AUTHOR'S NOTE~ Hi guys, wanted to add the second chapter. Please, please PLEASE tell me what you think. I have quite a few more chapters coming, but I want to know if it's worth posting. Please, review (be nice about it), all constructive criticism is welcomed! I'd love to get at least two reviews before I post the next chapter. It would be greatly appreciated!

We followed Marni's ambulance to the hospital. Nathan looked like he was going to come unglued the whole ride over. As we were sitting in the waiting room for any kind of news, I had Shilo cradled in my arms, who had just gotten through crying for the past hour. She could feel the tension in everyone else, I was sure of it. She buried her little head against my shoulder, and holding her, I turned and gently rubbed Nathan's hunched back. He was sitting beside me with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, running his hand through his hair, his glasses dangling from one of his hands. This was hard for him. It was hard for the both of us. We had absolutely no idea if Marni was going to make it through this.

Nathan's cell phone suddenly went off and he jumped, scaring Shilo, who started wailing once more. Nathan, clearly overwhelmed, exhaled sharply before flipping the phone open. "Wallace."

Shushing gently to Shilo and gently bouncing her to soothe her, I looked in Nathan's direction, keeping a hand on him, some kind of touch that might offer a bit of comfort or reassurance. Nathan pushed the glasses back on his face, his green eyes staring forward.

"So both are broken?" He said. "That as well? Jesus Christ… "

The glasses came off again as he rubbed his eyes, squeezing them shut as he did so before opening them. Now I was dying to know what was going on. A part of me believed they were talking about Uther. They had to be. Nathan worked at an emergency veterinary hospital for large animals. Judging by the conversation, it was bad enough that Uther snapped both radius bones, but there was no way that was the only thing he broke.

"What are the odds of him coming out of this?" Nathan said. I set Shilo down by a play set in the waiting room of coloured blocks and other toys so I could turn my attention to Nathan, laying a hand on his knee with a gentle squeeze. "No. Absolutely not. Do not put the horse down."

Put him down. The sentence just didn't seem realistic when I had just seen Uther alive and well last night. It didn't seem to fit the big, young pinto stallion.

"I don't care." Nathan's voice rose. "Do whatever you can to keep him alive. Marni… " His voice hitched and I saw his bottom lip quiver for a moment before he exhaled abruptly, clearly trying to hold himself together. "Marni will be devastated if we lose him."

Seeing; hearing him say that was enough to bring tears to my eyes. Nathan was trying so hard to convince himself Marni was going to be fine, when I knew that we both knew that the chances of everything going alright were slim. We didn't even know if Marni was going to be alright. We didn't know if she was going to make it, but it was almost as though Nathan was trying to push that as far back and pretend like it wouldn't happen when I knew it was surfacing in his subconscious just how likely the odds were that we might very well lose her. That alone and the fear of it was slowly breaking him down.

Nathan lowered his eyes, nodding almost too quickly while biting his lip. "Right. Keep… keep me posted. Please,"

When he hung up, I could hear the heavy, sharp exhale again as he lowered his head, and I moved closer to him.

"Nathan… come here…" I murmured gently, wrapping my arms around him as I gently pulled him into my arms. Nathan sank against me, his head against my shoulder as his body started shaking. I could hear the hitches in his breathing and knew he had fallen apart. He needed to, and I knew doing so alone wouldn't have been of any help. Tears streamed down my own face as well as I held him, hearing the suppressed, quiet sobs that periodically shook through him. "I know, Nate… I know it's hard…"

"I can't lose her…" Nathan stammered against my shoulder. I suddenly realized his arms were around me and literally clinging to me. Swallowing, I stroked his hair, hugging him tightly. "I can't raise Shilo by myself… I just can't do it without her…"

"All we can do is hope for the best, Nathan," I told him, my forehead against the side of his own, gently running my hand up and down his back. "There's nothing else we can do, we just have to wait and see.

"We got into a fight last night… " Nathan murmured, and a choked, suppressed sob shook through him. "God, I feel horrible… what if that's what was distracting her? I knew something was wrong, I should have stood my ground and not let her ride. Something was off in the horse's leg, I knew it, and I didn't stop her… if she dies it's my fault.."

"Nathan, listen to me," I gently pulled away just enough to find Nathan's eyes, cupping his face in both hands. My voice was wavering, I looked into his green eyes and saw tears streaking his face, I knew there were tears running down mine as well, but there was no way I could let him keep thinking he was to blame. "This is not your fault. In any way, shape or form. Falls happen, you know how Marni is, she would have pushed on regardless. In no way are you to blame for this, Nate. None."

Nathan lowered his eyes, I saw tears spill down his face and pulled him back into my arms, feeling his move around me in return. All I could do was hold him and stay with him, for his sake and the sake of my being nauseatingly worried for my best friend. Slowly, Nathan seemed to pull himself together and gently pulled away, wiping his eyes and face in general with his hand, clearing his throat. I had only seen Nathan cry one other time and that was only getting emotional over the fact that Marni had slept with someone else. It was the only other time. I had never seen him break down like that, and knowing Nathan, he hated doing so. Through his eyes I could easily tell that he probably felt ashamed, weak, embarrassed; the list goes on. But it was only natural for someone to feel overwhelmed at the fact that he might lose his wife. As he straightened, I remained beside him, still gently running my hand up and down his back in a notion that could assure him it was alright. Glancing my way, Nathan laid his hand on my knee with a gentle squeeze. The swinging doors opened as a surgeon in scrubs appeared and made his way over to us.

"Nathan Wallace?" He said. Nathan looked up and slowly stood. I stood as well. There was something in the surgeon's face that I just didn't like in the least. Tiny rat teeth of anxiety gnawed at the pit of my stomach, feeling as though no matter what the doctor said it wouldn't be good.

"Can I ask what the relation is to the patient?" The surgeon asked. You've got to be kidding me. They shared the same last name, what could he possibly have thought?

"She's my wife," Nathan responded, eyebrows furrowing as though wondering the same thing. The surgeon lowered his eyes to the chart for a moment and nodded.

"I see. Why don't you take a seat for a moment," He said. Staring at him, Nathan slowly sat back down where he had originally been, and I sat down beside him.

"Is she alive?" Nathan said suddenly. The doctor looks up.

"Nathan… " I tried to settle him, laying a hand on his arm, but he ignored it.

"Please," He said, his voice cracking. "That's all I need to know at the moment, is she alive?"

The doctor exhaled and I suddenly felt sick. "Dr. Wallace, Marni sustained an extensive amount of injuries when the horse fell on her. That's a thousand-plus pounds landing on a hundred-twenty-five pound human body."

"I realise that," Nathan responded, but his face had paled.

"She crushed her pelvis, both legs were shattered and quite a bit of internal damage was inflicted as well," The doctor said grimly. "The helmet she had on didn't quite do as much good as we would have hoped. There was cranial swelling and we had to release that as well. But during surgery, both lungs had already collapsed and her head injury was just too critical."

"No… " Nathan's voice was almost inaudible. My arm tightened around him almost immediately.

"I'm sorry, we did everything we could… " The doctor's voice trailed off.

"No, no no no no." Nathan's voice was almost a furious snarl, but there was so much grief in there as well. He was immediately on his feet and before I could even process where he had moved to, I heard the underside of his fist slam against the wall, which caused both me and Shilo to jump. Shilo dissolved into tears. But I couldn't do anything to comfort her at that point. The news didn't quite sink in for me. It just didn't seem real.

Marni.

Marni who I had just been talking to earlier. Was she really dead? My best friend? How did this happen? How could things suddenly become so much worse so quickly? I was too stunned to cry. My chest ached with my heart pounding against it, and the doctor's words seemed like they're far away. But almost immediately I got up to move toward Nathan, looking over to see both his fists on the wall, which lead me to believe that the bang hadn't only been one fist but the both of them, and suddenly flattening his hands against the wall, Nathan let his forehead bang against it once, leaving it there, his whole face furrowed in more pain than I could even imagine. I went to his side instantly, wrapping my arms around his waist to hold him the best I could in the position he and I were both in.

"I'm so sorry for your loss," The doctor said. I could hear the sincerity in his voice. I knew he did the best he could.

"Can we see her? I mean, the body?" I murmured, not trusting my voice. Associating the words Marni and body together made me sick. This couldn't be happening. It just couldn't be happening.

"Of course," The doctor told us. "I can have a nurse watch your child as well so you can say your goodbyes."

"Thank you," I answered. I could feel Nathan shaking; not through tears but literally trembling. I gently tightened my hold on him, knowing both of us were experiencing the same grief. As the doctor guided us in back to the morgue, a nurse was holding and playing with Shilo while both Nathan and I slowly moved into the room where Marni, our beloved, gorgeous Marni, lay on the medical steel table, everything from her collarbone down covered by a white sheet. She had gone pale, her lips slowly turning an ashen colour, her beautiful brown eyes closed, never to be seen again by anyone. Shilo would never again see her mother's eyes. She would never see her mother. She would grow up with only Nathan raising her… God, poor Nathan. With tears blinding my own vision, when I looked over at Nathan his shoulders were hunched, tears coursing down his face.

"Oh, Marni… " Nathan's voice was nothing more but a choked whisper, gently stroking her dark hair. He gently lifted her hand and presses it to his lips to kiss it, closing his eyes tightly. "I'm so sorry… "

"Nathan… " I murmured, almost strangled by my throat's constriction. I was well in tears, laying a hand on Nathan's lower back. I could hear the choked intake of breath from him followed by the sob that tore through him. Closing my eyes, I laid my other hand on Marni's leg, inwardly saying my own goodbyes as I tried to suppress a sob that threatened to escape. As Nathan left Marni's side, he turned with his back to Marni, and the second I wrapped my arms around him in an embrace, he broke down in tears, holding me just as tightly as I held him.

"I'm so sorry, Nathan," When I didn't recognize my own voice, I realized immediately that I was crying. Nathan pulled me to him and held me, the side of his face against the side of mine, though with his height in comparison to my own, his was higher up.

"I know, Maggie… I know… " He murmured, stroking my hair and at that I started to sob. I just couldn't believe she was gone. There was an almost devastating sense that it could have been prevented had we just been there. It was something that brought up such a desperation of wanting to save her, like a dream where a loved one dies and there's that moment of wondering if it's real then waking up to such a huge relief that they're alright. I wanted so badly to wake up. I wanted to turn the corner and see her walking down the hallway to join us, to realize that it was all a big mistake. But it wasn't. Nathan was a widower and now Shilo was without a mother.

A hand above the water

An angel reaching for the sky

Is it raining in heaven?

Do you want us to cry?

Now everywhere, the broken hearted

On every lonely avenue

No-one could reach them

No-one but you

One by one, only the good die young

They're only flying too close to the sun

And life goes on, without you

Another tricky situation

I get to drowning in the blue

And I find myself thinking

"Well… what would you do?"

Yes, it was such an operation

Forever paying every due

Hell, you made a sensation

You found your way through

One by one, only the good die young

They're only flying too close to the sun

And we remember, forever

And now the party must be over

I guess we'll never understand

The sense of your leaving

Was it the way it was planned?

And so we grace another table

And raise our glasses one more time

There's a face at the window

And I ain't never, ever saying goodbye

One by one, only the good die young

They're only flying too close to the sun

Crying for nothing, crying for no-one,

No-one but you

Two weeks had come and gone, and I hadn't heard a thing from Nathan. Uther was saved, ironically enough, but he couldn't ever be shown again, they'd be lucky if he was ride able. But I knew Nathan. That horse would stay at their home until the day he died. I would stop by to see to Rags, but Nathan was never out. And I didn't think I could brave stepping inside the house yet. Not without the familiarity of Marni being there. I couldn't imagine walking in that house, as familiar as home to me, without Marni. But I drove out as usual to turn Rags out and feed, and I was suddenly desperate to see Nathan. It was killing me to know how he was doing, how he was coping with the loss we both were suffering. I wanted to see how he was coping as a single father as well. I parked in front near the barn and got out of my car to head into the barn. Rags greeted me with a throaty whicker and while scratching his forehead in a hello, I clipped the lead rope to his halter and pulled him out, walking him to one of the paddocks where I let him loose for a bit before heading up to the house. Each step I took, my stomach knotted itself even tighter than before. But once I reached the door, I drew a breath and slowly open it.

"Hello? Nathan?" I kept my voice quiet, peering inside from one side to the next. I looked in the living room to see Shilo playing in a little portable playpen, and on the couch was Nathan curled up on his side on the couch, wearing his grey Cornell University sweatshirt that he'd had for God-knows how long. As I made my way around the couch was when I really could see just how exhausted and drained he looked. He was asleep, which was probably something he'd been lacking for awhile. I slowly sat down on an open space on the side of the couch at Nathan's side, laying a hand on his arm and watched his green eyes slowly open and his head turn in my direction. Surprise and recognition registered in his features for that moment. "Mag,"

"What're you doing down here, Nathan?" I asked gently, keeping my hand gently on his arm as I searched his face. "Have you gotten any sleep?"

Nathan exhaled slowly and turned over so he was not so much on his side but a bit on his back as well to look at me better, still with his elbow under his head.

"For the past month, or so? Not really, no," He said, his voice gravelly as though he'd been asleep or was just flat out exhausted. "I couldn't fall asleep without seeing an image of her under Uther… then I just hit the wall about a week ago, but I can't bring myself to sleep in our bedroom,"

His voice trailed off and I can see him swallow, shifting his eyes away from mine. I nodded slowly, gently running my hand up and down his upper arm.

"Not doing very well, hm?" I said softly. Nathan exhaled slowly, shaking his head.

"I guess not," He responded, closing his eyes. "I keep seeing her. Keep seeing what happened. I just… I keep feeling like I could have prevented it."

"Nobody could have prevented it, Nathan," I told him, wanting so badly to reassure him. "You didn't do anything wrong. You tried to tell her, you did everything you could do."

Nathan opened his eyes and swallowed once more. I could see what looked like the glint of tears welling in his eyes, but he was hell-bent on keeping them at bay. "If I did do everything I could, she wouldn't have ridden and still been here."

"Nobody knew this would happen," I responded softly, gently stroking my thumb along an area of his upper arm, trying to be of some consolation, but I knew he and I are both thinking over what could have happened, how it could have ended differently. Both our eyes turned to Shilo, who seemed to be chatting away in a language that was clearly only understandable to one-year-olds. I looked over and saw Nathan's eyes well again.

"Look at me," He murmured. "How am I going to be able to be the father she needs when I can't even function? I've tried so hard to get through each day just to be there for her, but it's harder than I ever could have imagined. I need her here. I need her with me to raise Shilo,"

His voice broke and I laid my hand gently on his chest. "I know, Nathan. I know it's hard, believe me, I do, but you have to. You'll find a way to carry on, I promise you will."

Nathan turned his gaze to Shilo, turning his head somewhat to look at her. "I never would have wanted to admit this before all of this happened, but I'm scared," He murmured, swallowing. "I'm scared of not being able to be the father I know I can be for Shilo, scared that I'll fail her. Scared of doing this without Marni,"

His voice hitched at merely saying Marni's name. My heart went out to him, his words moving me to the brink of tears. I could understand just how much pain he was in, just how much he missed her because I missed her just as much.

"Oh, Nathan," I murmured, laying both hands on both his arms before somewhat opening my own for him. He sat up and sank against me, head lowering to my shoulder and I heard a sharp, wavering exhale leave him. I wrapped my arms around him, holding him, finding myself relieved to actually be near him after all this time, and to see how he was doing and have him turn to me for comfort. I didn't say anything; all I did was hold him, promising through a reassuring embrace that he had someone with him, that he wouldn't go through this alone.

"Nathan, you won't be alone raising Shilo," I murmured to him, gently rubbing his back. "I'll help you in any way I can, that's a promise."

I could almost feel Nathan relax in my arms, which was a relief. I'd stay and hold him for as long as he needed it. I knew he really didn't have anyone else. A part of me wondered if he'd even spoken to his parents about what happened. I didn't really have to break the news to anybody, which made me rather grateful, for once, that most of my family died during the NOS outbreak. Having to tell anyone about it might have been more pain than I was ready to handle.

"Lie down, Nate," I encouraged gently, shifting so he could lie in my lap. If having someone there would help him get some sleep, I was more than willing to take that position. Slowly, Nathan lowered himself onto his side with his head resting on my thigh before rolling over onto his stomach, one hand on my knee. Leaning back against the back of their long corner couch, I laid a hand on Nathan's back while the other gently strokes his hair. A part of me felt extremely guilty for the fact that, yes, although I was doing so to comfort Nathan, but there my late best friend's widowed husband was curled in the fetal position in my lap and a part of me actually enjoyed it. I was enjoying feeling needed; especially by the man I had inwardly had very strong feelings for for ages now. Either I could be considered desperate or just a complete traitor toward my friend's marriage. I kept telling myself its nothing; that I was just comforting him, but my subconscious knew better.

Trying to push it from my mind, I sat back with a sigh, gently running my nails along Nathan's back in an effort to soothe him to some degree. We were both grieving. It seemed we only had each other during this time. Continuing to gently scratch his back, for a moment it seemed like I was actually with Nathan. That I was his, and he was mine. I was doing something a girlfriend or wife should be doing, and as unnerving as it was, it just seemed to fit. It was both a combination of greatly uncomfortable and comfortable at the same time. It was almost unreal, but its relieving to me that I seemed to serve some sort of purpose. I just hoped I could give him the strength he needed, and somehow find my own as well.

Almost a week had passed since I first saw Nathan since Marni's death. I found myself going over there often to see to him and Shilo, while it also gave me a chance to tend to Rags. I hadn't done much with him since Marni's death, almost unnerved to get back on my own horse because of what happened to my best friend, even though I knew it was a freak accident. So in the meantime, Rags still got exercise through getting turned out on a regular basis. After I turned him loose, though, Uther entered my mind. Locking the paddock gate, I turned around and headed slowly into the barn, arms crossed over my chest. I hadn't seen Uther since the accident, and for some reason my heart was pounding in nervous anticipation. How was it going to be? What would it be like seeing Uther again after what happened? I slowed as I approached the stall containing the big grey stallion, and almost immediately I could feel tears spring into my eyes. Uther was still on the mend, that was apparent, but he didn't look like the same horse we once knew. Sliding open the door, I slowly stepped in, trying to swallow the lump that rose in my throat.

"Hey, big guy," I murmured. Uther turns his head, a weakened, throaty whicker leaving him in a futile attempt to greet me. Such a sweet horse; so willing and eager to please, even when he was still intact. He had only tried to do his job and it had gone horribly wrong, but that wasn't his fault. He limped around to face me, stretching his head out toward me as I gently ran the undersides of my knuckles down the sides of his face in a stroking motion, swallowing to keep the emotion that suddenly overwhelmed me at bay as his dark eyes closed into slits which displayed his obvious contentment. While doing this, my eyes trailed along Uther's frame. He still walked with a limp, his coat dull. He'd lost quite a bit of weight, and just didn't seem like the same horse he used to be. A part of me wondered if it's also because of Marni. That horse loved Marni dearly. I'm absolutely sure horses can grieve just like we do.

"Oh, Uther… " I murmured, and then drew a breath when I felt somebody come up behind me. I didn't have to turn around to know who it was, but I was wishing he had come a little later. I was too close to tears to function. I knew Marni's death was slowly weighing down on me, the grief that I hadn't let go of slowly catching up.

"He's recovering the best we can get him to," Nathan said softly. My arms remained crossed over my chest, one of them with a closed fist pressed to my mouth as I nodded and tried desperately not to make it known now much this was getting to me. It just hurt, seeing Marni's horse and how destroyed he looked, as though he was mourning her just like the rest of us, and to know that she was not around anymore. I suddenly felt Nathan's hand on the small of my back. He didn't say anything, but stayed with me, slowly moving nearer to me with an arm around me. I exhaled slowly, which came out shaky and somewhat ragged, immediately feeling Nathan's arm tighten around me and the tears that spilled down my face.

"Come here, Maggie… " He murmured, gently drawing me to him. I slowly moved into his arms and lowered my head to his chest with a choked sob. Nathan's arms tightened around me and he held me to him, saying nothing and just letting me cry as I suddenly gave way to the grief that I had tried so hard to push aside for him.

"I'm so sorry, Nathan… you were going through enough, I didn't want to lose it in front of you," I sobbed. I could feel his hand gently running up and down my back as he murmured to me, sounding saddened.

"No, Mag, honey, I never would have expected you to keep it from me," Nathan told me, his voice softened, genuinely trying to comfort me. "She was so important to the both of us. We both lost someone we loved dearly."

Another sob tore through me. "It scares me. I can't even get on Rags, I keep seeing the image of that day, seeing her…"

"I know, Maggie, I know… " Nathan's voice was murmured, gentle, though I could hear the tears that were threatening his own voice. He said nothing about how we just needed to push through. How getting back on Rags would help, which told me that he has the same fear. I was surprised he was able to even go down to the barn after what happened. But somehow it was more of a comfort, knowing that he was experiencing the same thing. We both were. We both knew what the other was going through. It wasn't a false sense of hope, the "Keep on truckin'" attitude. It was going to take a hell of a lot more than that to get through something like this. The realism of it was almost more of a comfort than anything could have been.

AUTHOR'S NOTE~ Hope you guys enjoyed. Let me know what you think. Please, it would be greatly appreciated.