Crucifixus

by BlindxMag

A very different style to Repo! and a different storyline entirely. There was a sport both Mag and Marni always loved, but what if that sport was to be the cause of Marni's accident? Very equine centred and Mag/Nathan.

12. For The Dreams We Had To Silence

AN~ Hey you guys, I'm sorry it took so long to update this, but I've had alot of time to write so many more chapters will be coming. Feel free to R&R. Because of the delay this one is extra long.

The Next Day

I stood in the kitchen, dunking a teabag into a mug of hot water, unable to touch it. The more I thought about what happened the more upset I was by it. Shilo sat in her high chair with a bowl of cheerios and a sippy cup filled with milk. Cooper lay at my feet by the table. Hearing footsteps coming down the stairs I turned my head.

"Hi honey," I said softly, trying to push it aside and make everything seem normal. But I just couldn't. A million different questions raced through my mind. Nathan entered the kitchen and moved toward me.

"Hey sweetheart," He responded, laying a hand on my shoulder and kissed the top of my head. But when he touched me this time I flinched. I just couldn't bring myself to be alright with him touching me when I wasn't even sure that he wasn't thinking of his late wife every time he was around me, asking myself if he would ever love me as much as he loved her. He immediately seemed to sense something was wrong.

"Hey," He said softly, trying to search my face, gently squeezing my shoulder. "What is it?"

I shook my head, picking up the spoon I had been using to stir the sugar in my tea and stood, gently pulling away from Nathan. "Nothing. I'm fine." I murmured, avoiding his eyes as I went to the sink. I could feel his eyes following me with every step I took.

"Now wait a minute," He said, taking a slight step toward me but paused. "Mag, I know you far too well to believe that. You know I can tell if something's wrong."

I said nothing, still turned toward the sink. I could feel Nathan come up behind me, laying a hand on the back of my shoulder.

"Talk to me, sweetie, what's wrong?" Nathan asked. I lowered my eyes.

"I came in last night when you were half asleep. I got in next to you, said goodnight, wrapped my arms around you. You said goodnight, then told Marni you loved her; while holding me." I responded softly, knowing my voice was somewhat rigid, but even speaking those words brought a lump to my throat. I drew a breath, lifting my eyes to the window above the sink.

"What?" Nathan breathed, obviously surprised. I shook my head. "Wait… how did… what?"

"I don't know, Nathan, why don't you tell me?" I responded, shaking my head as I turned and moved past him, pausing at the table with my hands propped on it before slowly sitting back down. Only then could I actually bring myself to look at him. "If I'm wasting my time, please, tell me. I know you miss her, I miss her, too, but it's been a year, Nathan, if I can't compete with her after all this time, even in her death, then I don't stand a chance—"

"Compete with her—? Mag, what are you talking about?" Nathan sounded thoroughly taken aback and confused by all of this. Tears welled in my eyes, but I shook my head, wiping them with the back of my thumb.

"Am I ever going to be good enough, Nathan? Are you ever going to be able to love me like you did her? I can't… I can't live in her shadow forever, Nathan, I just can't. Before I always used to feel like I was being compared to her, but I got over that. Until this… " My voice broke off and I let my elbow rest on the table, looking away with the backs of my fingers pressed to my mouth. Nathan moved toward me.

"Mag… I never ever compared you to Marni. Ever. You two are completely different people." He said softly, kneeling by my chair. "I never set any sort of standard after being married to Marni, if that's how you felt, or how you feel about it now, I'm so, so sorry,"

He lay his hand on my knee, but I looked away. He removed it and slowly stood, leaning against the island counter while facing me.

"Did you have a dream about her?"

"Did I have a what-?"

"Did you dream about her?" I asked, looking in his direction. "I kept trying to tell myself you were half asleep, but still… "

"Mag," He paused, as though trying to find the words. I knew I had taken him by surprise with this. I knew he was probably surprised at what he had learned. "Honey, I have had dreams about Marni, yes. I miss her, but it doesn't mean I love you any less than I did her. You are the one I'm with, you're the one I'm in love with. Marni… I miss her because she's gone, but it taught me a lot about our relationship. That's something that you and her were very different about. Where she clearly had no respect for our relationship, you do. I was half asleep, Maggie, you can't hold me accountable for that."

He knelt down by the chair I sat in again, taking my hand in his. "Marni hurt me. I don't think I'll ever be able to get over that, but it's because of you that I believe someone else could love me. I love you more than anything, Mag. That is never going to change."

I searched his face for a moment and felt tears well in my eyes. Leaning forward, I drew his head toward me and hugged him, feeling his forehead lie against my collarbone, his arms on my legs. I kissed the top of his head and his forehead. "I love you, too, Nathan," I murmured. "So much. I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

"It's alright, I don't blame you for a single part of it," Nathan responded, and I could feel his arms wrap around my waist from where he still kneeled. "I don't know what caused me to say that. But I promise you the person I love more than anything is you."

One Month Later

I was still in my first trimester of pregnancy, going on about two months. The "baby bump" was more obvious, but I was thrilled. I knew Nathan was, too. As each day went by, the more Nathan and I really looked at this like we were having a baby together. It had been a complete accident, something we hadn't expected, and still it was a huge blessing. I made my way down to the barn. I could see Nathan in the round pen with Blade, who raced around the pen, lap after lap. As I neared, I could hear Nathan's voice, giving spoken commands to the young colt.

"Easy, easy… " Nathan murmured just loud enough so the calming words could be heard by the black Thoroughbred colt. "Whoa… whoa… Blade, walk… "

The colt wore a black rope halter with a twelve-foot leadrope attached to it. Nathan lightly kicked at a rolled up blue tarp to unroll it and spread it out. Watching the blue material unroll, Blade went splay-legged, dropping his head with a hollow snort and a wide-eyed 'What the hell is THAT?' expression before backpedalling in the opposite direction. Nathan was quick to respond by moving with him before his arm was yanked out its socket.

"The exact reaction I was expecting," He muttered, almost amused, scratching the underside of Blade's neck once the colt came to a halt. "Guess what, pal? You're walking over it."

"So what's the game plan here?" I asked, leaning on the gate. Shilo stood beside me, watching with childlike intensity.

"Well," Nathan began, still holding the lead, turning Blade so that Nathan was facing the side of him. He gently pushed against the colt's shoulder, bringing me to realise that Nathan was trying to get him to move his front end but keep his haunches in place. Nathan only pressed his shoulder, Blade didn't have to move his whole body to the side, it wasn't necessary. However, the colt wasn't figuring that out, and stepped completely side. Nathan took up the slack in the lead before loosening it again as he moved nearer. "We have five Thoroughbreds off the track. I figure if we plan on selling any of them, to avoid anyone getting killed, we might as well get some sensory training in there, let them get used to seeing anything and everything, so the next time a leaf falls, Blade isn't going to wind up on the moon." He repositioned the colt, pressing again on his shoulder, but when Blade tried to move his whole body, Nathan took the pressure off Blade's shoulder and replaced it with his opposite hand on the colt's flank. Immediately, Blade's front end stopped and the haunches moved away. I studied the colt's face, watching his ears tilting to the side in Nathan's direction; a clear indication that he was paying attention to him. Nathan took his hand off the colt's flank and left it hovering and repeated the process again. The next time, it was an alternation between shoulder, flank, shoulder, flank, shoulder, flank. Blade moved his front end, then back end. Front end. Back end, finding a whole other way he could move his body that he wasn't taught when running. Merely because there's no point in it, a horse doesn't need to be flexible on the track.

"Aha, didn't know you could do that, did you?" Nathan chuckled, drawing up the slack in the leadrope and rubbed Blade's slender neck in praise. "Plus, I figured we could work on teaching them how to move their bodies and just what they're capable of. On the track, like I've said, all they know is two speeds, one direction. That's it."

I couldn't help but be fascinated by what Nathan was doing. It made sense. Most Thoroughbreds weren't exactly the most physically balanced horses while moving. This would teach it to them. Though I had a feeling that Nathan trying to walk the already strung-out stud-colt was just asking for trouble. I watched Nathan move in front of Blade, lead still in hand, moving both hands back and forth and advancing toward Blade. He didn't even have to push him, the mere action drove Blade backwards, teaching him how to back up and as soon as he stepped as far as Nathan wanted him, Nathan stopped and praised him.

"Now I'm looking forward to seeing what happens when he walks over that," I mused, tilting my head in the direction of the tarp, watching Nathan begin leading Blade toward it, but standing far enough so that he was off the tarp while Blade walked over it. "That should be exciting."

"Daddy I wanna do that." Shilo said excitedly.

"Sweetheart, it's going to be a long time before you're doing this—" Nathan's sentence cut off with a grunt as Blade literally took a step on the tarp then bunny-hopped over the rest with an explosive snort, almost yanking Nathan off his feet.

"That. Is. Enough. Of . That." Nathan said firmly, emphasizing each word with a light jerk to the lead, causing Blade's head to pop up and him to back up immediately, realising he did something wrong. Nathan led him back over to the tarp, and when Blade refused to take another step onto it, Nathan loosened the lead, letting the colt drop his head to check it out. It was almost amusing, since Blade's nostrils were flared, his ears stiffly pricked and his whole body quivering, making me realise he was like a coiled spring. I watched the grin play across Nathan's face as he looked in my direction.

"It's times like these where you want to poke him and go 'BOO!'." He said, chuckling.

"You would both be in the air." I said with a laugh. "Look at the rest of his body, Nathan, he looks like he's going to blow any second."

"You're right; I think we probably need to call it a day," Nathan said. He led Blade out of the roundpen and I moved right beside Nathan with Shilo, keeping her at a safe distance from Blade. Cooper came out of the barn and toward us, and I told Shilo to go see Tinkerbell, wanting to keep her out of harm's way and knew Nathan would feel more comfortable with it. The second Shilo left our sides, Cooper immediately followed her, which was a relief because I knew Cooper would keep an eye on the little girl. Nathan and I went to the empty pasture where he walked into it with Blade and I slipped in with them, standing back as Nathan let Blade loose. The second he did, the colt tore across the pasture in a fit of airborne bucks.

"Look at him move," Nathan commented, shaking his head, clearly impressed. "Once he's not as green, he would be an outstanding sport horse."

"It's making me crazy, because I want to be out here training with you," I said with a groan. Nathan moved toward me and wrapped his arm around me, kissing the side of my head.

"I know, honey. But there is no way that's happening until after the baby's born." He told me. I knew he was right about that. There was too much of a risk involved. Suddenly, Blade came thundering back over and slid to a halt right at the fence which caused my heart to leap into my throat in fear of him slamming into it. He was close. Way too close.

"Blade… " Nathan warned, eyeing the stud-colt warily. Blade was huffing, his tail in the air, and way too close for comfort. Nathan slowly moved toward me, but Blade immediately tensed up. Nathan halted in his tracks.

"Mag, start moving my way, slowly," He said, his voice dangerously calm. I knew he was afraid of startling Blade. I tried to inch past, but the moment I moved, Blade spun and rocketed off across the pasture, with one back hoof fired and hitting me in the stomach with the force of an iron mallet in the process. I remembered excruciating pain, Nathan yelling my name and immediately knowing something was horribly wrong.

Hours. Hours at the hospital had gone by. Hours of medical procedures to try to save the baby, but inevitably, a kick to the stomach by a horse was guaranteed to cause a miscarriage.

And it did.

I lay in the hospital bed, tears streaming down my face. I could hear Nathan and the doctor talking, and could hear the upset strain in Nathan's voice. I felt sick. Not just from the medication they had given me to induce labour in a sense to get the dead fetus out of me, but by the mere thought of knowing the child that I was going to have with Nathan was gone. And somehow I felt as though it was my fault.

When the doctor left the room, Nathan made his way back over to my bedside, sitting to where he could face me. I lifted my eyes to his face and within seconds, he moved forward, wrapping his arms around me.

"I'm so sorry, Maggie," He murmured, his voice cracked. I sank against him as sobs racked my body. Nathan held me, stroking my hair and murmuring to me. But at this point, nothing could have possibly been of comfort. I felt like I had lost my child. I had. I had lost something... a little human being that I had grown to love so much, who never had the chance to come into the world. I felt as though it was my carelessness.

Nathan kissed my forehead, crawling onto the bed to settle on his back beside me. I inched nearer to him and settled against him, crying against his chest. We had found out it would have been a little boy. Nathan's son. I sank against him, devastated. Wondering how either of us would ever get through something like this.

Three days home from the hospital, Nathan had shut down, almost. He seemed to remain stoic, carrying on. He supported me, but I knew him. This man, completely emotionless, wasn't the man I loved and had been with for a year. I sat at the table in the kitchen when Nathan came in. There was rigidness in his shoulders, in his entire demeanor.

"I'm going to make coffee," He said softly. "Did you want a cup?"

"You can't possibly be feeling nothing over this," I said softly, not looking at him. I heard Nathan set down the coffee pot, exhaling heavily through his nose and lifted his head and eyes, his back to me.

"You're not really getting angry with me over this." He muttered, shaking his head.

"I'm not getting angry, Nathan," I responded. "It's been three days. You've showed no emotion over it."

"I'm dealing with it my own way,"

"Nathan, that's not like you-"

"Look, I'm coping with it. I want to be here to support you and be there for you." His voice was rigid, as though his jaw was set. I knew immediately that emotion was slowly building and he was trying everything he could to stop it.

"Nathan, I don't want you to just be there for me," I said, staring at him. "We both lost a child, Nathan, I want to be able to support you just as much. We both have a right to mourn over this."

Nathan dumped the coffee grounds into the filter and shut the lid, turning after if was flipped on. "Coffee's on. I... I can't do this,"

There it was. The break in his voice. I knew immediately that emotion was still there, and was relieved to find that it did indeed exist, no matter what Nathan wanted to let on as he moved out of the kitchen and went upstairs. Tears welled in my eyes, but I gave it a few minutes before I moved up the stairs after him. I went to the master bedroom and looked in to see Nathan first lying on the bed on his back then turn over onto his stomach. I knew he knew that I was there. He didn't even have to glance my way. I moved toward the bed and sat down at his side, laying my hand on his back.

"Completely emotionless, huh?" He murmured, his voice cracking. I shook my head.

"Nathan… " I murmured. I ran my hand gently up and down his back. I could see tears welling in his eyes.

"I would give anything to have stopped that from happening," He muttered, blinking back tears with his voice breaking. "Anything. It was my fault."

"Nathan, no… no, it wasn't," I said softly. I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around him with the side of my head against the back of his shoulder. Nathan's whole body began to shake and I heard his breath shuddering. Tears streamed down my own face as I held him, gently running my hand up and down along his side and ribcage, crying with him, mourning our loss with him, but promising that it wasn't his fault. I could never blame him for what happened. It was a complete accident. I lay down beside Nathan and held him, kissing the back of his shoulder. We both needed each other during this. I knew that and I knew he did, too.

"I'm so sorry, Mag," He stammered through a choked sob. I shook my head, holding him and rubbing his back.

"It wasn't your fault, Nathan, none of it," I murmured. We both lay there, crying, mourning the loss of the little boy we almost had together and that was so wrongfully taken from us.

The week was going to be a difficult one to get through. Nathan and I both knew that. While we were downstairs for breakfast one morning, I looked over at Nathan, who sat at the table with his shoulders hunched. Shilo was spreading her scrambled eggs all over the plastic top of the high chair tray. She appeared oblivious to the melancholic atmosphere, but I knew she knew. And looking over at Nathan, I knew the fears that were running through him. I knew what experiences he had, and realised just how scared he was that he would lose me over this. How many other people would have easily blamed Nathan for what had happened and left him for it?

I moved toward his chair, setting a cup of coffee from the pot I had just made down in front of him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and kissed the side of his head. I could feel Nathan's body relax and felt his hand lift and lay itself on my arm, kissing the side of my head.

"No matter what, I'm always going to love you," I told him softly. "You know that, right?"

I heard Nathan swallow and he nodded. I gently tightened my arms around him and drew him close to me. Nathan turned somewhat and buried his face against my collarbone. I kissed the top of his head, holding him close.

"I've been so scared that you would leave me over this," He murmured the admittance that a part of me always sort of knew was there, but hearing it come from him absolutely wrenched my heart. "I can't lose you, Maggie. It would absolutely kill me."

"I know, sweetheart," I murmured, stroking his hair. "I would never leave you, Nathan, we're in this together."

A few weeks had gone by since Nathan and I had lost the baby. It had only brought us closer, made us more determined to work together and stay together as a team and partnership. I loved him, and knew he loved me. One morning, I heard a truck pull up into our drive, and from where I lay with my head on Nathan's chest, I looked up.

"Nathan,"

"Hmm… two more minutes," He mumbled incoherently.

"Nathan." I nudged him. "Someone just pulled up in the drive."

At that point Nathan's eyes snapped open and he sat partially up, trying not to disturb my position, but reached for his glasses on the bedside table and pushed them onto his face, peering out the window. Sure enough, Cooper barreled off the bed in a fit of barking, rushing down the hall, the stairs, and into the kitchen near the front door.

"Oh, God… " Nathan muttered. I lay a hand on his arm.

"What? Who is it?"

"The Largos," Nathan shook his head. He climbed out of bed as I sat up, moving to the chair where he grabbed his jumper off the back of it, throwing it on over the grey t-shirt he had worn to bed, stepping into his Ugg™ slippers and headed downstairs, his head snapping to the side with a pause as Shilo started crying in the next room.

"I've got it, you go on." I assured him. Nathan shot me a grateful look and made his way down the remainder of the stairs. I quickly grabbed a jumper of my own to throw on over my tanktop and flannel pajama pants and went in to see the little girl. Shilo was standing in her crib.

"Maggie, loud bang." She whimpered, tears streaking her round cheeks. Lowering the side of the crib, I scooped Shilo out.

"I know, sweetie, Daddy's taking care of it." I stroked her hair, kissing her forehead. "Do you need to go potty?"

Shilo nodded, and I took her into the bathroom, setting her on the bowl and kneeled down in front of her, letting her balance herself with her little hands on my shoulders. I waited to hear the tinkling sound before I helped her stand. I wiped her, tossed the soiled bit of toilet paper in the toilet and flushed, bending to pull Shilo's pajama pants up before picking her back up to head downstairs, wondering if I should rescue Nathan. I went downstairs and placed Shilo in the playpen, making my way outside to join Nathan's side. I saw him standing outside talking to both Rotti Largo and a young girl who I recalled as Rotti's daughter, Carmella. She wore pristine beige jodhpurs with a white ascot and white show shirt. A black riding jacket melded against her slender frame, with her black hair pulled back into a slick bun. Rotti was also in an ascot. It occurred to me that stepping out of the house was a glamourous occasion for them. And here were Nathan and I still in pajamas.

"Mr. Largo, you remember Mag." Nathan said as I neared him. When I grew close enough, I felt his arm slide around my waist in almost a subtle, protective manner.

"Indeed I do, how are you?" Rotti asked.

"I've been alright," I responded, staying near Nathan. Every stroke he gave of my lower back, I could feel his body tense. He wasn't happy about them being here.

"How's the baby?" Rotti asked. I flinched slightly as though the name stung.

"I'm afraid we lost the baby not long ago." I said quietly, my eyes lowering. I could feel Nathan still rubbing my back.

"I'm so sorry to hear that." Rotti said. Amber, who stood beside him, turned to the side so she could see the buildings on our property.

"Where are your horses?" She asked. My eyes narrowed.

"They're still in, we haven't let them out for the day yet." I said.

"How many do you have now?"

"Nine. May I ask why?"

"How much space do you have?"

"What do you mean how much space—"

"—How many horses could you fit entirely?" Amber interjected. Before I could even look to Nathan for help he stepped in.

"Mr. Largo… out of all due respect, can I ask why you're both here?" He said.

Rotti studied him for a moment then a smile crossed his face, shaking his head.

"Forgive me, Nathan. Actually, Amber has a horse that we're… having some problems with. We were wanting to find out if perhaps you could take on the horse for a bit and work with it. I know Mag's background with training and riding, I think the horse could get the work in it needs."

Nathan rubbed the back of his neck, exhaling slowly. I tried to find the words. There was no way we could take on that horse, was there?

"That's… that would be a lot of horses for us to take on," I said apprehensively.

"Well, it's not like you're pregnant anymore or anything," Amber remarked. I was stunned.

"Excuse me?" Nathan said abruptly.

"Amber!" Rotti snapped, looking back at us. "I'm so sorry. Nathan, if you did this, I would repay you and Mag handsomely. I have so much faith in the both of you."

Nathan was still seething. He looked at me and something told me that it was probably whatever Amber was doing with the horse that was making it misbehave. Nathan met my gaze almost in telling me that if I was alright with it he was, too. I drew a breath and nodded slowly.

"Alright."

"Thank you so much, both of you. We don't quite have a working trailer operating, so if you could just let me know when you could come pick him up, Nathan, I'll have someone out there helping you."

We said goodbye and Nathan and I headed back up into the house. When we got back in, Nathan turned, gently placing both his hands on my upper arms.

"Are you okay?" He asked, searching my face and running his hand up and down my arm. I nodded slowly.

"Yes, I'm a bit shocked and stung by what she said, but I'm alright." I told him, laying a hand on his side. There was something in his eyes that made me press further, gently running my hand up and down his side. "Why, are you?"

Nathan's eyes searched mine and he exhaled heavily, giving a shrug. My eyebrows furrowed, moving toward him, laying a hand on his back. "Nate? Talk to me, honey,"

He ran a hand over his mouth, shaking his head, turning toward the couch and moving to sit down. "I don't know, I think it really got to me, just the way she said it because I still blame myself entirely for what happened," He murmured, laying his elbows on his knees and lowering his head, running his hands through his hair. My heart went out to him entirely. I was still mourning what had happened, but knowing how Nathan was, and knowing that he was working with Dragon Blade at the time when it happened, he did blame himself. I moved to his side on the couch, sitting on the arm of it as my hand ran up and down his back.

"Nathan, you know I don't blame you for it. I could never. It was an accident." I murmured to him, gently rubbing his back. Nathan exhaled slowly through his nose, leaning against me. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and kissed the side of his head.

"When I found out you were pregnant, I was ecstatic," Nathan said softly. "I was so excited to have this baby. With the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with."

My heart stopped then seemed to take a huge leap upon hearing that. "You would want to spend the rest of your life with me?"

"Of course, sweetheart," Nathan responded, looking up in my direction. "I love you with all my heart, you're my everything."

He turned in his seat, laying a hand on my knee. I gently raised my hand to the side of his face and neck, searching his face, my heart swelling with complete adoration for this man.

"I love you, too, Nathan, with all my heart. You mean everything to me, you and Shilo." I said softly. His eyes searched mine as they softened, giving my knee a gentle squeeze. I leaned forward and kissed him softly, feeling him kiss me in return. It was long, tender and nothing but loving. I ran my hand through his hair, leaning to hug him and feeling him wrap his arms around me in return.

"I love you so much," I murmured, kissing the side of his head.

"I love you, too," Nathan said softly, "So much."

The day that Nathan and I went to pick up Amber's horse was the day we seemed to realise exactly what we were getting ourselves into. Shilo was in her car seat and Cooper was in the back seat with her. When we pulled up into Largo Equestrian, we drove past three new-looking trailers. Nathan snorted.

"'Oh no, we don't have a trailer that's working. Just not the seven horse one, we just can't settle for anything less.'" He muttered sarcastically with a grin. I swatted at his arm and he chuckled.

"You hush," I teased, shaking my head. We pulled up, parked, cracked the windows and got out of the truck in time to hear an ear-splitting scream of a horse. My heart stopped for a moment until I realised it wasn't a scream of terror. But a more stallion-ish scream. An Arabian. Oh God….

Nathan and I exchanged glances as we headed toward the barn. In there, three grooms were trying to manhandle the most stunning black Arabian we'd ever seen. He had blue eyes with the typical "eyeliner" of a white splash Arabian with a nearly white face. He reared up in the air with flared nostrils and struck out with his front legs. I watched his eyes and face. There was nothing frightened in the horse's eyes. It was complete arrogant defiance. The stallion was challenging the people handling them. It was nothing but a temper tantrum like a child.

"Here's your project," Rotti said behind us. "Meet Poltergeist. That's the thing with him, is that he's got a fierce intelligence. It makes predicting his tantrums, such as this, almost impossible."

"I just don't know what freaks him out so much of the time," Amber muttered as she moved up along her father. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the animal as he turned his head with his ears peeled back against his skull, baring and gnashing his teeth at one of the handlers. I could have sworn there was a flicker of amusement in the stallion's pale blue eyes the second the man flinched away.

"There is no fear behind that horse's actions." I said in response. "He's challenging them. He wants to see just what is going to make them squirm."

"Little devil, he is," Nathan muttered, turning to look in Rotti's direction. "You told me nothing about him being a stallion."

"I figured you'd be able to handle it." Rotti said. Nathan's hands were placed on his hips, obviously tense and concerned about how we were going to get this horse in the trailer. "Plus you signed the contract."

"Contract?" I turned my head, searching Nathan's face. Nathan's eyes met mine.

"It's nothing, sweetheart, we'll talk later." He said. Something in his voice was tense, and it just didn't sit well with me. Keeping my eyes on him, I turned back to the horse. Poltergeist jerked his head to the side and sent the leadrope searing through the groom's fingers. The guy yowled in a pained fury, but Poltergeist turned and booted it for his stall. That was it. I moved forward to the stall.

"Can I give it a go?" I asked. The groom held his now rope burned fingers, shooting me a caustic look.

"Be my guest, the thing's psychotic," He said. My gaze shifted to Poltergeist, searching the horse's blue eyes. He kept studying the both of us, no fear within them, but merely out of amusement. I realised immediately that he was behaving this way because he was getting away with it. The grooms were afraid of him, thus starting the vicious cycle.

"Alright, you, you've had enough fun," I said to him as I entered the stall. Poltergeist's ears pinned back against his head and I could hear the click of his teeth as he snaked his head out, threatening a bite. In turn I met the muzzle with a light but fast smack, sending him recoiling with a look of complete astonishment. My body posture was assertive, making no indication that I was going to shrink back, though as I snatched the dangling lead up off the ground, Poltergeist reared up and launched toward me with one step, sending himself slamming back on his front feet to the ground near me, threatening.

"Mag!" Nathan's voice was abrupt, alarmed. I quickly snatched up the end of the leadrope in my other hand, ready to use it if need be.

"He's fine, Nathan, I have him." I responded over my shoulder, though I checked the lead a number of times, advancing toward Poltergeist and sent him backpedaling rapidly. "Now you. Don't. Scare me. Don't think for a second I'm going to let you intimidate me." The growl was directed toward the horse, who was now eyeing me with his haunches pressed against the wall. The look he shot me was full of resentment in not being allowed his way. Though one ear flipped up toward me and the other soon joined.

"You're not as scary as you think," I told him, watching his eye as I moved to the side of him, wanting to beware of his teeth which seemed to be his favourite weapon or tool of harassment. One ear swiveled upward and the other soon followed. I ran my hand along his thin neck and he seemed to settle. My body posture displayed no intimidation. I wasn't afraid of him. He was a bully and nothing more. I gathered the lead in my hand and turned toward the others. The two grooms were looking in complete shock. Rotti Largo looked like the cat that had eaten the canary.

"What did I tell you, Nathan? She's got him." He said, his tone just a step behind the line of boasting. Moving past, Nathan shot him a look.

"I need to have a talk with you later," Nathan said, his voice low, almost dangerous. As I lead Poltergeist out of the stall and down the aisle. We got him loaded up with a few issues but eventually got the trailer closed and drove back home. In the car, I could feel Nathan's eyes shifting in my direction.

"You okay?" He asked. I nodded once crisply.

"I'm fine." I responded. "Wondering what this situation with the contract's about."

Immediately I could sense Nathan tensing up. "We'll talk about it when we get home and get that horse settled."

"I'm going to hold you to that." I turned and shot him a look.

We got home and I walked Poltergeist around the property as Nathan bedded down a stall. It was already becoming dusk, so once Nathan bedded down Poltergeist's stall, he had gotten the other horses in and fed while I worked with Poltergeist in the roundpen. The Arab tossed his head, picking up a careless, flighty trot. I glanced out of the corner of my eye as Nathan came up to the fence, with Cooper at his side.

"Hey, so all the horses are in and fed. Did you want me to throw two flakes of grass hay in Poltergeist's stall or… ?" Nathan asked tentatively.

"No, it's okay, I can get it in there when I get done with him. Geist, walk…" I commanded the horse whose tail lashed against his flank as he came to a walk. I wasn't happy. Something wasn't sitting well with me and I knew Nathan knew it. He lingered at the fence for a moment, nodding before reluctantly heading back up to the house. I finished working with Poltergeist, making sure he'd be calmed and settled so he wasn't ripping boards off the whole night. I had him brushed and led him into the stall, watching him circle the twelve square foot stall a few times, dropping his dished head as clouds of shavings rose as he snorted into the bedding before lifting his head and going to his hay rack, yanking a mouthful from it. Satisfied that he seemed to be settling in alright, I made my way up to the house after closing and locking the barn doors. When I entered the house, Nathan was sitting in the living room, looking up as I walked in. Something told me he'd been waiting there the whole time I'd been working with Poltergeist.

"We need to talk," I said, placing my hands on my hips. I watched Nathan's green eyes lower.

"You're right, we do." He admitted.

"There something you want to tell me about this contract?" I said. "I'm sorry for sounding blunt, Nathan, but you and I are involved, more than that. I thought things like this were discussed between us."

"I signed a contract with Rotti to get the horse trained." Nathan admitted. He had his elbows on his knees and wouldn't look me in the eye. I could feel anger and disbelief rising within me.

"What?"

"I didn't think the horse would be like this. I hesitated when I went to talk to Rotti and he basically told me if I didn't sign the contract then the charges would be returned to me. I could lose everything, even you." Nathan looked up at me. But there was tightness in my chest. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"How long does the contract go for?" I asked, my voice neutral. Nathan exhaled slowly.

"Up until the horse is at least decently trained and his vices are broken." Nathan murmured.

"How can the contract be broken?"

"Injury to either horse or person working with the horse, otherwise the contract is voided." Nathan shook his head. "Maggie, I'm so sorry. I had no choice… I didn't think the horse would be this bad."

I lost it at that point. "Nathan, you're lucky the horse isn't worse. This isn't half as bad as it could be, for anybody else who didn't know how to handle a headstrong stallion like this, but what in the hell were you thinking?" Now it was my turn to be angry. "You're supposed to talk to me about these things, Nathan. You put your family in danger. You hadn't even met the horse, how could you go off of an assumption like that?"

"I was going off of Rotti's word… " He began, then paused, realizing immediately what had come out of his mouth and the repercussions of it. I nodded, staring at him as though it were obvious.

"Exactly. And since when did you trust Rotti Largo's word?" I countered. Nathan stood abruptly.

"Mag, listen to me, I was put in a position where not only would I have lost my career, but I would have lost everything; you, our means of supporting ourselves, I would have lost everything if I didn't agree to train this stupid animal that Amber obviously can't handle. You can be angry with me, you have every right to be angry at me, but don't act for a second like I didn't think about my family's wellbeing. You and Shilo mean the world to me. What flabbergasts me is that you would possibly think I would put my career above everything else before your safety." Nathan shortly.

"Is that so, Nathan? Because it seems otherwise." I shot back. The look on Nathan's face was a combination of hurt and anger.

"You think what you want, Mag. But what would you rather have me do? Deny the job? Have him fire me and let them file the same charges against me? Have us lose everything?" Nathan's eyes bore into mine. "Think about it, because if that's the way you'd rather have it.. then fine. But I will not have the woman I love more than anything or my daughter living off of paycheck after paycheck with barely anything. What astonishes me is that you don't think for a second that I considered your safety or Shilo's."

I said nothing. I was furious, but a part of me was furious also because I knew Nathan had a good point. Exhaling abruptly, I turned and grabbed my coat, heading out the door.

"Where are you going?" Nathan asked. I knew he was still annoyed but that would never stop him from being concerned.

"I'll be back, I'm going riding for a bit." I muttered.

"In the dark—?" Nathan began.

"I'll be fine." I cut him off. I couldn't bear to turn and see the look on his face as I walked out the door. Tears burned the backs of my eyes but I blinked them back, heading down to the barn. I couldn't believe it, though I knew what sort of situation Nathan was put in. What hurt the worst was that Nathan didn't feel he could talk to me about it. At least that was what I was gathering from the situation. I unlocked the barn door and moved into it. As I walked past Rags' old stall, a pang of sadness twisted in my gut. How I wished my beloved boy were still here. Exhaling slowly, I went to Phaeton's stall and the chestnut Arabian looked up from his hay, his ears pricked in curiosity. I slid the stall door open partially to where I could slide in and out, moving into the tackroom to get my saddle, a girth that would fit him, a saddle pad, his breast collar and his bridle. Wrapping a wrist around his dainty nose, I slipped the bit into Phaeton's mouth and pulled the bridle over his ears. He knew immediately to stand as I tacked him up and as I led him out of the stall and out of the barn, I closed it behind me and led him to the mounting block where I stuck my foot in the stirrup and swung my leg over.

"Late night ride sound alright?" I asked him, clicking my tongue and nudged him gently with my heels. He started forward at a brisk walk, his ears flicking back toward me as though listening to every request I asked. I headed down the trail with him, waiting until we were ways away from the property before I nudged him into a canter and sent him down the trail at a hand gallop. I hunkered over Phaeton's neck, feeling his copper-coloured mane whipping my face, but feeling the power of the horse beneath me and the two of us moving as one was thrilling. When we came to the water fall, I slowed Phaeton to a walk and a halt, dismounting him as I led him to the water's edge to drink. I studied the small fall for a moment, drawing a lungful of the cool, crisp night air and closed my eyes, breathing through my nose as I tried to push mine and Nathan's argument from my mind. For a moment I tried to see it in his perspective, tried to put myself in my boyfriend's shoes. I knew how he responded to things, and I knew just how much Shilo and I meant to him. How could he have known what Poltergeist would have been like?

Phaeton's dark lips had been dropped to the surface of the water and he drank deeply, then raised his head and outstretched one foreleg as tough he would wipe the water from his muzzle on his leg, but craned his head and instead chose to do it on my sleeve. I tried to push Phaeton's head out of the way but he was relentless.

"You're a pain in the butt, you know that?" I muttered with a grin, rubbing his forehead. I smoothed his long forelock and pulled my iPhone out of my pocket. No missed calls, but I knew Nathan well enough to know he was probably worried sick. He just wanted to give me time to myself. That idea warmed my heart. With a sigh, I slid my phone back in my pocket and remounted Phaeton, turning him and asking him for a canter back to the property. We reached the edge out of the brush and I slowed him to a trot and a walk, hearing Cooper barking and going ballistic inside. I halted Phaeton and dismounted, reopening the barn door and brought him back to his stall where I unsaddled him and took off his bridle, letting him turn and return to his hay, mentally promising I'd brush him tomorrow.

I headed back inside and saw Nathan nowhere in sight. With a frown I made my way upstairs, finding him sitting at the foot of the bed in his pajama pants and bare chested. Cooper sat at his feet with his head in Nathan's lap. Nathan lifted his head, offering me a sad, half smile.

"Hey," He murmured. Exhaling slowly, I moved toward him, wrapping my arm around his waist.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," I murmured, kissing his shoulder. Nathan laid his arms over mine as I shifted to where both my legs went to either side of him, holding him in my arms. He sank back against me, shaking his head.

"No, I'm sorry, darling; I should have talked to you. I feel like a fool. I put my whole family in danger." He murmured, his eyes welling with tears. I ran my hand along his side to soothe him, shushing to him and murmuring to him.

"No, darling, it's alright," I soothed him with my hands and my embrace as well as my words, holding him close. I urged him to lie down on the bed and lay down beside him, wrapping my arms around him.

"You know I would never put you in danger if I had any power over it in the least." He murmured. He turned over onto his stomach and I lay with him, laying my head on the center of his back, rubbing his side and lying beside him.

"I know you wouldn't, darling," I murmured to him. He and I lay there like that as the night went on until we both fell asleep.

The next day, Nathan and I got up at around six-thirty in the morning to feed. I watched as Nathan threw on a t-shirt and a sweatshirt. A number of months had gone by and indeed, Dragonada was pregnant. We went out to feed and Nathan was pouring grain into the feed buckets, setting them with the flakes of hay outside of each stall. As I tossed in the flakes of hay and dumped grain into feeders, we went to Dragonada whose sides were rapidly expanding as the foal inside of her grew. I went into the stall and felt her flanks and near her croup, checking for squishiness that would indicate that the filly was due soon. I was incredibly curious to see just how the foal would turn out. But when I took a closer look at the filly's sides, it dawned on me just how widely expanded her flanks were. My eyebrows furrowed.

"Nathan," I called, softly as to not startle Dragonada. Nathan came into the stall and moved to my side as I looked in his direction. "Does she look almost too big to you?

Nathan took a step out of the stall to get the filly's lead and clipped it to her halter, handing me the leadrope which I immediately took to hold her still.

"Now, if you kick me, you're in big trouble, missy," Nathan murmured to the mare, rubbing her blank as he felt her belly and peered under at her milk bag. There was no doubt she was producing milk, because her udder was almost painfully swollen.

"Is she waxing up?" I asked, referring to the tiny beads of what appeared to be wax that appeared on a mare's teat when she was getting ready to foal. Then again, no two mares behaved the same when they were preparing to foal. Nathan lifted Dragonada's tail, and in response the mare pinned her ears and shot him a ruthful look, cocking one hoof. Nathan immediately retreated and I checked the lead sharply.

"What did I say about kicking?" Nathan muttered to the filly, shaking his head and looked back at me with his hands on his hips. "Well, she's got a bit of discharge. I'd say there's a possibility she's due tonight."

"Why's she so wide?" I asked, stroking her face. Nathan shook his head.

"That's what I'm about to find out. One second, I'm going to go get a glove." Nathan said, and ducked out of the stall. I held Dragonada's leadrope, stroking her face and murmuring to her. When Nathan returned he had a shoulder-length veterinary glove and pulled it on.

"Ok, hold her head and keep her as distracted as you can," He instructed. "She's not going to be in the least bit happy about this. I just want to see what position the foal is in. Her pelvis has dropped which shows the foal has shifted, but I'm wondering just how big it is."

"She is only three." I said. "You don't think it could just be a big foal?"

"Not that big," Nathan said, and while I took up slack in the lead, Nathan slid his arm inside of Dragonada through her entrance, and the filly was not in the least bit pleased. She pinned her ears and swung her head, and immediately I took hold of her upper lip and tried to keep a hold of it to keep her attention on me before she could fire a back hoof in Nathan's direction. As I played with her black lip, I looked at Nathan's face as his brow furrowed in concentration, but I saw something come into his face and immediately felt an anxious spasm in my stomach.

"That look is frightening," I said. "What is it?"

Nathan slowly slid his hand out of Dragonada and pulled the glove off, his eyes widened as he met my gaze. "Well… I definitely felt a second head in there, as well as a second chest and a second set of legs. She's not just having one foal, from what I gathered."

My eyes widened almost immediately and I could have sworn my jaw hit the floor. "You're joking… she's foaling twins?"

Nathan nodded, turning the glove inside out so it was clean to handle as he pulled it off. "From what I felt, yes, but I'll call Chris out here to get a second opinion. To be honest, I hope I'm wrong, but I doubt it."

"Why's that?" I asked. I didn't question Nathan's opinion, I just wanted to find out his reasons for concern, because I knew well that I had my own.

"I always am concerned for maiden mares who foal to begin with, and with her being so young, two foals will take a hell of a toll on her body, her calcium, her weight, her bones, everything." Nathan said. "I want to keep a close eye on her."

As we finished up the feeding, I went into the barn office with Nathan. My eyes trailed over the different feed inventories we had and bedding, jotting down on a pad of paper to buy a bale of straw and bed down another stall for Dragonada with it for when she foaled, as well as other memos such as wrapping her tail and getting a foaling kit together.

"We're going to have to order more feed soon, or go to the feed store," Nathan said from the feed room next door. I could only assume he was going through the bales of hay we had left as well as grain bags. We were in good shape, but with ten around the clock eating machines, our supply would probably last less than a week. Nathan reappeared in the office with Cooper at his heels. Shilo was grooming her pony in the stall. A steady rainfall had begun in light sprinkling. I knew turning the horses out all at once wasn't a good idea. I leaned back in the chair I sat in, spinning it to look in Nathan's direction.

"Nate, say Dragonada foals twins, both are fine—"

"Stopping you there for a moment, just to prepare you, because I've already prepared myself, we'll probably lose one foal, if not both, just warning you now," He said, moving toward me and I felt both his hands on my shoulders, rubbing them gently. A knot of anxiety formed in my stomach in the thought of the possibility of losing Dragonada as well, or instead of one of the foals. God… two orphaned twin foals…

"I know, believe me, I know," I assured him, laying my hand over his on my shoulder. "But say she foals both of them, they're both fine, what in the world are we going to do with two foals?" I looked up in his direction. Nathan blew out a breath.

"Well, both sire and dam were Jockey Club registered Thoroughbreds, we have papers on the both of them. We can register the foals, though that'll be expensive on its own; not to mention the cost of caring for the two little suckers, but we can get the foals register, get them weaned and at least somewhat trained, if anything keep them as yearlings then put them in the classifieds as pure Thoroughbred yearling twins for sale. I don't think we'll have a problem selling them."

"God, but the training of two foals… " I muttered with a groan, leaning forward with my arms crossed on the desk, my head leaning against my arms. I could feel Nathan rubbing my back.

"I know, the idea is enough to make anyone cringe, but we'll have to do it." He said with a shrug. I could hear in his voice that he was trying to sound more optimistic than he was feeling. "First off, I'm getting Dragon Blade gelded as soon as possible. I don't know if it's on his side of Dragonada's, but there is no problem with fertility there."

The two horses' names replayed in my head and I was struck with a sensation of brief horror.

"Nathan… they're not related, are they?" I asked, my head shooting up. Nathan's expression sobered and he knelt beside me at the computer to look at their files.

"I don't think so… but to be on the safe side… " He clicked on both Dragonada and Dragon Blade's pedigrees. Thank God putting dragon in a Thoroughbred's name was common, and there wasn't a single indication of relation on either sire or dam's side. At least now we don't have to worry about inbreeding.

"Ok, I'm going to ring Chris and get him out here. I want to make sure I'm correct before we jump to any conclusions," Nathan said, standing and picked the phone up off the cradle.

A little over an hour and a half later, Chris showed up in the white pickup from GeneCo's veterinary clinic. He had both the equipment to check a mare's pregnancy, and deciding we would kill two birds with one stone by getting Dragon Blade gelded as well, he brought the materials for tha, too. I lead Dragon Blade out of his stall with a stud chain over his nose, clipping him in the center aisle crosstie as Chris ducked underneath the tether and went to Dragonada's stall. Nathan had the halter back on Dragonada and held her as she found herself both violated and insulted for a second time, clearly pissed off about it as well. Chris withdrew his hand from inside her and pulled the glove off, nodding slowly.

"Well, Nate, you were right, you guys are definitely due for twins," He said. I wasn't sure if I was relieved or disappointed to hear that. Reading Nathan's expression, I couldn't tell by his, either.

"What do we do, Chris? How do we prepare for this?" I asked, standing beside Nathan. Chris exhaled slowly.

"Well, she's not producing enough milk for two foals so you're going to have to bottle feed one of them; ideally the smaller one. Get a can of Foal-Lac, they sell them at feed store. But judging by how she looks, I would guess she's going to foal tonight—if not in the next two to three days."

Nathan took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. I reached over and ran my nails gently over his lower back.

"So that means we're sleeping down here for a few nights," Nathan said, exhaling slowly.

"I probably would, just in case there's complications; which is likely."

After Chris left, Nathan and I drove to the feed store to get the Foal-Lac, a few bales of straw to bed down a foaling stall for Dragonada and to put together a foaling kit. When we got back to the barn and bedded down the stall, I looked in the direction of Dragonada, who had her head over the door with a very wary expression, her ears tilted back. A sigh left me. No matter how much we worked with the filly, I doubted there was ever going to be a time when she was fully gentled or broke. With her lines and what I presumed to be Dragon Blade's, I wondered how the foals were going to turn out; if, God forbid, they were to both make it. Nathan and I set up a bed in the loft above the foaling stall where we turned Dragonada loose in. That night Nathan and I both went up with Shilo sleeping beside the both of us. I turned over to see Nathan lying on his side, propped up on one elbow and watching the mare intently. Careful not to disturb Shilo at my other side, I turned over an lay a hand on Nathan's hip, slipping my hand up the side of his shirt and rubbed along it, easily able to tell that he was uneasy about what was going on.

"How's she doing?" I asked, reaching for my iPhone with my free hand to look at the time, seeing twelve-forty-two looking back at me. I heard and felt a heavy sigh come from Nathan, watching him remove his glasses to rub his eyes.

"She's starting to get restless, but that doesn't tell us much." He said, returning his glasses and lifted his other hand to lay it over my own on his side with a gentle squeeze over his shirt. I cherished the warmth of his skin and gently grazed my nails with just a notion of my fingers over the area, watching him turn over onto his back beside me and my hand immediately slid over his stomach. I could feel the raised scar tissue where his appendectomy scar still remained on his lower stomach, and very tenderly rubbed the area, pausing to peer over him and look down at Dragonada. The mare seemed to pace for a moment to and fro around the stall before coming to a halt by the flakes of alfalfa hay we had dropped in her stall, munching on the pile only slightly. With my hand still up Nathan's shirt, I settled beside him, laying my head on his chest and I felt him move his arm around me, running his hand along my forearm.

"You okay?" I asked, shifting my head to look up at him as he removed his glasses and set them behind us.

"Yeah, I'm just worried, though. The fact that she's having twins is… well, terrifying." He said with an almost unhappy chuckle, shaking his head. I nodded slowly, still running my hand along his torso.

"I know sweetheart. We're down here with her, if there's anything that happens, we know that at least we were down here to be able to help her out." I told him. Nathan nodded slowly, kissing the top of my head. I settled against him and it seemed we both fell asleep for a little bit. The next thing I knew Nathan was gently nudging me awake, though I could feel the urgency in her touch.

"Maggie, Dragonada's in labour." He said in a whisper. Shilo was already up beside her father, peering over the side. I immediately sat up and we slowly went down the ladder. As we did, I could see Dragonada buckle down onto her knees and sink down into the straw. I could see the wet spot in the stall where her water broke and already we could see the white bubble forming under her wrapped tail. Nathan and I got to the stall door, careful not to disturb the mare and watched her entire body strain with effort at pushing the foal out. Contractions rippled through her sides, and we could hear groans of pain leaving her.

"You're okay, Momma," I crooned to her, feeling Nathan wrap his arm around my shoulders and issue a squeeze. The first bag seemed to slide out easily with an almost black head breaking out of the placenta with a blaze running down its face. I slipped my arms around Nathan's waist, watching as Dragonada turned her head and uttered a soft whicker to her newborn that lifted its head. Nathan and I both went into the stall slowly to take a look at the little one, whose squeaky whicker was given in response to its mother. We knelt beside the wet bundle and pulled the sac away from it.

"It's a filly," Nathan said with a grin, watching as Dragonada clambered to her feet, moving toward her baby to lick the little one try. I sat with my knees folded under me with Nathan kneeling beside me, watching the scene unfold as Dragonada seemed to instinctively know how to mother the filly. She nudged the foal to try to urge the wobbly youngster to her feet. But within a few more minutes as the filly seemed to rock herself to an unsteady position at her feet, and Dragonada's sides contracted once more, her tail moved to the side, another white bubble emerging.

"Crap, she needs to lie back down before she gives birth to that foal," Nathan muttered, moving forward. But Dragonada kept going down, getting back up, and going back down, the process repeating itself. The bag wasn't budging. Nathan glanced at his watch.

"We need to get the foal out of her," I said, moving to Dragonada's side as she lay down again. Nathan already came in with iodine and the gloves in the foaling kit.

"Lean your knee on her crest, Maggie, we have to keep her down." Nathan said. I nodded and knelt on her crest, gently stroking the laboring mare's face as Nathan reached into her, taking hold of what he could. I could see the perspiration forming on Nathan's forehead as he grunted with effort.

"It's breached, I've got to turn the foal around," Nathan's voice was strained, trying to get the foal in the correct position."

It was a couple of minutes before Nathan seemed to get the bag pulled out of Dragonada and within moments, we had to pull the bag off the foal and get it breathing ourselves. Nathan pulled the sac off of the foal's head, using a towel to clear the mucus from its nose and towel the foal dry. "It's a colt," I heard him say, and I lifted my knee from Dragonada's crest and watched her scramble to her feet and move to her other foal's side. Soon, the little colt was breathing and lifting his head weakly, uttering the same high pitched whicker that his sister had given. Dragonada nudged the foal to his feet slowly and within a few minutes. I looked to Nathan who was still on his knees, trying to catch his breath. I knelt to his side and ran my hand along his hunched back, seeing him lift his head to watch the scene before us. The filly had her head under Dragonada's flank, nursing contently, and I knew as well as Nathan did that there was no way Dragonada could produce enough milk for the both of them.

"Maggie, can you go get some hot water and mix foal-lac into the bottle?" Nathan said breathlessly. He was exhausted, that was easy to see, and I nodded, kissing the back of his head and went to the foal kit. I dumped the correct amount of the powder and warm water, shaking it until I knew it was mixed enough. After a few moments, I went to the colt's side and urged him to take the teat of the bottle, holding it upward just enough so that it was a natural nursing motion.

The foals were up and both nursing here and there. I knew that by the time it was morning we would have to be out there every few hours to bottle feed one or the other. Nathan and I both went back up to the loft to watch over them and to go to bed. Nathan carefully moved past Shilo and collapsed on his back with an exhausted groan, his hand on his chest.

"I can't believe that went as well as it did." He murmured, pulling off his glasses and set them in back of the futon. I crawled over to settle beside him, feeling his arm move around me.

"It's not over yet, sweetheart." I said softly, laying my head on his chest and moving my arm over his waist. Nathan nodded and I could feel his chest rise and fall as he drew a breath and released it slowly. I ran my hand along his side and sternum to soothe him, knowing he was exhausted. "Try to get some sleep, sweetheart. I'll stay up and if I see anything I'll wake you."

"Honey.. I don't want you staying up all night," Nathan said softly. "We'll both be up on and off, I know we will."

However, after awhile I could feel Nathan's breathing growing steadier and steadier and knew he had fallen asleep. I stayed at his side, gently rubbing it and found myself falling asleep before long as well.

About a week later, the foals had grown a bit stronger. It was a painstaking process of getting up to bottle feed either one depending on the day, and Dragonada was getting more hay than usual to keep her milk production going. Feeding two foals had to be a tiring process, we knew ourselves since we were helping with a majority of it. After turning the horses out one morning, I came back in and saw Nathan at the desk. I moved toward him and lay a hand on his back, both of us looking over as the phone rang. Nathan picked it up off the cradle and answered it. "Hello?"

I searched Nathan's face out of curiosity, seeing a smile slowly slide across his face.

"Well, I'll be damned. Clark, how are you?" Nathan said. I could hear the brief, brassy voice on the other end that sounded like a man's. Nathan nodded in response.

"Yeah, I never wound up going to the funeral; I figured Dad wouldn't exactly make me feel welcome." He said, lowering his eyes. I gently ran my hand up and down his back, realizing he was talking about his mother's funeral. But who was Clark? How come it sounded as though Nathan was talking to a sibling?

"That's fantastic! I know Mom would have been thrilled to hear that." Nathan said, glancing at me in acknowledgement. Cooper scratched at my leg with one paw and I kissed the back of Nathan's head, heading to the back with the dog to let him outside to do his business. When I came back in, Nathan was off the phone.

"Who was that, Nate?" I asked, curious. Nathan seemed to still have a smile on his face, looking back in my direction and turned to face me, drawing me into his lap with his hands on my waist.

"Have I ever told you about Clark? My older brother?" He asked. My eyebrows shot up.

"No, I think you've failed to mention that part of your family." I told him, gently brushing his hair off his forehead.

"Well, he left the house when I was in college, I think. He got fed up with our father and hadn't spoken to either my mother or father since. He would write periodically, but that was all I ever really heard from him. He's been trying to get his pilot's license for ages now and finally got it. He rang and told me about it. He's supposed to be coming up at some point, I'm hoping, but he said he couldn't promise anything just yet. He in the air force, it was something he always wanted to do." He lowered his eyes with a shrug. "Thought my father could at least be happy about that. He had a doctor and a pilot in the family."

I slid my arms around Nathan's neck, kissing the top of his head. "Your father has every reason to be proud of you, Nathan. If he isn't it's his own problem, not yours."

Nathan exhaled slowly, gently running his hand up and down my back. "Clark couldn't stand Dad's criticism. He had more nerve than I did. I would definitely consider him the stronger brother." He said, kissing my shoulder.

"I love you and I'm proud of you, Nathan, more than anything." I told him, running my hand through his hair as I kissed his forehead. "That means a lot to me, Maggie." He said softly. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close, feeling his arms tighten around my waist. While I was surprised Nathan had never told me he had a brother, I was glad he at least had a family member that stayed in touch with him.

Nathan and I went outside to continue with the horses. Nathan went into the paddock where Uther resided with the other stallions, pushing heads away who were curious of his presence. I watched him slip Uther's halter over the stallion's nose and buckle it, leading him out. I followed him to the barn where Nathan clipped him to the crossties in the aisle, watching as he bent to run his hands along Uther's legs.

"How does he look?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. Nathan straightened, and I saw the slightest smile on his face.

"He feels sound," He said, patting Uther's cresty neck. "Sound enough to where I'm debating getting on him."

My head shot up immediately. "Nathan.. really?" I asked, a smile sliding across my face. "That'd be amazing."

"It will be, because my mind is made up," Nathan said with a smile. I could tell he was excited about getting back on the stallion. It was good to see Nathan excited about this and I knew Uther's recovery was important to him. It was important to me as well.

"Just be careful, Nate, he hasn't been ridden in almost a year now," I said, watching as Nathan went into the tack room and got an English saddle and Uther's bridle, which Nathan had to brush off the dust collecting on the leather straps from the year Uther spent on stall rest.

"I think he'll be fine, sweetheart." Nathan said, placing the saddle pad on Uther's back and then the saddle. "He's been sound for awhile now."

"That's not entirely what I had in mind," I said softly, leaning against one of the stall walls as Nathan tightened the girth. Uther wasn't girthy but he did toss his head in protest, though stood fairly quietly. It was plain as day to me that Uther's accident had definitely calmed him down. I knew there was a side of him still that was just itching to blow out of there and return Uther to his excitable days. What concerned me even more was the idea that Nathan was going to be on his back.

Nathan had the halter unbuckled and around the nearly eighteen-hand German Warmblood stallion's neck, slipping the bit into Uther's mouth and pulled the bridle over his head. Uther stretched out his neck, his mouth gaping which seemed to be an only reflexive response from not having a bit in his mouth in over a year, but he seemed to mouth the bit until it was situated and released a loose snort. Nathan fastened the straps that needed it and gently pulled his thick forelock from under the browband. When the halter was released from Uther's neck, Nathan pulled the reins over his horse's head and lead him to the barn exit when something dawned on me.

"Nathan, hold it… " I sad quickly, ducking into the tackroom to retrieve a set of white polo wraps. "Better safe than sorry, especially after a year." A look of realization and gratitude passed over Nathan's face as I kneeled to wrap each of Uther's long legs.

"Good thinking. That could have gotten ugly," Nathan said, waiting until I was out from under Uther's legs before he led him to the roundpen, with me trailing behind. We figured it was the better option, since neither of us were quite sure how Uther was going to react. I stood by the railing, watching Nathan pull down the stirrups. One of the stallions from the pasture screamed from afar, the voice I couldn't pinpoint at the time, but odds were it was Phaeton. Uther turned his head as Nathan adjusted the girth as a shrill, throaty, and loud whinny shook through the stallion's massive frame in response, his ears stiffly erected on the top of his poll. I watched Uther's actions, his expression, trying to read him. It seemed as though gradual that rambunctiousness was returning, though he was giving no real indication.

"Honey, watch him… " I warned, eyebrows furrowing as Nathan gathered the reins. The mares watched at the fence in the pasture that neighboured the roundpen with pricked-eared curiosity. I drew a breath and held it as Nathan gently squeezed Uther into an eager walk. I could see Nathan on alert, ready for anything the stallion might throw at him, but Uther didn't seem like he was in an ornery mood. At least not yet. Nathan asked him for a trot and the stallion obliged, his muzzle tucked to his chest. His form that I remembered so clearly brought tears to my eyes. He was the image of grace, power and athleticism, a picture of raw beauty in his piebald frame.

This was going smoothly. Too smoothly. My fingernails dug into my palms as Uther's tail lashed and slapped against his rump, his ears swiveling and flicking a mile a minute. I couldn't tell if it was aggravation or just pent up energy but the next thing I knew, Uther exploded into a fit. He zig-zagged on and off the rail into an explosive fit of bucking and leaping. Nathan's body gyrated like a ragdoll on his back, but he was doing everything he could to stay on. This wasn't out of animosity, it was the energy that I knew was ready to burst from the get go, and Uther was loving every second of it.

"Sit back, sit back, sit back sit back sit back—" I called, straightening at the railing. Uther bucked, thrashed, careened, lept and writhed, and within moments Nathan hit the ground with a thud as Uther dug in and roared across the pen. I heard a thunk of hoof hitting wood which I assumed was Uther getting too close to the rail before ducking left. But I vaulted over the railing to Nathan's side as he painfully pushing himself up, sitting for a moment as he let the pain of his body smacking the dirt as hard as it did dissipate.

"Nate! Are you alright? Can you move everything?" I asked, my hand on his shoulder as I knelt before him. Uther had come to a stop near the gate almost expectantly, like the royalty he was named after, seeming to assume that someone would open it and let him out. He was finished here, and was ready to return to the barn, seemingly carefree that Nathan had hit the dirt. The black and white stallion craned his head, his ears pricked as one swiveled to the side, cocking one back hoof in contentment with what I could have sworn was an exasperated sigh.

"That son of a bitch… " Nathan muttered with a pained laugh, his voice strained as he tried to get air back into his lungs.

"I had a feeling he was being too good to be true," I said sympathetically, though seeing the frustration and amusement on Nathan's face I couldn't help but smile. "What a horror."

"Maniac is more like it," He said, grunting as he climbed to his feet. I took hold of his arm to aid him.

"You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, honey, I promise. That just wasn't a short fall," Nathan said, shaking his head before kissing the side of my own.

"Uther towers over everything in the barn, not surprising." I said, shaking my head with a light grin as Nathan moved to take hold of Uther's reins. He pulled the stallion's reins over his head and led him, almost painfully, out of the arena. I gently rubbed his lower back as we walked.

"That deserves a backrub and massage later tonight," I told Nathan.

"I'm going to need it," He murmured, his arm sliding around my waist. We went back into the barn and Nathan untacked Uther, bringing the saddle and bridle into the tackroom and I unclipped Uther and brought him out to the washrack. I hosed the Warmblood stallion off, used the sweatscraper to scrape off excess water and brought him back out to the field. The moment he was released he immediately sank to his knees and rolled, much to my annoyance upon seeing the dirt clinging to his still wet frame. I went into the barn to check on the two foals. Immediately, when I peered into the stall, I was met with a pair of glowering brown eyes and pinned ears as Dragonada stood firmly between me and her two offspring, the colt hiding under her belly and the filly peering out from behind her dam's rump as though attempting bravery. Though how she stood, the resemblance to her mother was uncanny, despite her mousy brown coat. Whether she'd stay that colour was a different story. Nathan and I had no way of knowing if either the filly or colt would remain the mousy bay they were now or grey out like Dragonada. Genetically speaking, the two should have been born black and greyed out, but I had no idea if Dragon Blade was homozygous black. Apparently not if the foals were brown, but who knew, they may have been bay based and would grey out in time.

We got back into the house, and I went into the kitchen with two wine glasses and a bottle of wine, bringing it into the living room where Nathan sat, leaning forward while running his hands through his hair. I set a wine glass in front of Nathan on the coffee table, reaching around him to gently pull off his t-shirt.

"Now just what are you doing?" He teased, laying a hand on my leg, taking a sip of the wine glass. "I'm a broken man, Maggie, I don't think we're going to get anywhere tonight."

"There's no need, I just want to sit here and cuddle," I responded, succeeding in gently pulling Nathan's shirt off. I rubbed my hands along his back, kneading my fingers into his skin and muscle. Nathan tilted his head back with a light groan made in the back of his throat, but I knew it was positive, taking a sip of the wine I had brought him.

"You take too good of care of me," He murmured, leaning back against me slightly. I slid my arms around Nathan's bare waist and kissed the back of his shoulder.

"You deserve every bit of it," I responded, laying my chin on his shoulder. Nathan smiled, leaning back against me in the slightest.

Three years later

Almost three years had rolled by since Marni's death, but to be honest things couldn't have been more incredible. Nathan and I owned the ranch together, this time around rescuing horses. We hadn't exactly gotten too far, but with Shilo now five years old and getting a bit too big for her pony, Tinkerbell, Nathan and I had both at one point exchanged that glance of, "It's time." Shilo needed a bigger pony.

I was slowly getting back involved in showing, or at least training up to it. Loving the progress I was making with Poltergeist, the Largos had asked us to keep him for another month or so, to at least enter him in the next event. Unlike what Marni and I did all those years ago, the three day eventing, Amber Sweet focused mainly on jumpers. How she had managed to get the extreme extroverted Arabian stallion, who was extremely dominant to boot, to focus on such a high energy competition. Then again it sort of suited him. The black splash was incredibly athletic, and seemed to thrive off of high gear, adrenaline addled anything. I discovered this as Nathan and I lead Poltergeist down the hill to the arena. Nathan gave me a leg up and immediately I could feel Geist bunching up under me like a coiled spring.

"His tail is literally straight up," Nathan teased, issuing the stallion with a gentle pat, though touched my leg gently. "You sure you're okay?"

"Sweetie, I've been working with him over jumps about three-foot-six for the past few weeks, I think we're fine," I assured him with a smile, leaning down and kissing his forehead. Geist's head swung to the side as our whole herd of bachelor stallions; where Geist normally resided, tore off at a thundering gallop down the fence line. A high pitched whistle shuddered through the stallion's whole frame, his breath creating a mist in the cold morning air. I smoothed his long black mane, shaking his head.

"Relax, you goof, you're fine," I told him, looking back in Nathan's direction. "I'd better get him in there, Nate. Where's Shilo?"

Nathan pulled his zip up hoody sleeve back to look at his watch. "Well, it's about six o' four in the morning, I'm assuming she's still asleep. We would have heard her come out if she was up," He said, patting my leg gently. "Alright, get in there. Let's see what this big boy can do."

I nodded, gently nudging Poltergeist with my heels and asked him to move forward into the arena, where I picked up a brisk trot as Nathan closed the gate behind me. Still in the training stage and being a jumper, Geist was pretty much equipped with every contraption imaginable. Wearing a rubber jointed loose-ring snaffle with a figure eight noseband, a running martingale with a breast collar, his back legs wrapped in maroon polos with fuzzy sheepskin and leather jumping boots on his forelegs; not to mention bell boots, I figured if he and I were to take a spill, he'd be the one to come out of it unscathed.

Poltergeist's black tail remained flagged as he rounded his neck. I gently tugged in a back and forth motion on both reins to ease him on the bit, posting with his already floating trot. I could have sat the trot and not even moved in the saddle. It was obvious that regardless of the problems the Largos had been having with the overly aggressive and dominant stallion, they had paid a lot of money for a horse with impeccable training. What I was trying to figure out was what went wrong somewhere along the lines. I trotted him a couple laps around the arena, asking him to bend in the corners while squeezing my inside leg and turning his head toward the inside while nudging him to bend his body toward the outside, basically teaching him that I wanted him to be flexible and bend around the corners. The first few times he swished his tail and pinned his ears in aggravation, even done so much as crow-hopped every so often, but before it could escalate into a bucking fit, I yanked his head up and brought my riding stick around and smacked his haunches with a growled "No." directed his way. The stallion wasn't stupid, he figured out very quickly that we could make this easy or hard, and I was willing to take whatever came my way. Reluctantly, he eased his way around every corner and once satisfied, I asked him for a canter. He wrung his tail with more excitement than annoyance, leaping straight into a canter, and even better he was on the correct lead. I took up slack in the reins and urged him forward. His back was hollowing out and with each stride I could feel him wanting to buck. Apparently Nathan caught it too.

"Keep your heels down and his head up, Maggie, he's getting overly excited, stay alert," Nathan warned. I could see him at the fence line, leaning against the railing. I tightened the reins a bit. Every stride seemed to be more exuberant and even faster than the first. As I took him down the diagonal for a flying change it took practically a spasmodic leap in the air, an explosive snort and Poltergeist twisted, landed, and bucked all the way back down the line, my whole body gyrating in the same motion as though I was riding a rocking horse on steroids. All I could do was try to pull the Arab's head up, keeping my heels down. It was enough to send anyone's heart into their throat but I had a decent grip on both his head and his back.

"Easy… easy… easy… pull his head up, Mag. Pull up, pull up, pull up, pull up—" Nathan called. I could hear the tension and concern in his voice. I managed to get Poltergeist's head up and cantered him a couple more rounds around the arena to get him settled before I slowed him to a walk and a halt near the fence where Nathan stood. I could tell by the look on my other half's face that as much as he had tried to stay calm; that had scared the hell out of him.

"Well, that was exciting," I joked, trying to catch my breath, shaking my head as I gave Geist's damp neck a series of pats. He was blowing slightly but otherwise not all that winded or hot. What concerned me now was whether or not Nathan was still breathing.

"Jesus, he's like a loaded gun," Nathan shook his head, exhaling slowly.

"He has improved since he's been here, you've got to give him that." I said.

"That's not saying much, Maggie, he was a terror when we first brought him here." Nathan added. I opened my mouth to respond, but I couldn't say anything. He had a point. The Largos had sent him here because Poltergeist literally terrified everyone on the premises. He had pitched Amber countless times, and even I had been dumped in the dirt more than my fair share, but Poltergeist and I were coming to an understanding. He was a stunning horse, a colour that I never thought would have been possible for a pure Arab. While he was a blue-black, he had the splash white colourings with a white face, his eyes a striking pale blue. Aside from that, he had no other real markings except a small white patch under his belly and all four of his legs had tall white stockings and pink hooves. It wasn't that Poltergeist had been abused, he was just a wickedly intelligent stallion and when he wasn't challenged mentally to do something that helped him exercise that brain power, he had grown bored, destructive, and eventually mean and violent. His immense athleticism had helped in that as well.

"Let's just do three-six and stick with that today, Mag. The ground is still a bit frozen for my liking, and with the mood he's in I don't want to risk either of you getting hurt," Nathan said, ducking under the fence and moved past Poltergeist and me. With no real intention of genuinely being annoyed at Nathan's presence, but for the mere fun of it, as Nathan passed Poltergeist flattened his ears against his skull and snaked his head around with a threatened nip at Nathan's shoulder. I had caught it and immediately checked the reins sharply, adding a smack on his neck with the crop for good measure. Geist's ears and his head flew back up with a surprise, backing up a couple of steps. Nathan looked up.

"That's enough out of you," I growled. Nathan's hands were placed on his hips, shaking his head with a scoff.

"He just won't let up, will he?" He said. I rolled my eyes, nodding. For some bizarre reason Nathan and Poltergeist hadn't gotten along from the get-go. Nathan gave Geist a wide berth for this exact reason.

"Ok, all the jumps are set at the right height, why don't you take the line and round to the barrels?" Nathan suggested. I nodded, nudging the stallion into a canter and turned him toward the line. One thing about Poltergeist, when his head was in the game, his head was in. The. Game. He knew what he was doing, he had it handled. It made me wonder if maybe Amber thought the same and she really didn't have it handled. Poltergeist was trying to take their of them both, make up for Amber's incompetence but Amber just tried to wrestle him into submission, insisting with her body that she knew what she was doing. With a powerful, headstrong animal like Poltergeist, that wasn't the way to go. It frustrated him, and I was even beginning to suspect that it made him insecure, which he compensated for with a very nasty disposition. That wasn't going to happen with us.

Coming to the line, I could feel Poltergeist lengthen his strides, recognizing that he had seen the distance before I did. I slid my hands up his elegant neck, letting him find the distance I thought and hoped he was aiming for; the one I was prepared for, and if not I was in for what was popularly known as a "Yahoo!" moment, but he had found the exact distance. One.. two.. three—Poltergeist's forelegs snapped up and he took the jump like nobody's business. I leaned forward during take off, keeping my heels down and readied myself for the next jump. I didn't touch the reins, just kept them still in my hands. The last thing I wanted to do was try to over-direct him, since I knew that was exactly what would piss him off.

Two strides; he took the next in stride, sailing over it in absolutely impeccable form. I snapped forward and back, whipping my head to the left as I turned him, barely tilting the rein to direct his head. Each time I got on this horse I realized how incredibly sensitive he was. No wonder he had become such a problem. Amber was trying to power and provoke an already fiercely intelligent animal. It was a battle of, "I got this. No I got this, back off and sit back. No, you will listen to me!"

It wasn't pretty, and I was beginning to suspect that that was a majority of this horse's problems. A classic case of the rider's the problem, not the horse.

However, we were a few strides away from the barrels and I could feel something in his demeanor change. I barely had a few seconds to process when Poltergeist dropped his shoulder and ducked away from the fence. Taking part of the rein with me and dragging it over the side of his neck, beyond my control my whole body flew over the pommel of the saddle and I collided with the jump, finding myself lying in a pile of poles and one knocked down standard. Poltergeist yanked away from me and took off trotting across the arena. I staggered to my feet almost immediately, my line of sight following where my mount was heading. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Nathan vaulting over the fence and rushing toward me.

"Mag! Honey are you okay?" He immediately moved to my side, rising with me as I stood.

"I'm okay, I promise, just a bit bruised," I assured him, laying a hand on his arm but turned my gaze back to Poltergeist. "I'm just praying to God he doesn't step on his reins."

We heard a pop of leather snapping from a good distance off and now Poltergeist was at a breakneck gallop, ripping around the arena, with both ends of the now broken reins trailing behind by his flagging black tail.

"Oh, shit.. I knew it… " I muttered, immediately moving toward him. "Geist, whoa. Settle, sweetheart, settle… "

I never thought in a million years he would listen to me, but the Arabian stallion slowed to a walk, turning his head in my direction before dropping his head, a full-bodied shake dancing down the stirrup leathers, dropping his head with an outstretched foreleg to rub the side of his head, his now eradicated bridle just barely beginning to slide off of his head. The headstall was still intact, thankfully, but the reins were destroyed. Oh well, at least it was the reins and not his jaw or something. The mental image of that was enough to make me cringe. Nathan moved past me and I stood near him, watching a bit nervously as he slowly approached the stallion's side.

"Nate, honey, be careful… "

Spotting Nathan, Poltergeist pinned his ears, shooting Nathan a look. Nathan's eyebrows furrowed as he murmured to the stallion, and once he was near enough, grabbed one half of the reins. Geist gave an enraged squeal, rocking back on his haunches in a cloud of dust in a sort of backpedalling rear, swinging around and trying to fire both; if not at least one, back hoof in Nathan's direction. Nathan was able to move just far enough away and jerked the stallion to face him, keeping a firm hold on the reins once the other broken half was in his hand.

"Now you cool it. You're done," Nathan said tersely to the stallion. The look Poltergeist gave him was about as unimpressed as they came. I stood nearby; feeling an ache in my lower back which I knew was from the fall. Reaching back, I gently rubbed it with my fingers, following Nathan back to the barn with Poltergeist in tow. Normally I wouldn't have ended a training session on that note, but every part of my body ached, even though I knew I was fine. Poltergeist was just too hot at the moment to get him to cooperate. As Nathan and I exchanged glances, we both knew that was the case. When we brought him back to the barn and untacked him, Nathan clipped the leadrope to Poltergeist's halter and lead him to one of the turnout fields, letting him loose to let off some steam. Sure enough, Poltergeist careened away at a breakneck gallop, bucking down the fence line with his tail flagged. I leaned my hands against the fence, watching Amber's horse and felt Nathan's arm slide around my waist. I turned and kissed his shoulder, sinking gently against him with a hand on his chest.

"How're you feeling, sweetheart?" He asked. I exhaled slowly with a light shrug, wrapping my arm further around him.

"Sore," I murmured, my chin against his collarbone. I could feel Nathan kiss the top of my head.

"I know, honey, I can imagine. It'll get better," He said softly, rubbing my back. "You stuck with him pretty well, that would have thrown anyone."

"Thank you, darling. But right into the fence?" I groaned with an unhappy laugh, sinking against Nathan, who chuckled and held me tighter.

"I know, honey, that was a cheap shot on Poltergeist's end." He said, kissing the side of my head. I was relieved because after the three years that had rolled by since Marni's death; as much as any fall or accident of mine on horseback scared the daylights out of Nathan, he had calmed down about it quite a bit. I couldn't blame him. It was Marni's accident in the beginning that literally had traumatised him, especially after all the rubbish he had received from the media when Marni's death should have been left well enough alone. As we walked back to the barn, Poltergeist plodded behind us calmly, which was too weird. The stallion was about as calm as ever, which usually meant trouble, from Nathan's and my own past experiences. We got him in the barn, and while I tried to help out, Nathan shooed me away to have me sit down on the tack trunk. The next thing I knew was a nudge to my shoulder and I turned my head to see my beloved chestnut Arabian stallion, Phaeton, with his elegant head craned over the stall door.

"You are such a big baby," I crooned with a smile, cupping his dark, velveteen muzzle and kissed the tip of it, feeling his upper lip wriggle in delight, his ears pricked in obvious interest. When we got Poltergeist cooled down and put away, Nathan turned his head to spot his five year old daughter, Shilo, making her way to her pony, Tinkerbell's stall. Shilo stood about three-foot-six at her age, and Tinkerbell was still about nine to ten hands. As much as we knew none of us would want to admit it, Shilo was ready to move on, and that was a discussion for later. A larger pony and I knew some other changes in the mix. Nathan glanced at his watch as Shilo entered Tinkerbell's stall with a grooming kit, and while I found it hilarious, I knew Nathan was horrified to see his daughter in school clothes about to brush her pony.

"Shi… honey, what're you doing? You've got to be ready to get on the bus, it comes at seven-thirty and it's seven-fifteen now." Nathan said, heading toward the stall door. I couldn't believe how much Shilo had grown. She had the halter on Tink and everything, brushing her with utmost love and affection.

"It's okay, Daddy, I'll get there. Tinkerbell needed to be brushed." She informed him, but a smile on her face told me and Nathan both that she was going to sneak in as much time with her pony as she possibly could. Once she was finished, Nathan lay a hand on his daughter's back, guiding her out then kneeling in front of her.

"Alright, one second, Shi, let me just have a look at you," He said as he painstakingly plucked bits of hay and shavings off Shilo's clothing. "We don't want you going to school looking like you slept in Tinkerbell's stall, do we?" He crossed his arms, his eyes teasing. "Did you sneak into the barn in the middle of the night and sleep in Tink's stall?"

Shilo giggled, shaking her head. "No, Daddy! Of course not." She informed him, though her smile was enough to make anyone's heart melt. Nathan grinned, his eyes softening and leaned forward to kiss her forehead, standing to wrap an arm around her.

"That's what I thought. Now let's get you on the bus, I think I hear it," He said. Shilo stayed close to her father's side as the bus pulled up. Nathan had made sure Shilo had her lunch bag, her backpack, everything, and was set to go to kindergarten. It was almost frightening to me to think that this little girl who I had known from the time she was in the womb was already five years old and in preschool. Shilo turned, moving toward me and flung her arms around my waist. "Bye Maggie!"

"Bye sweetheart, we'll see you after school," I said with a smile, kissing the top of her head. "Have fun today."

We parted ways and watched Shilo get on the bus. Even though she had done it a number of times before, I knew Nathan had a hard time watching his little girl go. I looked in his direction, saw him with his hands shoved in his pockets, lowering his eyes. I moved nearer to him and rubbed gentle circles over his back, kissing his shoulder. Nathan gave a thin smile and wrapped his arm around me as we headed back to the house. Our German Shepherd, Cooper, who was now about four years old, rushed after us in the house All horse chores were done for the time being, since we had gotten them done before I decided to get on Poltergeist. Nathan and I headed into the kitchen to fix ourselves cups of coffee. I poured some into two mugs and handed one to Nathan and we made our way into the living room. He lay with his back to the far corner of the corner couch, willingly accepting me in his arms as I sank back against his chest with his arm around me, still holding my mug while reaching to affectionately rub his side. "Ok, so what's the verdict?"

"Well, for starters, we have twelve horses on the property," He said. "I think it's time to downsize."

His sentence made me cringe, but I knew what he meant. "I agree, but who can we sell?

"Well, we're not doing much with the Thoroughbreds, including Dragon Blade, Kilkenny Creek, Batten, Bank on Silver. All of those guys are now five years old and we haven't done anything with them. They should go to homes where they're going to be used."

"What about Aftershock and Allure, Dragonada's foals? I mean, those guys are three years old and just now halter broke. I'm not planning on doing anything with Dragonada anytime soon, Poltergeist is a handful as it is." I said, sinking back against Nathan's frame. "You know what, I really have been thinking about that idea of running an operation for horses who have had issues in the past, rescues and so on. I think we can do it, Nathan."

"Maggie… " He gave an uncomfortable laugh, shaking his head. "I don't know, sweetheart, I'm still on edge about this. I mean, bringing in horses with an assortment of problems is sort of the least of my concerns. I mean, there's marketing, networking, getting our name out there. That's a lot of money in itself, Mag. Like, is this going to be something we want to get involved in? Especially when you're getting back into showing. How're you going to find the time to do both?"

"I don't know, I guess… I'm going to have to make sacrifices, not show as much. This is something I really want to do, Nate, something I've always wanted to do."

I looked up in Nathan's direction and saw his expression soften. He exhaled slowly, nodding.

"We'll see how things go. Who knows, this might wind up working out. You have my support though, sweetheart, all the way."

I issued him with a gentle squeeze, grateful for his encouragement. We sat talking for a bit, deciding we'd sell all the Thoroughbreds except Allure and Aftershock, and Nathan said he had a good connection with someone who was looking for training prospects. That was five sold. Then the conversation of Shilo and Tinkerbell came up. Both Nathan and I knew this would be a testy subject.

"Well, it's not exactly like we have to sell her, she's a great little companion for the others." I said. "We could get Shilo a little welsh pony or something, see if we can find her something larger. She'll still have Tink, but when the time comes, we can make the decision whether or not we want to find Tink a better home."

"I like that idea. I know Shilo's going to be devastated if she has to part with her first pony." Nathan said. "She loves that little furball."

"She's been good to Shi, that's for sure, she's taught her a lot." I said. Nathan nodded, exhaling slowly.

"She really has."

Later on that day, we had let all the horses out. We had immediately decided to geld Aftershock due to his sire's intrusive nature. Dragon Blade himself was gelded, and if anything it was the filly, Allure, who was even worse. Both had developed an almost rosy brown-grey coat. Allure was lighter than Aftershock, who was a darker brown. With a clean blaze down Allure's face, Aftershock had developed something that started off as a star then gradually widened into a blaze down his face. He was turned out in the pasture with Tinkerbell, Allure, Dragonada; his dappled grey Thoroughbred dam, Kilkenny Creek; a bay Thoroughbred, Batten; a chestnut with no white on him, Dragon Blade; the black sire, and Bank on Silver; another dappled grey. The stallions, which included our Friesian stallion Navarre, Amber's little black sabino splash Arabian, Poltergeist, Uther Pendragon who had been Marni's and was a stunning piebald German Warmblood, and my chestnut Arabian stallion, Phaeton. I went up to the fence and went in with the stallions. The dynamic was really impressive. There was a different aura to being with these animals. However, there seemed a constant conflict between Phaeton and Poltergeist. I saw the looks cast at each other, both challenging and reserved, as though questioning whether or not it was worth going at it to see who came out top dog. Uther was no doubt alpha of this bachelor herd. Next to him was Navarre, then my Arabian. Poltergeist was low man on the totem pole merely for his attitude, but he was trying. When I walked in, however, Poltergeist flattened his ears, advancing on me with a scathing look. This didn't last long, however, when Phaeton had seen this and was having no part of it. He rushed Poltergeist from the side, his ears disappeared against his neck with a sharp nip to the side of Poltergeist's shoulder. The other stallion squealed, whirling around with a few kicks fired in Phaeton's direction. I could hear two whacks of Geist's back feet nailing Phaeton in the chest, but that only pissed Phaeton off even further. In a clamber of hooves and rising dust, Phaeton ambushed Poltergeist with teeth and front hooves. Geist squealed and kicked wildly, but was trying to get away as fast as he could. However, I knew this wouldn't last for long.

I was right.

Geist suddenly whirled and reared up, his ears plastered against his skull. He struck out with both forefeet and Phaeton also went up, meeting his opponent with just as much animosity. I knew I had to get in there.

"Hey! You two! Knock it off!" I snarled, rushing at the both of them. The two seemed so surprised that they both immediately scrambled back. Phaeton's nostrils were flared as he huffed furiously, his flanks rapidly rising and falling.

I clipped a lead to Poltergeist's halter, dragging him out of the stallion paddock. The fight had already stirred up a ruckus between the two others. Uther came charging over, immediately crowding Poltergeist's haunches with pinned ears. I was already swinging the leadrope at the piebald stallion's head when Poltergeist pinned his ears and tucked his haunches, threatening a kick. But I recognized Uther's body language. He wasn't about to tolerate that in his band.

"Nate! Can I have your help, please?" I called, keeping a firm grip on Geist as he swung around. Nathan emerged from the tack room, seeing me wrestling the Arabian stallion into the other pasture. It was typically used as quarantine, with a strand of hot wire along the top. I figured that would be good to avoid any further conflict between Phaeton and Poltergeist.

"What happened, Maggie?" He said, unlatching the gate and opened it for me. I no sooner got the halter unbuckled before he tore out of my grasp, about yanking my arm out of its socket. Poltergeist careened around the corner with his tail shooting up and flagging behind him, releasing a shrill whinny in a call to the rest of his mates, yet it was apparent that after the trouble he had started, he was given the silent treatment for the time being by the others. They wanted no part of him.

"I decided to go in with the stallions, Poltergeist rushed me and Phaeton was having no part of it Geist kicked him and it sent Phaeton into a rage. Geist ran for a few seconds before deciding he'd turn and take Phaeton on, and that wasn't going to end well." I explained, shaking my head. "Phaeton was going to beat the living hell out of him."

Nathan's hands were placed on his hips, shaking his head. "That horse is becoming a real problem, Mag."

I snorted. "Believe me, sweetheart, you don't need to convince me. I don't know what more Rotti wants me to do with him—" My sentence was cut off, however, by an immediate thought. "Wait… Nathan, I have an idea."

Nathan's green eyes leveled with my own blue pair, his brows furrowing. "Why do I have a hunch that I'm not going to like what I'm about to hear?"

"Just hear me out for a moment, darling. If I keep working with Geist extensively, if we get rid of the other Thoroughbreds, I can get Geist ready and done and if we let Rotti know of our plan, maybe he could help spread the word because of what we were able to accomplish with his horse." I suggested. Nathan stared at me, turning and shook his head with an almost disbelieving laugh.

"Ok, if it were anyone else I'd say great idea, but Mag, let me just point out a few errors with this plan," He said. "First off, we've had his horse for three years. Three months, I'd be more agreeable. Yeah, let's work with him a bit more, three months isn't a lot of time, especially for a maniac like that. But Mag, three years. If we can't make progress by the time Shilo's in kindergarten, what else can be done? That horse needs a bullet to the head more than more training, he's literally getting dangerous."

I recoiled, narrowing my eyes in Nathan's direction, though hurt by his comment. "Well, your faith is touching, thank you." I replied indignantly, my tone quieting yet terse. Nathan exhaled slowly, moving toward me and drawing me into his arms. I didn't move when he did so, but eventually gave in and sank against him, my face buried against his chest. "You're a jerk sometimes, you know that?" I muttered, my voice muffled by his shirt.

"I know, but you love me," He said, his tone gentle, feeling him rubbing my back. "I'm sorry, honey, I didn't mean for it to come out like that. In fact, it was a horrible choice of words entirely. I'm just worried; I'm scared for your safety, and the safety of the horses. That horse is just way too much to handle, too much for what we can handle in the facilities we have. That's a majority of the problem, not you. I know you could do this, I just worry. I've seen that horse throw you more times than I'm comfortable to witness. You've been lucky, but maybe not next time. Is this a risk you really want to take?"

I was frustrated, frustrated with the feeling of failing. Looking at Poltergeist pacing the fence, it ate away at me more and more that nothing I seemed to do was helping this horse. And for some reason, when normally Nathan's comment would have made sense to me, it just infuriated me further.

"Risks are part of this, Nathan, you know that, I know that. We all have taken risks, even Marni took a risk, and we both know that." I muttered with a clipped tone, gently pulling away. Immediately I could feel Nathan's body stiffen with what part of me remained in his arms, and he slowly lowered them. When I met his eyes, I recognized immediate hurt in them and felt an instant pang of regret. I hadn't meant to say that. I had no idea what possessed me to, but now I was kicking myself because I was sure I had just really hurt the man I loved the most.

"Was that really necessary, Mag?" He murmured, his voice frigid but quiet. I felt like someone had a cold, hard grip on my heart at this point. My expression softened.

"Nathan… "

"No, it's fine. Look, I'll just meet you up at the house," He said, turning. "I need to go pick up Shilo in a bit. In the meantime try to keep the risks at a minimum."

His tone was sardonic, and as much as that hurt a bit, I knew it was because he himself was hurt. He made his way back up to the house and I exhaled slowly, running a hand through my dark hair. My blue eyes lifted to Poltergeist in the pasture, watching the stallion continue to pace. He was relentless. It began to dawn on me that this horse might cause mine and Nathan's relationship to begin to fall apart. I checked water in the horses' stalls before heading back up to the house, but just as I did I saw Nathan's truck pull out to go pick up Shilo. The more I thought about what had happened the worse I felt. I went into the kitchen with a slow exhale, getting a glass and the jug of orange juice out of the fridge. I poured myself a glass just as my iPhone went off in my back pocket. I dug it out and tapped on the text menu.

Shilo going 2 nans. Night 2 ourselves?

N

I exhaled slowly, grateful to at least hear something from him. I quickly typed back a responding yes before sending the text and set my phone down. I made my way back to the barn, deciding to put the juice back in the fridge. I headed into the pasture with the stallions, watching all three come up to me, eagerly mugging me for treats.

"I don't have anything this time around, guys, I'm sorry." I chuckled, ruffling Navarre's thick forelock. I looked over at Uther with a grin, recalling the time about three years ago when, after Uther had seemed sound enough, Nathan had gotten on him and was launched off the stallion's back, hitting the ground like a ragdoll after Uther had taken off bucking across the arena. I felt horrible for Nathan but it was funnier than anything. Uther was better behaved now that he had rid himself of that excess energy, now eleven and not quite such a youngster anymore. I reached for a leadrope over the side of the panel and clipped it to the side ring of Uther's halter, tying the other end to the opposing ring. I lead Uther over to the nearest fallen tree trunk, praying he would stand still and near enough for me to slide up onto his back.

"Whoa… whoa… " I crooned to him, coaxing him a few steps back. Uther's ears tipped back toward me as one careful step after another was taken. I slid my body forward onto his back, hesitating and waiting to feel any sort of tension. There was none of the sort except for a heavy sigh from the stallion. I slowly swung my leg over Uther's back, taking care not to kick him in the flank (that would have been rich.), and gathered the cotton lead in my hands. Issuing a gentle squeeze with my heels into his sides, I could feel the power of his muscles rolling with each stride at the trot he had picked up. Uther was smooth, incredibly smooth. He had a round back with very subtle withers, so he was extremely comfortable to ride bareback. However, it's a matter of knowing the horse you decide to get on without a saddle. There are some, including a few from our own farm, that I wouldn't have dared get on bareback without a death wish. A few more steps at a trot I squeezed with my legs, both to keep myself on his back and asked him for a canter. Uther surged forward and I wound my fingers in his long mane across the field. He was incredible. I couldn't remember the last time I had been on his back. The last time might have been when I had Rigoletto still, and when Marni and I rode, we'd sometimes switch horses, though Uther was always a handful. He seemed as though he had quieted quite a bit.

I took him back down to the gate where I dismounted without winding up on the back of another horse, since the other two crowded us nonstop, begging for the attention Uther had received. I issued pats, rubs and scratches, cooing to all of them as I slid off of Uther's back onto the ground feet-first. I unclipped and untied the leadrope, looking over as I slid through the opening of the gate, noticing Nathan's truck parked back in the driveway. My stomach tightened in a knot but I went up to the house anyway. Cooper met me at the door with enthusiastic tail wags that required his whole butt wiggling to and fro in order to accomplish, whining and wanting so badly to jump up on me, but we had an agreement with that. It was cute when he was a puppy, but at ninety pounds it wasn't so cute anymore, therefore not okay.

I spotted Nathan on the couch and almost on cue, Nathan turned his head to look in my direction. "Hey,"

"Hey you," I said softly, moving toward the couch and sat down next to him. Nathan glanced in my direction with a thin smile, though it didn't last long. I brought my knees up under me, placing a hand on his shoulder from behind, kissing the side of his head and lay my chin on my hand on his shoulder. "You still love me?"

Nathan exhaled slowly. "Of course I do, but that was a low blow, Mag. I was only trying to help, did I really deserve that?" He said, his voice a bit annoyed but only trying to mask the hurt. "Marni's death still kills me, you know that."

"I know it does, sweetheart, I'm so sorry," I murmured, shaking my head. "I didn't mean that. I was frustrated with the whole situation with Poltergeist and I took it out on you. I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that, at all."

I wrapped my arms around Nathan and drew him to me to where the back of his head was against my collarbone, and could feel a heavy exhale leave him. "I'm sorry, darling, I never meant to hurt you, you know I wouldn't."

Nathan nodded slowly, drawing a breath. "I know, sweetheart." He murmured, leaning back toward me to where I could hold him. I lay the side of my head against the back of his shoulder and he seemed to relax in my arms.

"We're going to have a nice relaxing night tonight," I murmured to him, kissing the side of his head. "We need it."

"We do," Nathan said, gently stroking my forearm. We lay in silence for a few moments until I heard Nathan's voice.

"I saw you riding Uther in the field earlier."

This elicited the immediate 'Oh shit' reaction from me and I froze.

"Yeah, I… erm… he just sort of… well… " I delayed, trying to think of an excuse. I knew Nathan was concerned about the stallion's soundness. But much to my amazement I heard a chuckle escape Nathan and could feel it leave his chest.

"I'm not mad, honey. It was good to see you riding him." Nathan said, looking up at me. A smile crept across my face. "How does it feel riding something that's not trying to kill you?"

"Amazing, really," I teased, kissing the side of his forehead. "In truth, he's a dream, Nathan. He was brilliant."

"I'm glad," Nathan said. "He looked really good. Sound, his weight was evenly distributed. I was thrilled. And you know of all people I trust you riding him."

"I know you do, sweetheart," I said with a smile, gently tightening my arms around him.

The rest of the night played out brilliantly. With a bottle of wine open, it was a team effort between Nathan and me to make dinner. Nathan cooked steaks in a skillet and I made a salad, occasionally helping with what I could get away with before Nathan repeatedly shooed me back to my post. We sat and had dinner, watched a movie, with some flirting and kissing that Nathan and I hadn't done in quite some time. Following the movie, he and I went down to bring in the horses and feed them, making sure to blanket each one due to the cold weather that was setting in in October.

By the time we got finished, it was still quite early, around nine or so, so Nathan and I both decided upon getting coffee from in town. We went into the nearest place which was Coffee Stop and went in to sit down, ordering our drinks to sit and chat for a bit. Nathan took a sip of the coffee he ordered, sitting across from me.

"So, this horse rescue idea," Nathan began, looking in my direction.

"Well, more like horse sanctuary," I corrected. Nathan nodded slowly.

"Ok, horse sanctuary." He leaned toward me and on his elbows on the table, arms crossed. His green eyes searched mine, as though realizing for the first time just how much this really meant to me. "You really want to do this?"

"Yes, more than anything, Nathan," I responded softly. "I think we can do this."

Nathan nodded slowly, reaching across the table and took my hand. "If this is what you really want to do, Maggie, then I support you one hundred percent. Alright?" He said, issuing my hand with a gentle squeeze. I couldn't have been more moved.

"Thank you, Nathan, so much, sweetheart," I murmured, giving his hand a squeeze. Nathan gently cupped my cheek, searching my face before leaning to kiss my forehead.

"Of course, darling. You always have my support, always." He said softly. We finished up with our coffee and headed home, exhaustion finding the both of us rather quickly. When we got back to the house, we checked on the horses, fed Cooper and my cat, Georgia. As we headed up the stairs, I slid my arms around Nathan's waist, kissing the back of his shoulder. I could see the smile cross his face as he laid his arms over my own, tilting his head to kiss the side of my own. He and I both showered, changed into pajamas and crawled into bed. Nathan lay on his back and I lay beside him with my head on his collarbone, in his arms.

We had started drifting off to sleep when suddenly the phone rang at the bedside table. Nathan rolled over onto his side and I groaned, burying my head behind him against the pillow, my arm still draped over his side. Nathan groaned, rubbing his eyes to try to wake himself up and flipped on the light, eliciting a light squeak-grunt out of me as I shrank further against him, closing my eyes against the painfully bright light.

"Hello?" Nathan said, holding the receiver up to his ear. I absently trailed my fingers along the bare skin of his side, still lying behind him but listening. "Yes, this is he. Is there a problem?"

My eyes snapped open, feeling a tension come across Nathan's body. I pushed myself up onto my elbow, my hand still at Nathan's waist, kissing his shoulder and leaning both my chin and lips against his skin, glancing from the phone to him. A sober look crossed Nathan's face.

"What? God, I… I had no idea he was even supposed to fly tonight… " Nathan's voice was hushed, shaking his head. I slid my arm around him, this time studying him. A knot had formed in my stomach. Nathan pushed himself up so he was sitting up in bed, staring straight across the room. I sat up with him, my arm sliding around his waist. Something told me that there was something wrong. Something horrible had happened. I could see it on Nathan's face. He laid a hand on my knee with a gentle squeeze, as though needing to feel my presence there. I placed another kiss on his shoulder, staying near him.

"How did… was he… " Nathan cleared his throat. "Was he killed instantly?" He paused a moment, closing his eyes as though pained. "But there was no way of saving him?"

Saving who? For a moment I thought it was Nathan's father, but then it dawned on me that not long ago, Nathan had brought up hearing from his brother, who was a pilot. His brother had been planning on visiting, but for three years it hadn't happened. With a sinking feeling I began to realize just what had happened.

"Thank you… for letting me know. I… ah… have you told our father? I don't think he'll want to hear from me, especially not news like this." Nathan's voice was low, almost gravelly. I knew how upset he was, how hard he was taking this. I rubbed his back, murmuring that it was alright, that I was there. He squeezed my knee gently.

"Alright. Thank you… goodnight." Nathan murmured. He hung up the phone, still staring straight. I moved nearer to him, the both of us still sitting in bed. Nathan swallowed.

"My brother, Clark. He… they called and just said… just tonight he was… " Nathan's breath hitched in his throat, trying to find the words and as he swallowed, seeming to try to find his composure as well. I wrapped my arms around him.

"I know, sweetheart, I know, I heard… I'm so sorry… " I murmured, kissing the side of his head. Nathan gave a heavy, sharp exhale, drawing a breath which almost sounded wavering.

"Shh…. It's alright, darling, I'm here," I murmured, moving forward and drawing him into my arms. He sank against me, his arms wrapped around me. I rubbed Nathan's back tenderly, murmuring to him. I could feel his shoulders shake periodically, and felt his tears against the fabric of my shirt and even my skin as he buried his face against the crook of my neck. He didn't want to talk about it, I knew that. At this point he just needed to mourn. I kissed the side of his head, holding Nathan close. I was saddened by what happened, but I hadn't known Nathan's brother. I was able to be the person Nathan needed to lean on, and I was glad to be. When Nathan straightened partially, I could see the tears that still spilled down his face and gently wiped them with my thumb, cupping his face in my hands gently.

"I'm right here, sweetheart. Lie down, Nate, I'll be right here with you," I urged gently. Nathan lowered himself slowly and turned over onto his side, exhaling shakily. I lay down behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind, my chin against his shoulder and crook of his neck. My hand gently rubbed along his side, tenderly running my fingertips along his torso, wanting to soothe him the best I could. He lay his arms over my own, sinking back against me. Even through his closed eyes I watched tears well and spill down his face, watching him swallow as though trying everything he could to pull himself together. But I tightened my arms around him, wanting to show him that he was safe to deal with this however he needed to. I kissed Nathan's shoulder, holding him close, murmuring that I loved him and would always be there for him. I felt his breathing start to grow steadier, relieved at that fact that he appeared to be falling asleep.

A few hours later, I awoke to find Nathan no longer in bed next to me. Pushing myself up, I draped both legs over the side of the bed, moving downstairs to where I saw Nathan sitting on the couch, his elbows resting on his knees, his bare back to me. I moved toward him, sitting on the arm of the couch beside him. My hand moved up and down his back in a soothing manner, and I felt him glance in my direction, leaning gently toward me.

"How're you doing, Nate?" I asked. I half expected him to say he was alright, that he was coping, but he gave a shrug.

"A bit.. a bit like a knife was just thrust into my chest," He murmured. I slid my arm around him, kissing the side of his head. "Clark was the only one I had. He and I were so close, to know that he's gone, I just… I haven't come to accept it yet."

"Oh, Nate," I murmured, stroking his hair, feeling the side of his head tilt against my shoulder. "I do understand how you're feeling, Nate. When both my parents died, I had a sister, Inez. She and I were the best of friends. One day I came home and I couldn't hear her, couldn't sense her. She was just gone. I never found her body, I don't know if she was dead or alive, I just had to give myself some kind of closure and tell myself she was dead, especially after the epidemic."

Nathan nodded, laying a hand on my knee with a gentle squeeze. I trailed my hand back and forth along his shoulders in a tender notion. From where I sat, I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his waist, drawing him almost closer into my lap. He lifted on of my hands and kissed my knuckle before replacing it, and I gently stroked along his stomach and chest with my thumb.

"I'm here for you, Nathan. Always," I told him. He laid his head in my lap and I kissed the top of his head, rubbing his bare back and murmuring to him. I knew he was upset, and I knew nothing anyone said would be of any comfort to him at this moment. All I could do was hold him and let him know I was there. After a few moments, Nathan straightened, his elbows on his knees, shoulders hunched as he ran his hands through his hair with a slow exhale. I continued to run my hand up and down his back, kissing the back of his shoulder. He turned his head, kissing the side of my own while wrapping an arm around me.

"Thank you for being here with me, Maggie, it means the world to me," He murmured.

"Of course, Nathan, I wouldn't leave you to deal with this alone." I told him. He searched my face before wrapping his arms around me in a warm embrace. I held him tightly, kissing his shoulder, gently murmuring to him that I was there.

The next day, Nathan and I headed down to feed the horses. Poor Poltergeist was still sequestered to the pasture by himself. Last night had to be a shock and emotionally draining for the both of us, Nathan especially. I found him kneeling down and scooping grain into buckets. I bent and kissed the back of his head, rubbing his back in the meantime. He forced a smile.

"I'll be okay, sweetie, I promise," He assured me gently. I continued to gently rub his back in gentle circles.

"You think that's going to stop me?" I teased gently, kissing the top of his head. Nathan gave a weak chuckle.

"Doesn't surprise me," He said with a smile, kissing my knuckles. I stroked his hair until my iPhone buzzed in my pocket. I dug it out, looking at the text.

Im coming out. Want to ride, figured you could help

Xx Amber

"Oh great, like things couldn't get any more stressful," I muttered, shaking my head. Nathan turned to look in my direction.

"What is it?" He asked gently. I shook my head.

"Amber wants to come out and see Poltergeist and see his progress—or lack thereof." I responded, shoving my phone back in my pocket. Nathan groaned, rising to his feet.

"Look, Maggie, it isn't your fault that horse is a failure," He said. "For all we know it could be whatever Amber's doing."

"I guess we'll find out," I said, heading out to the pasture to get Poltergeist. The stallion had been standing by the gate, though the second he saw me, careened in a massive circle, his tail flipped over his back with a hollowed snort, flaring his nostrils.

"You quit it. I'm in no mood," I muttered, though I knew that wouldn't matter a thing to Poltergeist. Poltergeist pinned his ears, tossing his elegant head. He crowded me in the corner and I swung the lead at his head to get him away. Any other horse I would never have done that to knowing I'd never be able to catch him, but Poltergeist merely ducked away but came right back. I looped the leadrope around his neck pulled the halter over his nose and fastened it. Poltergeist reared upward, one fore hoof almost nailing me in the back of the head. This stallion was getting on my last nerve.

"Knock it off," I snarled, checking the lead sharply. I lead him out of the pasture. I took him into the barn, brushed him off while trying to dodge his attempts at biting me in the meantime. Somehow, no matter how many times I smacked him for it, Poltergeist was going to have a go at anyone he possibly could. When Amber's corvette pulled into the drive, I could feel Poltergeist's whole body stiffen as I lay a saddle pad over his back.

"The hell, I would have thought you'd have him tacked up by now," Amber huffed. I shot her a look.

"Nice to see you, too, Amber. I had a bit of trouble getting him out, now if you'll let me focus on continuing without receiving your horse's hoof to the head, I'll get him ready for you shortly." I responded tersely. Amber's lips pursed in astonishment and fury at being spoken to in such a manner, but she said nothing. After about twenty minutes of battling Poltergeist into his gear, I handed his reins to Amber, who immediately responded with yanking his head toward her to follow her. Poltergeist's head shot up in protest, and I immediately saw something different in his eyes. Not the same defiant fire he normally had, but he wore a defensive, almost fearful expression.

"Amber! Take it easy," I said, stunned. Amber shot me a look.

"Mind your own business, Mag," She snarled. My eyebrows shot up, and before I could retaliate, with a quick flick of her wrist, Amber had her riding crop turned in her hand and whacked Poltergeist in the muzzle with the hard handled end. The stallion jerked and backpedaled rapidly, his haunches slamming into the barn wall on the outside. I could hear the horse on the other side—I'm not even sure who it was, I think Phaeton—flee to the opposite corner of his stall with a kerthunk! of hoof hitting the wood wall.

"You stupid son of a bitch!" Amber hissed, yanking and hauling the stallion forward. To be honest I was amazed that Poltergeist didn't lash out at her. Much to my amazement, he did nothing but try to get away, not that I blamed him. Her rage was then directed toward me. "He's made no improvement on the ground, go figure."

"Well I can't imagine getting hit in the face with the handle of a whip helps anything," I responded frigidly. Nathan had heard the commotion and was coming out of the house, with five year old Shilo behind him. He immediately had seen what was going on and gently nudged Shilo behind him.

"Shi, stay away from him, alright? Keep at a safe distance," Nathan told her, straightening. The little girl nodded, looking at the stallion wide-eyed and bewildered. "What's going on here?"

"We've been doing things wrong, Nathan, it seems being beaten with a riding whip is more effective than anything we've been trying," I said, my tone snarky but I turned a look clearly reading Help in my other half's direction. Sure enough, Amber wasn't going to prove me wrong, took the whip and began a rapid-fire smacking of the stallion's hip, flank and side. Poltergeist gave a squeal, leaping forward and kicked out at least twice, his haunches bunching in defense.

"Amber!" Nathan snapped. "That's enough. I won't have treatment like that of a horse on my property. I'm sure your father would love to know just where the stallion's issues really stem from."

Amber's pale blue eyes snapped in Nathan's direction with a venomous stare. "You wouldn't dare. Plus my hitting him isn't the issue. The horse is fucking psychotic. If his breeding weren't so fantastic his balls would be chopped off tomorrow. So Daddy just says I have to deal with it. Plus, you don't think if you were to try to rat me out you would lose your job? Who's he going to believe? His daughter or some asshole that let his wife get killed on a lame horse he knew was lame? Believe me, if you stop working for GeneCo you're going to be thrown to the courts and they'll have their way with you."

I watched Nathan's jaw set and knew that comment had hit him where it hurt. He gave a disgusted wave of his hand, turning. "Get on him. Do whatever. It's not our problem when you wind up ruining that horse, if the damage hasn't already been done."

Amber stuck her foot in the stirrup and swung a leg over Poltergeist's back. I was almost amazed when she didn't wind up kicking the stallion in the flank, but every muscle in Geist's body was rigid like a coiled spring. I watched Amber make her way into the arena and felt Nathan come up near me, his hands shoved in his pockets. His body was rigid, with Shilo walking near him.

"Nathan, don't listen to a word she says, you know it's not true," I told him, touching his arm. Nathan exhaled slowly, shaking his head.

"Let's just get this over with," He said quietly, his eyes hardened, though I knew his irritation and upset wasn't directed at me. I rubbed his back and he and I went over to the fence to watch what was to happen.

Just as we expected, it was the most unbearable thing to have to watch. Without doing anything to warm the stallion up, Amber forced the Poltergeist into a forward canter by digging her spurs into his sides and whipping him with the crop. Poltergeist's tail was flagged and his head straight up in the air, mouth gaping open with nostrils flared, his eyes rolling. The poor horse was confused as hell and fighting Amber every step of the way with everything he had. It was no wonder the horse was as difficult as he was. Amber grind her spurs into his sides to urge him forward, and when he would actually abide by it, for some reason she saw it as too forward and would yank on his mouth. She hauled Poltergeist to a stop and the stallion reared up in an attempt to get away from her, or at least to get his head back, though I could see him doing everything he could to take her on in a battle of wills, but it did nothing but earn him beatings from her whip, which only made him angrier. I was tempted to ask her how she would feel if someone were to start beating her with a riding crop.

"This is getting painful to watch," I murmured, shaking my head. Nathan stood beside me, his eyes narrowing in Amber's direction. She sent Poltergeist over fences that were higher than he was ready for, sending poles crashing to the ground, yanking his head around a corner to the point where his haunches almost slid out from under him like that of a movie stunt horse. The stallion's eyes rolled white, his breathing coming in explosive snorts from his still flared nostrils. Through reflections of light I could see the gleam of sweat soaking the stallion's shoulders, neck and flanks, the foam forming where the reins were constantly rubbing against his neck and in between his front legs.

"Amber, for Godsake, enough, you're killing him." I said sharply, shaking my head, gripping the railing. I could feel Nathan's hand on my lower back.

"Amber! You're finished." Nathan snapped, his hand on his waist. Amber hauled Poltergeist to a halt, dismounting and shot me a scathing look.

"Fine," She huffed, tossing Geist's reins to me. "But I'm bringing Daddy out here just to see how little progress has been made out here. Wallace, you're going to be out of the job." She turned back to her car and stormed off. I looked at the panting, quivering horse whose reins I held, my heart aching for him. Poor Poltergeist could barely breathe. His breath exploded from his nostrils, coughing and gaping his mouth away from the bit. I lifted his head, realizing Amber had adjusted the bridle far too short, so the bit was yanking against the corners of his mouth almost painfully. Geist was too tired to protest. Nathan went to his side, running his fingers along the area of a puncture wound in Poltergeist's side where Amber's spurs had dug in. The stallion lashed his tail, pinned his ears and threatened a kick, but aside from that didn't have the strength to do much else.

"This is disgusting," Nathan muttered, shaking his head, lifting the flap of the saddle to undo the girth on both sides and pull off his saddle. I led Geist back into the barn, removed his bridle and replaced it with his usual halter and the stud chain, though I had a feeling I wasn't going to need to use it. Completely unlike him, Geist plodded behind me, his head low, nostrils still flared as he tried to breathe properly.

"I'm going to hose him and walk him out, see if I can get him cooled down," I said, looking in Nathan's direction. "Honey, can you get a cooler out of the tack room?"

"Absolutely," Nathan said, turning to the tack room, though I could see something in his face that made it obvious that he was having a hard time. I glanced his way from the wash rack and began hosing Poltergeist down, scraping off the excess water before draping the cooler over him to walk him. Nathan blew out a breath.

"Hey, I'll meet you up at the house, Maggie. I already fed the horses, gave Poltergeist a bit of grain with bute to see if that helps save his muscles for in the morning," He said quietly. I nodded slowly, trying to search his face. I didn't bother asking if he was okay. I already knew the answer to that.

"Alright, sweetheart," I said gently, watching him turn. Shilo looked from me to her dad as though confused who to follow. Nathan paused, turning to Shilo with his hands in his pockets.

"Shi? Do you want to come up to the house? Or you can stay with Mag if you want," Nathan offered. It was as though the little girl could sense something was wrong.

"Can I stay with Maggie? I wanna see Tinkerbell," She said softly. Nathan nodded with a gentle smile.

"Alright, be sure she has water, Shilo, I'll see you guys up at the house," He said. He shot me a grateful look and continued up to the house with Cooper at his heels. Shilo walked with me as I tried to get Poltergeist's heartrate down.

"Why's he walking funny?" Shilo asked, looking up at me. I shook my head.

"His owner wasn't very nice to him, sweetheart, he's tired and worn out." I said, not wanting to have to explain how Amber had beaten the living daylights out of the horse I held as we spoke. Shilo's dark eyes seemed to trail along Poltergeist's dripping frame. I could swear she was surveying the damage done, though as we walked back into the barn, she went to Tinkerbell's stall to pet her pony. I could immediately notice the size difference. Shilo's head was almost up to Tinkerbell's own now. I knew she needed a new pony, but we wouldn't sell Tinkerbell. We needed her around, especially for the sake of the Thoroughbreds we had now. I went to Allure's stall. The bay based dappled grey filly, looking rather rose grey at the time, slung her head over the stall door. The daughter of both Dragonada and Dragon Blade took quite a bit of both her parents' personalities, being pushy, fiercely intelligent and just a bit aloof. Her twin brother, Aftershock, was still indifferent but he had a sweeter disposition. They were both rose grey, but Allure had a blaze where Aftershock wore a crooked stripe. We blanketed the horses and headed back up to the house. I didn't see Nathan, figuring he was in his room, but it was almost time for dinner. I made Shilo some chicken nuggets with steamed carrots and mashed potatoes, while putting chicken on for Nathan and myself. I heard Nathan come downstairs and saw him appear in the kitchen, his hair still somewhat wet and his t-shirt clinging to his still shower-wet frame.

"How did everything go?" He asked, kissing the top of Shilo's head and moved toward me to give me a hug. I wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my nose to his collarbone, taking in the scent of the Old Spice body wash he used and his aftershave, giving him a squeeze. The way he held me, I knew something was wrong. I didn't respond for a moment, but merely rubbed Nathan's back. After a few moments, I could feel him loosen his arms, placed a kiss on the side of his head and loosened my own.

"It went okay," I said, watching Nathan move to one of the chairs at the table, leaning with his hands on the back of it, his shoulders hunched and head lowered as though in thought. "Geist finally got cooled down. I kept checking his pulse, it was really up there for a while but he came back down. I'm more concerned about colic than anything."

"I'll go down after dinner and check his pulse," Nathan said, pushing himself off the back of the chair and straightened, moving to the fridge to get drinks, turning to Shilo. "Shi, you want juice or milk?"

"Juice," Shilo decided with a nod, climbing up into her booster seat at the table. I cut up slices of chicken and served some on a plate for both Nathan and me, setting Shilo's plate down in front of her. I put salad on the plates as Nathan got a bottle of white wine out of the fridge for both him and me with two glasses. As he passed behind me I felt his hand go to my waist in an affectionate notion, though watching his face and noting how he still said nothing, I knew there was still something bothering him, and something told me what it was. We sat down for dinner, with Nathan sitting next to me and Shilo picked up chicken nuggets with her hands. I glanced over at Nathan, watching him eat in silence. I reached over, running my hand tenderly along his back.

"What's wrong, honey?" I asked, and when he met my eyes. He shook his head.

"It's nothing. I shouldn't take what Amber says so seriously," He muttered, exhaling slowly. I realized immediately what he was referring to, still rubbing his back for a few moments longer before we all went back to eating. After dinner, Nathan had gone down to check on Poltergeist and I offered to get Shilo to bed. She brushed her teeth and got changed, and I tucked her into the twin-sized bed that was fully made with a purple and grey bedspread. As I tucked her in, Shilo looked up at me, her dark eyes quizzical.

"Maggie?"

"Hm?"

"Why was Amber saying those things about Daddy?" She said. I froze, immediately realizing what Shilo was referring to. Exhaling slowly, I brushed a bit of Shilo's fringe away from her face.

"Amber was being mean, sweetheart," I told her. "She made a comment about what happened to your Mommy and blamed him. There's a lot of people who think your Mommy's accident was his fault."

"Was it?" Shilo asked, her voice suddenly somber. My throat immediately tightened.

"Was it his fault?" I had to repeat her question, unsure if I had heard the five year old girl correctly. Shilo nodded.

"Mommy got on Uther, Uther was hurt, wasn't he? He fell with Mommy on him." Shilo turned her head. "Why didn't Daddy save Mommy?"

I knew my face had paled. Shilo was barely a year old when the accident had happened, how could she possibly remember? I searched her face, leaning forward slightly. "Shilo… do you remember what happened that day?"

Shilo nodded, and then gave a shrug, as though convincing herself. "I know Daddy. He didn't do it on purpose. It was an accident," She said, turning over.

"Shilo, your father didn't do anything wrong," I said, trying to search her face. I heard movement by the door and turned in time to see someone passing the door, with Cooper following. My stomach knotted. It was Nathan. He had heard everything. I exhaled slowly, kissing Shilo's forehead. "Goodnight, darling. Sleep tight, I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight,"

I stood, knowing I had to go see Nathan. I came into the room to find Nathan sitting on the edge of his side of the bed in only his lounge pants, his back to me and shoulders hunched. I moved nearer to him and crawled near him, sliding my arms around his waist. I could see tears welling in his eyes, knowing how much what had been said had hurt him.

"Nathan… " I kissed the back of his shoulder, feeling his arm move over my own around him. Nathan exhaled slowly.

"My own daughter thinks I killed her mother," He murmured, shaking his head. "The one thing I always wanted to avoid happening, all because Amber decided to be vindictive and say something." The last sentence was spoken in a hurt, enraged snarl as he threw a balled up t-shirt against the wall. It hit it with a smack, which was quite astonishing to me, but through his ragged breathing I could hear just how much it hurt him. I drew him closer.

"Shh… Nathan… honey.. " I murmured gently, running my hand along his side. Nathan exhaled heavily, taking off his glasses and lowered his head into his hands. I gently took his glasses and set them on his bedside table.

"She's going to grow up thinking I'm some sort of monster," Nathan whispered, swallowing, not yet lifting his head.

"No, she won't," I assured him. I urged him to lie back and lay down with him, my head against his collarbone. He drew the covers up over us and wrapped his arms around me and tilted the side of his head against the top of mine. I rubbed his chest and side tenderly, wanting to comfort him and held him close as he tightened his arms around me.

"Nathan, she loves you, and I love you. She isn't going to blame you," I murmured to him. I ran my hand along his side tenderly, remaining close to him. Nathan seemed to be calming down, kissing the side of my head. We lay there in silence for a few moments as I followed the pattern of his breathing, and then drew a breath.

"Something rather frightening did happen, though, at least that I found it," I murmured, my hand trailing up to the side of Nathan's chest.

"What happened?"

"I think Shilo remembers the accident," I said softly, seeing Nathan turn his head toward me in the dark. "She was able to tell me verbatim what had happened."

Nathan was silent for a moment before shaking his head almost incredulously. "She was a year old—if that. How could she possibly remember that?" He muttered in disbelief.

"She can't even really read yet, and I doubt she would have gotten her hands on a newspaper clipping from the accident." I said, shaking my head. "I don't know how else she would have remembered it, Nathan. Did she even know Marni's name?"

"I… I think I mentioned it a few times, I wanted her to know who her mother was, but she wouldn't have been able to pick it out of a story on it. I can't believe she remembers it," He shook his head with what sounded like an almost unhappy, worried bark of a laugh. "Should I be concerned about this and investing in therapy?"

"No, don't even worry about it," I assured him, kissing his chest. "She's a happy girl, Nate. She seems grounded enough, I wouldn't worry about her, not this young."

He relaxed a bit and the both of us eventually drifted off to sleep, not a care in the world until we had woken up the next morning and realized that not only was Amber coming out again, but Rotti was, too. I was down in the barn, tacking up Poltergeist who seemed well over yesterday, drawing this conclusion by the fact that he had tried to kick me at least twice in the past ten minutes since I had gotten him out of his stall. I moved around him and dodged another flying back hoof in my direction, smacking him on the haunches to reprimand him.

"One more time, Geist, and so help me, I'm going to beat you senseless," I growled at him. Instead, he snaked his head around with bared teeth, though despite the pinned ears I could see the glee in his blue eyes. I raised my hand in threatening to whack him in the nose for it and he flung his head up in a "You can't get me" manner. Nathan came down, seeing me duking it out with the black splash Arab. He went to Batten's stall and got him out for me, noting the two of us with mild amusement.

"Killed him yet?"

"No, but if Amber doesn't do it, I may by the end of it," I muttered with a sigh, seeing the chestnut gelding being pulled out of his stall. It had taken a ton of work to get all five of the Thoroughbreds under saddle and trained, but Batten had to be my favourite ride out of the five of them. I wanted to be on horseback to sort of "pony" Amber if need be, and if Geist didn't try to eat Batten, I figured he'd keep the stallion calm.

Amber had gotten there with Rotti, who stood by Nathan at the fence. I was aboard Batten and standing nearer to them as Amber took Geist around the course. I could overhear Rotti and Nathan talking.

"The stallion's been difficult. No matter what we've done, and Mag's been working with him for about three years now, there's been little to no progress made." Nathan explained. Rotti's eyes were fixated on his daughter and the horse, shaking his head.

"Even a bit of progress is great," Rotti said, "And even though it's not much, he has shown a bit of improvement."

Nathan and I met eyes as Nathan drew a breath, "Actually, sir, there's something I wanted to speak to you about, and I think it has a lot to do with Poltergeist's lack of progress, and for that matter, I believe your daughter—"

Nathan's words were cut off as Poltergeist let out an explosive snort after refusing a fence and Amber reached back and began throttling him with the riding whip. Sure enough the girl didn't let us down. In the midst of all of this, Geist's head was straight up in the air, every muscle in his neck bulging, eyes rolling white as his mouth gaped at the constant yanking of the bit in his mouth, trying to get away with a spasmodic leap.

"You fucking pig!" Amber shrieked furiously.

"Amber!" Rotti bellowed in furious disbelief. But it was as though Poltergeist had had it. His ears collapsed and flattened against his dark skull and he dropped and ducked his head between his knees, bucking all the way down the diagonal. Amber see-sawed at the reins, trying to slow him down and beating him with the whip but Poltergeist collided with one shoulder into the nearest jump standard with a crash. He tucked his haunches and spun mid-rear, his head high as Amber sawed at his mouth with the bit. All he wanted was to get away, and I knew the second Amber hit the dirt Nathan was going to have to get in there and get her out of there because Geist was going to try to kill her. I wanted to move Batten beside Poltergeist to try to calm him but in this state Geist was beyond calming, and doing so was just going to put me and Batten at risk, but when I looked back up, Poltergeist was running blindly, and right toward me and Batten.

"Mag, get out of the way!" Nathan yelled, almost panicked. All I could hear were hoofbeats as I tried desperately to kick Batten away from the fence and out of Geist's way, because he was moving toward the fence and wasn't stopping. Poor Batten didn't know what to do, with Geist running right at him faster than he had time to react, and the next thing I knew was the weight of Poltergeist hitting my leg and colliding with Batten. I saw Amber's terrified face and her lips forming in what looked like my name before all four of us were sent crashing into the arena railing, both horses going down and Amber getting thrown from Poltergeist and into me, though with enough space so that she wasn't in the pileup when I felt Batten's weight land on me.

It was like history repeating itself. My stomach dropped when I saw Amber and Poltergeist collide with Mag and Batten, and thought I was going to have a heartattack when all four of them went into the fence. Poltergeist did what appeared to be a somersault over Batten, who had flipped over, and from my stance it looked like he was directly ontop of Mag. Both horses struggled to stand with legs tangled. Amber lay in a crumpled form at Poltergeist's side, but I still couldn't see Mag.

"Oh Jesus… " Rotti muttered, stunned as he and I both made our way to the collision scene frantically. Geist had gotten up, but he held his left foreleg and right hind leg elevated, almost stumbling back down when he tried to take a step. Batten hadn't even gotten that far but when I saw how his hindleg was limp from the hip down, unable to even rise, I felt sick. If he was in that bad of shape, what was I going to expect from Mag? As though on cue, I saw her lying crumpled with her leg under Batten's weight, but she wasn't moving. I panicked.

"Call 9-1-1!" I hollered at Rotti, who immediately had his cellphone out, moving to Amber as I kneeled at Mag's side, bent over her to protect her from Batten's kicking and thrashing.

Ambulances had arrived and while Amber was admitted for a concussion, sprained wrists and a couple minor cuts and bruises, Mag was in the ICU. She had suffered head trauma, a number of broken ribs, and her ankle fractured. Her hip had been dislocated when Poltergeist had run into them both, and while the head trauma wasn't nearly as serious as Marni's had been, she was still under close watch, and it brought back more painful memories than I could have imagined, or could bear. The horses were another story. Batten had been shot on the spot, having shattered his hip and hind leg and fractured a number of ribs. Geist's fate was still undecided. He had broken two of his legs, and even if he didn't develop laminitis, his chances at coming out of this pain free for the rest of his life were slim to none, if the Largo's didn't decide to have him destroyed. What made it harder for me was that when Mag was out of the hospital, God-hoping she would make it, I was the one who had to treat Poltergeist and decide what sort of news to give the Largo's. A part of me was furious, full of resentment for having to treat the monstrosity that had almost killed the love of my life, but the other part knew that the malevolent stallion had just been a victim as well to Amber's childish cruelty.

Shilo was with me, and even though I sometimes wondered if she even really understood what was going on, but something about her calm, wise-beyond-her-years demeanor was comforting. She stayed beside me, wrapping her arms around me. I almost had to wonder if it was out of her own anxieties over what was happening. Rotti approached me, a clipboard in hand as though he were about to sign it. I lifted my eyes, my elbows still resting on my knees with my knuckles pressed to my mouth, tense and on edge.

"Nathan, I can't express how sorry I am. I had no idea Amber's treatment of the horse was what the problem was. I can pay any hospital bills and it's obvious that the horse will be coming back to our place, though Amber has no desire to keep him around anymore, so he will be destroyed."

Squeezing the bridge of my nose, it took me a moment to process this, let alone come to the realization of him having the audacity to offer to pay Mag's hospital bills and how much that would soon infuriate me. "Wait.. what about his lines? I haven't taken a good look at the stallion, but you would want to put down something with Tenebo Zafir and Atiya lines? Amber was just saying the other day that if it weren't for his bloodline that he would have been gelded yesterday, and now you're just putting him down, no questions asked?"

Rotti's face seemed to carry a dark cloud. "My daughter is in the hospital because of that monster."

"And so is my other half." I snarled, standing up abruptly. "You think you're the only one that matters here? Your daughter and her abuse of that horse were the reasons that this accident happened today, and you ought to be pretty damned grateful that she came out with a minor concussion and slight injuries. She could have been killed. Mag is in surgery right now, her horse landed ontop of her and had to be shot on point the second we found out his hip was shattered because Poltergeist ran full-tilt into him and took them both through the arena fence. How dare you, after everything you've put my family through, for the past three years, think paying off her hospital bills is going to be any kind of compensation for what's happened."

I slammed the newspaper in my hand down, my blood boiling. It wasn't until I saw Shilo curled in the chair whimpering that I remembered she had been beside me during my outburst. I scooped her into my arms and felt her bury her face against the side of my neck as I gently bounced her and murmured to her.

"You'd better watch your tongue, Wallace. I never once said I wasn't sorry for what this has caused your family, but you are out of line." Rotti growled.

"Out of line when my family is in the hospital while your daughter is out with a few minor injuries? How am I the one out of line?" I shot back.

"Because your future, your career and your family are going to be jeopardized if you keep this up. Take my apology or leave it. It was not part of my awareness that Amber was treating that horse the way she was, but he's dangerous. He needs a bullet through the brain more than anything."

What caused the cold fist to clench over my heart was hearing those words and remembering when the exact thing had come out of my mouth to Mag. Now look where she was. Look where Geist was.

"How much would you be willing to take for him?" I said. Rotti stared at me like I had lost my mind.

"What do you mean what would I take for him? Are you talking about buying him, Wallace?"

"You heard me correctly."

Rotti barked a laugh. "I will never understand you, Nathan. This horse was worth over a hundred grand about an hour and a half ago just with his bloodlines alone. But now… if you're thinking of making an investment off of him you chose the wrong time to do it considering I doubt he'll even make it."

My first response was to shoot back at him that I was the one with a VmD, but it soon came to my attention that Rotti was also the CEO of the branch I worked for. "Then I guess I'm buying him by a longshot, but at least it gives him more of a chance." Jesus, I'm starting to sound like Mag.

"You're just going to make him suffer, Nathan. And besides, he's not worth a dime."

"Hurt or not, no Arabian with Tenebo Zafir lines is worthless, especially if he can reproduce, you know that just as well as I do." I countered. Rotti scowled.

"Fine. I'll take forty grand for him. I'm being generous in that sense, and at least it'll cover medical bills that I will soon be handing off to you after I pay my portion. You're making a mistake, Nathan."

"Believe me, I'm just ripped up about that," I said, though clearly not bothered by it. Whether we had to put the horse down or not, at least he was given more of a chance. He would be in a medical sling in a stall and probably have to be sedated half the time. It was no life for him, but at least I would find out if it was possible. Rotti and I went our separate ways. I slumped back down in my chair, leaning against the side with my head in my hand when the doctor, in scrubs, came out of the doors. I immediately stood. I felt sick, remembering how things had gone with Marni, my devastation and my pain, and how Mag had been there and held me through it all. She wasn't here, now. How was I going to make it if the news was bad?

"Dr. Wallace?" The surgeon asked. I nodded.

"That's me."

"I wanted to give you an update on the surgery. Magdalene had cranial swelling but we were able to relieve the pressure. She's under a lot of pain medication for it, morphine included, but she should be fine, I want to just keep an eye on her for a couple days to watch for concussion. She had fractured three ribs, but due to the ribcage expanding every time a person breathes, they can't really be immobilized, so she'll have to be on quite a bit of pain medication for it. The surgery mainly consisted of the dislocated hip. We had to shave off a bit of her hip in order to relocate it, a pretty standard procedure, and we have her in a brace, but she'll heal alright. I'd like to keep her here for about a week so she's under close watch, but she'll be alright."

A wave of relief washed over me and I slumped back in the chair. "Thank you so much, Doctor. God, I couldn't be more relieved," I breathed a sigh, shaking my head. I leaned forward, taking off my glasses with a few deep breaths. All that worrying and it looked like Mag was going to come out with alright. "Can I see her?"

"Not just yet, she's still recovering; we've given her enough morphine and vicodin to where she should be out until about tomorrow morning. Go home and get some rest, you and your daughter both."

I wished it were that easy. It was already later in the evening, I was going to have to go straight from the hospital to the vet hospital to treat our newest inhabitant of the farm. He would have to stay overnight at the vet hospital tonight but the next day he was coming home, and that involved me and Chris transporting him and hooking him up to a sling in the stall. When we got a groggy but still fighting Poltergeist hoisted in the air, Chris gave him another sedative and shot of Phenylbutazon for pain. I walked past the aisle and past Batten's empty stall and my heart ached. I was still going to have to tell Mag what had happened to the chestnut Thoroughbred gelding. There was nothing that could have been done to save him. Leaning against the wall and watching Poltergeist swaying slightly, I felt Chris clap a reassuring hand on my shoulder, glancing in his direction with a thin smile.

"Hang in there, buddy. You're gonna be okay," Chris told me. "This is a different scenario. Mag's going to be fine."

"Hopefully," I drew a breath and exhaled slowly, crossing my arms over my chest. "It's breaking the news of Batten being put down that I'm concerned about."

I woke up feeling dizzy, my head clouded. I had brief flashes of the memory of Poltergeist colliding into Batten and me, all four of us crashing somewhere. I opened my eyes to see white, somehow with no pain at all. Then when I glanced at the IV dripping morphine it made more sense. But what had happened? I looked over and saw Nathan sitting at my bedside, and watched him immediately move closer.

"Mag… honey, thank God," He murmured, kissing my forehead tenderly. I gently cupped his face in my hand, and kissed the side of his head, more than grateful to see him.

"I was so scared, sweetheart," He murmured to me, and I could hear the crack in his voice. I gently stroked his hair.

"I'm alright, darling, at least I will be," I said softly, holding him. Nathan drew back slightly, finding my eyes. I knew immediately there was something that he wasn't telling me.

"What happened, Nathan?" I asked him, suddenly feeling ill. Did I really want to know what the outcome of the accident was?

"Amber and Poltergeist collided with you. The four of you went into the fence and Batten fell ontop of you, I think Poltergeist somersaulted over you and Amber both," Nathan said, lowering his eyes. Immediate dread filled me.

"Is Amber alright?" I asked. Nathan nodded quickly.

"She is. She came out with a concussion, a sprained wrist and a few minor injuries, but she's fine. Rotti had the nerve to offer to pay your hospital bill in compensation. I basically told him to go to hell," Nathan said. I exhaled slowly, giving him a look.

"Nate... " I couldn't say anything else, though. Knowing the circumstances, I knew it was in his nature. Now next was something I wasn't really sure if I wanted to know. "What about the horses?"

The way Nathan's face sobered scared me. "Poltergeist fractured left foreleg and right hind, we're still not sure if he's going to make it or not. Rotti was going to have him destroyed."

"Just like that? Without trying any treatments?" I asked, aghast. Nathan nodded.

"Well, to make long story short, I lost my temper on him and told him I'd buy him, saying that if he did pull through he would at least reproduce. A horse with his lines deserves better than that, as much as I've wanted to kill the monster myself for what he's done. But, so now he's hanging in a sling in the stall he was in in our barn."

"How much did you pay for him?" I asked.

"Rotti wanted forty grand but he settled for thirty-five."

"Alright, that isn't as bad as I was thinking." I said, exhaling slowly. But even before I asked I somehow knew the answer by looking at Nathan's face. "And Batten?"

Nathan lowered his eyes. "Maggie, he shattered his entire hip, hindleg and femur. We had to put him down on the spot," He gently took my hand as I turned my head and looked up at the ceiling, tears welling in my eyes.

"I knew it," I murmured, my voice breaking. Even though I knew there was no way Batten could have made it with the injury he had had. "I shouldn't have even taken him out that day. He was nearly the same size as Poltergeist, I should have taken out a bigger horse, like Navarre or someone… "

"Maggie, things would have been even worse had you taken out another stallion, even if Navarre and Poltergeist knew each other, they never got along in turnout. Batten was always steadfast and willing, this wasn't your fault. We didn't have any idea what was going to happen," Nathan moved nearer to me. I shook my head, tears spilling silently down my face.

"I felt it. I felt his hindleg collapse under him when we went down with Poltergeist." I exhaled shakily. Nathan slowly crawled onto the bed with me, lay beside me and wrapped me in his arms. I sank against him, cherishing the warmth of his body as I buried my face against his chest. I could feel him rubbing my back and murmuring to me.

"I'm right here, sweetheart, it's alright," Nathan murmured, holding me close. I could hear his voice by my ear. "I was so scared I had lost you,"

I tightened my arms around him, wincing as the ache in my ribcage made me very aware of the injuries I had acquired through the accident. Though I knew things could have been a lot worse. Nathan held me, stroking my hair and I curled up against him, listening to his heartbeat and letting tears well and spill silently down my face, unable to get away from the regret and guilt of what this had caused poor Batten.

A week and a half later, I was discharged from the hospital and brought home. My ribs were still on the mend and I had to move in a wheelchair to avoid any damage to my still healing hip, but things were going alright. Nathan took me home and we headed down to the barn to see the horses. As we passed Batten's empty stall I couldn't look inside of it, and Nathan wrapped his arm around my shoulders in a supportive notion. We made our way to Poltergeist's stall and I had to bite back the gasp that almost escaped me upon seeing the obviously drugged stallion dangling in a hoist and sling, though only half a foot off the ground. The sight absolutely broke my heart.

"Oh, Geist.. " I murmured, wanting to go in there but knew that I couldn't for two reasons; one being that I was in a wheelchair and would probably startle the Arab stallion and the other being that, again, I was in a wheelchair. It was going to drive me crazy not being able to ride for that long. The doctor had given me a four week mending period for everything, and even after that to take it easy. Nathan gently pushed the wheelchair down the aisle so I could say hello to each horse. We stopped at Uther's stall and the stallion stuck his nose through the bars. Nathan opened the stall door and Uther dropped his head into my lap, gently lipping at the fabric of my sweats.

"No, you can't eat it," I forced a smile, stroking the sides of his face. I could swear sometimes that when Uther looked you in the eye he could see right through your very soul. Such kindness and a wise demeanor, he was well beyond the rambunctious youngster he used to be. God, I wished he was still sound, he had so much talent. That night, after dinner, I held Shilo in my lap with Nathan going through some of the bills, still sitting beside me. The man never left my side during the entire ordeal. I caught sight of an issue of Bloodhorse magazine under a couple sheets of paper. The idea had been lingering in my mind ever since Dragon Blade had sired two of the newest Thoroughbreds we had to this day.

"Nathan," I said, and watched his head rise.

"Hm?"

"Thoroughbreds. Breeding them." I suggested with raised eyebrows and a slight grin. Nathan's face paled.

"You're kidding,"

"No."

"The answer's no."

"We already have the mares, we could sell the geldings we don't use to get more room, Dragonada's really the only mare we've done anything with, we don't have stallions, Dragon Blade could be one of the geldings we sell, we're not going to get anywhere with him. Kilkenny Creek, if God forbid, we decided to run them, could be a track pony—"

Nathan dropped his glasses on the coffee table, squeezing the bridge of his nose. "Okay, okay, okay, okay… hold it, back up. What?" He looked at me as though I'd lost my mind. "Mag, when in the he… " He cast a glance at Shilo. "Heck—did this come up? Racehorses?"

"Nathan, look at the lines of some of the lines of the horses we plan on keeping Thoroughbred wise, for instance Dragonada, then look at the two foals, or three year olds, now. Dragonada is by Lucifer's Stone, who is sired by Diablo de Oro."

Nathan stared at me. "As in the Diablo de Oro?"

"Yes, and Lucifer's Stone was Coriolis's last foal. Don't even get me started on her lines. Dragonada has an amazing lineage, she's obviously too old to race now and so might be her offspring but she's still young enough to be bred again. Nathan, this could be an incredible idea."

"And Diablo de Oro's by who again?"

"By Therion and out of Lucid."

"Where do you find the time to memorise all of this?"

"It just happened, especially when I came to realize just what we have here when we acquired five Thoroughbreds from a rescue, of course I'm going to look through the Jockey Club and see what we have."

Nathan leaned back against the couch, blowing out a breath. "Well, I'm very familiar with Diablo de Oro. The clinic was called when Lucid died and how to see to him, and only recently was Diablo de Oro put down at twenty two after an accident in a paddock. They say that stallion was Hell incarnated, but he developed quite the reputation on the race track."

"And he's obviously been a well-known sire. I've seen Diablo de Oro foals everywhere." Nathan exhaled slowly. "But Mag, horse racing takes a lot of time and money, and there are so many risks I don't even know where to begin. We'll talk about it, I just don't know, though."

"Alright, I don't blame you," I said, nodding slowly, leaning back in my wheelchair. "Do we still want to sell Kilkenny Creek, Dragon Blade and Bank on Silver?"

"We're going to have to," Nathan said. "We need more room."

I searched Nathan's face. "So you like the idea?"

"I can't say it's one of my favourites, but it's definitely intriguing," Nathan admitted. "But so help me, Maggie, if you or Shilo get hurt, I'm ending the horse racing business and going back to just having regular horses. I won't put my family in danger."

My heart leapt in my chest upon hearing Nathan regard and include me as his family. Though a part of me wondered if we would ever make it official. Weeks went by and I was finally able to get out of the wheel chair and walk around on my hip, though I was made to promise to take it easy on it. Poltergeist wasn't doing well. He had developed laminitis and it was still a question whether or not to keep him alive. Though as the rains began coming, everything seemed drearier, especially with the going ons with Poltergeist. Clark Wallace's funeral was this week, and as I looked at Nathan's back facing me that night, seeing that he had picked up the notice and was looking at it. He sat on his side of the bed. Cooper, now at four years old, lay at the foot of the bed, one ear tilted toward us to pick up every sound. I moved toward Nathan and crawled onto the bed beside him and sat down, wrapping an arm around his waist and lay one on his closest arm. I tilted the side of my head against his shoulder, gently trailing my nails along his side. Nathan drew a breath and exhaled slowly through his nose, tilting the side of his head lightly against the top of my own, seeming to relax a bit at my touch.

"How're you doing?" I asked him gently, trailing my fingertips along the curving of his ribcage and side, treasuring the feeling of his bared skin, always loving being able to touch him, but in this case, I wanted to be a comfort to Nathan more than anything.

"To be honest, I don't really know," He said softly, lowering his head to his hands and ran his fingers through his hair, exhaling slowly. "It still hasn't quite processed. I feel like I haven't mourned him because.. it doesn't really seem like he's dead. I don't feel like I've actually lost the only person I trusted growing up. I was all he had and, well, he was all I had until he left."

"Nathan, it's alright to feel something about it, to mourn him," I told him gently, my hand still running up and down along his side and ribcage. Nathan nodded slowly, though I felt the tiniest shrug of his shoulders.

"I know, and for some reason I haven't, which is never a good sign," He snorted softly, shaking his head. I took in each word he spoke. There were rare occasions when Nathaniel James Wallace, never a man of many words, would actually begin to open up and talk to someone. It was never anyone else except for me, and even those times were rare, but when he did, I let him. I always knew Nathan to keep everything to himself, when he needed to let go of something it was better for him than bottling things up.

"What caused him to leave, Nathan?" I asked softly, sitting near him. I could feel him leaning his weight ever so gently into me as another exhale escaped him.

"My father," He said, shaking his head. He seemed to hunch over, rubbing the back of his neck with his other elbow resting on his knee. I tenderly ran my hand up and down his back and my fingertips along his shoulder blades. "He would beat me and Clark.. pretty brutally when we were boys if we did something he considered 'misbehaving', whatever his definition of it was, it ranged from not putting a dish away to leaving a shoe out."

The shock that overcame me was quick and overwhelming. "What?"

Nathan lowered his eyes. "Clark, being older, received the worst of it since he was supposedly older and knew better. What it really was and it took me all these years to realize was that it was because my father was a drunk and had issues with anger, and being abusive both physically and emotionally, to boot, because when Clark got smart and left, I was left there to fend for myself. He had beaten me well into my late teens. I never wanted to hate him, but I was afraid of him."

"Oh, my God, Nathan.. " I murmured, wrapping my arm around Nathan's waist. Nathan lowered his head, as though ashamed, which only broke my heart further.

"I'm sorry," He cleared his throat, shaking his head. "I've already freaked you out enough, you shouldn't have to listen to this."

"Nathan, no, it's alright," I moved nearer to him. The last thing I wanted Nathan to do was close himself off from me and shut down. Once he did that I knew that whatever this was lingering in his conscience that had been haunting him would continue to, and that was the last thing he needed, especially while dealing with his brother's death and having to see his father at the funeral, though he would just let it and make himself suffer even more. "We've been together for almost four years now, Nathan. You're my best friend and you know I've never wanted anything but to be there for you. I love you, I want to know about your past, I want you to be able to tell me about these things,"

Nathan said nothing, but I could see it in his face that I still had him. I kept my hand on his back, offering support through touch and just trying to through my general presence. "What did he do it with?"

Nathan looked in my direction for a moment before drawing a breath as though trying to think. What frightened me was that he seemed to have to gather quite a few examples from his repertoire of painful memories of just what his father had done to him. "Mainly he would use a belt, but he would hit us with the buckle. There were other times where they were mainly accidents, but during his drunken rages. I have a scar on my shoulder from one night after he had been drinking. He had decided to put a cookie pan in the oven and heat it for God only knows what reason. He would never cook, my mother was the one who always cooked, but for some reason he felt compelled to put this thing in the oven. He tried to take it out with his bare hands—I was only about six or seven at the time, and all I remember is hearing him yell and feeling him throw it down side-first. The sharper edge of it sliced and basically cauterized my shoulder. He heard me scream and kicked me out of the kitchen—literally—with his work boot on."

Though I didn't want to see the proof of the pain this man I loved so much had suffered, I gently tilted his head to the opposite side, and right at the crook of his shoulder, close to his neck, was the raised, smooth scar-tissue that looked like a burn and laceration.

"Oh my God, Nate.. " I murmured, shaking my head as I stroked the area with one finger gingerly. Nathan lowered his eyes as he straightened his neck.

"I swore to myself I would never be the father he was. I look at Shilo and all I can think of is how I could never imagine laying a hand on her like that, imagine hurting her in the way he hurt me and Clark, but it terrifies me. I share his genetics, I.. I keep wondering if there's a part of him that's a side of me, a side of me that hasn't surfaced yet, and I just... I would give my life to protect you and Shilo," He looked in my direction, and in his eyes were filled with so much pain.. so much fear which I almost never saw on Nathan. "I don't want to become him.. "

As I studied Nathan, it dawned on me just how broken he really was, from his past, his present, what had happened to him. It broke my heart to think of what he went through. I inched forward, wrapping my arms around him and kissed his shoulder. "Nathan, you could never be the person that man was. Ever. You're a great father, Nathan. You always have been," I lay my chin gently on his shoulder, watching his eyes lower as he exhaled slowly. "You've been hurt, Nate. Through everything you've suffered it's done nothing but make you stronger."

Nathan lowered his head and I pulled him into my arms, kissing the top of his head, cradling him in my arms. I have never noticed the faults Nathan saw in himself but it was at that moment that I realized what made Nathan the way he was, what made him feel so undeserving and the pain he had endured that made him feel as damaged as he did. I ran my fingers through the side of his hair tenderly, feeling the exhale that left him. Try as I might, I couldn't think of what else to say. This wouldn't exactly change the way I looked at Nathan, but it definitely made me more aware of what made him the way he was. While I was grateful to be able to know that about him, it broke my heart as well, unable to imagine hurting him in any way, shape or form. But that didn't stop a part of me that lingered in the very back of my subconscious that wondered if he was right.

No.

He may share his father's genetics, but he didn't have to share his choices. The only time I had ever seen Nathan become violent was when his family was threatened, and his protective instinct kicked into high gear. When he did, he was frightening, but I knew he would never hurt me or Shilo. He would die before he let any harm come to either of us.

A few days had gone by and while we continuously tried everything to try to treat Poltergeist, the laminitis had eaten away at his hoof and Poltergeist had made no attempt to stand on it. I sat in the corner of the stall, with the Arabian stallion's muzzle dropped to my hands. Tears welled in my eyes because I knew immediately that if he wasn't even making an attempt, things were not looking good. He wasn't eating, he was lethargic, and when I thought that the headstrong stallion would never lose his will to live, it was looking like he was deteriorating by the day.

Nathan made his way into the stall slowly, casting a glance in Poltergeist's direction. The black splash stallion's blue eyes shifted in Nathan's direction as he crept over, murmuring to Poltergeist to keep him calm as he slid along the wall and sat down next to me. I could feel Nathan's eyes shift from Poltergeist to me and I didn't even have to see the expression on Nathan's face to know what he was thinking. The tears that brimmed my eyes spilled down my face.

"We can't keep doing this to him anymore, can we?" I murmured, my voice cracking. Nathan shook his head, inching closer and wrapped his arm around me. I sank against him and lay my head against his chest, swallowing.

"He's suffering, Maggie, there's just too much infection. The way he broke it, and now with the laminitis, it's just too much," Nathan said softly, his fingertips running along my upper arm. I could hear the sadness in his voice, knowing that this was hard for him, too. But a horse just couldn't heal miraculously after a broken leg, let alone two. My face had fallen and a choked, dry sob left me, covering my mouth. Nathan wrapped his other arm around me, drawing me close.

"I never thought I'd be this upset to see him go, after everything he put us through," I stammered with a choked, unhappy laugh, shaking my head. Nathan kissed the top of my head.

"I know, sweetheart, but I know you loved him. The accident wasn't his or your fault, and that's why it's such a horrible way of letting him go. He never should have endured this; you, him or Batten. This wasn't the way either of us were expecting to say goodbye," Nathan said quietly, shaking his head as he tilted the side of his head against my own. I sank against him with tears streaming down my face. This wasn't the way I ever would have wanted things to end.

That night, Nathan and I had made the joint decision to put Poltergeist down. Nathan had chosen to do it, feeling that he owed the stallion that much. We had bought him and given him a chance, it was devastating to know that this was the way he was going out. He was such a huge entity, a massive presence with so much fire in him. Maybe it just wasn't his time, that there were other plans for him that we just weren't prepared to accept. Poltergeist was lowered from the sling with Chris's help and the sedated stallion was lowered to his side. I crawled over to his head and lay his head in my lap, gently stroking his white face.

"This is the first time he's ever let me pet him without trying to attack me," I murmured through my tears with a light, choked laugh, though my heart felt like it was being ripped in half. It was my fault, why didn't I do more to stop Amber from treating him like this?

Nathan glanced over in my direction with sad, sympathetic eyes, he and Chris discussing just how things were going to go over. Nathan had a stethoscope draped over the back of his neck, sticking the ear tips in his ears and pressing the diaphragm against Poltergeist's girth area. The stallion's ears flicked toward me, his eyes fluttering closed them opening partway as I stroked his face.

"You deserved better, Geist," I murmured to him, cradling his head in my arms, feeling tears roll down my face as I tried to suppress a choked sob that lodged itself in my throat, trying desperately to keep my composure to a degree. "You just weren't meant for this world, you were too big of an entity."

I lifted my head, brushing my dark hair away from my face as I met Nathan's eyes. "We're about to do it, Maggie, just prepare yourself," He told me. I nodded, swallowing, closing my eyes as I exhaled slowly. Poltergeist's ears tilted from side to side, listening to every movement. I gently cradled the stallion's head as Nathan administered the drug with a tiny prick of the needle that the stallion never even felt. I watched through a glaze of tears as Poltergeist's breathing began to slow, his nostrils flared slightly and his breathing stopped entirely. Nathan reached over and placed the diaphragm of the stethoscope against Geist's girth and then pulled the ear tips off with a jerk of his head, his eyes lowering. He turned his head and said something to Chris, who immediately went out to the truck and Nathan moved toward me. I could feel his arms wrap around me and I sank against him, squeezing my eyes shut as tears spilled down my face against the fabric of his shirt, my arm going across his waist. I felt guilty, like somehow I was responsible for the death of this beautiful stallion.

"He's not in pain anymore, Maggie, he's in a better place," Nathan murmured to me, and I could feel him stroking my hair.

"He never should have been in pain to begin with," I whispered, tears thickening my voice. I just wanted to know where we were to go from here now.

After Poltergeist's death, I oddly found myself followed by a dark cloud. I just couldn't quite find joy out of anything, the stallion's death constantly haunting my mind. I moved down the aisle of the barn, noting the now free sixteen stalls in the twenty-six stall barn. Poltergeist's was buried on the far back part of our property. I had placed a rock as a headstone with a few flowers, never wanting to forget the Arabian stallion's powerfully commanding presence. I wanted to keep my mind on the future, there was no room for self pity. The horses we had needed us.

I paused at Phaeton's stall, smoothing his long forelock. The chestnut Arab pricked his ears as a throaty greeting fluttered through his nostrils. Even for a stallion, he was a snuggle bug, a cuddler with a very sweet disposition. As I continued rubbing the star on his forehead, I felt a pair of arms encircle my waist from behind. I turned my head, laying my arms over Nathan's as I tilted the side of my head against his own as his chin lay on my shoulder.

"How're you doing?"

"Feeling sick every time I walk past Poltergeist's empty stall," I admitted, gently leaning back against Nathan's broad chest. Coming to find that my hands were no longer petting him, Phaeton turned in his stall, returning to the hay that lay strewn about the ground and shavings in his stall. "I really feel like part of it was my fault, Nathan,"

"Mag, it wasn't. Not a bit of it." Nathan assured me, tightening his arms. Exhaling slowly, I turned my head and kissed the side of his own, laying my forehead against the side of his neck.

"Honey, I've been looking back on Poltergeist's x-rays a lot lately. Like you, I felt like maybe there was something that could have been done to help him, but his death was inevitable. There was no possible way we could have saved him."

I knew Nathan's statement was supposed to be comforting but it made me feel ill. "So we caused him to suffer by keeping him alive," I murmured.

"No.. no, I never said that. We gave him a period of being pain-free, but we couldn't have kept him alive on that." He quickly assured me. I exhaled slowly, nodding.

"He was too good—" I paused, realizing what I was about to say. "Well, he was absolute hellfire, I shouldn't say he was good, but he deserved better than the way he was treated by Amber."

Nathan exhaled slowly. I could feel his chest rise and fall with the exhale behind me. "He was a wicked thing, but sort of makes you wonder what came first, the chicken or the egg. Was Amber beating him because he was like that or the other way around? Either way it would have been a vicious circle." He said. We stayed silent for a few moments before I drew a breath.

"Tomorrow's the funeral, isn't it?" I felt something in Nathan's body change.

"Yeah,"

"Are you ready for it?"

"Not in the least."

I turned in Nathan's arms, wrapping my arms around him. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, exhaling slowly as I buried my own against his shoulder, my fingers running through the back of his hair. I wanted to be near him, wanted to hold and feel him close to me. This week was going to be hard, for the both of us. I almost had to wonder if it would ever end, if things would ever at least lessen in tension. It was about time they did.