stopped breathing. Holding my breath for some unknown reason. His head snuggled into my neck, a small hum of comfort vibrated from his lips. Maybe he was still a sleep.
"I waited long enough for those words." His husky voice chuckled in my ear. My body stiffened, and my lungs ached in protest from holding my breath so long. I exhaled in a gush of wind, and then sucked the air back in too quickly. Exhaling and inhaling felt impossible to do. The basic instinct to breathe was harder than ever. Jacob's arm tightened, he tensed. "Naomi, are you ok?" He asked his voice now serious, concerned.
No I wasn't ok. Jacob had heard me, heard the words I had whispered to - supposedly sleeping- him. I wasn't sure where my reaction was coming from. I said I loved him but why was I acting like he just found out I murdered some one. Maybe I was embarrassed. But why would I be? "Omi?" Jacob asked concerned still. He turned me so I could face him, though my eyes were shut.
I needed to relax before I gave him a complex that I needed medical attention. Maybe I did? I tried breathing slowly and lowering my heart rate. A few minutes passed before I returned back to my normal state. Well not entirely, my mind was racing. "Naomi, are you alright? Do you need some water or anything?" He asked. I shook my head, my eyes still glued shut. Maybe I was dreaming that he heard me and just needed to let the dream pass. Who was I kidding, this was real Jacob had heard me.
Jacob gently grasped my head between his hands. "Please Naomi tell me what's wrong? Did I say something wrong? Please." His voice was soaked in concern and alarm. My stupid panic attack had made him worry. I slowly let me eyes open, they registered the handsome guy in front of me. His face was still worried. "Sorry, I freaked out." I whispered softly. I didn't want Jacob to worry himself about me. I smiled for good measure, incase he thought I was bluffing.
Jacob chuckled, "I thought you were dying for a second." He smiled, but I could tell he was serious. Dying would have been less embarrassing than acting like an escaped mental patient. I smiled, sitting up in the bed. Jacob adjusted his position so he could sit up beside me. "It's just… I thought you were asleep." I shook my head at one of my best friends. He smiled down at me, "Well I was, but then you touched my cheek. How could I miss that perfect moment? And when you said that perfect little sentence, my heart nearly stopped. " He laughed lowly. I smiled back warily; I thought Jacob was a heavy sleeper. Maybe I was wrong.
"Come on, let's go for a walk." Jacob said, pulling me from the bed like I weighed nothing. I glanced back at my clock. It was 2am in the morning, he should be sleeping. "Jake it's really late and you should sleep." I frowned up at him. He placed his index finger on my lips, in a way to silence me. "I'll catch some z's later. Right now we are going for a walk. No objections." He shook his head. "Grab your shoes." He pointed to my flip flops in the corner, as he put on his sneakers. I slipped on my shoes, and started to walk to the door. "This way, bed head." He gestured to my window. Did he really expect me to go out my window like a teenager sneaking out to go to a party? The front door worked perfectly fine.
"You can't be serious?" I placed my hand on my hip, planting my feet. Jacob smiled evilly, walking toward me. "I can let you walk with your own feet or would you rather be carried out." He challenged his smirk becoming wider, which I fought the urge to slap. "After you my lady." He bowed and spun his arm out to gesture to the window.
I walked over to the window, which was now open thanks to Jacob. "Screw you Jacob." I said before climbing out the window. He chuckled, leaping out after me. "I hope you do." He smiled. "Pervert." I said under my breath. Jacob laughed louder, "I'm whatever you want me to be. And I mean whatever." He whispered close to my ear, seductively. His voice sent shivers down my spine. I shook my head clearing the fogginess that had incased it from his voice. "How about tame?" I smiled smugly.
Jacob smirked leaning closer to me, "Sure." He shrugged, I smiled brighter finally getting through to him. "As long as you agree to get wild." He laughed. I frowned, shocked by what he had said to me. I punched his side as hard as I could. Hoping I had inflicted the slightest bit of pain. He winced slightly still smiling. I guess it didn't work. "Stop your little sex hints, or you will be walking alone Jacob Black." I growled, my hands shaking. Jacob's smugness was gone immediately. His face was now apologetic. "Sorry, Naomi. I didn't mean to upset you. Sorry." He sounded like he was pleading.
My shaking hands ceased. "Whatever Jake, next time I'll just knee you in the balls. No apologies. " I made my face as assertive as possible, I wanted him to take my threat seriously. He nodded sincerely. "Now where are we going?" I smiled trying to lighten the mood; I didn't want to seem bitchy. Jacob smiled back, "We are just going to walk, to nowhere in particular. Come on." He started to walk off, and I took my place beside him. We walked on the grass beside my house before reaching the road in front of my house.
We turned west, the way that would lead to the beach. We walked silently for awhile, listening to the sounds of the night. The air was cool, but I didn't really notice, I was pretty warm. "You know you haven't been spending much time with Billy." I said, breaking the silence. Billy had missed him, and Jacob was spending most of his time with me. I felt guilty keeping Billy from his only son. "Yeah, I know. But he understands you know… us." He gestured between us. I shook my head at my giant friend, "You are going to spend some time with him tomorrow... well technically today. No objections." I smiled using his line from before.
"Sure, if you insist. And where will you be while I'm away?" He looked down at me. I really didn't have much to do. "The store mostly." I shrugged. I hadn't been there a lot since Jacob came back, so it would be good to get some work done. Jacob nodded approvingly. We walked till we came to the beach. The dark water flowed back and forth looking alive. The moon shone down on the water, making a beautiful reflection. It was silent other than the sound of the ocean.
"Do you miss him?" Jacob said quietly. It took me a minute to figure who he was talking about. My dad. "Yes, more now than ever. And each day I feel bad for not making it to the funeral. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself, for not being there or visiting him. It's a burden I'll carry for the rest of my life." I shook my head, staring at the water. My dad was always special to me, and always would be. I just wished he could have seen me now, his little girl all grown up. I cursed myself mentally everyday for not making an effort to visit him. We had talked on the phone a lot, but it didn't compare to actually being there. Seeing him, hugging him, being there for him.
"Do you miss her?" I asked, breaking my gaze from the water to look at him. Jacob knew who I was speaking of. "Everyday. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. I can see it in my dad too; he sometimes gazes at the window in the kitchen. It was my mom's favorite spot in the house. She would peek through there to look at us playing in the front yard. We both miss her more than we let on." Jacob sighed sadly. I took his hand in mine and squeezed it softly.
We both knew how it felt to lose someone we loved, and had no way of preventing it. We both experienced the most tragic human feeling ever and we still did. Grief, lose, confusion. You never had one without the others. But despite what we experienced, we had to move on. Not forget or not feel, but simply move on. Many people have said that moving on makes us much stronger than holding on. I couldn't agree more.
Jacob squeezed my hand back as we continued to walk along the beach.