Whoa, I actually had a review or two? I'm really sorry about replying to them so late, this account is hooked to my less-checked email and so I didn't even know until I was bored out of my mind and checked it just now...I wish there was a way to know that there are reviews just when I log in into fanfic...What's worse, I don't even know how to reply to some of them! It's like I forgot how to communicate with other people! DX Please forgive me! /sobs. Okay, let's move on.
Luffy finally made it to the garden, hooray~ And now, y'all get to find out who the Queen and King of Hearts are! And I also realized that there might be some confusion about that...You'll find out when you read. I'm so sorry, this story has more plot holes than...plotted...Swiss cheese...plots.
At least this is starting to come back to Carroll's original text, kind of sort of. Anyhoo, Carroll has ownership over Alice in Wonderland and Oda has ownership over One Piece. I just...I'm running out of metaphors...wove the two together to make a basket...that doesn't hold very much water...
Luffy stood there with a giant smile on his face, eyes glistening with excitement. The first thing he took notice of was a giant bear in an orange jumpsuit of some sorts. He was being pushed by three men, who were trying to lead him somewhere. Luffy immediately ran up to them.
"Where are you taking the bear?" he asked the men.
Two of the men looked at the third guy. "Uh, you see," the third man started nervously, "the queen is infamous for kicking any, uh, puppies or, er, baby seals in her way—anything cute, really, and so, you see, this bear needs to go before she sees him."
The bear lowered his fluffy white head in shame. "I'm sorry…" he mumbled.
"Yes, yes, we know, Bepo. Move along, now."
Before Luffy could even react to the sight of a talking bear, a foot launched Bepo into the sky. "Who put this fluffy polar bear in my way?" the owner of the foot shrieked.
"Aghhh the queen is here! We're so sorry!" the three men screamed as they hurriedly knelt down before her.
"Be more careful next time," she ordered. The Queen of Hearts was none other than Boa Hancock. Behind her were a knave, who was carrying the King's crown on a pillow and bore a very close resemblance to Nami (it was either the orange hair or the glinting eyes trained directly at the crown that gave it away), a few soldiers, and finally, the King of Hearts, Sir Crocodile.
Hancock looked down her nose at the three groveling men. "What do you think you're doing anyway, sullying my beautiful garden with your presences?"
Crocodile walked up to her. "They're Billions. The new servants I employed, remember?"
The queen straightened up. "Very well. And who are you?" She jabbed a finger at the knave, but the knave, who looked a lot like Nami, simply bowed and smiled. Hancock lost interest after that and noticed Luffy.
"Luffy!" she gasped. "D…Did you…come to see…me?"
Luffy stared at her. "No," he bluntly replied.
Hancock dramatically placed the back of her hand on her forehead. "That's right; you're here on other errands. After all, we need to keep our relationship a secret."
Crocodile was about to point out the fact that there is no relationship between her and the strawhat and that even if there were, it would no longer be a secret, but Hancock immediately switched back to doting on Luffy.
"Luffy, we're about to play croquet. Do join us!" she blushed.
"Sure, sounds fun," Luffy said. But he was soon going to find out that it was far more confusing than it was fun.
The mallets were flamingos. And Luffy had the poor misfortune to get the flamboyant one wearing shades. It was far too tall for Luffy, but he wrestled with it anyway. Once he managed to get the body tucked under his arm comfortably, he had to straighten out the neck and during the entire process the only things the flamingo offered were a large grin and dark chuckling. "Fuffufufu," it went, "Fuffufu."
Luffy finally managed to get it positioned and looked around to see how far the game had already progressed. It was chaotic. The balls were exploding baseballs, courtesy of Mr. 4, and the wickets were simply formed by billions arching their backs but they always ran away when a baseball got too close. "Fuffuffuffu," went his mallet.
Hancock seemed undeterred by either the baseballs or the fleeing wickets and simply swung her flamingo left and right, with no regard to where the baseballs flew. She also had fits for no reason and screamed, "Off with his head!" or "Off with her head!" every so often. Whenever that happened, guards would appear to escort the nearest person they thought she was talking to off the playing field into a large group to be executed later. "Fuffufu," went Luffy's mallet.
"Having fun?" a voice behind Luffy said.
He turned around and saw Robin. "Not really. I don't get how you're supposed to win."
She giggled. "I don't think you're the only one."
"Who are you talking to?" asked Crocodile, who had walked over to Luffy.
"Hm? Oh, this is my archeologist, Robin," Luffy said.
"I know who she is, you idiot," Crocodile turned to face Robin. "How about working for me again, Nico Robin?"
Robin crossed her arms over her chest. "Cien fleurs," and a hundred arms sprouted out. "Gesture," and all one hundred arms proceeded to brandish its middle finger at the now extremely offended Crocodile.
He was so enraged that he called for Mr. 1 to cut off her arm. When Mr. 1 arrived, he looked at the arms and did nothing.
"Cutting off an arm would mean that I'm severing a limb from a body, but these arms have no bodies that they're connected to," he explained.
Crocodile bit down on his cigar. "Does it really matter?"
"What are you all doing, just standing around?" Hancock demanded as she walked by.
"I want this woman removed from the garden," Crocodile demanded.
"Then just send her away before I execute all of you!"
This put everyone on their toes, but luckily, Robin kept a clear head. "If you want someone to blame, blame the man I came with."
"You mean that giant, fat, ugly excuse for a shichibukai?" Hancock pointed a finger at a group of billions as she leered so far down her nose at them she was looking up. "Fetch that disgusting sack of flesh from the prison immediately!"
As the billions fled as quickly as possible to carry out their queen's orders, Crocodile looked around. "I thought Nico Robin came with Moria."
"I did," Robin confirmed.
"He's right over there." And sure enough, he was sitting down on the grass, having his minions do the work of playing croquet.
"Na?" Luffy scratched his head. "Then who's the prisoner Hancock just sent for?"
Who, indeed. And this is where I must apologize again. The queen's invitation was for all shichibukai, but what I ended up doing was having two of them the Queen and King and another to be a flamingo. Donquixote Doflamingo as one of the flamingo mallets was what thoroughly convinced me to write this story in the first place. I'm surprised I made it this far to even be able to say that. And so I'm sorry to have to say that the only one who really did end up playing croquet was Hancock, since Moria was being lazy and Crocodile was offended.
What about Mihawk? By the time Kuma finally located him (Mihawk was rushed by Shanks to hurry to Happy Hour that he forgot to leave a note on his castle door), the games were already underway. And then, Shanks wanted to go, too, and begged Mihawk to wait for him until he finished tucking in Benn's ear into the mug. For reasons unknown even to Mihawk, he waited and waited only to have Benn awaken and sit up so suddenly that his head rammed into Shanks face, and thus smashing the mug into a million little pieces. Mihawk refused to help Shanks up as a way to teach the yonkou a lesson to not do dumb things like that.
As for Bepo...Bepo's adorable. How dare Hancock kick cute things...He ended up flying all the way to Perona's (now Garp's) house and landed right on Duval. Perona yelled at him for ruining her entertainment and when Bepo mumbled an apology, she was reminded of her dear Kumashi and decided to adopt Bepo (so long as he didn't talk). Yayyy~?
And finally, I don't think Daz Bones is that much of a grammar nazi but I had to work with Carroll's text and the executioner was complaining about how he couldn't behead the Cheshire Cat because there was no body to separate the head from. Oh well, I've done worse ooc things to the other characters...
Alrighty, thanks again for reading! If you review, I'll try to respond back! But I'll be gone nearly all day tomorrow, so don't expect a quick reply :/