"Welcome home" Cody smiled as he opened the front door, he took Randy's bag and put it on a cupboard.
Randy entered the living room and frowned, there were by far more pictures of them on the walls than he remembered. On the side table stood his old lamp, his old fleece blanket lay on the couch. His sport medals lay in the cabinet and as he entered the kitchen he caught sight of his favorite tableware. He continued to wander through the house, the bedroom looked completely different. The color of the walls changed and the bed was new. It looked like his old bedroom before he moved in with Cody. He liked the changes but he didn't know why Cody went through the trouble "Do you like it?" the young man asked.
"Yes" Randy confirmed "but why?"
"It's our home" Cody slung his arms around Randy's waist, careful not to scare him "It was more my home than yours, John said you hated to live in my house and I realized that even though we bought this house together nothing changed. I liked something and you said yes. There's nothing you chose because YOU liked it. So I asked your friends for help and we changed a few things"
"Few?" Randy raised a brow "I thought we went into the wrong house. I don't want you to dislike the house"
"I love it because it reminds me of you" Cody rested his head on Randy's shoulder "I cleared out your things and realized there was nothing left of you. I needed two storage boxes to get rid of your presence. Two. It should have been ten or twenty"
Randy studied the young man, he looked honest but he couldn't risk trusting him "Thank you"
"I know we have to work hard on our relationship but I want you to know that I mean it. I want you back in my life and I'll put up with everything. You can punch me, you can yell at me or destroy the furnishings, it doesn't matter but don't harm yourself" he felt how Randy's posture changed "I'm not angry and I'm not disappointed at you. I'm disappointed I haven't noticed it sooner. It's not your fault and you can't change who you are. I don't want to change you but I want you to heal"
Randy remained silent, Cody stayed even though he knew everything. He stayed and took the risk to get hurt. How long will he stay? He asked himself.
"Get some sleep" Cody let go of him to help him undress "You need rest. The doctor said you have to stay in bed for three days. It was the condition to get you home"
Randy sighed and obeyed, his ribs hurt and his head felt like a punching bag.
"Sleep" Cody whispered and placed a gentle kiss on the uninjured side of his head.
He waited until Randy fell asleep before he went down to the kitchen, he opened a drawer and looked through it "There" he grabbed the engagement ring. It was the first time in months he opened the drawer. He put the platinum band on his ring finger. It looked good on his finger, he was Randy's. He had found Randy's ring as he searched the pocketknife a few days ago. The ring hung on a necklace, he was sure Randy wore it under his clothes during his free time.
Cody took the necklace out of a casket and went upstairs. He peeked into the room to make sure Randy was still asleep. He went into the room and stopped next to the bed. Cody caressed the ring before he put the necklace carefully around his boyfriend's neck. Randy stirred slightly but continued to sleep. Cody smiled, he would never let go of his lover again. They were bound together by fait "You're mine" he whispered before he left.
Randy woke up, he had a headache and his ribs burned. He walked into the bathroom to get painkillers. As he looked into the mirror he saw his ring dangling from his neck. He touched the ring and smiled sadly. He was sure he hadn't worn it before he went to bed. He opened the medicine cabinet but it was empty. Randy sighed and went downstairs "Where are the painkillers?"
"Stay here, I'll get them" Cody put the pan aside, he walked out of the kitchen but Randy couldn't see where he was going. He opened the drawer and was surprised to find nothing. The cutlery was gone, he wasn't sure if he should be moved to tears or angry.
"Here" Cody reappeared with a single pill; he took a bottle of water and gave it to him.
"There are more ways to kill oneself than cutlery, razors and pills" Randy took the pill and drank half of the bottle, that's when he saw the platinum band on Cody's finger. He almost chokes on his water.
Cody looked guilty "I know but I thought it might help a little"
"You wear it" he looked dumbfounded, Cody smiled and caressed his ring "Of course, we will marry soon and I need my engagement ring to make it clear to anyone"
Randy nodded and dropped the topic; he had to think about it before he made a decision. He wasn't sure what he felt or if he'd survive that long but what he knew was that he loved the young man with every fiber of his being "How are you?" Cody didn't look like himself.
"Fine. I'm not depressed or lifeless since your return" the young man felt alive.
"Are you sure?" Randy wasn't sure at all.
"I feel better and I believe that everything will be fine" he cupped Randy's cheeks "We'll sort this mess out and we will be happy. Forever"
Cody was very persuasive "I think it's too late for me"
"Nooo" Cody panicked "Don't you dare! You'll stay by my side, when you choose to die than you have to take me with you"
"No" Randy was shocked "How can you say that?"
"How can you say you want to die?" Cody countered.
"I-…I …" there was no answer to that.
"You see, there is no reason to go" Cody said gently "We pull you through it, I promise"
"Don't make promises you can't keep" Randy felt the knot in his stomach tighten.
"But I intend to keep it; neither heaven nor hell will get in my way. First they have to pass me and I'll put up a helluva of a fight" Randy was moved to tears, Cody looked so serious. His beautiful body trembled slightly "Come here" he pulled the young man into his arms "Hush"
"I'm so angry" Cody hissed "He had no right"
"I have to live with it" Randy rubbed his lover's back.
"I left" Cody began to cry "He assaulted you and I left. I could have helped, I could have protected you but I ran. I abandoned you when you needed me most"
"It's not your fault. It looked like cheating. I could have fought but I didn't" Randy reasoned.
"You were hurt, he surprised you. You couldn't fight. It's not your fault. It's Swagger's" Cody shook with rage "He will atone for what he did"
"Forget about it" Randy begged, it was a dangerous game Cody intended to play.
"You'll never forget it and neither will I" Cody vowed "He burned his mark on your soul and therefore he'll pay"
"I hurt myself before he… I would have done the same things even without his assault" Randy tried to knock some sense into his lover.
"I saw your reaction as Mark touched you. I see how you look around every time you hear a noise. I can feel you tense when I touch you, you love me and you love your friends but you can't fight the nagging feeling in your heart and soul"
"I can feel him, his huge hands on my skin. I can hear him every time I close my eyes. I see him in my dreams" Randy stared at the wall.
Cody caressed Randy's cheek "I love you, I never stopped. You're not dirty, you're not at fault and you're not worthless. You're my boyfriend. You're special, kindhearted and irreplaceable" the young man had read books and articles about rape victims.
"He didn't rape me but I still feel so…" Cody was relieved that Jack didn't go all the way "the second time he had the intention to rape me but a car disturbed him and he fled"
"I won't touch you until you say it's okay" Cody promised "Am I allowed to hug and kiss you?" he looked at him with big eyes.
"Yes" Randy loved his strong arms and soft lips.
"Hey John can you keep an eye on Randy for a few hours I have to get some things" he avoided to talk about the reason in case Randy overheard him.
"Thank you" he put his cell phone away.
"Randy I have to go out for a while, I'm back as fast as I can" he entered the living room.
"Where're you going?" Randy turned around.
"I need my gym bag, I forgot to take it with me, the day you…" Cody shuddered "had the accident"
"Don't confront him" Randy stated, he knew his missing belongings weren't the reason.
"I grab my things and leave" he tried to sound honest.
"Be careful" Randy continued to read his book.
"John is coming over and keeps you company" the young man noted.
Randy sighed deeply, he needed some space "Okay" he knew Cody was worried but he missed it to be alone for a short while.
John arrived thirty minutes later. He brought a few games with him to take Randy's mind off from his misery.
Cody entered his locker room together with Punk to get his belongings as Ted knocked on his door "Hey sunshine. We miss you why didn't you tell us you take a vacation?"
"I'm not on vacation" Cody spun around, ready to fight.
"Oh, has Vince suspended you?" Ted frowned; the rumor mill was extremely silent for a while now.
"Sick leave" Punk answered for Cody, he was ready to hold his friend back.
"Is it serious?" Ted was worried Cody had a terrible disease.
"You should know it best" Cody spat.
"Huh?" he was confused.
"It's your fault!" Cody yelled, his whole body trembled with anger.
"What did I do?" he hoped Cody wasn't privy to his plan.
"YOU" he jumped at his former friend and punched him. Punk tried to drag Cody away from Ted but failed "Kane!" he yelled. He had asked his lover to stay close just in case Cody snapped.
The tall man entered the room and watched for a while before Punk gave him a glare "Okay, okay" he put his arms around Cody to immobilize him.
"You hurt him, you destroyed his beautiful soul. You shall burn in hell, I'll ruin you. Stay away from him or I'll kill you and that's a promise. STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM US! AND TELL SWAGGER I'LL GET HIM ONE DAY. HE'LL PAY DEARLY!" the smaller man yelled furiously while he struggled against Kane's grip. Ted stared at him in shock, he never saw Cody so furious before. He was scary and Ted believed every word of what he said, Cody had any intention to break him. Everything he wanted was his love but hate was what he got. He deserved it "I'm sorry" he talked through his nose. Ted looked up and saw something glitter, his jaw dropped. It was a ring, he saw the ring before but it vanished as they parted. Cody must have kept it even though he hated Randy at that time. He realized that he never stood a chance; he did what he did for nothing because Cody was devoted to the Viper, with his heart and soul.
"It's too late" Cody screamed "You can't make it undone and neither can I. He has to live with what you did"
The corridor was full of people, no one dared to interfere.
"So the rumor is true" Miz whispered to Morrison.
"Poor guy" Tyson mumbled.
"Cody, let's go" Punk shoved Ted out of the way. Cody had a different opinion and tried to free himself.
"Wow" Kane gasped "He's stronger than he looks like. Punk I need some help"
Cody kicked at Ted and wanted nothing more than to punch him into a bloody pulp. Punk positioned himself in front of Ted "Cody! Randy's waiting for you"
He got his attention "You can't help him when you end up in jail" Cody stopped to struggled and Kane used his chance to drag him out of the room.
"I want to kill him" Cody panted, he tried to take deep breaths.
"I know" Punk patted his head "You have to stay out of trouble for Randy's sake"
"I hate it when you're right"
"Believe me I don't like it much either" Punk looked at Kane.
"You're in no condition to drive. Kane will bring you home and I follow you with your car" Punk grabbed the keys.
Cody nodded, he was tired and tense. There was no reason to argue with Punk.
"John?" Cody frowned as the older man ran out of the house.
"He's gone" he gasped "I was in the bathroom, for two minutes and as I came back…"
Cody's heart stood still for a few painful seconds "What do you mean, he's gone?" was he dead? Did he leave him behind?
"I don't know where he is" John explained "His car keys are gone and I don't know where he could be"
Cody fell to his knees; he couldn't control his body or mind. His mind raced around many possibilities.
"Cody?" Punk kneeled down next to him "Hey" he shook him gently.
No reaction "Kane take him inside"
Kane lifted him up and carried him inside "We have to find him" Punk nibbled on his lip ring.
"It's my fault" John rubbed his face.
"You know it's not" Punk looked around "Maybe he needs some space"
"He could have asked" John argued.
"He knew we would never let him out of sight. Everything we can do is hope"
Cody sat on the sofa, knees drawn up to his chest. He clutched Randy's fleece blanket in his hand and rocked back and forth.
"He'll come back" Punk tried to sooth him.
"I hem him in. that's why he left me" a single tear escaped his beautiful eyes.
"He hasn't left you. He comes back you'll see" John hoped he was right.
"I hid the cutlery, razors and his pocket knife. For a single moment I even thought about replacing the tableware against plastic tableware" he chuckled sadly.
"I did this once" John confessed "He was pissed I could see it in his eyes but he said nothing"
"That's the problem, he doesn't speak. He takes it as it comes and bottles it up until he can't stand it anymore" Cody stared at his favorite picture. It was a snapshot. Matt made the picture during his birthday party. Cody had beamed of joy because Randy accepted his offer to move in with him and the older man had placed a loving kiss on his temple.
"You have to be patient, you'll see one day he comes to you to talk" Kane looked at Phil.
"I hope so" Cody wanted to be alone "You can go home, I'll call when I hear something"
They looked at each other and decided to leave him alone. They bid their goodbyes before they left unwillingly.
Cody watched the news, in case Randy had an accident or killed himself, as he heard the door. He turned around and jumped up as he heard familiar steps. He flung himself at Randy and cried tears of joy. He wasn't gone. He came back to him.
Randy was surprised as Cody practically flew into his arms and held on him for dear life "Cody" he whispered.
"Tell me before you go out or leave a note. Don't disappear like that. I thought…. I thought…god" he rambled.
"I'm sorry" he rubbed Cody's back "I needed some air"
He felt Cody nod "I thought you wouldn't let me go and John is pretty fast I hadn't the time to leave a note"
"Where have you been?" Cody sniffled.
"Here and there. I felt the urge to spend some time alone. You weren't here and John tried so hard to make my day. You try to make it better but I don't feel better but I should"
"You need time" Cody inhaled Randy's scent "It won't go away overnight. We have to be patient, you have to be patient. We are here for you. Always"
"I want to go to bed" Randy wanted to cuddle.
Cody gave him a strange look "What?" he asked unsure.
"You're on the best way" Cody smiled "You told me what you want for the first time in months" he let go of Randy and took his hand "Let's go to bed"
Randy awoke in his lover's arms, Cody held him tight "Baby boy" he shook Cody.
"Hmm?" he mumbled sleepily.
"I have to pee" Randy said simply "Then go" Cody answered.
"You have to let me go first" Cody opened his eyes a little and realized that he was holding Randy "Oh, sorry" he let go of his lover and rubbed his eyes.
"No problem" Randy smiled and ran to the bathroom. Cody closed his eyes again as a thought crossed his mind. His eyes flew open and he sat up "Baby boy?" his heart fluttered. He had missed the nickname. It was a little sign that Randy opened up to him.
Randy stood in front of the mirror, eyeing his necklace. Cody's reaction the night before had shocked him. The young man was a wreck and out of his mind from worry. His reaction showed him how much he meant to the young man. Cody was a good actor but he wasn't that good. Randy opened his necklace and took the ring. He turned it between his fingers for a while before he put it on his finger. It was time to live, Randy decided. He would try to survive; he would try to change his coping strategies. He knew he couldn't change things within a week but he had a lifetime.
"Randy?" he heard Cody's worried voice "Are you alright?"
"I'm coming" he looked at his reflection and promised himself to learn to like himself.
"Come back to bed, it's still early" Cody patted the mattress.
Randy lay down and snuggled up to his lover. Cody put his hand on Randy's chest and frowned. His hand wandered up and down Randy's chest and neck. He felt his heart clench "Where is the ring?" he was suddenly wide awake.
"Here" he took Cody's hand and put it over his own. Cody felt the cool metal of the ring under his fingers.
Cody smiled "I love you" and kissed the ring on Randy's finger.
"I love you too" he placed a soft kiss on Cody's forehead "and I always will"
"We have to get up quite early, I planned a surprise" Cody forewarned to avoid the same disaster as on their anniversary.
"I'm looking forward to it" Randy closed his eyes and fell asleep before Cody got a chance to say something else.