A/N: Wow. It sure has been awhile. It has been SO MUCH LONGER than I expected and I am so sorry about that. Just so you all know, I won't take that long again. The truth is, I probably have three chapters left. Maybe four. We'll see. This chapter is quite longer than most of the other chapters, and I had to cut it short. Because of those, one of the characters I promised would be in the story, will not make her appearance until next chapter.
I also want to thank Corey for being such a huge help for me while writing this chapter. I really don't know a bigger BL fan and I don't know what I would have done without her help. My Lucas muse can be a little pain in the ass sometimes but we all know he just needs to get pushed around a little. Also-thank you to all my BL girls and a special big thank you to Angie, who keeps my BL heart beating with her videos. And to my best friend for going on vacation this weekend, leaving me so bored that I forced myself to finish this.
Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me through all of this and all the waiting.
This upcoming week will be really hectic but I plan on getting this updated in the next two weeks. Preferably I will have it concluded by the end of July, but we'll see how that goes. I'm moving soon so things may get a little busy around here.
Anyway, enough of my blabbing... On to the chapter! I hope you all enjoy!
Need You Now
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.
"What about this one, mama?" Grace holds up a picture from the pile they had made of memories circling the two of them.
Brooke reaches for the picture and the second she sees it, it brings a smile to her face. Her heart swells and she reaches down to pull her daughter onto her lap. Her finger points at the bump under the fallen curtains. "You were under those."
Grace giggles, and the sound fills the room. "I was?"
Nodding, Brooke cuddles her daughter a little closer. "Yep. You were in your walker, wandering around the living room, and the next second, Uncle Lucas and I hear this crash. We ran in from the kitchen and there you were, curtains draped on top of you. Uncle Lucas took a picture and when I lifted them from you, you were just smiling away." She kisses the top of Grace's head, nuzzling against the soft strands. "You were so pleased with yourself."
"I think I just didn't like them, mama." She says matter-of-factly.
There's another laugh, "I think you're right." Brooke stares at the picture a moment longer. How had time gone by so quickly? It felt like she had just been in the hospital, giving birth to her beautiful girl, and now she is already four years old.
Grace holds up another picture. "Who's this?"
Brooke takes the picture and then looks at her daughter. "You know who that is, Gracie. It's your Aunt Peyton, Penny's mom."
"It is?" She examines the picture again and her face scrunches up. "She looks different then the pictures I've seen her."
"Well this was back in high school." Brooke explains. "Mommy and Aunt Peyton were both really young." This picture had been taken when they were just freshman. Brooke had loved taking pictures of every one of her memories. The two had been sitting on the beach in this one, big, ice cream covered smiles on their faces.
It was back when nothing else in the world mattered.
"Was she your best friend?" Grace asks.
Brooke simply nods.
Another curious expression covered the little girl's face. "But I thought Aunt Haley was your best friend?"
Mother looks at daughter as she pulls herself from her memories. At the end of the week, Peyton will have been gone for five years. The same day was synonymous with the birth of her beautiful, sometimes off beat, daughter.
Brooke lets Grace hold the pictures and curls both arms around her daughter's waist, holding the little girl against her chest. "She is. You can have more than one best friend." She explains. "See, Aunt Peyton and mommy grew up together. She was my very best childhood friend. Aunt Haley is my grown up friend."
It seems like the thought of that confuses her and she shakes her head. "Does that mean when I grow up I have to stop being friends with Penny?"
She laughs, "No, baby. That's just how it worked for me. Aunt Peyton and I grew up together because we needed each other. She was there to teach me things, I was there to teach her things. We were inseparable but as we grew older, we grew apart. I still think of her as a friend though, and I still love her." Peyton had meant so much to her that she would never hate her. At one time, she had been sure she could hate her forever.
Things change as you grow up.
"And you love Aunt Haley too, right?" Grace asks, almost so she can just make sure. She loves her Aunt Haley so much that she just wants to make sure her mama does too.
Brooke smiles, "Very much."
"And Uncle Lucas too, right?" It's the tenth time that Grace has mentioned Lucas in the last fifteen minutes. It's obvious to Brooke where the little girl's mind is. When she's not talking about him and Penny, she's talking about being at home or playing with Jamie and her Aunt Haley and Uncle Nathan.
Three weeks had passed slowly since the night that Brooke promised her little girl that everything would be better. Since then, she and Julian haven't had a single fight. That's not to say they've been getting along. Julian was working on set and by the time he got home, Brooke was usually sleeping.
Truth be told, Brooke misses home too. She had come here so that Grace could spend time with her father but how was that going to work when he was never around? She kisses the top of Grace's head and lets out a small sigh. Instead of answering the question, she hands Grace another picture; this one from the day she was born.
In permanent marker along the bottom of the polaroid read: Grace Elizabeth. Lucas was beside the hospital bed, leaning over with a dopey smile on his face and happy tears in his eyes. "Uncle Lucas was always there for us. Of course I love him too."
Grace considers this for a moment and then looks up, dark whispy strands of hair across her face. "But do you love him?"
"Gracie.."
Undeterred, the little girl continues, "Because sometimes, cause Penny doesn't have a mama, and cause daddy's always making movies, we pretend that you and Uncle Lucas are our mama and daddy."
This hits right in her heart. "I-" But her thought is left unfinished as the front door opens and Julian steps foot into the house.
"Where's my favorite girl?" He asked, stuffing his keys into his jeans pocket.
With that, Grace jumps up, leaving the picture behind and she runs over to him. Brooke watches as he scoops her up in his arms, but the ache in her chest is still there. She tries to breathe around it as she listens to the two talking with each other. In the mean time, she collects up the pictures and puts all those memories back in the box. She's been so strong for so long but the edges are frayed and she just needs to clear her head.
She rises from the floor and slips into a pair of heals. "Can you watch her for a little bit? I have to stop by and check on the store." What she doesn't realize is that she really just wants to see her mother.
Julian looks up and nods. He may be oblivious sometimes but he's not stupid. He and Brooke have barely spoken to each other in weeks. "Sure. I'll take her to set with me."
"Thanks." Brooke slips into a pair of heals she had by the door and grabs her purse. Before leaving, she gives Grace a big hug and a kiss on the forehead. "I love you, baby. I'll be back soon." She promises. No other words are shared with Julian as she takes her car keys and steps out.
On the other side of the now closed door, Brooke pulls her cell phone out of her pocket. She scrolls through the list of names and stops when she sees Lucas's name. Her finger hovers to hit the talk button but instead, she puts the phone back. What would she even say to Lucas? They'd been down that road before..
Haley scrolls through her cell phone to see if she's gotten any more texts, but her inbox is empty. No texts. No phone calls. She shakes a head full of wavy hair and looks over at the dark haired man who she likes to call her husband. The smile crosses her face as she watches him.
Nathan has Brian on his knees. The baby's hands are curled in little fists around his father's index fingers as he's bounced. The movements and sounds that Nathan make bring a huge grin on his face and the most intoxicating baby laugh.
Laughing, Nathan bounces his knee again and makes a ba-boom sound, which brings another laugh.
Seeing this puts an even wider smile on Haley's face.
She walks over to the chair her husband and son are occupying and she puts her arms around Nathan's shoulders. "Are you boys having fun?" She asks. Brian's eyes light up when he spots his mother and he starts mumbling, ma ma ma ma ma! "What is it, mister?" She asks as she leans forward and kisses his chubby cheek.
Nathan has always loved seeing Haley with their children. She was an incredible mother. It warms a part of him to know that she has been the love of his life since he was nothing more than a rebellious and abnoxious teenager, and that she would stay that eternal love until the end of time. But Nathan also knows his wife well and leans back. He doesn't look at her, keeping his eyes on their son, and he says, "Are you going to try and convince me we need to push Brooke and Lucas together again?"
When he finally rolls his head back, she puts her hand on the side of his face and pushes it away. "Don't look at me like that."
"Like what?" Nathan laughs.
Two fists go to her hips and Haley huffs, "Like you know what I'm thinking."
"But I do know what you're thinking." Nathan says, and just to hammer his point home, he leans in towards Brian. "Don't we, little dude? Don't we?" Brian just coos happily and starts making bubbles on his lips, which sends him into another round of giggles.
Nathan laughs too.
As much as she wants to argue him on that point, the sight of her boys warms her heart. She looks towards the two of them and cocks her eyebrow, "Oh yeah? And what am I thinking right now?"
It was too easy. Nathan has to jump at this. He curls his hands around Brian's, just to make sure that the little boy doesn't jerk to the side and fall back while he isn't looking. Nathan grins at his wife and the words come out like silk, "You're thinking that I should put Brian down for his nap and we should get working on baby number three.." His brows wiggle up and down suggestively until Haley's face lights up with surprise and she hits his arm.
Nathan was always going to be the one woman for him, no matter what happened or where his life took him. They were meant to be together.
Once her laughter dies down, he watches her face and knows she still has something she's thinking. He wasn't going to be the guy who ignores his wife, so he asks, "What's on your mind? Though, I really don't think I need to ask."
He knows full well that her mind has been on her two best friends for the past two weeks. Brooke had gone to stay in California with Grace and Julian and he, well, he wasn't blind enough not to see what that did to Lucas.
He also didn't need to see or hear from Brooke to know she was feeling the exact same things. The relationship between his brother and the girl who grew into a woman who would be one of his best friends would always confound him.
Haley takes a deep breath, then lets it all go in one big sigh. "It's just.. they're our best friends, Nathan. I hate seeing them like this. Brooke's completely torn apart being away and Luke's,"
"..completely lost without her." Nathan interjects, mid-sentance.
She nods slowly in agreement.
"It just doesn't feel right that there's nothing we can do. There has to be something." Haley James Scott has a huge heart. She always had. In high school it was more centered around finding someone that made her best friend happy. The boy she played mini golf with deserved someone who could make him smile and fill his heart and mind with as many memories as any life filled with love deserved.
As she grew to learn her best friend's potential loves, she had picked her favorite. Haley had never spoken it outloud because she didn't want to sway Lucas's decision. And despite the fact that he chose to marry Peyton, secretly, Haley had always wants to see him with Brooke.
The first time she ever actually saw him in love he was looking right at Brooke Davis. She knew then that he would never look at another woman the way that he looked at her. Behind the scenes, she's always rooted for Brooke for that reason. She would make Lucas the happiest. But the years passed and they all grew from children into adults.
That's when Haley started to root for Brooke and Lucas because they seemed to complete each other, the way that she and Nathan did.
It wasn't all about drama between them. Lucas had been there for her even when Brooke had wanted to be alone and strong, and deal with things herself-even though secretly they all knew she would have wanted someone. She'd been there for him when he'd felt his heart broken. And, most important, when Lucas had chosen to marry Peyton, Haley had seen the way it broke her dark haired best friend.. she also say the way that Brooke kept that to herself.
And that's what true love was about, afterall. You want that person to be happy no matter what, even if that means being without you. Brooke had given him up because she thought he'd rather had Peyton.
What Brooke didn't know was the way that Lucas looked at her during the wedding reception.. like he'd rather be back in high school and holding a brunette with a love of red dresses against his chest.
"I think we need to just let them find their own way." Nathan says. His voice pulls Haley from her thoughts. "Whether they find their way to each other or not, it should be their choice."
Haley makes a face, "But I could make better choices for them!" Like right now. If it was Haley's choosing, Brooke would be at home because anything would be better than Julian.. and Lucas would finally admit the things that Haley's known for years.
"Babe.."
Nathan knows everything that Haley's thinking. He knows how she feels and he agrees with all of it. He's seen his brother and his best friend grow up from two teenagers who didn't really know what they were doing. And while he supported his brother in his decisions, he didn't exactly support his marriage.
He remembers how Peyton had pushed for it the moment she knew there was a possible danger with her pregnancy. From that moment, she had wanted to and insisted they get married as soon as possible. Maybe she knew something was going to go wrong and that she wouldn't survive.
Maybe she wanted to make sure she carried the Scott name before she passed on. Who knew. But Nathan did know that his brother had a beautiful, intelligent woman who was a wonderful mother right beside him.. and if he didn't take the time to appreciate her, someone else would. Hopefully it wouldn't be Julian Baker but.. someone would regardless.
"What?" Haley asks.
Brian reaches out for his mother and she easily scoops him up in her arms, giving his nose a little eskimo kiss. He laughs as she cuddles him close.
"I think you should put the boy down for his nap." Nathan puts his hands down of the chair and pushes himself up so he can walk towards his wife. With a smile perched on his lips, he pulls his shirt off and wraps it around his arms.
"Oh, I should, should I?" It's only natural. Her eyes move along the line of his body.
"Yes," Nathan says as he puts a hand on the small of her back, leans in and kisses her. "You should. I'll be in the shower." Then there's a suggestive wink and he starts to walk towards the bathroom.
Haley just smiles.
It took two years to get over the death, Lucas remembers.
With his daughter's birthday and the date of Peyton's death on the same day, there had been a conflict to begin with. Her first birthday he obviously celebrated but they'd spent most of that day at the cemetery. He hadn't realize then that he was really just angry at Peyton. He was angry that she had died, and that she'd left them. He'd gone from sad to angry in that first year, and then back to sad.
He knew why Peyton had been so insistent on them getting married when she found out there could be complications with her pregnancy. He should have done something then, though thinking back on those moments, Lucas couldn't imagine if they had ended the pregnancy and he never knew his daughter.
Penny had really brought him back to life so many times since the moment she was brought into the world. Smiling, Lucas looks down at his little girl who is leaning against his chest and watching an episode of Sesame Street on the television. He pets his hand down through her frizzing waves, "You want to hear something crazy?" He asks.
The little girl had been so immersed in the world of the puppets that she always didn't remember she was laying on her father until he spoke, but she exuberantly started nodding. "Yeah, tell me!"
He nods up at the television and grins, "My mom used to let me watch this when I was your age too."
"No way.." Penny says in disbelief.
Lucas nods, "It's true."
From the recliner just a few feet away from the couch, Karen Roe leans forward and places her hands against her knees. "Your daddy used to love watching Sesame Street. Snuffleupagus was his favorite," she remembers. It doesn't feel like that long ago she was sitting in the living room with her own five year old laying his head on her lap and watching the muppets. To be honest, it makes her heart ache slightly. She has Lily but seeing her son with his daughter the way she had been with her own child was amazing.
Penny perks up immediately, eyes going wide. "No WAY!" She exclaims again. "Snuffle-gup-a-lus is my favorite too!"
"You're a lot like your daddy." Karen says with a laugh as she looks at her grand-daughter.
"What about my mommy?" Penny turns curious eyes to her grandmother.
She knows that if she asks her father, he'll be honest with her. But to her, though hearing that her mother loved her was one thing that she would always hold close to her heart, it was the people who raised her, the ones who kissed her goodnight and hugged her when she was scared, they were her family.
Karen raises her eyes to Lucas who moves his hand to rub his daughter's back gently. "What about your mother?" She asks.
Penny hesitates for a minute as she thinks about it. To be fair, she used to always want to know about her mother. She wanted to know what she looked like, how she acted, what she liked.. She felt like she needed to be like her, but in the end, there was a thin line between the person you thought you needed to be and the one you felt you truly were in your heart.
She looks up at Lucas and then back at her grandmother. Even though her dad smiles at her, it's not the same kind of smile he used to have. Something was slightly off and she wasn't completely sure what it was, but she knew what had changed from the last time she saw that smile.
"Am I like her?" Penny asks finally.
"Well.." Always looking for the right way to say things, Karen considers for a moment and then nods. "In some ways. I didn't know your mother that well, but I did know that she loved you indefinitely."
Was it wrong that that didn't feel like enough?
Lucas, seeing the look his mother gave him, adjusted his position and sat up on the couch so he could see his daughter more clearly. "You're creative, like her. And you get your hair from her."
A laugh catches his attention and he looks at his mother, whose face reddens. "Actually Luke, if you don't remember, I have some pretty unflattering pictures of you with some curls in my scrap books."
He groans, "I thought I told you to burn those."
"You did." She says, still chuckling, "But you couldn't expect me to actually get rid of them."
Penny snuggles against Lucas's chest and he puts his arm around her protectively. "Why do you ask, sweetheart?"
She considers for a minute.
It was that time of year again. Her birthday was a couple days away, and that meant her visit to the cemetery was coming soon. She hated going to the cemetary but it was the only place she knew to visit her mom. Sure she had her mother's house where she grew up when she was little, and there was the ex-club Tric that had closed years ago, but they didn't feel like the right place.
Shrugging her shoulders, Penny looks at the television but only barely pays attention to it. "I guess I wanted to be like Aunt Brooke when I grew up. Can I still be like Aunt Brooke even if I'm like my mom?"
To her, Brooke was this incredibly rich and famous woman who didn't let that fame get to her head. She didn't let her company dictate her life, no. She dictated her company. Penny remembers hearing stories about how when work got in the way of life and love, Brooke had found a way to change the company and make it work for her. She had fame, sure, but she had family. And to her Aunt Brooke, family always mattered more.
Lucas raises his eyes and looks over at his mother for just a moment. He doesn't know what to say though. Did he defend Peyton and remind his daughter of all the achievements her mother had?
Instead, he leans in and kisses the top of her head. "Of course, baby. No matter who you want to be, Penny, you're going to end up being a very smart and successful woman." He promises her.
Hearing those words make her smile. She throws her arms around Lucas and snuggles him close. His hand rubs along her back gently and he raises his eyes to look over at his mother.
Life had to be so hard for her when she was raising him. She had done it on her own. Though, technically, she hadn't really been alone at all, had she? Even if Keith hadn't been his father, he'd always been there.. and even now, despite genetics, he still thought of Keith as his father. He wonders if maybe that's how his own daughter saw Brooke. Maybe she wants Penny's mother by DNA, but she's been there every step of the way. She's loved that little girl, tucked her in bed, made her breakfast, soothed her when she's cried...
It's been Brooke all along. Why hasn't he seen that before?
Victoria Davis lifted her slender wrist so she could look at the brand new, diamond encrusted watch she'd purchased the day before. She was running early, like always, and figured she could stop for a cup of Starbucks. Despite her new diet, she figured the calories wouldn't count if no one saw her drinking it.
She sips the steaming liquid as her heals echo on the sidewalk as she heads towards the large Clothes Over Bros shop that she had been in charge of for almost four years now. It was a very successful shop and she loved living in California more than she'd thought she would.
She smiles and lets her eyes follow the bare chested body of a twenty something surfer with blond hair and a body that was made for touching. With the keys to the shop in her hand, hovering over the lock, she watches him turn to look back at her.
Good. She still has it.
Her brow perks at him as she pushes the key in and unlocks the door, disappearing inside. California was definitely the right place for her. But she stops at the door once it's closed behind her as she looks in at her daughter who is laying on the floor. "This again?" She asks, dropping her keys into her purse and the purse on the floor beside the entrance.
Brooke turns her head to the side to look up at her mother. "It just felt right."
Shaking her head full of brunette locks, Victoria puts her Starbucks down and crosses her arms over her chest. She's seen her daughter like this one before. Brooke had told her back then it was because Julian had slept with another woman. Despite not having a whole lot of experience in the mothering department, Victoria had been able to see through that. It really had nothing to do with Julian being with another woman, but about being the woman that the man you wanted didn't choose.
It had broken her heart, and Victoria had been able to see it clearly.
Crossing her arms over her chest, she tilted her head up and to the side. "Well I hope you don't expect me to get on the ground again. That was a once in a lifetime thing, Brooke."
Brooke makes a face and nods her head, "You are getting a little up there in age, Grandma." As much as Brooke knows her mother loves being a grandmother to Grace, she also knows her mom insists on never being called that.
Victoria's lips purse and she lets out a sigh of defeat. "Brat." She walks over to her daughter, carefully lowers herself on the ground and lays back. She stares up at the ceiling and the darkened lights, hands against her stomach. Her shoulders shift uncomfortably.
Noticing this, Brooke chuckles, "Come on, mom. It's not like this is the first time you've had your back on this ground." Realizing the meaning of what she's said, Brooke makes a face. "Ew, by the way."
Her mother laughs to herself and then turns her head to the side. "If I would have known you'd be here, I would have brought you some Starbucks too."
"It's okay. I'm not really in the mood for coffee anyway." She says with a small shake of her head, eyes still focusing on the rafters above the store.
Victoria perks her brow, "Are you ill? Brooke, I said Starbucks. There isn't a problem in this world that Starbucks can't fix."
A half smile appears on Brooke's face but it doesn't reach her eyes. All she can think of is how unhappy she is here, and how badly she just wants to call Lucas. She hasn't gone this long without talking to him in years. It feels like part of her is missing, and she's starting to see that Grace feels that way too.
So then why is it so difficult to call him? Why is it so hard to tell him how she feels?
It's obvious what Brooke is thinking. Victoria can see it written all over her daughter's face. She reaches over and places her hand on top of her daughter's. "Brooke, you are a smart, successful, beautiful woman, an amazing mother and a confidant business owner.. Will you stop being such an idiot?"
That catches her off guard.
Brooke looks up, "What?"
"Just call him." She had a lot to do with why Brooke hadn't followed her heart once upon a time, more than she wanted to admit, but she wasn't going to do that anymore.
A confused look crosses Brooke's face. "Julian's on set with Grace."
Victoria gives her hand a little squeeze. "I'm not talking about Julian and you know it."
"Oh, mom." Brooke huffs, her eyes closing slightly. "Don't even go there." How had her mother know what was on her mind? She leans up on her elbows, stuttering through the beginning of a sentence that Victoria easily cut into.
"Tell me you aren't thinking about that boy and I won't." Turning onto her side, Victoria put her elbow on the hardwood floors and held her head up as she eyed her daughter, waiting for something she knew was never going to come.
After Brooke remained silent, Victoria continues, "You told me once that he was the only boy you would have given everything up for. Your line, the business, all your fame, all of it. Do you remember?"
Of course she remembers.
Lucas and Peyton had just broken up when she met him at the restaurant. Seeing that smile on his face when he spotted her stepping through the crowd had warmed every part of her. All the years of work and distance, all the time of being alone and secretly heart broken were washed away. They hugged and it felt like old times.
The two had spent the night together and when he had showed her the ring and how he had proposed to Peyton, her breath had caught in her throat. It felt like her whole world shifted. Peyton had said no and Brooke couldn't understand why, because the moment she saw him down on one knee, she could only imagine that he meant to propose to her.
She remembers thinking how she would have jumped out of the couch and threw her arms around his neck, sending the two tumbling to the ground. There wasn't a single part of her that would have thought no.
But the ring hadn't been for her, neither had the proposal.
They'd had a good amount to drink and Brooke had planned on just helping him into bed before getting herself a glass of water and two very big aspirin to start fighting the massive headache she was sure she'd have in the morning. But he touched her skin and her world stopped spinning. He looked at her, those stunning blue eyes hypnotised her and nothing else mattered.
Then he pulled her close, whispered that she could stay and he kissed her.. her heart stopped. Or maybe it came to life again.
She never told him but she had wanted to stay. Even though they had made up a future together in those few seconds on the carriage, she had thought about that future before. How else could she have said it so easily? She dreamed about those children. A little boy who would be just like his father, with a gray hoodie and a basketball in his hand.. another who always had his nose in a book and a pen in his hand.. and then a daughter in a little cheer leading costume who just lit up the moment her father walked in the room. But all the dreaming of them didn't make them as real as they felt when she and Lucas spoke of them that night.
For just a second, it all felt real. She fell into that kiss with Lucas and could practically hear little feet sneaking through the halls for a late night snack.
Then reality came crashing down on her and she had to pull back. He had just been turned down by Peyton. He probably just needed to be comforted. He couldn't want anything more, so she got herself out of there as quickly as she could, knowing she wouldn't see him again for a long time. She would need that time away.
Brooke was used to putting her nose to the grind stone with work to keep her mind off of the aching in her chest when she thought about never getting that future with him.
For a minute, Brooke forgot that she was with her mother until the older woman gives her hand another light squeeze. "Yes." She finally says. "I remember. But that was a long time ago."
"Feelings like that don't just disappear, Brooke. Love like that, true love, it doesn't happen every day. And if you still feel that way, then you need to chase after it with everything you have inside of you. I let you give up on finding it once, but I'm not going to sit by and watch you let it pass you again."
"But mom-"
"No, Brooke. No excuses." Victoria puts her hand down on the floor and pushes herself up, bending her legs at her side to keep her pencil skirt straight against her legs. She gives Brooke a little tug and brings her up to sit in front of her. "Do you love him?"
Brooke's heart jumps in her throat, her stomach tightens and she has to look away. She can't answer that! "Mom.."
"Do you love him?" She asks again, enunciating each word slowly.
Instead of answering, Brooke starts to ramble. "I don't even know how he feels. And even if he had any kind of feelings, we have the girls to think about."
"Those girls want you two together more than anyone." Victoria has seen Penny and Grace together. She's heard them when they were all together. They were a family. In her eyes, her daughter and that Scott boy just needed to let themselves have it.
"And what about Peyton?"
Victoria doesn't hold back the chuckle, "Are you really worried about hurting your dead ex-best friend's feelings?" She lets Brooke think about that for a second before reaching up to cup her hand along her daughter's cheek. "The Brooke Davis I know managed to take a dream she had as a child and make it come true. The Brooke Davis I know raised a beautiful daughter on her own and always puts the rest of the world before herself. The Brooke Davis I know somehow managed to live through everything I've done to her and still carry herself with dignity and poise. That Brooke Davis deserves to be happy. She deserves love."
Tears cloud her vision, and again she asks. "Do you love him?"
Brooke blinks long lashes and a few drops trickle down her cheek. She feels her mother run her thumb along them to dry them and she thinks about that question. But she doesn't need to think about it. Her eyes widen ever so slightly, she swallows back the butterflies and as another teardrop rolls down her cheek, she nods, slowly at first, then a little quicker. "Yes."
It's been years since she's admitted that out loud. Now that she's said it, it feels like she can finally breathe again. "Yes," she repeats in a whisper, "I do. I love him."
Victoria can finally smile, "Then tell him."
Sniffling, Brooke leans in and curls her arms around her mother.
"So are you going to tell me what's on your mind, or are you going to get me a fourth cup of tea if I ask?" Karen questions. Every time she's mentioned her son's life, he's always made a quick escape and filled up her glass. She was sure she was going to explode if she had any more lemonade.
Lucas takes a breath and slowly lets it out as he leans back in his chair. He's just gotten back from putting Penny down for her after lunch nap, which means he can't use her as an excuse to not talk about what was going on.
In truth, he wasn't even sure how to explain it.
He felt like he's being punched in the chest every time he remembers that Brooke is on the other side of the country with a man who didn't appreciate her or their daughter. Julian wasn't really a bad guy but he definitely didn't deserve to have Brooke beside him. He wonders what they're doing now. Is she over there having a great time with him? Is he holding her right now, kissing her and telling her he loves her?
What if he convinces her to stay? Could Lucas even manage to survive without her around? Over the years, he found that he relies on her more than he should but it's just because he needs to have her close. Ever since they were just two teenagers who found each other through the mess that is high school, he's known that she would change his whole world.
And she has.
And it scares the hell out of him to think that he could lose her again.
"It's complicated." He says simply as he reaches for his glass. His fingers are slick against the condensation on the outside of the glass. He almost drops it but recovers and gives his mom, who jumped a little when he almost dropped it, a glance. With a half-smile, he brings the glass to his lips and takes a sip. "How's my sister doing?"
Karen knows exactly what he's doing. She's seen him act like this before, many times. From the messy haired little boy who didn't want to tell his mother that he made a mess in the kitchen, to the young teenager who worried about telling her about the Ravens..
He should know by now, Karen thought, that his mother didn't give in that easily.
"Lily's well. She and Andy are flying in Friday night for the weekend, so you'll see her then." She's so proud of her little girl, who's getting so big now. It isn't her daughter that she's worried about right now. In all honesty, Haley may have mentioned a few things to her on the phone before she came into town. She wanted to wait for Lucas to say something but it looks like he's not about to initiate that particular conversation.
"Lucas.."
He puts his hands on his knees and pushes himself up. "I should go check on Penny, make sure she's okay."
As he starts to walk, Karen extends her hand and curls her fingers around her wrist. "Lucas Scott, leave that little girl alone. She's fine. Sit down and talk to me."
Lucas looks at his mother and he can think of a few more excuses. He can go cook something, or work on his novel, do some laundry even or clean up the living room.. but he's seen that look on his mother's face before.
Even if he's a grown man now, there's still nothing much like that look a mother can give you.
So he walks back to the couch and sits down. As thoughts fill his head, he wonders where he would even start. He runs his hand over the top of his head and then leans back against the cushion. "I don't know what you want me to say, mom." He finally mumbles.
"Well," Karen was nothing if not patient. "Why don't you start with why Haley is so worried about you?"
"She's just a worrier." But that's not completely true.
Haley is his best friend and he knows that she's only worried because she knows him so well. She knows that when he says 'I'm fine' what he's really saying is 'I miss Brooke.' And he does. He keeps looking at the door, expecting to see her smile walking into the house. He hadn't realized how much he missed the little things, like how she would walk by him and give his arm a little squeeze when they were playing with the kids. Or how she looked when they were holding their children and whispering their conversation so they didn't wake the girls.
And he missed her taking pictures of their children playing so that at the end of the night, she could print them out and add them to one of the many photo albums she kept.
When he would give her a drink and lean against the counter to look at the pictures, she would tell him that she just wanted to remember every second of it. But it wasn't always about them with the girls. It was the nights they spent alone on the back porch until they were both exhausted. Talking for hours on end, leaving him with a head full of inspiration that was so immense, he couldn't do anything but start writing once she went home.
"It's okay to miss her." Karen says when she sees the clouds that fill his eyes. She knows that his head is somewhere else, and she's fairly certain she knows why he looks that way and just where his mind went.
Lucas looks up.
It's actually exactly what he needed to hear. Instead of brushing it off, he decides to give in. He's had so many good conversations with his mother that this may be exactly what he needs.
"I just want her to come back." He says, letting his guard down. "It's not the same without her." It's probably the most honest he's been since she left. He can still remember exactly how it felt to have her walk away from him, watch her get in the car with Julian, letting him drive away with half of his heart.
Karen nods slowly. She's actually seen her son look like this before. Strangely enough, it was about the same woman. "What did she say when you told her that?"
Lucas just looks down at his lap, "Well.."
She leans forward and crosses her arms, leaning them against her lap. "You didn't tell her, did you?"
"Technically?"
"Lucas.."
He turns his head to the side when he sees his mother rise from the chair and move towards him. She sits down beside him and he feels instantly comforted by the hand she places on his back. "I know. I should have said something, I just.." He leans forward and hangs his head, "I clam up every time I try to call her. I think of her over there with Julian and it makes me feel so.."
"Empty?" She supplies.
Lucas nods. "What if she never comes back, mom? What am I supposed to do?"
He had never been okay with the idea of being without Brooke Davis. He'd even gone as far as to convince his mother to let her have his room instead of moving with her parents to California. And the night of the graduation party, it was her house that she had gone to after they had all left the Rivercourt.
He knocked on that familiar red door and when she answered with red eyes, he knew she'd been crying. He didn't say anything and she didn't have to. He just opened his arms and she stepped into them. They stood on the front step for what felt like forever, just holding on to each other. All he could think of was that she was going to leave, make it big, and he wouldn't see her.
The thought had made him sick to his stomach. Two years had changed Brooke Davis, but it had also changed him. When they were together, it was like he really knew who he wanted to be. He knew everything he wanted to do and where he wanted to go. She helped him find his way, giving him direction without even knowing she was doing it.
He walked her down to the beach that night, put out a blanket and the two sat for hours, talking about the future. She told him all her big plans, and he told her his. They laughed and reminisced, and when it got cold, he made a small fire. As the night sky lightened towards morning and the stars started to hide, he realized that he'd drifted off and when he came to, she was laying beside him. He had his arm around her waist, holding her close to him. The ashes of the fire had finished smoking and he remembered looking at her peaceful face.
"Good morning, pretty girl." he whispered.
Her stomach rose and fell lightly with each breath and he felt content. Leaning in, he pressed his lips against her forehead. She let out a little moan and turned her face into his chest. That simple motion made him wish she was staying. He could change his whole world but he wanted her to find happiness and fulfill her every dream. He couldn't ask her to stay and give all of that up. So he never did say anything.
He let her leave, and part of him always regretted that, and always would.
"I don't want to lose her, mom." He admits, feeling that emptiness in his chest start to ache again. Nothing compared to the loneliness he felt when he had to watch her walk away, something he's seen too many times in his life.
Karen presses her lips together and rubs her son's back again. "I'm not going to tell you what to do, Lucas. You always find a way to make the right decision in the end, but I do want you to know that if you don't want to lose her, then you need to do everything in your power to make sure that you don't." Even though it's been years, her chest still tightens when she thinks of Keith, a boy who grew into a man who would be the love of her life, then gone without a chance to say goodbye. "I spent years being friends with Keith, and while I don't regret a second of it, I'll always wonder how things would be different if we had taken that chance together sooner."
Reaching up, Karen touches his cheek with one hand and kisses the opposite one. "I want you to be happy, Lucas."
"She makes me happy." He tells his mother, feeling the truth glowing inside his heart, radiating from his chest. "She's everything. I never appreciated it before, wasn't even sure what would happen if I told her." It wasn't about needing Brooke. He knew he could survive without her. He knew that he could wake up every day and find a way to make it through his life if she didn't want him. Need was such a crude thing. He needed to breathe. He needed food and water. They were necessities. For Lucas, Brooke was something so much more than that. He wants her. He wants to share his world with her. He wants to wake up every day and see her beautiful face smiling back at him.
At first he was afraid that his feelings were only there because she helped him and his daughter so many times.. but that wasn't true. Brooke has always been there.
So have these feelings.
Karen smiles when she hears this. She knew there was something in the way that her son looked that told her he just needed a little push. "Sometimes the risk is worth it."
Lucas nods. "Brooke is definitely worth it." He starts to feel better already. He leans in and kisses his mother's cheek before rising from the couch. "Can you excuse me for a second? I have something I need to do."
Laughing, Karen nods and watches him rush into the other room.
The first thing Lucas grabs is his laptop.
Again, thank you guys so much for being patient with me. Additionally, can I just say how much I love Victoria? Lucas-muse was being a pain in the butt so I worked on that Brooke/Victoria scene and she just amused the hell out of me.
I hope you all liked it. Please review, and if there's anything you want to see happen, any memory you want me to write (etc), feel free to PM me. I'll be happy to listen. Love you guys :)
Rosie