"Hey Randy" Adam smiled at him.
"Hey" he felt better and Chris's visit had lightened his mood. It felt good to talk about the incident.
"I heard Chris was here" Adam tried to get information.
"It was nice to see him again" Randy was happy about his new found friendship with Chris. He had to be careful but their chances were pretty good.
"Did you talk?" the blond pushed.
"Yes but I won't tell you" Randy looked right trough him.
Adam chuckled "You caught me"
Randy grinned at him, Adam pinched himself to make sure he was awake "Randy is back" he flung himself at him.
Randy went stiff but relaxed pretty fast. Adam was a friend and John's boyfriend, he would never abuse him.
"Adam what the hell is the noise about?" John yelled through the hall.
"Randy is back" he yelled though the house. The Viper blushed as John approached them "What?" Cena frowned.
"He grinned at me and he meant it" Adam patted Randy's back.
John's features softened "Good" he pulled the tall man into a tight hug "I missed you"
"I never left" Randy struggled slightly against the embrace. He hated to be touched even though they're his friends.
John cupped his cheeks and looked deep into his eyes "Don't do that again" he warned "Don't scare us again"
"I give my best" Randy smiled at him; John nodded that was good enough.
"Let's eat. Jeff's starving" they heard Matt's voice "Come on Randy you need to put on some weight"
Two months passed since their break up and he still felt terrible. He acted as if he got over it but that was far from the truth. His heart clenched every time he saw the older man.
He wanted him back, he considered forgiving him but he felt too betrayed.
Randy seemed to be okay. That hurt even more. The older man had played with him and threw him away like a boring toy.
What Cody didn't know was that Randy's whole appearance was a lie he made up to satisfy his friends. He still cut himself and he still contemplated suicide. He couldn't count the nights he lie awake, holding the bottle of sleeping pills in his hands and praying for the strength to throw them away but he kept them. He wanted to die so bad but he held on.
Cody walked through the corridors, he was looking for Rey.
"Randy cut the crap. I can't patch you up every damn day" the trainer whispered while he bandaged Randy's hand "What have you done this time?"
"Training" Randy didn't dare to look him in the eye.
"With the brick wall again?" he sighed, Randy hissed as he put pressure on the bruises.
"Yes" Randy confessed, there was no reason to lie.
"Have you talked to Vince?" the trainer asked.
"I have an appointment at 6 p.m. " Randy looked at the wall clock.
"Do you think he can help you?"
"Last time he could" Randy tried to remember. He talked to Vince the last time he had a break down and the older man understood. He told him that Stephanie had problems too and he learned a lot about people who harmed themselves. It was interesting how eager Vince was to help him. They started a friendship like relationship that day. He could come to him whenever he needed someone to talk and Vince came to him when he needed help to cope with his little girl.
"It has to stop"
"I know" Randy missed his baby boy. He felt lonely without him, it didn't matter how many friends he had life was empty without Cody. He missed his smile, the sound of his laugh, his dashing character. Not everything was an act; Cody was cheeky, beautiful and happy.
The loneliness tore at his heart and soul; he broke a little more day by day.
Sometimes he wondered how much time he had left before his time would come. The fight against his death wish was becoming increasingly difficult. Everyday could be his last but it didn't matter anymore there was nothing left to live for and nothing left to fight for.
Cody held his breath; Randy wasn't as unaffected as he thought or had his plaything dumped him? Maybe it was time for a talk, the young man mused as he heard steps inside the room. He ran down the corridor until he reached his locker room, he hoped they didn't see him.
"Hey Vince" Randy sat down on a comfy chair.
"How are you, boy?" Vince studied him; the young man looked lost and paler than normal.
"I don't feel well" he and Vince made a deal long ago, they promised to be honest.
"I can see that" the older man nibbled on his pen.
"He talked to you" Randy could see the conflict in his eyes.
"Chris told me to keep Swagger away from you. I didn't ask why but I heard what happened between you and Cody. You don't need to be a genius to put two and two together"
"I don't know what to do anymore" Randy stared at his hands.
"What did he do to you?" Vince blurted out.
"He kissed me, touched me and ejaculated over me. I can't get him out of my head, I feel him all over me. I never felt so dirty in my whole life"
"Did I ever tell you why Stephanie started to… you know" Randy shook his head.
"Her teacher liked her … let me say 'too much'. He didn't rape her but it was enough to destroy her little soul. I'm impressed you're still here; you lost the love of your life and have to deal with Swagger. I hope it stays that way. I don't want to lose you. You're a friend and friends take care of each other. I do everything to help you, everything you have to do is ask"
"Keep him away from me" Randy begged.
"I can't draft him at the moment and his contract is faultless. You have to go to the police or wait a few months so I can prepare his draft"
"I'll wait" to do him justice or not didn't matter. Everything he wanted was to get away from him.
"We keep an eye on him and I make arrangements for your safety" Vince promised. Randy wasn't sure he could keep his promise but it was good enough. Vince knew what he did and Randy trusted him.
"I'll call John so he can pick you up" Vince smiled at him. Randy nodded.
"Cody" Ted said cheerful "What's up?"
"I'm fine. Don't worry" Cody replied, he didn't feel comfortable.
"I don't think you're fine" Ted touched his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"I miss him" the young man sighed.
"He betrayed you, how can you miss him?" Ted said disgusted.
"I love him, that's why" Cody spat.
"He's not worth it" DiBiase shook his head "I don't understand why you regret leaving him"
"Because he's the love of my life" Cody whispered.
"He's a worthless liar and you know that. He fucked Swagger behind your back" he wanted Cody back and the best way to achieve his goal was to make him hate Randy.
"Yes he's worthless, yes he lied and yes he's a jerk" Cody yelled "but he's my worthless, lying jerk" he added in a low tone.
Ted shot around as he heard the door creak. John opened his mouth to say something but decided to remain silent.
"Let's go" Cody could see that he held a hand, his heart stopped to beat for a terrible moment. John dragged Randy away from them. Cody ran and stopped in front of his locker room, he wasn't sure he imagined it or not but could swear the Viper had tears in his eyes as he passed the room.
"Randy!" the young man yelled angrily "Wait" but they didn't stop. He stared at their retreating backs until they turned around a corner.
"Forget him" Ted approached him "You'll find better love. I would like to give us a try again and there are many men who would love to take you out on a date"
Cody chuckled "You befriended me because you hope I come back to you" he realized.
"No Cody. I want to be your friend. It would be nice to be more but your friendship is enough for me" Ted wanted to slap himself; he almost ruined his plan because of his big mouth.
"I don't want you and I don't want Tyson or whoever. I want Randy" Cody left. Ted punched the door; his plan didn't work at all.
"Seems your plan has some flaws" Swagger giggled.
"Shut up" Ted hissed "he's totally obsessed with Orton. How can I change his mind?"
"I can destroy Orton completely and when you're lucky he passes away and the cute young man comes running into your arms for comfort" Swagger grinned.
"I'm not a killer" Ted wasn't ready to sacrifice Randy's life.
"He looks sick and I think he will break soon" Swagger patted his back.
"What do you mean?" Ted frowned.
"I get some fun and you reach your goal. Deal?" he held out his hand. Ted shook his hand "Deal"
"What does Vince want from you?" John watched him before he started the engine of his car.
"Nothing" Randy tried to banish the voices in his head.
"He didn't order you into his office for nothing"
"I asked for an appointment" Randy rested his head against the side-window.
"Why?" John didn't know they were friends.
"We talk from time to time" Randy closed his eyes, listening to the rain drops tapping against the glass.
"Oh" John was surprised; he never realized they were so close.
"I thought it's better not to involve you. It's dangerous to befriend your boss. Envier and selfish people are everywhere. I'm worried they threat you to get a higher status or they try to ruin you"
"Ortz, I can take care of myself. I'm not angry at you" he added the last part to sooth Randy.
"I thought so too" Randy mumbled.
"What do you mean?"
"I thought I could take care of myself but I was wrong" Randy's breathe evened out and he fell asleep.
John was relieved that he fell asleep because he had no clue what to say.
"Randy wake up" John shook him gently; Randy rubbed his eyes and yawned. John chuckled; Randy looked like a little kid when he did that.
"Go to bed" John took their bags and went inside. Randy stopped in the middle of the way to feel the purring rain and stared into the night sky.
~ Worthless! …. Liar !…jerk! Worthless! …. Liar !…jerk …. heartless! Hate you! …. Liar!…bastard! cold! Useless! ….whore !…jerk! heartless bastard!…~
Parts of the most painful words of the last months echoed through his mind. He heard Cody's voice and sometimes even Chris.
"Randy" John yelled but he wasn't listening. John grabbed his hand and dragged him into the house.
"Shower! Now" John ordered more forceful.
Randy obeyed and went upstairs. He turned the water as hot as he could stand.
"He hates me" he whispered to himself "Ted is back by his side, it could work out this time" Cody's happiness was important to him.
He spied the razor next to his shampoo, after a few seconds he decided to take it. The cuts were deeper than the last time but not deadly. He leant back against the wall and slid down until he sat under the hot spray. His cuts burned like hell and he watched his blood mix with the water. The pure and colorless water turned red with his worthless blood "I want to go home" squeezed his eyes shut.
"Randy are you alright?" John knocked before he opened the door.
"Damn it" he shoved the shower curtain aside and stared at his friend.
"I don't know how to stop" he looked at him with big sad eyes.
"I know my friend. Let me see" Jon examined the wounds and sighed "I think you need stitches this time"
"I know" Randy whispered. John toweled him as best he could and helped him into his clothes.
"Don't forget to leave a note. He'll wonder where you are" Randy spoke he seemed more coherent than before.
"You're right" he wanted to go to the hospital as soon as possible but it was important to Randy.
"Is he alright?" Adam asked as John tried to sneak into their bedroom.
"Yes he needed stitches but it wasn't dangerous" John fell into bed with a content sigh "I'm so tired. I can't take it anymore. Constantly worrying, looking after him and hoping he's still alive when I get home" Adam gave him a light kiss "You can't live without him, you'll put up with it as long as it takes" he smiled.
John sighed deeply "Yeah. I want my friend, my brother back"
"I know you do" the blond rubbed soothing circles on John's chest.
"Do you think he'll pull through it?" John gave him his best 'be honest' look.
"No" Adam was surprised their friend was still alive.
"Me neither" John sobbed, he couldn't fight against his tears anymore.
"Hush" Edge took him into his arms; there was nothing he could do to comfort him. John told him what happened that day while he continued to cry.
Randy stood in front of their door and listened, he never hear or saw John cry, it tore on his heart. It was time to get a grip on himself or he wouldn't only destroy himself but his friends too. He went back to his room.