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As you can see I've decided to continue with this story. I hope you'll like it!
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Seth was completely distracted; his work was just not something he could think about now. His thoughts kept coming back to Summer; this beautiful girl who was the most unhappy person he'd ever met.
Why he'd even helped her surprised Seth. He was no good with helping people, calming people down or anything like that. He'd never been. But somehow he just wanted to help Summer so bad that he actually had.
But now she was gone. She'd just disappeared this morning.
Seth kept thinking that maybe she really didn't want to live. But he'd sensed that she wanted to stay with him; she'd been so broken but he knew that she could be okay. If only she wanted to.
The fact that she'd told him that 'there was no one' concerned him. She really shouldn't be alone at a time like this. If only he knew where she lived or what he whole name was. What if she tried to do what she tried last night? And what if no one was there to stop her this time?
He wondered what had gone wrong. How bad could things be? They had to be really bad if she didn't want to live any more but what could be so wrong?
And why had the people close to her let this happen? She had to have someone, a friend, a family. Someone. Everyone had someone.
He'd heard her cry last night. He'd walked up to see how she was doing and she'd laid on his sofa with the blankets wrapped tightly around her, crying softly into the pillow. Seth hated when people cried. He hated that they were so sad that they wanted to cry. And he hated not being enough to make them stop.
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Summer hung up the last sock, sighing as she saw another cockroach run underneath the tub. What was it with these small, cruel animals? Even they wanted to make her day even worse.
Walking out of her tiny bathroom and carefully closing the fragile door behind her she flopped down on her bed. She had no life. No life at all.
Summer hated being depressed. But how was she supposed to not be depressed?
She knew that she was being weak by wanting to escape. But if she disappeared it would be a good thing, right? Even Seth wouldn't care. He probably didn't even remember her.
She'd been forgotten too many times; so many times that she was used to it. What was to remember about her anyway? A short girl with a sad face?
She hated to leave this morning and return to this crappy place. Even if it was hers it was torture. It was a place filled of memories; memories of her holding a knife against her neck or crying herself to sleep at nights. There was probably not a single good memory attached to this apartment, therefore Summer rather walked around. Anywhere but near her apartment.
And still she'd returned. At five in the morning. But she'd woken up in a nice sofa and felt so guilty. Guilty and embarrassed.
Seth must think that she was crazy, she was. She always broke down, several times each day and she never smiled. She was boring and cold and nothing fun. And it was killing her.
Everything inside hurt as she thought about it, or as she thought about most things. It was worse than death, to feel like you were dying inside but still not being able to escape from it all. Let go.
Why hadn't she just jumped? As Seth had appeared she would have just jumped. Who cared about what he'd feel? It wasn't like he was going to miss her and think about what a loss it was. He'd just be sad that he'd seen a person die, but he would have forgotten about it.
But instead she'd let him touch her. She'd let him hug her and she'd hugged him. She'd cried into his jacket.
That was just something she couldn't let go, forget.
Summer couldn't forget how another person's touch had felt like.
Wasn't she pathetic? She was thinking about a person she'd only met yesterday. He'd just been nice to her because she was such a wreck. Otherwise he would never even have noticed her.
Seth probably had a really good life. He must have because if he had an apartment as nice as his, he must be rich and have a great job. He probably even had a girlfriend and a great family.
How come she had the crappiest of families? Why couldn't Summer had grown up in a nice place like Newport with parents who actually cared about her?
All her life she'd been jealous, thinking about how good lives everybody else had. She'd never had a good friend, at least not since she was a little girl. She'd never had someone to talk to, who cared and who she could share her problems with.
Another person's affection had just never been there.
She hated this; to pity herself.
It was so much easier to hate. To hate and to be unworthy.
She'd much rather think that she didn't need, didn't deserve, another person. It was so much easier than thinking of how much she needed and wanted. But as the years had passed Summer was now sure of the fact that she didn't need. Summer was not a person whose needs had to be fulfilled. She'd never gotten what she needed and need was now nothing for her.
She'd simply accepted the fact that no one was supposed to give her anything. She wasn't supposed to have other people around. Her life was just a failure, a big failure. And also a failure that she should never let other people come in contact with. She knew that she did them a favour leaving them alone.
It was a favour to her as well.
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Summer walked along the pier again. She was usually around here every day, just walking. Sometimes she sat down on a bench and watched all the people. She imagined how their lives were. But mostly she was too depressed for that.
Mostly Summer would just walk there, almost like a zombie.
The ocean made her thoughts clearer somehow and the light from the open sky was comforting. Some days, when the pier was too crowded, she'd go to a quiet place on the beach. Too much people made her feel lonely, too lonely.
All her life Summer had loved the ocean. She'd loved to go swimming or just take a walk on the beach. That was the reason of why she'd moved here, to California.
As she spotted the little diner and the table she and Seth had been sitting at the night before, all the bad memories came back. Like a flashback.
How she's been standing just near the bench and decided to jump. She'd climbed over the railing and really believed that the end had come. But, Seth came and today she was back here, alive.
She wasn't happy about it. If she'd jumped everything bad would be gone right now, and thanks to Seth she still hated everything and she still felt the pain.
But one thing which she couldn't possibly forget, no matter how hard she tried, was how it had felt like to be hugged again and to feel that maybe someone in this world cared for her. Maybe someone would think about her death, not cry or miss her, but remember. Maybe there would be someone who would think that it was a shame that she'd died.
Maybe someone like Seth would want her to live. Even if Summer knew that Seth probably was a really good person, maybe a teacher who loved other people and loved to help, she couldn't stop thinking that maybe he wouldn't have hugged just anybody.
He didn't know her or anything but maybe he'd want to give her a chance. She might ruin it and do some horrible stuff but maybe he'd want to try to get to know her.
What was she even thinking? Seth had his own life and his own friends. Just because she remembered him didn't mean that he would remember her. Seth probably had enough of people in his life and he certainly didn't need someone who was mentally unstable.
But he seemed like such a nice person, someone who could be open and let new people in. Maybe he'd want to help her.
Summer knew that a break down was coming. Every time her thought drifted away on these things she needed to cry. So, she walked away.
There was just no way Summer could cry openly in public.
Why were there so many people everywhere? As she searched the place, the beach and the pier, it all seemed to be crowded. At a time when it shouldn't be.
Her first tears rolled down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away and began to walk faster up the streets. Just anywhere where it wasn't this many people.
Summer hated to let them see her; she didn't want to be noticed. If she started to cry people would just look at her and think that she was crazy. Not that she wasn't, but people didn't always have to know that.
Walking up the first street she spotted a tree, a place where she could have some privacy. She quickly walked there and leaned against the tree, finally letting it all out. Not everything though, she couldn't cry too loud. She just let the tears escape from her eyes. But she did her very best to hold the sobs inside.
Why couldn't this wait until she was home? She usually held it in, to release it all at night. But today wasn't a good day. Heck, this wasn't a good week.
Crying into her hands, as she mostly did to hide it even if she knew that no one saw, she sunk down to the ground. This was so awful. She couldn't even be strong enough to hold it back.
After several minutes, when Summer had calmed down a little, she stood up and fixed her clothes. She wiped her face and really wished that she'd brought a mirror.
Laughing at how pathetic she was, Summer slowly began to walk up the street.
That was when she saw the house. The house she'd been in last night.
Seth's place.
Maybe she could borrow his mirror. Or just get a glass of water; she was really thirsty after the crying session.
No. She couldn't just show up. They didn't even know each other. And he was probably busy; she'd just be in the way.
Then what was she doing outside of his house? Why was she walking towards the door?
"Good afternoon, miss," a man behind a desk greeted her with a smile. Seth must be really rich.
The night before she hadn't really noticed how nice it really was. Fresh flowers, several elevators, people in nice clothes.
And in the middle of it, Summer stood with her old clothes and her brown bag. She must look awful from the crying though, although she was happy that she didn't wear any makeup.
"Miss, can I help you?" the man asked, again with that smile.
"Um, I'm looking for…um…Seth," she stuttered awkwardly.
The man smiled again, showing his perfect teeth. "Mr. Cohen. He's on the third floor, miss. If you take the elevator Michael will show you. Is Mr. Cohen expecting you?"
"Um, no. It's sort of a…a surprise."
"Oh, I get it," the man said with a knowing smile. "Don't hesitate to ask if you need anything. I'm Charlie Richards by the way. But you can call me Charlie."
"Thank you, Charlie. I'm Summer."
"A beautiful name."
She then headed for the elevators.
"It's in the end of the corridor, miss." Summer nodded and started to walk around the third floor, not recognizing anything.
Everything was so nice, that she almost felt like and intruder. She didn't fit in. But it was kind of nice to be in a place like this. She hadn't before.
This was so much better than her apartment. It was all dirty and strange people always occupied the hallways. Here, she was walking alone on the clean carpet.
Alone. And it felt nice.
"Summer?"
Oh, no. Seth.
He was walking against her, smiling.
"What are you doing here?"
Summer stopped walking, panicking. "You know, visiting."
"Oh, you know someone here? Because I haven't seen you here before. Except last night I mean."
Summer shrugged. "About last night…" she started uncertainly.
Seth noticed and quickly spoke. "Don't worry about it. I'm just glad that you're okay. You deserve to be happy, Summer."
"Thanks,"
She then walked away, like she always did.
God, this was horrible. And she was actually feeling better inside this building. She should have known that it was too good to be true.
Now she really wanted to sink to the floor and die.
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Maybe I'll update really soon. This chapter came up this soon because of you. Don't forget that.
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