Chapter 5 – Hide and Seek

Note:

Thanks for the great feedback! It seems that most people who are reading this story are as enthusiastic about it as I am. I enjoy writing it immensely because the setting allows for more freedom than other stories. So, here's the next part. Enjoy!

"How could you?"

"I didn't do anything."

"How could you do this to me?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

"You are betraying me. You have forgotten me."

"I have not! I could never do that!"

"I never meant anything to you."

"That's not true!"

"You are glad to be rid of me."

"No!"

"I was just a burden that held you back and now you can finally do what you want and team up with that monster."

"No!"

"The monster that killed me."

"No!"

"Buffy, wake up!" Willow's voice cut through Buffy's dream. She was shaking Buffy slightly. "Wake up!"

"What… What's going?" Buffy asked confused, trying to throw off the haziness that was still lingering from her deep sleep.

"You had a nightmare."

"Nightmare?" Buffy thought back to the dream. What if it hadn't been a nightmare?

"What did you dream?"

"Dawn… she was talking to me."

"And?"

"She yelled at me. She accused me of forgetting her, of betraying her," Buffy said distressed.

"It was just a dream," Willow tried to reassure her.

"Maybe it wasn't."

"What do you mean?"

"What if it was a message?"

"From Dawn?" Willow asked doubtfully.

"Yes."

"Buffy… that's… I don't think so."

"It could be. Janna has never been able to teach me about my dreams."

"It was probably just a dream, nothing more."

Buffy didn't look convinced. "It was so real."

"Maybe that was just because of your recent fever. You are still not completely well again."

"Maybe."

"Try to get some more sleep. It's still early."

Willow went back to her own bed and tried to go back to sleep. But Buffy knew she wouldn't find any more sleep tonight. And it was only one or two more hours until sunrise. She got up and looked out of the window. The moon was still up and shining brightly. Had it really just been a dream? Was it her conscience speaking to her or was there more to Dawn's words? Buffy had to admit that she didn't hate Angel for killing her sister. She should have. But when he stood next to her, he didn't look like a cold-blooded murderer. His look was haunted and withdrawn. Even though Buffy knew with certainty that he had caused the death of her sister, she still had a hard time believing it. It didn't add up. The only explanation was that his soul really had had nothing to do with the murder. Buffy wondered how much Angel remembered of the murder. How aware was he of what had happened? How real was it for him? Was it more like a distant dream or part of his own memory? She wanted to ask him, wanted to find out more. But that was impossible. She couldn't reveal her true identity to him. Besides, she hadn't seen him for several days, despite his promise to stick around. Maybe he had already moved on and was far away by now.

"Is the dream still upsetting you?" Willow asked.

"No, you are probably right. It was just a dream."

"Then what's bothering you?"

"He said he would be around."

"Aaah."

"Aaah, what?"

"Nothing." Willow rolled over and pulled the blanket up to her neck.

"Maybe he got suspicious," Buffy said after a while.

Willow sighed. Sleep was obviously no longer an option. "Why would he get suspicious?"

"Because of your knowledge of herbs."

"That's not unique to gypsies. And even if he suspects that we are gypsies, what would that tell him?"

"And I blew it. I knew that his sister was dead."

"Knew?"

"Well, okay, it was a hunch that proved to be correct."

"See. You are overreacting."

"Maybe he killed himself."

"Buffy…" Willow groaned.

"He said he would be around. What other reason could there be for him to leave without another word?"

"Buffy, he probably just wants to give you time to get well again."

"You think?"

"Yes. But just in case, I think we should mention his suicide attempt in our next letter to the elders. Just to prepare them in case he does it after all. If we only deliver the ashes, they might assume it was you after all."

"So you do think he is still capable of killing himself?" Buffy said alarmed.

"I don't know, Buffy. I've hardly exchanged a dozen words with him. But, well, from what I have seen it would rather surprise me, if he did it."

"What makes you say that?"

"Buffy, the guy hung around the whole night just to find out if you were better."

"I just don't want him to kill himself."

"As to not disappoint the elders and deprive them of their vengeance?" Willow teased. "Because we both know how important that is to you."

"I simply don't believe he deserves it."

Angel had felt needed when Buffy had snuggled into his arms. He felt good about having been there, at the right moment, to catch her. But on the other hand, she wouldn't have been out of bed in the first place if it hadn't been for him. He wanted to see her again. But that was a bad idea. He shouldn't be around her. So far he had only gotten her sick and upset her when he had tried to kill himself. He was no use to anybody. He would only bring her misery. Why was he even pondering these things? Why did he care so much about her? He should simply move on and forget about her, for her sake. But he had promised her he'd stick around. And a promise was a promise. She'd be highly disappointed in him if he disappeared without a word. And the thought of being responsible for making her unhappy saddened him deeply.

Buffy and Willow were eating dinner at the pub, when Angel walked in.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"I am glad to see you up and about again."

"I have been up and about for quite a while," Buffy said somewhat reproachfully.

"Oh. Well, I wasn't sure if… I just thought… I was…"

"Why don't you sit down and join us?" Willow said.

"I've already eaten."

"Well, you can just join us and keep us some company without having to eat," Willow pointed out.

"Oh, yeah. Sure."

"Or did you come here to meet someone else?" Buffy asked.

"No. I just wanted to see how you are doing."

"I'm fine."

"She's better," Willow corrected.

"Good. I'm glad. So what are you two doing here in town?" Angel asked.

"My cousin and I are traveling around. We visited another cousin and thought we might see something before we head back home," Buffy said.

"Where are you headed next?"

"We don't know yet. Where are you headed?"

"I don't know yet. Remember, I didn't have a plan for my life at all."

"Oh, yes, of course. Sorry, stupid question."

"Don't be sorry. You were just trying to be polite and make conversation."

"I think I'll go to bed early today," Willow said and stood up. She was absolutely superfluous for this conversation. "I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Oh, I am sorry to hear that," Angel said.

"I was awoken by a nightmare. After that, there was no sleep to be found anymore." Willow gave Buffy a teasing look. "Well, good night."

"Good night, Will."

Not knowing what else to say, Angel said, "I hope your cousin sleeps better tonight."

"Oh, I am sure she will, as long as I am not in the room."

Angel looked at her puzzled.

"I was the one who had the nightmare. I kept Willow awake."

"Oh, I see."

"Do you sometimes have nightmares?"

Angel nodded. "Lots of them." He didn't dare tell her that only dreaming of her kept the nightmares at bay.

"Makes sense."

"You never asked me why I tried to kill myself."

"Well, I guess that if you want to tell me, you would do so. Everybody is entitled to a bad day once in a while."

"Bad day?" Angel snorted. "More like a bad century."

"What, your family is cursed?" Buffy tried to make it sound like a joke.

"More like I cursed my whole family." Why was he even telling her that? This was dangerous territory. So he tried to change the topic slightly. "What about your family?"

"My family?"

"Yeah, do you have brothers or sisters?"

"Um… my family… they are all… dead."

"Oh, I'm sorry." This conversation was going from bad to worse. He was causing her pain yet again by reminding her of her dead family.

"It's okay. You couldn't have known." It wasn't really okay. She had enough trouble to keep her mind off Dawn and the accusations she had screamed at Buffy in her dream without Angel mentioning her family.

"I should go," Angel said suddenly.

"No, please don't, at least not because of me. That could have happened to anybody."

Angel was already standing and looked uncertainly at Buffy.

"Please, stay. I could really use the company. Willow deserves some quiet time. I can't go back up yet."

"Okay." He sat back down. "Then you better suggest a topic that's safe. I don't want to blunder again."

"How could you?"

"I'm sorry."

"That's not good enough."

"I just want to know-"

"You have your instructions."

"I need to know if he-"

"You know all you need to know. He killed your sister. He could have killed our whole clan. He has to suffer."

"He is a good person."

"He is a monster."

"No!"

"A monster that killed your sister. And you don't even care."

"No!"

"Buffy, wake up! Wake up!"

Buffy groaned and sat up, squinting her eyes. "What's going on?"

"You had that nightmare again."

"It's wasn't the same one. This time it was Constantin yelling at me."

"Oh. Does that mean your nightmares are getting better or worse?"

"Maybe I should ask for a replacement."

"I guess that means worse then," Willow said. "And why would you want to ask for a replacement?"

"How can I continue to follow him? I don't know how to do that anymore. And he has seen us, so we would have a valid excuse to ask for a replacement."

"Is that really what you want, Buffy?"

"No," she sighed. "Somebody else might not see that he isn't a monster anymore."

"You sure that's the only reason?"

Buffy groaned and let herself fall back into her pillows. There could be no other reason. If not to her clan, at least she had a duty to her sister. "He is the murderer of my sister. Why do I keep making excuses for him, Willow?" Buffy asked distressed.

"Is that a serious question?"

Buffy looked at her confused.

"Well," Willow said, "he is good looking, he is mysterious, he doesn't act like a murderer anymore and he might have saved your life."

"What are you trying to say?"

"That you have a crush on him," Willow replied matter-of-factly.

"I have not!"

Willow smiled at her emphatically.

"I do not have a crush on a vampire!"

"Don't get angry at me for asking, but have you considered that this might be your way of opposing the clan elders?"

"What, by dating the vampire that killed my sister? Believe me, I would know better ways to defy the elders than falling in love with the murderer of my dead sister!" Buffy buried her head in her hands. "I just want to understand. I want to know who exactly killed my sister."

"You already know that, don't you?" Willow asked carefully. Buffy still seemed to be in denial about what was really going on. "You've made up your mind about that quite a while ago. And you don't have to justify yourself to me. Even I don't think that the person who sat in the pub all night to see if you were alright and the person who killed Dawn are one and the same. And I was very skeptical at the beginning. They somehow do share the same body, or did. But they couldn't be more different."

"Great, so what? I am still supposed to watch him and be an accomplice to killing the first person he develops feelings for."

"I think that person has already been determined."

"I know what you are getting at, Willow. But it won't work. I know what would happen, so it obviously won't. Besides, despite him being a vampire, he killed my sister, soul or no soul, intentionally or not. There is simply no way around that. Dawn died by his hands, whoever was in control of them. Forgiving him for what happened is one thing, but I don't think I could live with myself if I started something with him. Also, just because he helped me get better doesn't mean he likes me in that way. I am just the first nice person her came across since he got his soul back."

Willow gave her a look that said 'yeah, right'.

"So, we summarize: Even if he liked me and even if I could make my guilt about my sister shut up, it could never go anywhere, for several obvious and not so obvious reasons. So my choices are either to tell him about the whole extend of his curse and therefore doom me and whoever comes after me to follow him until the end of eternity or... well, see, there isn't even a second option."

"Buffy, don't overanalyze this. It's not like you. Just wait and see what happens."

Buffy and Willow were sitting in the pub and having dinner. Angel had joined them again. The conversation was going more smoothly this time, as each of them consciously avoided topics that could have potential to go awkward. The pub was especially crowded tonight. They were deep in talk when somebody approached their table.

"Excuse me, since the pub is so crowded and the tables are all taken, would you maybe allow me to eat my dinner at your table? I don't mean to intrude, but yours is the only one with a free chair."

"No, of course not. Please, sit down," Willow said.

"Oh, thank you. That is very kind of you. Oh, I am sorry. How rude of me not to introduce myself first. My name is Rupert Giles."

"Nice to meet you. This is Willow, Angel and my name is Buffy. And you made an excellent choice with that stew."

"Oh, did I?"

"Yeah," Buffy said and dug into her own bowl of stew.

"Are you staying at the guest house as well?" Willow asked.

"Yes, indeed. I just arrived today."

"You are not from around here, are you, Mr. Giles?" Angel asked. He had immediately noticed how conspicuously well-dressed the newcomer was.

"No, I am not. I am from England."

"Wow, you are a long way from home," Buffy said.

"Yes, yes indeed," he replied in between bites. "And you were right. This stew really is good. They do know how to cook in this part of the world."

"So you have seen a lot of the world?" Buffy asked curiously.

"Well, I've traveled around Europe quite a bit, Miss… Buffy, wasn't it?"

"Just call me Buffy."

"Oh, okay, if you insist."

"We are not very formal in this part of the world," Buffy said with a grin.

"I was just trying to be polite."

"We noticed you were polite from the fact that you asked if you could sit down instead of just grabbing a chair," Buffy said with a smirk.

"So what are you doing in this part of the world, Mr. Giles?" Willow asked.

"You can call me Rupert."

"Rupert?" Buffy tried out the name and scrunched up her nose. "Can I call you Giles? You may even call me Miss Buffy in return, if you like. On second thought, no, better not."

"Well, since you were all so nice and let me share your dinner table with you, how could I refuse you such a harmless request." He didn't really like the name but what harm could it do? And they seemed to be a delightful bunch.

"So, Giles, what brought you here all the way from England?" Angel asked.

"Well... um…," Giles cleared his throat. "You will probably think I am a little bit crazy, as I have had this conversation countless of times during my travels and that is the usual reaction, but I am chasing vampires."

Willow choked on her soup and Buffy forgot about her spoonful of stew in midair, staring agape at their new dinner companion. Angel was glad that he wasn't eating at all as he was sure he would have followed Willow's fate.

Giles shook his head sadly. "See, I told you you'd think me crazy."

"Chasing… vampires?" Buffy asked carefully, slowly lowering her spoon back to the bowl and exchanging a quick glance with Willow.

"Well, not in the literal sense, of course, not the put-a-stake-through-their-heart kind of hunting. I am rather hunting down information on vampires. And not just on vampires, on any creatures of the night, like ghosts, werewolves or witches or other creatures thought to be purely myth. There usually is some truth in most tales."

They were all quiet for a while, not knowing what to say, until Angel asked, "So, you actually believe these things exist?"

"Yes, of course."

"Have you ever seen one?" Buffy asked.

"No, not yet. They are of course careful to not be recognized as such."

"So, what exactly are you looking for? Where do your get your information from if not from the creatures themselves?" Willow asked.

"Old books, accounts and stories. And I am also always looking for clues to where one could find real vampires and such and how to recognize them."

"And what would you do if you actually found one real life sample?" Angel asked.

"Um… well… I… I… that is a good question."

"I mean, from all the legends, vampires are blood sucking fiends who would have no qualms about killing you," Angel pointed out.

"Um… well… I have researched how to fend them off as well."

"Maybe the accounts are not correct. Maybe not all vampires are killers," Buffy pointed out.

"Well, you should better be prepared," Angel said.

"Um… yes, good point," Giles said. "I will obtain a supply of holy water before I travel on. Thank you for pointing out the error in my method."

"So, how would one recognize a vampire?" Angel asked.

"Well, according to most legends, anybody could be a vampire. They look like normal people. But they cannot walk in the sunlight. They don't like holy water. Sadly, so far I have failed to find out if garlic is of any use as a weapon against them. Those sources were all unreliable. And I still don't see the connection of garlic and other objects that can fight off vampires. Crosses do work quite well though, especially with younger vampires."

"Can they transform into bats?" Buffy asked.

"Well, I am not sure on that one, but personally I believe that that is actually made-up."

"What will you do with all that information?" Willow asked.

"I want to write a book, probably something like an encyclopedia."

"Where are you headed next?" Angel asked.

"Well, I've heard rumors that gypsies are rather knowledgeable about vampires. I will try to find some further East and see if they are willing to talk to me."

"Um… I've heard they are not to be trifled with," Buffy said. "They like to be amongst themselves."

"That's what I've heard too," Angel said.

"They are very suspicious towards outsiders," Willow added.

"Well, I just want to talk to them, maybe exchange some of my knowledge for theirs."

"The rumors you heard were probably just exaggerated stories," Buffy added.

"Well, as I mentioned before, there is usually some truth to even the most outrageous stories."

"What could they know that isn't already written down?"

"Well, as you pointed out, they are rather secretive and that's why I believe their knowledge might be a great new resource compared to what is already written about them. They have very strong oral traditions." Giles looked at Buffy, Willow and Angel curiously. "Has anybody of you ever encountered gypsies?"

"No!" They all answered simultaneously.

"Oh… pity… I thought since you seemed to know so much about them…"

"Well, in this part of the world, everybody knows at least something about them," Willow said. "But maybe you want to check out the library here in town. It's really good. I bet you will find some interesting books worth looking into."

"Oh, really? A library? That might be worth staying in town for a while longer."

"I am sure you will like it," Willow said, wanting to encourage him to stay in town instead of looking for gypsies. "It's a really big library. They have a really good section on occult books."

"Occult books?" Giles got bright eyes. "Are you interested in those things as well?"

"Me? Oh, no!" Willow denied quickly. "Um… I just came across the section when I was looking for… the history section. So, you see how big the library is, you can get lost there."

"Oh my, that does sound promising. But I guess they are already closed for tonight, right?"

Willow and Giles talked about books for quite a while longer and were so absorbed in their discussion that they didn't realized that Buffy was playing with her spoon and Angel was simply watching Buffy. Buffy wasn't really that interested in books and Angel was afraid to let something slip or give Giles a clue about his real identity. He couldn't be sure how knowledgeable the British man really was about vampires.

When Angel noticed how bored Buffy looked, he asked. "Hey, you want to go for a walk?"

"Sure, just let me get my coat."

TBC