AN~ Hey you guys, I am so sorry it's been so long since the last update. Life kinda got in the way, but to make up for it I made this chapter even longer. Please please please R&R! And thank you for everyone who commented and reviewed before!
Morning came and right on schedule, nausea hit me and I sat up, getting out of bed and stumbling for the bathroom. This was getting ridiculous, but as I emptied my stomach of whatever was in it, it all dawned on me. I was late, my menstruation cycle was well past and still nothing. I was getting sick in the mornings. My mind trailed over the last time Nathan and I had had protected sex. Holding the shorter lengths of hair back off my forehead, I tried to catch my breath, processing what I had just realised. Nathan was immediately making his way toward the bathroom, kneeling at my side while rubbing my back.
"Honey, this is... what... the fifth time this week?" He said, searching my face. I could tell he was concerned. I looked up in his direction and met his eyes, and I knew that he immediately caught on. His eyes widened.
"Are you late?" He asked. I nodded slowly.
"Yes. By about three weeks. Nathan, when did we last had protected sex?" I said softly. Nathan blew out a breath, running one hand through his hair.
"I... I'm not sure." He said softly in response, shaking his head. "We used a condom in the beginning, but after awhile we just didn't really bother with one. And you weren't on any kind of contraceptive, were you?"
"No," I said, dropping my forehead against my arm. I was terrified. Nathan wasn't going to want another child yet, would he?
He moved closer to me, stroking my hair. "Maggie, listen to me," He said softly, urging me to look up into his eyes. "We don't know for sure. We'll go down and get you a pregnancy test. If it comes out positive," He cupped my face in his hands gently, searching my eyes. I lay my hand gently on his wrist, sofly stroking it with my thumb. "Then if you're ready to have a child, I'm thrilled about this. But only if you're ready."
Hearing his words sent relief washing over me. Now that I realised he was onboard with whatever my decision was, I knew that I wanted to have a baby with Nathan. The fact that he was thrilled about this, when I was terrified, was a huge comfort, because I knew no matter what I would have him and his support.
"I love you so much," I murmured, wrapping his arms around his neck in a hug. He wrapped his arms around me and held me.
"I love you, too, sweetie," Nathan murmured, "So much."
"You probably don't want to kiss me, espcially after I just got sick," I warned him.
"You only got sick, the mouth is off limits, but I can kiss you elsewhere," He teased gently, kissing my forehead before drawing me closer so I could sink against him.
Nathan came with me to the hospital to get the pregnancy test done that day. We waited in the exam room and I lay on the medical chair/bed that they had me on. The nurse had taken blood and gotten a urine test from me and now we just had to sit back and wait. Nathan was pacing, but he came over and took my hand in his with a gentle squeeze. Soon, the nurse came back in with a gentle smile on her face. Nathan lifted his head and looked in the direction of the nurse.
"Ms. DeFoe?" She asked.
"Yes?"
"Alright, your HCG levels are quite high, but high enough for one baby if there is one." She said. "The chances of you being pregnant are quite high at this point, but an ultrasound will confirm it. How long did you say since symptoms began."
"I'd say about... three weeks?" I looked in Nathan's direction for finality and he nodded in response.
"The morning sickness really only started this week, but she's been a bit off for the past three weeks, I think," Nathan responded. The nurse nodded.
"Alright, we'll get the ultrasound in here and we'll get the final say," She said. "I'll be right back."
She left the room and I exhaled slowly. Nathan remained at my side, stroking my hair and kissed my forehead. Before long, the nurse came back in with the ultrasound. My hospital gown was lifted and pushed upward and I could feel the gel being squirted onto my stomach. Nathan took my hand in his and gently squeezed, staying by my side as the monitor was run along my stomach. I held my breath and I could have sworn Nathan was holding his, until the soft swoosh of a steady heartbeat could be heard, and tears sprang into my eyes.
"Oh, my God, Maggie... " Nathan murmured. I could hear his voice crack, and he bent to kiss the top of my head. Looking at the monitor and realising there was a little living being inside of me, one that was fathered by Nathan, I couldn't have been more thrilled. I lay the side of my hand against Nathan's face gently, tears welling in my eyes. I couldn't even believe I was going to be having a child with Nathan, and what thrilled me even further was that he was excited about it as well. The nurse left us alone, and Nathan lay a hand on my stomach.
"Oh, sweetheart," He murmured, awestruck. He glanced up at me. "I am the father, right?"
"Yes! Of course you're the father," I responded with a sympathetic laugh, laying my hand on his back. I got changed and we headed back home to feed the horses. Once finished, Nathan and I both sat on the couch, with me curled up in his arms against him. I could feel him kiss my forehead.
"Mag,"
"Hm?"
"Would... would another guy ever tempt you? Would you ever feel the need to be with someone else?" Nathan asked quietly. I opened my eyes and looked in his direction.
"Nathan, why would you think... " I began, but it dawned on me where that was coming from. Marni. I shifted so that I was sitting beside him, wrapping my arms around him. "Honey... never. I have never, ever had any desire to be with any man other than you. I would never do that do you."
Nathan lowered his eyes, nodding slowly, though looking embarrassed. "My question earlier about... whether or not I was the father... I'm sorry for that, I just... "
"Nathan, it's alright," I murmured to him, laying a gentle hand on his chest. "The baby is yours. It's ours together. You would be the only option for it. If you weren't the father, it would have to be immaculate conception."
"I know, just after everything Marni did... " His voice trailed off, and I knew what she had done still hurt him. I gently rubbed his chest. "I can't... I couldn't go through that again. And now that you're pregnant, I mean, I'm thrilled, but it's taking me back to when Marni was pregnant with Shilo. We were so happy, and I was so blissfully ignorant. It came out of nowhere, Marni's infidelity, and the fact that I didn't see it coming hurt so much. I'm just... scared."
"Nathan, look at me," I murmured to him. "I have never been with anyone else beside you from the time we've been together. Ever. You were the one person on my mind and always. This baby is one hundred percent; no doubt in my mind yours. I would never do that to you, Nathan, you know that."
Nathan nodded slowly. I gently brushed his hair off his head and leaned back against the arm of the couch, opening my arms. Nathan sank into them, lying beside me with his head on my collarbone. I slipped my hand up the back of Nathan's shirt and began gently rubbing and scratching his back. I knew that if that ever happened again, if someone he loved ever betrayed him like Marni had, he would never recover. I knew in my heart that there was no possible way that could ever happen. I would never have eyes for another man. Nathan was mine. He held my heart as I held his. And like I promised him, I would always keep his safe.
Four Days Later
I stood in the kitchen with Shilo early in the evening around six or so, knowing Nathan would be getting home soon. I fixed Shilo dinner of grilled cheese with canned green beans that I had taken out of the can and heated up on the stove. She got her one cup of juice for the day, and after that her options were milk or water. I set the plastic plate down for Shilo, then turned and pulled the vegetarian lasagna out of the oven that I had fixed for Nathan and myself. In the other section of the oven came the Italian bread that was warmed and would be served with it as well as a bottle of Chardonnay. As though on cue, I watched Cooper rush to the door; a whining, squirming, wriggling bundle of canine excitement and enthusiasm, his tail swinging a mile a minute the second Nathan walked through the door. He was still in the dark red scrubs of the vet hospital he worked at, his ID tag still clipped to the front pocket of his shirt with a grey hoody over it.
"Hi honey," I said, frowning as I noticed the tense expression on his face. That couldn't be good. I tried searching his face as he quickly and absently bend to pat Cooper before moving into the kitchen, setting down his bag. "You okay?"
"Yeah, ah... I'll tell you in a few minutes," He said, moving toward me and kissed me briefly in a hello. I returned the second-long peck, which wasn't unusual when Nathan first got home. I worry if he didn't. It usually meant work was rough, but judging by his expression, I couldn't quite tell.
"Alright," I responded, nodding, a smile creeping across my face as Shilo squealed "Daddy!" and waved her little arms up toward him, and Nathan wrapped part of his arm around her little front, kissing the top of her head and growling "Hey you," affectionately into her hair, causing Shilo to erupt into delighted giggles. He straightened, making his way toward me and wrapped his arm around my waist.
"How was your day?" He asked, kissing the side of my head.
"It was alright. I turned the horses out for awhile. Haven't turned Navarre out with the stallions yet, though." I responded. Nathan nodded slowly, turning so he could wrap arms around me from behind, laying one hand over my stomach.
"That's probably a good idea, at least let me handle that until the little one is born." He said. I could feel his thumb gently stroking over an area of my stomach and I grinned, laying my arms over his.
"Nathan, I'm pregnant, not made of glass." I teased him gently, turning my head and lifting one hand to turn his head toward me, kissing him briefly. "Working with the horses isn't going to hurt me."
"No, but a well-aimed kick will." He said against my lips before breaking the kiss, then kissed the side of my neck. "I don't want to take any chances of letting that happen. Something smells good."
Hearing the note in his voice, I could tell Nathan's attention had turned to something else. I grinned, moving out of his arms as he released me. "I threw a vegetarian lasagna together. We have Italian bread, too, I can fix you a plate."
"You're amazing," Nathan remarked, watching the oven tray come out, and set to work setting the table for the two places on either side of Shilo that we would be sitting. I cut a square of lasagna from the tray and put it on a plate for Nathan as well as a few slices of the oven-warmed bread and set it down at the table setting I could guess he was moving toward. Following, I fixed a plate for myself and sat down.
"How did it go?" I asked, looking up while cutting a bite of the lasagna with the side of my fork. Nathan finished chewing what he had in his mouth and swallowed, lifting his eyes to me.
"Well... another company bought the clinic." He said, his tone lowering in the slightest. I could immediately tell that he wasn't thrilled with it.
"What company? I thought it was owned by Pembroke Inc.?" I said, frowning. Nathan shook his head.
"Exactly. 'Was' owned by Pem Inc., but now this company GeneCo Inc. bought it. I've heard of GeneCo. They do... fairly... traditional medical practices, but the owner has this fascination with genetics, there's alot of different projects that include genetic testing and such that I don't agree with." Nathan said, still shaking his head and lowered his eyes to his plate.
"Are you going to stay with the company?" I asked.
"I don't have much of a choice. The owner knows of me, God only knows how, and wants to keep me. If I stay, I'm no longer under investigation with Pem Inc., since I don't belong with that corporation anymore. If not, I'm still at risk. GeneCo I have a job with; just not under practices I support." He said, his eyes lowered and his shoulders hunched.
"Jingo!" Shilo declared. Both Nathan and I looked up.
"What, honey?" Nathan asked, looking in Shilo's direction.
"Jingo," Shilo repeated. "You said first, Daddy."
"Jingo...GeneCo." Nathan came to the realisation and rolled his eyes. "Great. I taught my daughter a new word."
"Whass Jingo, Daddy?"
"Gene-co, sweetheart, is like a big store." Nathan tried to explain, shooting a glance in my direction. I couldn't help but grin. I felt sorry for Nathan, but I knew how exasperated he was by the fact that now he was having to explain GeneCo to his two-year-old daughter. Especially when I could read it in his body that he despised the company with every fiber of his being.
"I wanna go to da store." Shilo said excitedly. Immediate horror crossed Nathan's face for the briefest second, shooting another look at me, but this one read 'Help.' quite clearly.
"No, no no no, Shi, you don't want to go to that store," He said quickly.
"It's not a fun store, Shi." I explained, noting the grateful look Nathan threw in my direction. Shilo looked back and forth at us both as though trying to process what we were saying, her little brow creased intently in curiousity. Finally, evidently deciding it was nothing that concerned her, lowered her dark eyes to her grilled cheese square and took a bite. Watching Shilo, my hand absently trailed to my stomach. It had taken me this long and watching Shilo, even though she was like my own, to realise just how badly I wanted a baby. Shilo yawned after swallowing the last bit of her grilled cheese.
"I think it's time for bed, kiddo," Nathan said, looking in his daughter's direction. Shilo's entire cherub-like face creased in immediate worry and protest.
"No." She said firmly. "Wanna cookie?"
"Did you eat your green beans?" Nathan asked. Shilo frowned.
"No." She said pointedly with an added "Hmph!"
"Take one more bite of green beans, then you can have a cookie." Nathan said, his voice gentle but firm. "Then it's bedtime, Shi."
Shilo seemed content with this idea, and with her little plastic spoon, shoveled a spoon full into her mouth. I had to bite back a laugh, since the little girl had crammed them in her cheeks, now resembling something along the lines of a chipmunk.
"Chew and swallow, sweetheart, a cookie isn't going to taste very good with green beans." Nathan said, casting a firm gaze in Shilo's direction. Shilo swallowed the beans, making a face in the process, then set her spoon down. Nathan grinned, standing to go to the cupboard, moving behind Shilo and lay his hand on the back of her head and kissed the top of it as he passed. Shilo looked up briefly, but a smile spread across her face as Nathan came back around with a sippy cup filled with milk and a chocolate chip cookie on a napkin and set it down on Shilo's high chair tray. Shilo immediately started on her cookie and as Nathan sat back down, I still noticed the tension in him, even though he was doing his best to hide it from his daughter. I reached out and gently rubbed his back.
"It'll work out, Nathan," I tried to assure him. Nathan nodded slowly, reaching over and lay his hand on my leg with a gentle squeeze.
"We'll talk about it tonight when we go to bed, alright?" He said gently. I nodded slowly, but could feel him lean gently into my touch. Once Shilo was put to bed later that night, Nathan and I had gone up to the master bedroom. I came out of the bathroom and saw Nathan trying to remove the grey hoody from himself, but I could see the grimace of pain come across his face, favouring his right shoulder. I moved toward him to help him as he gingerly slid his arms out of the sleeves, leaning against the dresser with one hand gently fingering the back of his shoulder. I moved nearer to him, laying a hand on his mid back and gently rubbed the area that was clearly hurting him on the back of his shoulder. Nathan winced, but he leaned into my touch slightly.
"You okay?" I asked him, still gently massaging the back of his shoulder. Nathan nodded, swallowing.
"Yeah," He responded softly. "I just tweaked it, I think. I'm getting old."
"What did you do to yourself? It's completely knotted up," I said, kneading my thumb into the hard, knotted muscletone in the back of his shoulder. Nathan uttered a low groan, I couldn't quite tell if it was out of pain or out of almost relief that it was getting loosened.
"A patient; big draft gelding, got up after surgery in the recovery stall, trying to bowl over me and past me then wound up falling on me in the doorway." He murmured.
"Oh, sweetheart," I murmured, shaking my head. "What wound up happening?"
"I was fine when he fell on me, surprisingly enough. He still had a halter and lead on, which I tried to grab as he got back up and bolted out the doorway." Nathan said softly.
"And you tried to stop him?" I said in almost unsurprised disbelief. "Nathan, what possibly made you think you could stop a nineteen hand, thousand pound draft horse without getting hurt?"
"I don't know," Nathan shook his head. "The outcome of that really didn't dawn on me until the second I did it." The sentance ended with a groan as I more than likely caught a particularly knotted area in his shoulder.
"Nathan, you're going to really be hurting tomorrow." I said, laying a hand on his lower back. "Take off your shirt and come lie down on the bed, sweetheart, I'll try to help what I can."
Nathan nodded, and with my aid he managed to get his shirt up and over his head and moved toward the bed.
"Lie down on your stomach, honey," I urged, my hand remaining on his lower back. Slowly, painfully, Nathan lowered himself down on the bed. I had to end up straddling his back to be able to get the access I needed. I began kneading my thumbs into the bare skin on his back and back of his shoulders. Nathan grunted in pain.
"I know, honey, I"ll be done in a bit," I said. He shook his head.
"No... take your time. It hurts, but it's relieving it." He muttered, his voice muffled by the duvet. I stayed there for a few more minutes, massaging and rubbing Nathan's back and shoulders, then gently lay my hand on his side as he turned over onto his back painfully.
"Feel a bit better?" I asked. Nathan nodded, settling back against the bed.
"Better, yes," He responded, and he lay his hand on my arm as I lay down with him, laying the side of my head on his stomach. I could feel him gently stroking my hair.
"When do the new owners of the clinic step in?" I asked. Nathan shifted slightly and I could feel the exhale leave him.
"Tomorrow," He responded. "I'm not looking forward to it."
"It'll be alright, sweetheart," I murmured, laying a hand on his side and gently stroked his hip with my thumb. Nathan tilted his head to the side, exhaling heavily through his nose.
"I hope so," He murmured. I slid upward so that I lay beside him, moving my arm across Nathan's chest and around him, feeling him lean lightly against me with his head on my collarbone.
"I know, honey," I murmured, kissing the top of his head. "I know."
The next day, after feeding the horses, I brought Shilo with me to the office to see Nathan. We walked into the waiting room, with Shilo in a stroller, holding a little tiny Starbucks cup with hot chocolate in it. With another Starbucks cup in hand for Nathan, I went to the front desk.
"Hi, I'm looking for Nathan Wallace begin_of_the_skype_highlighting end_of_the_skype_highlighting?" I asked the receptionist, who looked up in my direction.
"One moment, please." She said. "Can I have your name?"
"Mag," I responded. "I have his daughter with me, too."
The girl nodded and picked up the phone. There was a pause for a moment before she spoke. "Dr. Wallace, I have a Mag here to see you."
Within seconds she hung up the phone and nodded, pressing a button that would unlock the door into the medical unit. "Go ahead."
I pushed the stroller into the medical unit, looking at each pristine stall and what was in each of them. I was glad Shilo could see quite a few of them, because some were not in very good condition. I spotted Nathan at the end, talking to a nurse about a bay horse with a gel cooling wrap around it's foreleg. He scrawled something on the horse's file before looking in my direction and moved toward us.
"Hey you," He greeted me with a brief kiss, laying a hand on my arm then looked down at Shilo, bending to scoop her up when the little girl squealed "Daddy!" excitedly. "What are you guys up to?"
"We were in the area, we thought we'd come say hello." I said with a smile, then motioned to the Starbucks cup. "Figured you'd need it."
Nathan shot me a grateful look. "You're a lifesaver, sweetheart," He said with a grin, looking at Shilo, whose arms were wrapped around his neck. "How's your day been, Shi?"
"Good," Shilo murmured, her smile broad. Just then, Nathan's eyes averted from his daughter and to the sound of footsteps coming down the aisle. I could immediately see the frown crease Nathan's face and turned, seeing a bit of heavier, older man with a dress cane and an ascot, his longer grey hair in a ponytail, moving forward toward Nathan. Behind him, a girl in black jeans and high heeled boots with a fitted long-sleeved black top, followed, her black hair perfectly straight and styled.
"Mr. Largo," Nathan said with a nod, and also looked in the girl's direction. "Amber."
"Dr. Wallace," The man said with a smile, looking my way. "And you are...?
"My other half, Mag," Nathan said, "And my daughter, Shlio."
"A pleasure to meet you both," The man said. "Rotti Largo, and my daughter, Carmela-"
"-Amber." The girl corrected, rolling her eyes. Rotti shot her a look.
"Amber." He said, looking back at me. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you. Nathan doesn't speak much of his family."
I glanced in Nathan's direction and caught his uneasiness, but I knew exactly what Rotti was getting at. He was doing everything he could to bait information. Apparently Nathan had given him none, and there was a reason for that.
"Nathan doesn't often say much, but he does his job well," I said. I was smiling, but I made it clear that I wasn't about to say anything more. Rotti nodded slowly.
"And of course, there's you," He said. "I know well of your success in the showring. You have quite a following."
"Thank you," I responded, "Though I haven't really shown in a while,"
"Since your friend's death, yes. I was horribly sorry to hear that. Marni Wallace was one of the greats, also." Rotti said, looking in Nathan's direction. I saw his eyes lower slightly. "We're still trying to get a hold on the mess that's all caused. Which reminds me, Nathan, it seems your father-in-law is wandering around looking for you."
Nathan's head lifted, surprise crossing his face. "My father-in... oh God,"
I lay a hand on Nathan's arm and a grin crossed Rotti's face.
"That's around the reaction I thought it would cause. You'll do fine. I'll see you." Rotti said, and he and his daughter turned and walked away.
"I'd better see to this," Nathan said softly, bending to set Shilo back in the stroller. I lay my hand on his back. I could easily tell he was completely anxiety-ridden, as much as he tried to hide it.
"Do you want me to stay until you finish talking to him?" I asked. Nathan fastened Shilo in the stroller and straightened, looking in my direction.
"I couldn't ask you to do that-"
"You're not asking, I want to," I insisted gently, running my hand up and down his back. Nathan exhaled slowly.
"Please," He murmured, nodding slowly. I nodded in response.
"I'll be right in the waiting room with Shilo," I told him, wrapping my arms around him to embrace him. Nathan's arms went around me and he buried his face against the side of my neck for a moment. I could feel his shoulders rise then fall heavily with the deep breath and exhale he took before he kissed the side of my neck and pulled away.
"I'll see you guys in a little bit," Nathan said, giving my hand a gentle squeeze as I handed him his coffee. We parted ways and I took Shilo to the waiting room.
After about a half hour, I waited in the waiting room with Shilo, who sat on the ground playing with an assortment of toys in the waiting room. I couldn't help but feel anxious. Marni's father was here. He had to have known about me an Nathan, right? What could he possibly want? I hoped to God he wasn't giving Nathan hell. Nathan couldn't handle much more. It was bad enough that some people blamed him for Marni's death. I knew that having Marni's parents blame him would absolutely break him.
As though in impeccable timing, Nathan came through the corridors. I tried to survey his demeanor as I stood. He looked exhausted, worn, but he didn't appear to have gotten verbally and emotionally battered by Marni's father. I stood, casting a watchful glance over my shoulder at Shilo before I went to Nathan's side, laying my hands on his arms. "Hey... what happened?"
Nathan exhaled slowly, his hands going to my waist. "It went alright. He wants to see us tonight... wants us to come over for a glass of wine. He and Marni's mom, Nancy, are going to be there." His voice was tired, almost ragged. This had really taken it out of him. But brief dread crossed my face.
"Did you... did you tell him about us?" I asked. He nodded.
"I did. I told him, he was fine, it's been a year, he said he would have been surprised if I hadn't moved on, and said he was glad that it was with you, that Marni would have wanted it that way." Nathan said, and exhaled slowly. I had to admit I was relieved, but gently rubbed his arm.
"Are you okay?" I asked, searching his face. Nathan nodded slowly.
"I will be, I just need a minute before I go back in there. I'm not... sure if I can do this tonight. I mean, I haven't seen her parents since the funeral. And with everything going on... he didn't say whether he blamed me or not, I don't think he does, but if that's what he's having us over to do, to rake me over the coals, I can't do this," He said, exhaling heavily and shook his head.
"Hey," I murmured, squeezing his arm. "It'll be alright. I'm not going to leave your side. If he wants to berate you, he's going to have a fight on his hands; I won't let him do that to you. None of what happened was your fault."
Nathan nodded slowly, lowering his eyes. I could feel his thumb gently stroking along my side. I gently pulled him toward me into my arms. He held me tightly, his face once more against the side of my neck. He lifted his head, kissed the side of my own then gently pulled away.
"What time are you going to be home?" I asked as Nathan brushed a strand of hair away from my face.
"I'm going to get off early so we can go to this, so probably around five." He said. "Did the horses get out?"
"They did. I turned Navarre out with the other stallions, too, just to see." I said. Nathan paled.
"Maggie... " He said in protest, touching my stomach. "Honey, you're pregnant, I told you to wait,"
"He was really bored, Nathan, I couldn't just let him stand in his stall and swing his head back and forth, and I knew you would have had a heartattack if I had gotten on him when you weren't there." I explained. He searched my face and nodded slowly with a heavy sigh.
"You're right," He said, shaking his head. "I guess I prefer the latter, but still, the idea of you handling one of the stallions and something happening, especially when I'm not there... "
"I'll tell you what, I'll wait until you get home before I bring any of them in," I assured him. He studied me for a moment, then nodded.
"Alright," He murmured, then kissed my forehead. "I'd better get back in there, but I'll see you when I get home."
"Alright," I responded, kissing his cheek. He gave my waist a gentle squeeze and we parted. I watched as he knelt by Shilo, who threw her arms around his neck.
"I'll see you when I get home, precious, I'll be home early." Nathan told her, kissing the side of her head. Shilo nodded.
"Love you, Daddy."
My heart about melted, and I knew Nathan's probably had, too, for he gently tightened his arms around his little girl.
"I love you, too, honey. I'll see you." He said, and slowly straightened when Shilo let go. We said our goodbyes and I put Shilo back in the stroller, making sure we got everything that belonged to her and not the vet hospital before leaving. I went back down to the car, put Shilo in the car seat and folded the stroller up to put in the back of the Explorer. We drove home and I unloaded both toddler and stroller, bringing both up to the house and let Cooper outside to relieve himself. I wanted so badly to get on Phaeton, but I knew Nathan would have a fit if I did. Only because he was worried about something happening when he wasn't there, and I knew that since I was now pregnant with our child, he was especially protective. I went down to see the horses with Shilo, watching as all five heads of the mare-gelding pasture came up to the fence, with Tinkerbell's little furry head poking through the lower panels. Shilo and I issued pats and scratches, and I had gotten three carrots out of the feedroom and broke them into pieces. Each horse received a piece of carrot, and I gave Shilo five pieces to give to the three mares and two geldings. I didn't want her going near the stallions. All of our stallions were very well mannered, but nonetheless, curious lips and teeth near tiny fingers made me extremely uneasy. I stood by the fence of the stallion pasture, feeding offerings to each nose that was near. I ran a hand down Uther's face, but jumped as I heard a shrill squeal near Blade and Navarre, and looked in time to see Navarre, with his ears flattened, shoot Blade a nasty look and swing his haunches his way in warning. Blade's ears were pinned and he held his head out of the way. I immediately drew to conclusion that Blade had bitten Navarre and the Friesian was retaliating. In response to the ruckus, Uther pinned his ears.
"Enough, both of you." I growled. I had a feeling that if Blade kept this up, Navarre wouldn't stand for it. I was waiting for the day that Navarre was going to knock Blade around a bit before the colt figured out that messing with another stallion three times his own size wasn't a wise idea. Navarre already towered over the fifteen-two hand colt, nearly matching Uther's immense size at seventeen hands. But because of Navarre's build, he still appeared larger than Uther. Though the two stallions seemed to be getting on quite well.
We finished up at the barn and I brought Shilo and Cooper back inside. I still had questions I wanted to have answered before Nathan and I went to the Langley's tonight. Searching the drawer by the phone, I finally stumbled upon the Langley's home phone number. I held my breath as I dialed it and listened to the phone ring.
"Hello?" I immediately recognised Nancy's voice and for some bizarre reason, tears sprang into my eyes.
"Nancy?" I said quietly, "It's Mag."
There was a long pause before I could hear Nancy draw a breath.
"Mag? Maggie?" She murmured, and I could hear her voice crack. "Oh my God, sweetheart... how are you?"
"I'm alright," I responded, using the pad of my thumb to wipe my eyes. "I haven't... I'm sorry I didn't... "
"No, no, honey, it's alright." Nancy responded quickly. I could immediately tell in her own voice that she was crying. "We all lost someone, Mark and I didn't think anything about it. But we missed you... "
"I know, I missed you both, too, horribly." I said softly.
"Mark told me you and Nathan are coming over tonight. We've both been dying to speak to Nathan."
"Yes," I said, then paused, "Did... did Mark tell you-?"
"He told me, sweetie, yes." Nancy said. "Mag, you didn't do anything wrong. You three were all close, I know Marni would say the same, we're glad you were the one who wound up with Nathan after everything."
"Thank you," I murmured, clearing my throat. "I wanted to ask you as well, because I know Nathan's extremely worried about this. He's... wracked with guilt over what happened, and I don't think that would ever change. With everyone else talking, thinking Nathan had something to do with it, I think he's so scared that you and Mark blame him for what happened. I know he blames himself, but he loves you both-"
"Oh my God, honey, not at all," Nancy sounded horrified, saddened. "Nathan... we would never have blamed him for what happened. Does he think... ?"
"I think it crossed his mind," I responded softly.
"We know how much Nathan loved Marni. We wanted to just see you both, try to offer some comfort to him in letting him know we don't. I know he's been through enough with the news and investigations." Nancy said. "The media has already put him through enough. Marni would have ridden anything under any circumstances. She was incredibly stubborn and we all knew that."
I couldn't have been more relieved to hear that, and I knew Nathan was going to be, too. "Thank you... I'm so relieved to hear that. Nathan's... mother died not long ago in a car accident-"
"Emily?" Nancy gasped. "Emily Wallace is dead?"
"Yes," I responded, shaking my head. "We went over to Grayor's house and Grayor did nothing but batter Nathan over it, blaming him, saying it was his fault. I guess Emily had gotten in the car to go see him, because Nathan hadn't been able to speak to anybody after what happened, he couldn't bring himself to, and Emily got in the car by herself."
"Marni always told me that Emily didn't like driving, that she always tried to avoid it." Nancy said. "Where was Grayor when all this happened?"
"He let her go by herself!" I responded, disgusted by even recalling everything, the whole situation. "He had no desire to see Nathan, let Emily go by herself, then the accident happened and he had the audacity to blame Nathan. Told him that his mother died going to see him."
"As if he didn't already have enough weight on his shoulders, his own father went and said that," Nancy spat, sounding equally disgusted. "From the time we met Nathan's parents, there was always something off. That man was never anything but critical to Nathan. The poor thing... he deserves to know he has people on his side."
"That's going to mean more to him than anything," I said. "I know he was scared of this happening."
"Nathan was like a son to us. We miss him horribly." Nancy said. "You have nothing to worry about, sweetheart, and neither does Nathan. We already lost our baby girl, you two are a part of the family, we don't want to lose you, too."
Nancy's words brought tears to my eyes. "Thank you so much, Nancy, I can't even begin to tell you how much that means to me, or how much it's going to mean to Nathan."
"I mean every word of it." Nancy said. "What are you going to do with little Shilo?"
"You guys haven't seen her yet," I said softly. "Actually, I was going to ask you, I wasn't sure if we should bring her or not, we can't quite leave her at home... "
"No, of course not, please bring her," Nancy insisted. "We haven't seen her in ages."
I got off the phone with Nancy and within another half hour, Nathan got home. We went up to the master bedroom to change, and when I looked over, I saw Nathan standing by his dresser, his hands still on the knobs, staring forward. He was in the midst of putting on a dark grey button up dress shirt, but he had stopped. I knew what was bothering him immediately. I moved toward him, wrapping my arms around his waist and kissed the back of his shoulder.
"It'll be alright, sweetheart," I murmured to Nathan, feeling the side of his head tilt toward me. He lifted one hand and lay it over my arms, gently squeezing.
"I hope so, I really do," He murmured. We got Shilo ready, brought the horses in and headed over to the Langley's. The second we came up to the door, both Mark and Nancy answered it, and emotions ran haywire. Both Nancy and I held one another, both in tears, and when I looked over at Nathan and Mark, Mark had his arms wrapped around Nathan and was hugging him as well. Nancy and I separated and I hugged Mark, and the second Nancy hugged Nathan I could hear Nathan exhale shakily.
"I'm so glad you both could make it," Nancy said, and turned to see Shilo, who I willingly handed to her. "Oh my God, look how big she's gotten!"
It was a rather tearful reunion, and as we went inside, Nathan and I sat down on the opposite couch from Nancy and Mark, who came in with four glasses of white wine, handing each of us a glass.
"How've you two been?" Mark asked. I glanced at Nathan before looking back at Mark.
"We've been alright. Quite a bit of... excitement, to say the least," I responded. "I think work's been giving Nathan quite a hard time."
"Yes, I heard GeneCo bought the clinic you work at?" Mark said. Nathan nodded.
"Yes, that was very recent," He said. There was a bit of silence at first before Nancy spoke.
"Do you... still have Uther?" She asked quietly. Nathan's expression softened and he swallowed.
"Yes, we do," He said gently. Nancy's eyes welled with tears.
"How is he?" She asked.
"He's doing well," Nathan said softly. "We didn't... think he would pull through at first, let alone be rideable. He's... we haven't tried getting on him yet, but he's sound, to a degree, he's doing much better."
"That's such a relief." She said, swallowing. Mark lay a hand on her knee and squeezed it. I looked over and saw Nathan's eyes lowered. I could read in his expression just how hard he was trying to keep his own emotions at bay.
"I'm so sorry for what happened," He murmured, his voice thick, shoulders hunched. "I blame myself everyday for what happened... I should have tried harder to stop her."
I lay my hand on his lower back, gently grazing my nails over it, knowing this was about to be the closure he needed so badly. Nancy's eyes softened, as did Mark's. She leaned forward a bit, trying to find Nathan's eyes.
"Nathan, look at me," She said softly. I could hear the emotion in her voice, but knew that she was meaning every word. "We could never, ever blame you for what happened, sweetheart. We never would. You knew Marni just as well as we did, you knew how stubborn she was."
Nathan's eyes welled. I stayed right by his side, still gently rubbing and scratching his back.
"You're part of this family, Nathan, you and Mag both. We don't want to lose either of you over this. This is exactly why we invited you over. We wanted to see you both, wanted to tell you that no matter what you have our support."
"What they say on the news doesn't matter, Nathan, we know you," Nancy moved toward Nathan, kneeling by the couch and lay a hand on his knee. "You need to know that nothing that happened to her was your fault, it wasn't anything that could have been stopped."
"There... there was so much guilt... over it," Nathan murmured, his breath catching in his throat. Tears welled and brimmed in his eyes and he took off his glasses. "And everything else.. there were things I found out, I wish I had just been ignorant about. I was an idiot... "
"What do you mean, Nathan? What happened?" Nancy tried to search his face. I had my arm around his waist at this point, my other at his ribcage.
"He... a younger guy showed up a few months ago. He was looking for Marni, and admitted to have been sleeping with her." I said softly, and could feel Nathan cringe. Nancy looked from me, horrified, to Nathan.
"Oh, my God, Nathan... " She murmured. Something about her tone made me realise that she had known about the first time Marni had been unfaithful. Nancy glanced at her husband before turning back to Nathan.
"Nathan, you always have our support, no matter what," She said softly, her voice cracking. "We love you, we're going to take your side. Not a part of this was your fault,"
She leaned forward and gently drew Nathan into her arms from where he sat and from where she did also, which mainly consisted of his head. But Nathan head was lowered to her shoulder and I could feel his body begin to shake. I knew it meant more to him than anything to actually have that support, especially from the family he had expected would blame him the most. I kissed the back of his shoulder, gently rubbing his back, seeing Nancy with her hand on the back of his neck, tears streaming down her own face as she stroked his hair. "I'm so sorry, Nancy... I'm so sorry... "
"It's alright... it wasn't your fault... " Nancy murmured to him, and I could feel Nathan's body shuddering with the quiet sobs that I knew were brought on by the emotion that Marni's family was on his side. He had people who loved him, and always would.
That night I drove myself, Nathan and Shilo home. Nathan was exhausted. I knew the second we got home I was getting him into bed. We got inside and Nathan had propped Shilo on his hip, who was fast asleep on his shoulder. I lay my hand on his back.
"Nate, let me take her, you go up and get settled for bed," I urged gently. Nathan looked in my direction.
"Maggie, are you sure? I can do it, really… " He began. I nodded quickly.
"It's alright. You're exhausted, Nate, let me do this for you," I offered. Nathan exhaled slowly and nodded, carefully handing me Shilo.
"You're too good to me, sweetheart," Nathan murmured, forcing a smile. I shook my head with a gentle smile.
"Nope, you deserve every bit of it. Now go." I shooed him after quickly kissing him. Nathan turned and trudged up the stairs. I followed with Shilo in my arms and took her to her room. I changed her diaper, changed her into pajamas and tucked her into bed. I went back into the master bedroom and saw Nathan on his side of the bed on his side, wearing a t-shirt and pajama pants. I changed into boxer shorts and a tank top, though before pulling the tank top on, I went to the mirror in the bathroom. It could have been my imagination, but I could swear I noticed my stomach protruding out in the slightest bump. It brought a sense of giddiness to me, that I was actually pregnant with Nathan's child, and at four weeks pregnant, I knew it was possible to start showing signs. Pulling the tank top on, I went to the bed after flipping the bathroom and bedroom lights off, crawling in beside Nathan. My hands slid gently up his shirt to go around him, one hand gently caressing his back. Nathan turned in my arms to where he could hold me, kissing the side of my head. I could feel his hand slide up my shirt and lie on my stomach. I gently lay my hand over his.
"Goodnight sweetheart," I murmured to him. I knew Nathan was practically half asleep.
"Goodnight," He murmured almost incoherently. "I love you so much, Marni."
Upon hearing the name he used, I froze. At first I thought I didn't hear him correctly, but replaying his words in my mind, I knew I was right. But his words didn't quite seem to process.
He thinks I'm Marni.
He still loves her.
No, he's just half asleep, he didn't mean it.
Wait… how could he not mean anything by it? He subconsciously said her name following 'I love you so much.'
How could that be a mistake?
I couldn't move. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. But as I lay in bed thinking about it, a part of me knowing I was probably obsessing over this far more than I should, I couldn't push away the anxiety gnawing at the pit of my stomach that Nathan still wished he was with Marni. That he wished he was lying beside Marni instead of me.