I smiled at the guys who'd made such an effort with all the decorations but Niall was still pissed that he hadn't sorted out the banners.

Then a sudden wave of pain ran through me. It wasn't physical pain but emotional pain from the memories. I couldn't put my finger on it but then it hit me; it had been three years ago today that I'd spent my 18th birthday with All Time Low on their tour bus and the day that Jack... when Jack told me. It was still hard to think about it when I thought about all the shit we'd been through and how I tried to convince myself not to make the decision to be with him but I had. I wanted to stop thinking about it but it was like my brain was telling me I had to talk about. Problem was; I didn't know who to talk to. I couldn't talk to Louis about it because I knew he'd get annoyed and complain about it 'being the past' like he always said.

I snapped out of my daydream when Niall nearly knocked me over when he ran over to me to give me a hug. He was only an inch shorter than me. Louis squeezed my hand and then took me further into the living room when Niall had finally pulled away. The rest of the guys hugged me but there's was always one who took it to the extreme... Jordan. When she saw me after the guys had finally parted from a big circle, she screamed happy birthday and jumped on me, knocking me to the ground.

I laughed in hysterics and tried to push her off me.

'Happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday, twin!' she screamed in my ear. Harry and Louis pulled us both up to our feet and they sat down on the sofa. Jess was sat on Liam's lap quietly and Zayn and Niall pretended to imitate Jess and Liam by Niall sitting on Zayn's lap.

I giggled quietly and stood with Louis, who was bouncing up and down with excitement. He leaned into me and whispered 'happy birthday, I'll leave my present for later' and winked. I opened my mouth in shock and stood on his foot playfully so Louis kicked me harder.

Boys...

Still, something was keeping me from being completely happy. I couldn't put my finger on what it was though.

I smiled at them all and went to open the presents that was sat in a pile in the corner. Louis followed me and sat with me as I ripped open the presents like a 5 year old. I screamed in excitement and Louis' eyes lit up when he saw how happy I was.

I ripped open all the presents and smiled at all of them. A One Direction calendar, iTunes vouchers, One Direction's CD and a load of jewellery and other things were spread out on the floor.

'Oh my god thank you so much guys!' I yelled before getting up and hugging them all. Then Jay ran up to me and handed me a little red box and smiled at me.

'Awh, thank you.' I said to him and ruffling his hair before he ran back to sit between Jordan and Harry without a word.

I pulled off the dark red ribbon and opened the box to find a little hand-made bracelet with pink and green stripes and a little charm with a teddy bear on it.

'He made it himself. He wanted to give you something special for your birthday.' Harry said looking at Jay and at Jordan and smiling. I smiled at Jay and put the bracelet on. Louis helped me tie it up and it was a perfect fit.

Even though everyone tried so hard to make my 21st birthday special, the constant memory of Jack and John still clouded my mind.

I was sat in the garden when Jordan ran out with Harry. He started kissing her and I coughed just to make myself noticed.

'Guys, get a flaming room for crying out loud.' I complained but Jordan just laughed. She came over and playfully punched me on the arm and sat by me on the bench. Harry backed away back into the kitchen where he assisted Louis in

'Hey twin, what's up?'

God, she could tell my emotions from miles off.

'I'm... fine.' I replied.

'No you're not, twin. I know when you're down and you're not exactly keeping it subtle. Tell me.' she pleaded and I sighed. We turned to face each other and I leant against the back of the bench.

'Just... you know what day it is right?'

'Course I do, but that can't stop you from being happy. I mean, Jack's in Baltimore at the moment so why is it affecting you?'

I shook my head. 'I just... I guess it's because it lead to all that stuff with John and now I can't stop thinking about him and—'

'Twin, I don't want to sound mean but, the past is the past and you can't dwell on it. Don't tell me you're falling out of love with Louis are you?'

I stared at her. 'What? No way! I love him more than anything, but I can't let go of anything else.'

'Then what is it?'

'I just can't cope with any of this anymore, Jord. I feel like everything is falling apart. Call me emo but—'

'Emo.'

I glared at her but she just laughed. 'Look. There's been something I've wanted to do for ages now and we've never had the chance to do it. I've already booked the tickets for it so you just need to go and pack.'

I stared at her blankly.

Keep me on edge why don't you...

Jordan giggled and got up. 'We're going to New York!'

My jaw dropped and I stared at Jordan, hardly being able to contain my excitement. We both grabbed each other's arms and squealed.

'And this holiday means just us girls; no boys, no worries and we're just gonna have a good time!'

Sometimes, I actually did love life when things like this happened.