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The song is "If You're Not the One" by Daniel Bedingfield.

Just so y'all know, the next chapter is giving me a massive headache. I hope it wont be TOO long until I have something worth posting. Send the love, it motivates me!

If You're Not the One

James had been hoping it would snow that evening, even just a tiny bit. Hogsmead always looked so beautiful during a gentle snowfall, that it was always worth braving the cold just to see it. As it was, it had not snowed, and his date with Lily—his one shot—was falling apart.

Please, Lily, he was repeating in his head. Please give me a second chance.

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

James' mind was racing at a hundred kilometers per hour, trying to reassure himself that it would all work out. After all, if he and Lily weren't meant for each other then why had her agreement to go out with him caused him such sheer elation that he performed a rather embarrassing victory dance (unfortunately witnessed by Sirius and Remus)? Why did her head fit the contours of his shoulder so perfectly if it wasn't meant to be there? James suspected that this date had begun as a way for Lily to prove to herself that they really were wrong for each other. The fact that it was ending on a park bench—with her head on his shoulder—as they watched the stars peek out through snow-laden clouds, gave him hope that her plan had failed.

I don't know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

James wondered if she would finally admit that she liked him—and God, he hoped so—or if she would stubbornly pretend that this date had been exactly what she had expected. He fervently hoped for the former. He wanted Lily to believe that he could be in a serious relationship, but he wanted to prove that in a relationship with her (rather than have her watch him attempt it with someone else), and she just wasn't very welcoming to that particular idea.

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way I can stay in your arms?

"James?"

"Hmm?"

Lily abruptly sat up and turned to look at him, a serious expression in those bright green eyes that James so adored. "You've proven to me that you're not entirely an arrogant prat. You can have an intelligent conversation, and you actually care about more than just Quidditch and yourself. And I would really like to be friends."

Damn, she can slap me without even touching me or her wand, James thought. He wasn't exactly surprised, but that didn't make it any better. "Friends?" His voice cracked a little as he held back his disappointment, and he cleared his throat to hide it.

Lily graced him with a small smile. James thought that maybe it was even a little sad. "That's all I think we ever could be. I've hated you for too long."

"No kidding." There was an awkward silence for a few moments. James finally broke it by dragging himself to his feet and offering a hand to help her to her up. "Well then, friend, would you like to return to school now?" He smiled cheerfully, hoping he was hiding his devastation well.

She chuckled and took the outstretched hand. "Sure." He pulled her up, but let go as soon as she had her feet under her. The two headed up towards the school, talking about nothing in particular. She didn't seem to (or pretended not to) notice his forced smiles or the way he looked at her like a small child looks at his favorite toy that's been put on a high shelf. In sight, but so far out of reach.

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my

Lily was sitting on the couch, holding a baby. James didn't recognize the room she was sitting in, but it was clearly the sitting room of a fairly average house. He looked closer and saw that she looked a bit different. Older maybe. More mature. There were slight shadows under her eyes and a weary, but clearly happy, smile on her lips. He couldn't see the baby from where he stood, but she looked at it with an expression that only mothers wear. The whole scene was a little blurry, so James took his glasses off and wiped the lenses. It didn't help, and he opened his mouth to ask what was going on, but discovered that he could not speak. He tried again, but nothing happened. He was distracted from this puzzling discovery when the door to the next room opened.

James took a couple steps back in shock. He was staring at himself, but different somehow. Like Lily, he looked older and tired. James knew he was dreaming now, so his initial shock faded into depression when Dream James crossed the room, sat down next to Lily, and put his arm around her. He stared at the baby with a similar expression to Lily's, and kissed her cheek. Lily said something too quietly for him to hear and handed the baby to Dream James. He replied, took the child, and left the room. Lily stretched out on the couch and yawned.

James opened his eyes to a dark room and a strange feeling beneath his face. He raised his head from a damp pillow and tried to reorient himself. He touched his face and, to his horror, discovered the cause—he'd been crying. He slammed his fist into pillow in frustration and climbed out of bed.

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray that you're the one I build my home with
And I hope I love you all my life.

Lily was curled up in her armchair by the dying fire in the Head's office. She hadn't been able to sleep, instead she had been replaying the whole evening in her head, over and over again. For once in her life, she kept second-guessing herself. Had she done the right thing? She honestly didn't think that this…thing could ever really work, and she had decided it was kinder this way than to date him for a while and then end it. She hadn't expected it to hurt her to.

It had surprised her when she realized how much she actually wanted to be with him. Their date had been so different than she had expected. She had agreed to the whole ridiculous business mostly to give herself some justification for not dating him, but it had done the exact opposite.

One of the doors behind her opened and Lily stiffened. Since only there were only two inhabitants of the Head's suite, it could only be one person. How was she supposed to make a rational decision with him sitting in the same room? James appeared in the corner of her eye and dropped himself into his armchair, not even noticing her. They had adjusted the angle of the chairs so that they weren't directly in the line of sight of the other, but he still would have seen her had he not been concentrating so hard on the dying coals of the fire, as if they would give him the answer to whatever puzzling question he was clearly asking himself.

Watching him, Lily wondered if she could ever fall in love with the boy sitting next to her. Probably not. But if she didn't give it a shot, she would spend the rest of her life wondering what could have happened. She winced at her own cliché. There was only one way she could spare herself that torture. At least, that's what she was trying to convince herself. If she could be completely honest with herself, she would have admitted that she really did love him. But Lily was too stubborn for that, it was far too late to entertain such thoughts.

"Couldn't sleep either?"

James just about jumped out of his skin. "I guess not…why couldn't you?" he blurted before he could stop himself.

"What, sleep? Just…thinking."

I don't want to run away, but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

"About?"

"…Nothing." Crap, how do I tell him that I might want to rethink what I said earlier? "I feel more tired now. I think I'm going to give sleep another try." She got up from her chair and headed for her door.

"Lily…"

She stopped, but didn't turn around. She heard him get out of his chair and cross the room.

He stopped. "Lily, please look at me."

She did.

He was right there, staring at her with an expression that even she couldn't name.

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
I know my heart is by your side

"Lily Evans, I haven't been able to get you out of my head since the time in fifth year when you told me off for hexing Sniv—Snape. I was shocked that any girl would talk to me like that. Bloody hell, you pissed me off so much. You still do sometimes. But I think I don't mind so much now. In fact, I think I love it. And maybe it's wrong, but I think I love you."

Lily was frozen. She was so confused. Why? Why was she feeling things that she knew were impossible? She knew that it was pathetic, but her mind kept straying to that park bench. How his shoulder cradled her head so perfectly, as if it had been designed with the placement of her ear in mind. She could still feel his warm, strong arm around her. She wanted to just live with the decision that she had made, but she just found that she couldn't.

"I couldn't sleep tonight because I kept wondering if I had been too quick to make a decision today," Lily said shakily. "I don't know if we're right or not either, but I guess I'm willing to try anything at this point."

James hesitantly took her hand and stroked the back of it slowly. "Lily, will you be my girlfriend?"

She swallowed the lump that rose up through her throat. She wasn't sure about this whole thing yet, all she knew was that it wouldn't end the same as last time. "Yes, James, I most definitely will."