Buffy and Cordelia
"Season 5"
Disclaimer: I don't own it!
A/N: The Body in my opinion is one best episode in all of season 5…that and Family. The bold sentences and stuff are all their negative thoughts…them blaming themselves. The Anya and Willow fight is the diolouge from the show...it was the perfect Anya moment and i couldn't chage it.
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Chapter 17: The Body
Buffy house"Mom…mom…mommy?" Buffy said as she entered her house and saw her mothers still form lying on the couch. Why isn't she answering me? Did I do something that would have made her mad…no, I haven't been around to do anything. Buffy continued to stair at her mother and still there was no movement.
After about two minutes Buffy noticed something strange about her mother…she wasn't breathing. No rise and fall in her chest…it just lay there…flat. Is this some kind of sick joke? Did someone put a spell on her…to make her look dead? You know no one put a spell on her…it is her time. No! It can't be…the doctors gave her a clean bill of health when they released her.
Buffy walked over to her mother's body and when she got closer she heard no heartbeat. No…Just think what might have been if you got her sooner…if you didn't stay in bed with Cordelia this morning for those few extra minutes…you could have saved her.
Buffy finally made it to her mother's still form, though it wasn't that long of a walk…it felt like a life time to her. Buffy leaned over and touched her mother's cheek and as soon as she did she quickly pulled it back as if it where firry hot…but it was the opposite…it was ice cold. She has been dead…Ha! You said it…how does that make you feel…makes you feel useless doesn't? The one person in your life that you thought would always be there…and you could save her. Stop it…you don't know what you talking about…why and I talking to myself? Do you really think this is the right time to me making fun of yourself… I mean your mother just died. Please…stop…I have to call an ambulance. Go ahead but you already know it's too later for her.
Buffy got up from her mother's body and walked slowly to the phone. "Hello?" she said when some one picked up on the other end.
"What's your emergency?" a woman asked.
Is this considered an emergency? "My…my mother isn't breathing." Buffy said. You are just wasting your time. Shut up! "Go over to her body? Okay." Buffy said as she listened to the instruction given to her by the woman on the phone. "S…she's cold." Buffy said to the woman. "Hello?" Buffy asked when the woman went silent.
"Okay miss you are going to have to wait for the paramedics to get there…they should be there any minute…meanwhile I advise you to not disturb the body," the woman said.
"O-okay." Buffy said as she watched her mother as if willing her to get up and laugh it off. "I need to make a phone call," Buffy said into the phone and before the woman could argue with her she hung up the phone. Buffy looked at the phone and pressed speed dial four…Giles.
"Hello?" came a muffled sleepy reply.
"Giles…its Buffy, I need you to get over here as quick as you can," Buffy said and then she hung up the phone not giving him time to ask questions. Then she once again looked at her phone and hit speed dial one…Cordelia.
"Hello?" Came another sleepy reply.
"Cordy…babe…I need you," Buffy said with a sad voice. And then she hung up knowing that they would both be on there way as quickly as they could. Always thinking of yourself…calling your girlfriend over here when your mother should be the most important thing, but no…you have to be comforted. That is not why I called her here…sure it isn't.
I can't look at her anymore…is that wrong? Yes, she is your mother…she put up with you and know you can't even bare the site of her dead body…what kind of daughter are you? I am a good daughter! I would die for her! Yeah but now your too late to safe her…a good daughter would have saved her!
Buffy walked away from her mother's body, trying to escape the truth of the situation and her annoying mind. Yet unlike her mother, her mind followed her. That's right Buffy, walk away, like you always do when you don't want to deal with something. When things get to hard or too upsetting, turn your back on the situation and try to forget it…new flash! It isn't going to go away this time…your mother it dead…and you couldn't do anything about it! I know!
Buffy walked to the back door and looked outside where life continued. How does it continue like this? Don't they have the slightest idea what happened to the world today…the world lost someone special, someone that can never be replaced. And whose fault is that? No ones…it was a natural cause. Whatever you have tot tell yourself.
Buffy turned and closed the door on the world that never knew Joyce, and the great women that she was. She turned and walked into the hallways and once she did she doubled over and vomited all over the floor. You're such a wuss Summers. Can't take a little death in your life…I mean you deal with this every day of your sorry little life. Not this kind.
Just then Buffy heard the door open and when she looked up she saw Giles standing they're looking at her with worry. Always trusting Giles…how will he think of you now…now that you failed your mother. Shut up.
"Buffy…" Giles started but then he turned and looked into the living room and saw Joyce lying there. "Oh God…Joyce?" he said as he walked over to the older woman…the mother to the child he loved as if she were his own.
"No…" Buffy said quietly as she walked into the living room after him. When she saw him bent over the body calling for her all she wanted to do was break down and cry…but she couldn't she had to stay strong…after all she was the slayer. "We're not supposed to moved the body!" Buffy yelled and as soon as she did her hand flew over her mouth.
Oh my God! I said it…I didn't want to say it. Bravo! You're finally admitting it. Giles got up off the floor and went over to Buffy and took her in his arms. Where are the paramedics? They should have been here by now. Just then the ambulance pulled up in the driveway and Buffy moved away from the warmth of Giles' arms to greet them. "She's in here," she said pointing to the living room and they entered.
Buffy watched as they began CPR and everything else they could to get Joyce's heart pumping again, but nothing was working. This is all your fault, you weren't here…you were out living the good life with your girlfriend. How does that make you feel? Leave me alone. No…not until you admit it to yourself that you could have stopped this…that you could have saved her.
"Lets call it," one of the paramedics said.
"No…"
"She's cold man," he said when the one argued.
Please tell I didn't just hear them say that. Just then one of the men got up and turned to Buffy. "I'm sorry Ms. but your mother was gone a long time before you got home…there was nothing you could have done." He said. And when he saw that Buffy wasn't going to respond he turned back to his partner and got Joyce's body ready for transport.
What do they know…it was so your fault. This time Buffy didn't try to fight back with her brain because believe it or not she was starting to believe what it was telling her. She could have gotten here in time to save her mother…all she needed to do was get out of the warmth of Cordelia's arms a little sooner, and maybe just maybe she would have saved her mother.
Just as the paramedics where bringing Joyce out Cordelia was on her way in. She stopped at the door and looked at Buffy. Giles stood off to the side. "I think I will leave you two alone," Giles said as he walked out of the living room and out the front door.
"Thanks," Cordelia said as he walked past her. Cordelia closed the door behind Giles and turned to look at Buffy. "Babe…" she said as she moved closer. She didn't want to move too fast because she didn't want to startle Buffy into running after the ambulance.
"I should…" Buffy said as she walked toward the door but she never reached it because Cordelia brought her in for a hug. And with that tiny gesture Buffy finally broke down…because with Cordelia she knew she was safe…she didn't care anymore. How could I let this happen…I was supposed to be here…here for her when she needed me…but no my life was so much more important than my mothers health.
"It's okay babe," Cordelia said as she held Buffy in her arms. She must blame herself for this. Yeah isn't that horrible…especially since you should blame yourself. She stayed in bed with you this morning, she bought the apartment for you, she does everything to make you happy…just like always Cordelia Chase gets what she wants. It's not even like that. I don't care about a;; that stuff anymore and she knows that. Yeah maybe she does, but if it weren't for you she would still be living with her mother instead of in a apartment…you noticed she stilled lived at home when she was with Riley.
Buffy knows that all I want is her! That I don't care about the things she buys me or all that other stuff…she knows that I love her! Whatever you have to tell yourself. Just stay out of my business. "Hey…lets get outta here," Cordelia suggested out loud.
"No…I have to go tell Dawn," Buffy said as she removed herself from Cordelia's arms and walked outside.
Sunnydale Middle SchoolDawn was sitting in the classroom talking to this really cute guy, or at least she thought he was cute. His name was Travis and every girl in school wanted to be his girlfriend, yet no one was so Dawn figured she at least had to give it a shot. What's the worst that could happen? He could say no. Shut up. Wait, what about Riley. Hey, I look as long as I don't touch.
Just as Dawn was about to ask him a question she saw her sister coming down the hallway with Cordelia…they looked like crap.
"Hey is that Cordelia Chase?" Travis asked. "She is a legend in this school…all the teacher still talk about her and how much she achieved." He paused. "If she achieved so much then why is she still in Sunnydale?"
"Hey Dawn…isn't that your sister?" her friend Renee asked her.
"Yeah," Dawn said with bitterness in her voice. Buffy walked into the classroom and went over to Dawn's teacher and whispered something that she could her and by the look on her face she didn't want to know. The teacher nodded and Buffy walked over to her. "Where's mom…I thought she was picking me up?" Dawn asked but Buffy didn't answer.
Dawn followed Buffy out of the classroom and into the hallway. Is it just me or does Buffy look really, and I mean really tired. She looks as if she hadn't slept in days. Buffy stopped and pulled Dawn so that she was in front of her. Dawn couldn't help but notice that Cordelia was giving Buffy her distance. Are Cordelia and Buffy fighting again? I hope not because they look so depressed when they aren't around each other.
"Buffy…what's goin on?" Dawn asked when her and Buffy just stood there in silence.
"Dawn…there is something I need to tell you…and it isn't going to be easy for you to take," Buffy said.
Does she know she is so obviously staling? "Buffy just spit it out what ever it is I am sure I can take it, I mean how bad can it be?" Dawn said as she looked at her sister's wiriness.
"Dawn…" Buffy paused trying to think of the right words to say. Buffy took a quick glance back toward Cordelia and she gave her a comforting smile. "Dawnie…it's about mom…she passed away this morning. The paramedics said that she was gone hours before I arrived at the house." Buffy said.
Dawn went to the floor crying. I thought you said you could take it, that it couldn't be that bad…wuss. I was not expecting this…the doctors sent her home to us and said she was in perfect health, that she shouldn't have anymore problems. Well I guess they where wrong. I need to go see Riley. Yeah sure now you want tot think about your boyfriend. Shut up!
Dawn felt Buffy kneel down beside her and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. Oh God Buffy…what could she be thinking. I mean mom was with her through everything, her slaying, Angel, Riley, high school, and now hers and Cordelia's problems…what is she going to do. Not that I am saying that mom wasn't there for me…she was, it's just that I spent most of my time with my dad. I never had a relationship with mom like Buffy had with her…she must be devastated. There you go think about everyone but the person you are supposed to be thinking about. YOUR MOTHER IS DEAD and you haven't given her one thought. Not about what she was thinking when she was taking her last breath or even all the things she wanted to tell you.
You know what…this is all your fault. I mean if you would have gotten up at least once on time then you would have put less stress on your mother…but no you always had to sleep in the extra five minutes which made everyone hurry just so you could get to school on time. You don't know what you're talking about. Don't I, you don't seem to be disagreeing with me. I mean if I have something wrong then tell me, tell me that you where always nice to her and that you always did what she asked you to do. Tell me that you, not once, thought something negative about her, that you never thought about what it would be like if she wasn't her anymore.
I only thought those things when we fought. And now look…she is gone…so how does it feel? "Buffy could we got out of here please?" Dawn asked in a quiet voice, almost like if she spoke to loud that she would break. HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW!
Willow and Tara's dorm room
Willow had been searching through her closest for little over two hours trying to pick something out to wear, something that was appropriate. Joyce is gone. Cordelia had been the one that called them all since Buffy was busying trying to keep Dawn calm. Oh my god Dawnie…she shouldn't have to deal with all this death in her life. And you think Buffy should, or even Cordelia should? No, no that's not what I meant…it just that she is so young.
And Buffy wasn't young when she found out that she had to save the world from evil on an every nightly basis. Weren't you guys just as young as Dawn when you decided to help Buffy in her fight? Your twisting my words…or thoughts around and you're confusing me. Ah, poor Willow. Stop it!
Willow looked at what she was holding in her hands and then back at her closet. "Are you sure you don't have the blue one in your room?" Willow asked Tara as she turned to look at her girlfriend. "Joyce really liked the blue one."
"I can go check again," Tara said as she moved toward the door.
Willow stepped in front of her. "No…it's okay I can wear something else," she said with a sad smile. Why can't I ever have any normal clothes…they all have to have weird designs on them? Can't I ever just be normal…wear normal clothing, have normal friends…for once I just want to fit in. Always thinking about yourself aren't you? You never think about what Buffy would do if she didn't have to fight the forces of darkness every night…you now if she didn't she might actually find a relationship that works. Her and Cordelia are doing jus fine. Come on Willow, you know that it will never work…Buffy will never be happy…that is until she is dead.
Don't say…think that! Why not? It's true and you know it, you just don't want to admit it. Buffy will finally be happy when her time is up. No more demons, vampire, apocalypses…and no more life in general. Buffy loves her life. That's what you think…she just lost her mother.
Willow was so lost in arguing with herself that she never noticed Xander and Anya come walking through the door. They where her to pick them up so they could go to the hospital and help Buffy and Dawn. None of them could even imagine what they where going through…that is except Tara. Willow never knew about her childhood but the way she was reacting to this whole situation it couldn't have been good.
"What are they going to do with the body?" Anya's question broke Willow out of the haze she was in.
"What's wrong with you!" Willow turned and looks at Anya with a horrified expression. "Just don't talk." Willow said.
"What did I say?"
"The way you behave…"
"Nobody will tell me," Anya said cutting her off.
"Because it's not okay to be asking these things," Willow said growing more and more angry.
"I don't understand!" Anya said as tears came down her face and everyone fell quite. "Don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's, there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead anymore. It's stupid. It's mortal and stupid. And, and Xander's crying and not talking, and, and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well, Joyce will never have any more fruit punch ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why."
Don't you feel good about yourself know Willow. You made her cry and you know that she doesn't know how she is supposed to act, she hasn't been human for as long as you have. And what do you do…you yell at her just so you can take your anger out on someone…just so you can not feel sad and depressed for a little while, if only for a few seconds. I didn't mean to. You never mean to…it always just happens. It is never Willow's fault…because she would never do anything like that on purpose.
Just then Willow heard a loud thud and looked over and saw Xander standing by the wall looking as if he was leaning on it…but he wasn't. When she got up to look at what he did she saw that he had punched a whole right through the wall. Willow walked over to him, followed by Anya,
"Did it make you feel better?" Tara asked from the doorway.
"For a little bit."
Sunnydale General
The group that had surrounded her since she was seventeen was now with her in her most desperate time. A time when she needed her friends the most. No evil, no darkness, just family and sadness.
Even though none of them knew what to say and the only one who dared get close to her was Cordelia, all that didn't matter, the only thing that matter was that they where there, with her and Dawn.
There is no reason for them to be here…this all could have been prevented if only you thought of someone other than yourself, Buffy. You could have not moved on from Riley and still have been at home with your mother, and maybe you could have prevented this whole thing…kept the sadness away from everyone. But no, you moved on…with Cordelia, how do you think your mother felt about her oldest daughter being gay? I mean she would have never saw you guys get married…how much do you think you hurt her by that? And…No, no more. You're wrong. My mother loved me and she supported Cordelia's and my relationship form the moment I told her that I had the littlest of feelings for Cordy. She was the one that encouraged me to follow my heart. She is the one that said it was okay for me to move out and move one with my life and relationship. We talked every night so she always knew what was happening in my life. Or so…no, you are no longer going to mess with my brain because I know it wasn't my fault, and know I can finally morn my mother…because she was a great mom. And for the first time that day Buffy let the tears fall and Cordelia was right there to help her.
Here you are, with Buffy and friends and what do you think about…sex. God is that all you think about Xander? Joyce is dead and you haven't even said one comforting thing to the person that is supposed to be one of your best friends. Can't you see her crying over there with her girlfriend? Oh and lets talk about Buffy have a GIRLfriend. You never liked the idea, you always felt a little jealous because Buffy would rather sleep with vampires and girls before she so much as looked your way. You're wrong…I support Buffy and Cordelia's relationship one hundred percent. There is nothing in this world that I want more than to see Buffy happy. And if that happens to be with a girl, than it does. Yeah, Buffy swearing off men all together got to me a little bit but I got over it. The feelings I had for Buffy in high school are still in me but they are berried in the darkest stop of my heart. And your right I should be supporting Buffy but it looks like Cordelia has it under control…now if you don't mind can you please get out of my brain.
"Dawn, B…guys?" Faith said as she walked into the waiting room and saw the whole gang standing there. "Oh good…it's true?" she asked when she saw everyone's sad faces. Spike soon came walking around the corner with his head hung.
"DAWN!" Someone screamed. Soon the gang could see Riley coming down the hallway. "Dawn!" he screamed again as he got closer. Dawn got up from where she was sitting and met her boyfriend in the middle of the waiting room. "Oh God, Dawn I am so sorry…I wish I could have gotten here sooner." He said as he held her tight. Once again everyone went silent, no one knew what to say so they kept it all to themselves.
Don't you wish you got up sooner this morning…you could have helped Buffy prevent this. Maybe even save her mother but no, you wanted more snuggled with her in the morning didn't you. She was ready to leave and you pulled her back in bed because YOU wanted some more snuggles. Now look what happened…her mother is dead. How could she ever forgive you? I know I couldn't. You are the worst girlfriend anyone could ever have…you take people for granted…you always think that whatever you want you are going to get no matter who gets hurt in the process. You know I have enough of this little voice thing in my head. You have no idea what the hell you are talking about. Buffy knows that I would never take advantage of her like that…she knows that no matter what happens in our lives she is all I think about. And for your information I never took anything for granted and everyone knows that. I give as much as I receive and sometimes more. I love my life right now and nothing you say can change that…no matter what because I am in love with Buffy Summers…the complete package…the good and the bad.
Poor Dawn…Poor Dawn! Is that all you can think about is your sweet girlfriend, who just happens to still be in high school. What about poor Joyce, she is the one that's dead after all. Or even poor Buffy, you know your ex-girlfriend. Everyone is hurting over Joyce's death…but all you seem to care about is Dawn, no one else, just her. God even Spike has more compassion that you do, at least he has the nerve to ask people that have wanted him dead if they are okay, or if there is anything he can do…what is wrong with you? It think it would be better for everyone if you just left Sunnydale. You know what…your right.
What the hell is wrong with you William? You are a vampire; you kill people like these who are sitting in front of you right now. Yet I see no killing. All I see is whimpering…are you crying for her William…for Joyce. Or are you crying for yourself, because Joyce reminded you so much of your own mother. The way she treated you, the way she treated Buffy remind you of how your mother would treat the girls you brought home…which wasn't that many. Joyce, in the goodness of her heart, thought of you as a son…actually she treated all of Buffy's friends and enemies as if they were hers…I think she thought it would keep them from killing her. Yet it didn't, did it? You're the poison Spike, the demon that came in and took all her daughters hearts…and yes I mean Faith. You swooped them off their feet and never let them touch the floor again. You took her girls and left her with nothing…nothing but an empty house. Your wrong. Am I? Come on tell me Spike, tell me I'm wrong about this…tell me you didn't think if Joyce as a mother, that you didn't come in and take her girls…come on TELL ME! Your right I did think of Joyce as my mom, and yes I swooped her girls off their feet…but I always brought them back. Lil Dawnie still lives and home and so does Faith. Yet Buffy is the one that moved out and got herself a life…which I have to say is about god-damned time. Joyce knows I would have done anything for these girls…and I do mean anything…I would give my life just to see them safe. My, my William what a sap you have become.
How could Willow snap at me like that…it's isn't as if I knew what was happening. I have caused death for a hundred years but I have never seen it face to face before. Poor little Anya…always going to be the outsider in the Scoobie Gang. You see they all have history, while all you have is yesterday. They have done things together that you could imagine. I don't want to hear from you right now so get out of my mind. Huh? You heard me get out of my mind…Geez.
Just think the first thing you thought when you saw Buffy was how awful she looked. You didn't care what happened to her that day you just worried that someone would see you with her. I didn't know…you never asked. You just assumed she was here to make your life a living hell. Okay listen to me…what are you my conscious? Never mind…you have no idea how I feel right now. My mother is dead okay…it really don't want to hear about how much of a bad sister I am so back off.
You know how she is feeling Tara, go over there and tell here…let her know that she isn't alone in this. Let her know that it will get better. This isn't my place…this is a time for Buffy to let her friends in, we should push our way in, it wouldn't be right. And little Tara never does the wrong thing…but what about that demon incident that you pulled when your family was here. WAS THAT THE RIGHT TIME! DOES IT MATTER ABOUT THE RIGHT TIME…YOUR FRIEND IS HURTINHG AND YOU DON'T WANT TO HELP HER…WHAT KIND OF FRIEND ARE YOU! I AM A GOOD FRIEND!
The Scoobie gang sat there in the waiting room all night, waiting for anything from the doctor but the only thing that came was that the tumor had spread further than any of them had thought and that they where sorry. "Come on Buffy…let's go get a good nights rest…we can forget about all this until tomorrow." Cordelia said as she took Buffy in her arms and led her out the door followed by everyone else.
Don't worry B…I wont let anything happen to you and Dawnie ever again…because believe or not I don't know how much longer I can hide my feelings from you. Always thinking about yourself Faith. No actually this time I am thinking about both Buffy and me…thank you.
AN: I hope you liked it!