Warning: Dark content

Diary of a CajoleMan

I am back at my apartment. It's been three and a half weeks since my last imput into this old book. It hurts to sit up and even more to walk and talk. It's getting easier and I am glad they let me out of the hospital. Peter checks in every now and then. Guess I should start where Jones left the apartment with Joseph.

I put the book away and walk out to the top of the stairs. I see Jones at the base," Hey, Jones." I whisper.

"Caffrey. I think maybe you should wake Joseph up. He doesn't like me very much." Jones shifted in his jacket," You look aweful, man."

"Thanks. You look peachy." He shrugs and I turn to Joseph's door and slowly open it. First I wake up Grace then Joseph," Hey Grace. Grace." I shake her elbow and she stirs then I touch Joseph's forhead," Joseph."

"Huh?" Grace sits up and crosses her legs and Joseph stretches his arms up above him," What's up, Neal?" He mumbles.

"Joseph, you need to get dressed. Jones is here for you." I whisper then grab Grace's elbow lightly. She stands and I lead her to the door," I'm taking you to your bedroom downstairs, alright?" I whisper. We work our way past Jones and she leans on me as I lead her down the stairs and to her room. I watch her lay down and cover her up then close the door and walk back up the steps two by two.

"Neal?" Joseph croaks from his dimly lit room. He just has a small lamp turned on.

"Yeah?" I mumble as I enter his room.

"Are you c-coming with me?" He asks, tightening his belt. I feel a knot in my throat and swallow it.

"Not this time, buddy." I smile weakly.

"Really?" He looks up, suddenly shocked.

"You'll be alright. Plus I wouldn't let you get hurt. " I wink and he nods. I wonder how much he understands.

"Neal, I have to tell you something." He turns to me and I nod.

"I d-didn't c-come to the FBI b-because I was worried about my foster father selling m-my paintings." He studders. I close the door and sit on the bed. He sits next to me.

"I know." I mumble.

"How m-much d-d-do you kn-know?" He asks, letting his hair fall in his face. I brush it away forcing him to look at me.

"Kate's your mother." I say quietly," That's about it."

"She p-put m-me in foster c-care when I was eight. She... She said if anything happened t-t-to her that I should look for N-nick Halden. I d-did and when my foster father came to me with the paintings scheme, I saw it as a way to find the m-man b-behind then-name. I knew N-nick was you after a long search through the FBI database. I kn-knew you would b-be assigned t-t-to my c-case. Neal... She n-never t-told me why i should c-come t-to you." He was almost in tears at this point.

"I don't know, Joseph. I haven't got a clue. She never told me about you. I don't know why she would send you to me. We never talked about kids. I don't even think I'd be that good of a father." Suddenly he stood up.

"Well, I'd b-better g-get ready t-to g-go. When this is d-done they are sending me b-back to foster c-care. I'll miss you, Neal."

"Foster care! How could they send you to foster care?" I ask, standing up and blocking him from moveing around the room. He looks up at me.

"They said if I d-didn't want t-to stay here I had t-to g-go b-b-b-back." He mumbled, trying to hide his face again.

"Why wouldn't you want to stay here?" I ask.

"Why would I w-want t-to stay somewhere where I'm n-not wanted!" He shoves past me and picks up a tie and starts to put it on.

"Who says I don't want you here?" I ask angirly. He's making no sense.

"You d-d-don't even want t-to b-be here so why would you want something to hold you here when that anklet c-c-comes off! i c-c-can tell when I'm n-not wanted." He grabbed his jacket and started to leave but I grab his arm and spin him into my chest. I hug him close and put one hand in his hair, holding him to me. I rock from side to side.

"Joseph, I want nothing more than for you to stay here!"

"I m-might n-not even b-be your SON!" he shouts the last word, frustrated with his studder.

"I don't care!" I sigh.

"I c-can't stay." He whispers to my shoulder.

"Jonas, you don't have to run anymore." Suddenly he shoves me, hard. Nothing like the playful shoves of the night before. I fall to the floor and he storms out the door and slams it. I sit, shocked for a moment then I stand and rush out and down the stairs. I get to the car just as he closes the door and I swing it open, kneeling down next to him.

"Get away, Neal!" My name is the only word that starts with N that he doesn't studder.

"Joseph, I want you to live with me. I can't adopt you yet because of my Anklet..." I say quietly but he interupts.

"See! You're already m-m-making excuses!" He shouts.

"No, I'm not! In a month you will be old enough to live whereever you want and I want you to come home with me! You may have to go to Foster services until your birthday but Peter can make sure no one takes you in! Then you can come back to me!" I plea.

"Neal, st-stop m-making this so hard!" I see tears welling in his eyes.

"Come live with me." I beg.

"How d-do I kn-know your b-being serious?" He turns away from me so that I can't see him clearly. I grab his hand that is closest to me.

"I have never been more serious."

"You'll b-be here for m-me when I g-get b-back?"

"i'll always be here for you." I nod then stand. He nods and grabs the door. I step back and he closes it. In the next few moments Jones drives away and I watch until they are out of sight. I pull out my phone and dial the familiar number.

"... It is the East and...?" Mozzie asks.

"Not now, Moz. I need you." I try to keep my voice steady.

"It's Joseph isn't it?" He sighs.

"Yes. Can you meet me at June's?" I ask. We have about an hour to get ready.

"Yeah. What do I need to bring?" I smile. i knew I could count on Moz.

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