AN~ Hey you guys. I can't believe it, read my email earlier to see a new review and a new favourite author alert. I'm so pleased you guys like this! I know it's a bit unconventional, but hey, I'm glad it's getting a good response. Does anyone else agree with me when I say the mental image of Nathan Wallace on a horse is just flat out HOT? Hehe, anyway, hope you guys enjoy. Feel free to discuss it on the reviews, I love seeing what you guys have to say about it :3
A few more weeks went by since that night, and even though I had refused to let it happen... or more or less tried to... Nathan and I became closer. But what worried me was whether or not he was ready to get involved with someone else. And whether or not this was the right thing, if Marni would have been ok with this. But I tried to get my mind on other things for the time being, letting Nathan become a part of my life naturally, the way it was supposed to happen. I didn't hold back anymore. I figured if it was going to happen it was going to happen. Though I still had my reserves, only worrying about Nathan's well being. But if he was having a difficult time of things, it wasn't anything he was displaying to me. But while living at my house, a little three bedroom two-story house, I knew I wanted to get a dog. I had a cat, a black and white long-haired female I named Georgia. She ruled the roost at the moment, and while I had spent many an hour trying to decide if I actually had time for a cat, horse and a dog, I knew that getting a dog was a must. I was still living by myself, and I knew I would feel better having a large dog around the house. So with Nathan over one of the days, he and I surfed the net looking at different breeds of dogs to decide what would best suit my lifestyle.
"What about a Border Collie?" I glanced over my shoulder at him, having gone over a list of breeds on a dog breed website. Georgia lay stretched out on top of a few papers I had written breeds on, her tail flicking periodically as she watched the both of us with very little interest. As long as she was in the room and we knew she was in the room, she wanted nothing more to do with us.
"No... if you were living where you had a barn with a lot of property, then yeah, a border collie would be a good dog, but you just don't have the space for a dog with that type of energy level." Nathan responded. He sat behind me on a stool, leaning with his elbows on his knees so he was more so next to me. I nodded slowly.
"Alright. Nix that idea," I responded, scrolling down further. "Lab?"
"Great dogs, but they have an IQ of a walnut." Nathan said. "And everyone has one."
"What about the working breeds? I've read up on some of them and a select few seem like they'd be great dogs," I asked.
"Some of them are great." Nathan said, and I saw his head follow Georgia as she jumped off the desk and sauntered out of the room before his eyes returned to the computer screen. "For instance I've heard great things about Belgian Malinois,"
"Well... yeah, but you want to talk about a dog with high energy; dear lord... " I said with a laugh and Nathan chuckled. A grin crossed my face. "Check this one out."
I typed Caucasian Ovcharka into the search engine and pictures of a massive beast of a dog resembling something like a lion came onscreen. Nathan's eyes went wide.
"Jesus!" Nathan gave a surprised bark of a laugh, scanning the breed information. "Maggie, you could ride that thing. Where would you put it? How big do they get?"
"I have no idea where I would put it." I laughed, shaking my head. "And adult males can get as big is one-eighty."
"That thing's almost as heavy as I am," Nathan stared at the image, clearly awestruck, before looking at me. "What about a German Shepherd?"
"I actually considered the breed," I responded. "But I don't know."
Nathan inched forward and scooted nearer to the keyboard, which I relinquished to him. "Let me show you something. I've seen a couple great breeders in the area, I think you could get a great dog out of this."
After about ten minutes I knew my decision was made. About a week later after quite a bit of prep and puppy-proofing my house, including equipping myself with puppy kibble, formula, wet puppy food, dishes, a collar that couldn't be chewed through, an abundance of chew toys, rawhide chews, dog cookies, soft plushies that were puppy safe and wouldn't leave polyester fluff all over the place if it was gutted by tiny puppy teeth among loads of other things I would need in order to bring my new family member home, I took Nathan with me, dog crate packed in the back of my black LR4, over to the decided breeder. Nathan wanted to be with me to help pick the puppy, and truth was I was glad to have him there. We got to the property and the woman showed us both parents of the litter we were looking at. The sire was a big black and red male Shepherd with a thick coat. When Nathan and I were introduced to him, I was pleased to find that the male, who was called Dieter, was just slightly aloof at first but otherwise a very sweet natured dog. The bitch, Ava, was a gorgeous bicoloured female with a massive coat, beautiful conformation, and a great disposition. Both dogs had been carefully selected and both passed hip and elbow displasia evaluations, neither carried the gene where that would be an issue. They were certified in it. Both German-bred German Shepherds, Dieter carried the Sch H III title, which was the highest level of Schutzhund training a dog could possibly achieve. When we were taken to look at the puppies, I still hadn't made up my mind whether I was looking for a male or female until a little bicoloured male fuzz ball was lightly thrust into my arms, I knew I would be going home with him.
"You're smitten, aren't you?" Nathan teased. I grinned, shaking my head, but held the puppy close to me, with one arm cupped under his haunches and the other wrapped around his little ribcage, scratching the little mottled white mark on his chest. The puppy blinked up at me. He was already starting to take the form of what might be a German Shepherd at some point, with ears that flopped in every which direction since the cartilage hadn't fully developed yet. But my goodness, was he cute. His paws were huge, so I knew he was going to be big.
"Yeah, I think I'm hooked," I responded with a grin, rubbing one of his ears gently. We brought the puppy back to my house, and the second we let him loose, Georgia happened to have been making her way from one side of the room to the next, and the second the puppy came into her line of sight, the cat stopped dead in her tracks. The fur on Georgia's body flared out and her tail puffed up to about twice it's normal size. She hissed, turned and streaked across the room to the kitchen, leaping up onto the counter before turning to glare in the puppy's direction. I could hear her growl from the opposite side of the room, tail swishing in obvious aggravation before she turned her gaze from the puppy and shot me a look from hell.
"She is not happy." Nathan mused.
"I'm going to pay for this later, I know it." I responded, shaking my head. Nathan chuckled, then knelt down and gently tugged at the puppy's tail. The puppy whirled around in obvious excitement that a game had been initiated, and pounced on Nathan's hand, mouthing on his thumb with both front paws wrapped around Nathan's wrist.
"Little bugger," Nathan growled playfully, jerking his hand around a little bit which only made the pup latch on tighter to try to "kill" the prey he clearly thought he caught. Nathan grinned, and then looked up at me.
"I should probably head out in a little bit." He said, though sounded regretful at that fact. I knew where he was coming from. Since Nathan and I had started seeing each other, it was becoming harder and harder to be alone. I was still trying to decide if it was because of that or just because we both wanted to see each other. We were both still a bit apprehensive about this, but it was hard to resist.
"Why don't you stay over tonight?" I offered. "Shilo's already asleep here, it'll be easier on you rather than having to wake her up."
Nathan looked reluctant, straightening and pulling his hand out of the puppy's grip. "I don't want to put that on you again… " He began. I shook my head, kneeling down behind him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I immediately felt him relax a bit in my arms.
"You're not putting anything on me," I assured him, gently kissing the side of his neck. "It'll be easier on you both. And we can watch a movie tonight, order dinner. It'll be fine. Plus you need a laid back night."
A thin smile crossed Nathan's face as he reached up and squeezed my arm gently, sort of leaning back a bit into me. "You're too good to me," He said softly, but I could tell through his tone that he was a bit relieved. I shook my head, holding him close.
"No, you deserve every bit of it," I told him gently.
Nathan gave in and we planned a night of staying in. We called for take-out and after a number of times of taking the puppy, who I still hadn't decided on a name for yet, outside to relieve himself, even though we still had a couple accidents in the house, Nathan fed Shilo and put her back to bed in the portable crib in my guest room. I scooped a little plate of wet puppy food and set it down for the new family member, but when I went to open a can of cat food for Georgia was when I noticed she was nowhere to be seen.
"Where's my cat?" I said, looking from one side of the room to the next. Not even an hour ago she was still on this countertop glaring at us. Then I realized that when I brought the puppy in to be fed was when Georgia had disappeared out of the front room.
"She's probably just mad, she'll show up," Nathan assured me. I nodded slowly, but to put a little bit of relief on myself, I still wanted to find her.
"Probably, but if I can find her and just feed her in the laundry room where the puppy won't bother her, I'll feel better," I said. Nathan nodded, slowly getting up from the couch.
"I'll go check in your room," He said. I decided to check in the laundry room in case she had decided to beat us there.
"Found her," I heard Nathan call from my bedroom. I headed in there and found Nathan on his hands and knees trying to lure Georgia out from under the bed. I couldn't help but stifle a laugh. She really was pissed at me.
"Is she under there?" I asked.
"Yeah, and she's not happy," Nathan grunted, trying to reach under my bed and suddenly jerked his hand out with a start. "Ow!"
"Did she get you?" I moved toward him. Nathan shook his hand where three long, ugly red lines were visible over the top of his hand as blood started to slowly rise to the surface in a thin little line, nothing to be concerned about, as he straightened, shooting a look at the bed.
"Yeah, it's not too bad, though," He said, though glared at the bed. I lay a hand on his lower back as he stood.
"Let me see if I can get her," I said, slowly kneeling down as Nathan took a step back. I crouched down low and was met by a pair of glowing retinas leering back at me.
"Georgie, c'mere, kitty…" I murmured to her, tapping the carpet in front of her. The look Georgia gave me couldn't have read "Screw you" more clearly unless she had decided to shove the middle of her six front toes in my face. Deciding to take my chances, I reached under and took hold of Georgia's furry body and tried to pull her out from under the bed. She planted all twelve toes; claws included, and I could hear them ripping through the carpet as I finally drew her out from under the bed. All four legs went rigid in my arms, trying to push away from me as I brought her into the laundry room and set her down as Nathan soon came in following me with the plate of wet cat food.
Once we both had the animals fed Nathan and I had some time to ourselves. We ordered Chinese and sat down on the couch to watch a movie. With take-out boxes strewn about on the coffee table, I sat curled up at Nathan's side, feeling his arm around me with a glance cast across the room at the puppy who was now in the crate by the TV. The little guy had crashed and was now sprawled out on his side. Nathan noticed me looking over there and grinned. I could feel him gently running his hand up and down my upper arm.
"At least you don't have to worry about excessive energy with him," He commented. I grinned. My arm went partially over Nathan's torso, setting my hand lightly at his side, running my thumb gently in a stroking motion along an area of it.
"True, but at the same time, it's his first night here. He's had a big day," I commented.
"That's true," Nathan remarked, and the news coming on caught both of our attention when we heard the words "horse" and "accident". Nathan turned his head toward the screen.
"Back at River Valley Equestrienne Park, the tragic death of Marni Wallace is still being called into question. There is talk about whether or not the Park should have a lawsuit filed against them for allowing the event to occur when conditions were bad."
"We were warned that conditions were bad. Why would they hold the cross country course if that were the case? Wallace's horse wasn't the only one to slip. We had a couple almost lose their footing." A trainer who I believed was in the barn behind us came onto the television. Immediately, a tightness formed in my stomach.
"What?" I breathed, stunned. I could feel tension in Nathan's body, and looked up to see what was on his face. His green eyes were glued to the TV, a frown creased his otherwise blank features.
"I didn't know they were even talking about it," He said softly. I gently ran my hand up and down his side as we both seemed unable to switch the program to something else. A picture of Marni popped up in the corner of the screen, and I swore I could almost feel Nathan's heart jump in his chest.
"Although while there's a chance the property may be to blame for the tragedy, most also believe it was an accident,"
"The owners weren't to blame for this. It was a freak accident," Nathan muttered. I could hear the disgust, as well as concealed sadness in his voice.
"However, there's also a handful of people that it may have been preventable by the owners of the animal and the family of the rider themselves."
"Wasn't her husband a vet of some sort? The horse was injured after, what if it was an injury before hand? It should be looked into. He could have stopped it if it was. Maybe he should be the one investigated." A bystander said and at that moment I was furious. But beside me, Nathan didn't utter a word. Though I knew immediately how much the comment had hurt him.
"They don't have the slightest clue what happened," I said fiercely, partly incredibly protective because I knew that was something Nathan worried about, whether or not it was his fault. It wasn't, I knew it wasn't, but hearing what that moron said must have really hit him. I looked in Nathan's direction, but his expression was sombre, blank, but at the same time almost as though someone had kicked him in the stomach.
"Nathan," I said softly, searching his face. I sat up slightly and Nathan leaned forward, his elbows on his knees as he ran a hand through the back of his hair. I reached for the remote and immediately turned the TV off, moving back to his side, putting an arm around him with one hand on his forearm closest to me.
"What happened wasn't your fault, Nathan," I told him softly, gently squeezing his arm. He didn't look at me, but when I tried to search his face his eyes were blank, as though processing what was said. A heavy exhale left him and I gently rubbed his back.
"What if I could have done more?" He said quietly, then hung his head. "The never had any business reporting it. I don't understand what the point was, why they couldn't have just left us, and her alone,"
I moved toward him, gently wrapping both arms around him and pulled him gently to me. Nathan turned and sank against me, wrapping his arms around me, his head against my shoulder. All that guilt and self loathing was probably back at this point. I knew Nathan probably just needed to be held, to have someone tell him it wasn't his fault.
"You did nothing wrong, Nathan." I told him, hugging him close. I could feel his arms tighten around me and an exhale leave him. I turned my head and kissed the side of his, not saying anything else. This was hard for the both of us. I knew it would take a while to get past it. But I was willing to stand by Nathan for however long I needed to.
It took quite a bit for me to work up the nerve to really get myself and Rags back into training again after Marni's death, but even though I knew it made Nathan really uncomfortable, he was willing to help us out. I got Rags out and tacked him up, and Nathan helped us set up jumps.
"Just take it easy, Mag... it's been over a month since he's been under saddle," Nathan said. I could see the worry etching his face. I could understand his concern, but I knew we had to get back in the game. The second we got out there, Rags immediately felt incredibly flighty to me. His back end felt rounded and I knew that he was feeling good. I had to focus on keeping his head up to keep him from bucking.
The whole entire time I was battling my gelding. For some reason it was just one of those off days. As we took the line Nathan had set up, I could feel Rags speeding up. Right at the jump in between the three that would take two strides to get to, Rags threw in the two, then at the last second dropped one shoulder and veered away from the jump, and the next thing I saw was the jump coming at me and everything went completely black the second I crashed into it.
"Mag? Maggie! Jesus, Mag, honey, talk to me, please." Nathan's voice at first sounded far away but when I opened my eyes I was lying flat on my back on about three of the jump poles that had been set up. One standard had been completely taken out and was on it's side. Nathan was kneeling beside me with a hand on my shoulder and the other at my waist. Rags' reins were looped on Nathan's arm, I assumed he had grabbed my horse before he could shoot out the gate or that Rags had stopped the second I came off.
"Nathan... "It took me seconds to realise the breath had been knocked out of me when I tried to respond and wound up coughing violently, unable to yet force the air back into my lungs. Nathan helped me sit up slowly as I caught my breath. I could feel his hand rubbing my back as I tried to breathe normally.
"Easy, easy, honey... " Nathan murmured. I could feel his green eyes on me. "You really took a hard fall."
"What...happened?" I looked in his direction I could feel my lower back aching as well as my ribcage like someone had just beaten me with a baseball bat. "We were going fine, then next thing I know I was off."
"What happened is that Rags here is a dirty stopper, and we found that out the hard way," Nathan said, shooting a look in my horse's direction. Rags stood with his head lowered slightly, each ear tilted to the side in complete contentment. Nathan turned his head back to me and closed his eyes, exhaling slowly. "You scared the hell out of me... "
"I know, I'm sure I did. I'm sorry," I said, feeling horrible for putting Nathan through that. But I knew there wasn't anything I could have done. I knew Nathan knew that, too, but I'm sure watching me wipe out the entire jump only months after his late wife had died was about as least comforting as it could get. What I really wanted to do was get up and beat the daylights out of my horse for it, but I knew at this point he would have no idea what he was being punished for, and that wasn't the way to do it. Second, the second I moved my whole body ached.
"I hit the jump, didn't I?" I muttered. Nathan scoffed.
"Yeah, like a freight train," He said, mildly joking, but it wasn't until I lay my hand on his forearm that was at my waist that I realised he was shaking.
"Nathan, sweetheart... "I looked up into his face, worried. I could see it in his eyes before he lowered them.
"I know, I'm sorry. I just... the whole thing. I would die if something happened to you," He said softly. "I couldn't bear to lose you, too."
"Nathan, it's alright," I assured him, gently rubbing my hand up and down his arm. "I'm alright. A bit beaten up, but we're both fine. Rags and I both."
"I know," He said, drawing a breath and exhaling slowly. "I just need to get myself to realise that."
He helped me up and I turned and wrapped my arms around him in a hug, feeling him sink against me slightly. He kissed the side of my head, and I could feel his lips linger there for a moment, hearing the exhale that left him. I ran my hand in gentle circles over his back. I knew that having me in his arms for a moment or so would help him come to grips with the fact that both Rags and I had made it through a fall that looked worse than it actually was unscathed. I knew I probably wouldn't be able to move in the morning, but the last thing I wanted was for Nathan to be thinking about what had happened and watching me fall off. The last thing he needed was more trauma in his life. Nathan kissed my forehead then gently pulled away, both his hands on my arms.
"Let's go get this monster put away." He said softly.
"Yeah, then I need to head home," I said. A look of slight alarm crossed Nathan's face.
"I really don't want you driving," He said.
"Nathan, I'm fine--"
"I know, but I really would just feel better if you stayed here tonight. After that fall, I'm just worried about you having hit your head or something,"
"Sweetheart, I've got the puppy back home, I can't," I said, but I knew Nathan was worried. Even though I was sure I was fine, he was justified to be worried. I wanted to put him at ease, and on top of that spend more time with him. "Why don't you and Shilo spend the night again? We can take my car back over there."
"How about this, we'll take mine and I'll drive you back here tomorrow to pick up your car. Sound good?" He asked. I agreed, and once we got Rags put away and blanketed, Nathan fed both horses, I went in to get Shilo and her diaper bag, then we headed over to Nathan's truck, put Shilo in the car seat and headed back to my house after Nathan made sure the barn door was locked and shut to avoid anyone getting into the barn to the horses while he wasn't home. Rigoletto was an eventer and was worth quite a bit of money with the training I put into him, and even though he was injured and out of commission; possibly permanently, Uther was still valuable, and Nathan didn't want to risk losing either of them.
We got back to my house and I took Shilo inside with me while Nathan took the diaper back and parked the car. After he and I had been together for a few weeks now, having him at my house was completely normal. It was like a second home to him and Shilo. Nathan got Shilo situated in a high chair and I fed both animals. Every time the puppy crossed Georgia's path it still elicited a hiss out of her and a swipe in the puppy's direction if he ventured too close. He was getting bigger, and I knew he still didn't have a collar. Or a name, for that matter.
I cooked dinner, deciding spaghetti was the easiest option, and plain noodles with butter would be fine for Shilo. We sat down to eat with a bottle of Chianti opened. The puppy came tearing into the kitchen, almost skidding on the tile in all his long-legged ineptitude, flinging a soft toy he had in his mouth over his head.
"He doesn't have a name yet, does he?" Nathan commented, looking back in my direction as he picked up his wine glass.
"No, not yet. I have no idea what I'm going to name him."
"Well, we can't really get away with calling him 'Puppy' much longer." Nathan chuckled. "What about Duke?"
"Nah, there's too many Dukes." I said. "Amigo?"
"And you say there's too many Dukes," Nathan said with a laugh. "Axle?"
"Like Axle Rose?" I cast a look in the Shepherd pup's direction. "Eh. We want to stick with the two syllables though. I think calling 'Da Vinci' or something might be a bit much.... then again I kind of like that."
"I could see that with a Doberman, but with that one?" Nathan made a grab for him as he raced past, successfully scooping the wriggling pup up in his arms. "Beamer."
"No way. I knew someone who's Golden Retriever was named Beamer," I laughed. "Chopin?"
"You've got a horse named Rigoletto and now you want to name your dog Chopin?" Nathan teased. "No way. You wanted short, so I'm assuming Chewbacca is out of the question."
"Like Star Wars, you're hilarious," I scoffed, knowing he was joking by the grin on his face, so I was able to fire one back at him. "I kind of like Cuervo."
"You yell Cuervo trying to get him back in then your neighbours are really going to wonder." Nathan joked, which made me laugh. "There's Echo... or you could go with calling him Da Vinci."
"Well, now that I think about it... " My eyes wandered over to Shilo, who looked like she was trying to stick an end of a noodle up her nose. "Nate, your daughter's trying to put a noodle up her nose."
"Shilo!" Nathan turned toward her, pulling the noodle out of her hand before cutting the pasta up in tinier bits. "Shi, you're supposed to eat that, sweetie."
"I can't believe how big she's getting," I commented. "She's fourteen months now, right?"
"Yeah," Nathan said with a grin, gently wiping the toddler's mouth. Shilo tried to squirm away in protest. "She's getting to be a big girl."
When he set the napkin down on the high chair surface, I saw what looked like a flicker of sadness pass over his features. I knew he still wished Marni could be here to see her little girl grow up. Reaching over, I lay my hand over his gently with an affectionate, sympathetic squeeze. Nathan forced a thin smile and squeezed mine in return, clearing his throat. "So you don't think Da Vinci'll work?"
"What about Cougar?" I asked. Nathan made a face at first.
"Remember what cougars were considered?" He said. "I'm not talking big cat variety either, I mean the women in their fifties or forties who would date guys much younger, like in their early twenties or teens."
"I'm not talking about those," I said with a laugh. "I just mean like the big cat. You know, could call him Coogs or something for short."
"It kind of sounds like Cooper," Nathan said, then looked up at me. "That could actually be good."
I thought it over, watching the puppy tear out of the kitchen like a bat out of hell, almost bowling over Georgia who froze and arched her back like a Halloween decoration.
"I like it," I responded softly, tilting my head in thought. Nathan was grinning at the near collision of my two animals; either that or the fact that Georgia whacked Cooper in the face as he passed, eliciting a shocked yelp out of the puppy.
"What do you think she'll do when he's too big for her to beat him up anymore?" Nathan said, looking in my direction.
"That won't stop her." I said, laughing.
After dinner we headed up to bed after putting Shilo down for the night. Nathan game out of the bathroom dressed in dark blue cotton lounge pants. I had already changed into grey sweatpants and a blank tank top, crawling into bed as Nathan joined me. He lay on his back and I inched toward him, settling with my head on his chest. I could hear his heartbeat under my ear, which I actually found quite soothing. With a hand on his ribcage, I gently stroked my thumb up and down a section of it, feeling Nathan's arms go around me, with his hand sliding partway up the back of my tank top, his hand running up and down my lower back.
"Tomorrow, it'll have been three months since Marni died," Nathan said softly. I could feel and hear voice rumble resonantly in his chest. It seemed to dawn on me the second he said it.
"My God, it has been, hasn't it?"
"I haven't been to her mausoleum since the funeral," He said quietly. My hand ran absently though in an affectionate manner up and down his chest, side, an with fingertips gently running up and down his stomach and torso. I could feel the very subtle muscle tone of his abs. Nathan wasn't ridiculously muscular, but there was a very subtle six pack there somewhere. His body was realistic. He was masculine, very male, but very human, too.
"You should go visit her tomorrow, sweetheart," I said softly, tilting my head up to look at him. Nathan's green eyes lifted to the ceiling almost as though in thought. I could feel his fingers tracing along my upper back and shoulder blade.
"Would you come with me?" He asked, looking down in my direction. I could see the look in his eyes. Worried, saddened, and almost subtly pleading. "I just... I don't think I can bring myself to go alone yet,"
"Of course, Nathan," I responded softly, trying to reassure him. My hand continued in a gentle motion along his torso and chest, tilting my head to kiss his sternum. I wanted to be there for him as much as I could. I was still coming to terms with the fact that he really depended on and trusted me now, but I knew it was something I valued. We both depended on each other. We needed each other.
"Thank you," Nathan murmured, and I felt his chest rise and fall with what sounded like a slow exhale of relief. But I could feel tension in him as well, as though the very idea of what he was about to go through tomorrow scared the hell out of him. It was such a vulnerable, emotional experience, going back and almost reliving what had happened. Feeling like he was in the presence of his late wife. I knew he still had feelings for her. I knew he still loved her. I would have been surprised if he didn't. But a part of me couldn't help but wonder if he was feeling guilt over what we were doing. My mind traced back to the night at the hospital, holding Nathan's sobbing, trembling frame in my arms, as though a part of both of us knew she wasn't going to make it. I gently tightened my arm around him.
"It'll be alright," I told him softly. "I'll be right there with you, Nathan. You'll be okay,"
Even in the dark I could see Nathan swallow. He lifted his head and kissed the top of my own, drawing me closer to him and tightening his arms around me. I tightened my own around him, staying near. If I wanted anything, it was for Nathan to come out of this okay. I wanted nothing more than for him to be alright.