CHAPTER 6: The Neighborhood Hero
Peter's first opportunity to stop crime came the next afternoon. Peter was out practicing his web-swinging when he could hear cries for help. Peter could see that the glass display window to a jewelry store was shattered. Peter swung into action as the amazing Spider-Man.
Spider-Man landed gracefully in the empty window frame. He saw three men with guns loading tons of jewels into burlap sacks. "Um, hello?" Spider-Man called out, attracting their attention. "Burlap sacks? Come on, guys, that is so clichéd!" The three men were speechless. "What, is this the first time you've been approached by a man in tights?" Spider-Man asked sarcastically.
The tallest thug turned to the guy next to him. They both shrugged and then the tallest man fired at Spider-Man. Spider-Man managed to leap heroically out of the bullet's path. Then he fired a web and yanked the criminal's gun from him.
"Now, now," Spider-Man taunted, "If we can't learn to play nice with our toys, Daddy is going to take them away!" Peter had to admit to himself that this was pretty fun.
Finally, one of the men spoke. "What are you?"
"Why, that hurts," Spider-Man responded. Then he placed his hand over his heart jokingly. "Did everyone hear that? He asked 'what' am I, not 'who.' Well now you're just hurting my feelings." Spider-Man fired two web-lines at the man's ankles and pulled. The thug was flipped into the air like something out of a Three Stooges sketch.
The other two thieves turned to each other. Finally, the one commanded the other, "Forgot about grabbing more stuff! Take what you have and go!"
"Well, I sure know how to clear a room," Spider-Man said to himself. He then fired a web over one thug's face. The other one grabbed the sacks and started to run down the street. Spider-Man began to pursue him, but then turned back and told the by-standers, "If anyone asks who I am, tell them that I'm Spider-Man. That's 's' as in Steven…"
"He's getting away!" one pedestrian yelled while pointing at the fleeing crook.
Spider-Man glanced over at him. "Oh yeah, him," Spider-Man casually replied. Then he fired a web-line at the man's back. Once it connected, Spider-Man tugged on it lightly and the crook was pulled backwards. He hit the ground hard and didn't get back up. "Now, where was I? Oh yeah, 's' as in Steven, 'p' as in Peter…you know, I think you guys get the idea," Spider-Man said to the pedestrians. Then he fired a web-line, but before swinging away, he turned back once again. "Oh yeah, one more thing. It's 'Spider' HYPHEN 'Man.' Very important little detail. Ok, so remember Spider HYPHEN Man, capital 's', capital 'm.' You people have a nice day now!" And with that, the valiant hero swung away, leaving the awe-struck people down below.
Later that night, Peter was watching the news as there was coverage on Spider-Man. They were interviewing eye-witness on what they had seen.
One woman was standing next to her husband as she explained, "And then he kept going on about his name…and I thought he was a nice guy. Not to mention that he looked great in those little tights…"
"Hey!" her husband interjected.
"Oh, you know what I mean," she replied. Then she continued to tell her story.
Peter couldn't help but smile as he listened to the accounts of what had transpired that afternoon. It felt really good to make an impact in the community. Too bad no one would ever know that it was none other than Peter 'Puny' Parker under those tights and that mask. Peter had resolved that if he was going to do this, he was going to do it anonymously. Imagine how Aunt May would react if she knew that I was face-to-face with three armed men today! Peter reasoned with himself. Not to mention that there will be people who will try to hurt Spider-Man, and I can't risk putting my family and friends in the crosshairs.
Peter went into school the next day expecting to hear people talking about Spider-Man. However, at lunch, Peter heard no mention of the subject. Come on, Peter thought, Don't you people watch the news? Peter then laughed to himself. Oh…that's a good one, Peter. High school students watching the news…that'd be the day! Besides, you stopped one jewelry heist. It's going to be a little while until you've attained pop culture status.
Harry came over and sat down next to Peter. "Hello? Earth to Peter," Harry said.
"What?" Peter responded as his thoughts were interrupted. "Oh, hey, Harry. Didn't see you coming."
"Yeah, no kidding," Harry replied, "Anyway, I need your help. Unit Circle Trig is kicking my ass."
Peter opened his Geometry book and turned to his friend. "Where are you getting stuck?"
"Why don't you just review the whole chapter?" Harry suggested. "So tell me about this fight with Flash. His goons can't stop riding him about it."
"It was nothing," Peter shrugged, "He went to punch me, I dodged it, he made a fool of himself." Peter then buried himself in the textbook.
Harry replied, "Not how I heard it. From what those guys said, you practically hit the ceiling with some massive jump or something."
"Eh," Peter responded, "They're probably just exaggerating. Probably just surprised that 'Puny Parker' outwitted Flash Thompson."
Harry shrugged in response. "Yeah, so let's start with sine and cosine…"
Peter didn't take the bus home. Instead, he went to practice his web-swinging again. He was also hoping to run across some crime or something for Spider-Man to foil.
Sure enough, there was a gathering of people around an armored car. Peter threw on his mask, removed his civilian clothes, and placed them in a web-sack. He stuck the web-sack in an alley and then swung into action.
There was a funny-looking man holding up the crowd. He had sunglasses on, and he was wearing these ridiculous looking gloves on. "Stay back!" he commanded.
"Oh come on," Spider-Man sarcastically whined, "I'm supposed to be the freak here!" He then landed in front of the man. Many of the people in the crowd were pointing at him and whispering. "What? Don't you people watch the news?" Spider-Man asked them.
"Back off!" the man barked. Then he pointed his gloves at Spider-Man. Peter's spider-sense warned him, but he was unable to move out of the way. A strange blast of concussive force collided with Spider-Man. It seemed to be emanating from the strange gloves. It was a strange sensation, Peter felt his internal organs reverberating and his body was pushed backwards by the blast.
Once the assault was finished, Spider-Man picked himself up and snidely remarked, "What the heck was that?" Spider-Man coated the man's gloves with webs before adding, "Seriously…who comes up with this stuff? Who has the time to sit around and think of vibrating weapons?"
The man tried to fire his blasts again, but the webs absorbed the energy. This caused his gauntlets to backfire. The man screamed in pain as the blasts ricocheted through his body. "No!" he exclaimed, "No one stops the Shocker!"
"The Shocker?" Spider-Man asked rhetorically. "There is no way that you dress up like that, use those gloves, and call yourself 'The Shocker.' No could possibly have that little respect for themselves! I mean, honestly, at least my theme makes sense. What, were you bitten by a radioactive vibrator?"
The Shocker didn't respond or even look at Spider-Man. Instead, he kneeled on the ground, looking at his smoking hands. He only looked up when he heard sirens. He tried to run away, but he was webbed to the ground.
Spider-Man put his hand on his hip before replying, "Did you honestly think I would forget that part?" Spider-Man then gave him a phony salute before swinging away.
Peter dropped by the Daily Bugle later. He had heard that they were looking to hire interns. But more importantly, Peter had heard that the editor wasn't too fond of Spider-Man. Perhaps Peter could change his mind.
"A criminal, that's what he is!" the editor shouted as Peter entered his office. The nice looking lady – she said her name was Betty, right? – had directed him there. "I will not condone vigilantism in my paper!"
The other man spoke up, "Jonah, Spider-Man is news! He's stopped two crimes, and nobody has ever seen anyone like him! He's fast, he's strong, he's…he's…"
"He's a smart ass! I've seen the news footage. The guy never stops running his mouth!" Jonah interrupted.
"Maybe," Peter said, calling attention to himself, "Maybe he uses jokes as a way to hide his insecurities and fears. Maybe he's just so afraid that he uses comedy as a nervous twitch."
The editor walked over to Peter and stared menacingly at him. "Robbie, what is this? Who are you?"
"P-Peter Parker, sir," Peter replied nervously, "And you are?"
"Me?" Jonah responded, slightly offended, "I'm J. Jonah Jameson. I am the editor-in-chief of this newspaper. My name is on the door you waltzed through. And I am wondering why you are standing in my office, undermining my authority!"
Peter was taken aback by his brashness. "I-I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to undermine your authority, I was just trying to suggest…"
"You want to talk about suggestions?" Jonah replied. "Here's one for you: Get to the point!"
"I'm here about the intern position, sir," Peter responded calmly.
The other man walked over to Peter. "What did you say your name was, again?"
"Peter Parker, sir," Peter answered politely.
"Well, Peter," the man started, "Don't mind Jonah here. He's just in a crabby mood. I'm Joseph Robertson. You can call me 'Robbie,' everyone else does. How old are you, anyway?"
Peter was starting to prefer this guy. "I'll be sixteen in October."
"Sixteen? You expect to work on my paper and you're sixteen?" Jonah interjected.
"What Jonah is trying to say is, maybe you're a little young for this job," Robbie elaborated.
Peter politely replied, "I understand your worry, but I promise that I'm reliable. I'm big on responsibility. Besides, I had heard that you needed someone to work on your website."
"Where'd you hear that?" Jonah interrogated.
"I, uh – the woman out there, Betty, was telling me about it," Peter told him.
Robbie walked over to Jonah. "It's true. Betty has been complaining recently. As you probably know, she's not the 'computer-type.'"
"And this kid is?" Jonah sneered.
"Well, I believe that my four first-place science fair trophies speak volumes, sir," Peter explained.
Jonah walked over to him and said, "Was that supposed to be funny?"
"Of course not, sir," Peter responded.
"Whatever," Jonah replied, throwing his hands in the air, "You're hired then. But he's your responsibility, Robbie. I can't deal with kids."
"No kidding?" Robbie joked. Jonah merely pointed at the door, and Ben escorted Peter out. "That was brave of you, kid. Most people would've lost it in the first few minutes. Jonah can be….abrasive, at times."
"I'm not one to be shaken up easily, sir," Peter explained. He smiled all the way home.