A/N: Final chapter! I realize now that I've posted it that this hasn't been that great. I had all these OCs I needed to get out there and I kinda forced them on you guys in a shitty attempt at a screwball comedy...if anyone is even reading this. I mean, there hasn't been a single review. I guess Spinner really doesn't have any fans out there. Well, that's too bad. Because I happen to like Spinner enough that the next story I'm working on is something uber serious and angst ridden, centering all around him. Actually, the next TWO things I'm working on could be described as that. Oh well! I guess he's an acquired taste, like spinach.

Spinner: Hey! I am WAY tastier than Spinach!

EDIT: Changed the name of the iguana for an added joke.

Spinner scoffed at the absurdity of the advice the little slip of paper offered him, thinking of all the idiotic things that could happen if he complied. He could get hooked on drugs or sucked into a Ponzi scheme! Why would anyone accept any kind of proposal without doing a little research? Spinner crumpled the fortune and stuck it in his pocket, laughing. How ridiculous.

Of course, there was still the matter of how to spend the next two hours until he was to arrive at Dragon's Wing Gaming. He was full and did not feel like visiting Honeybee Sweets Unlimited, though he filed away the location for future reference. Canary Diamonds would be of little use to him, as he was not looking to get engaged any time soon. Hummingbird Floristry was likewise not on his list of places he could get anything interesting—though if he ever managed to get a date, knowing where the shop was would be useful. Walking down a side street, Spinner noticed a dark alley. The sun would not be going down for almost three hours, so it was curious that said alley should be so dark, but somehow Spinner felt compelled to at least glance in, if only to see what was down it. Cautiously he peered around the corner.

To his right was what appeared to be a night club, or possibly just your average blue-collar bar, which the blinking neon sign declared to be The Tipsy Roadrunner. In either case, Spinner was only nineteen, not old enough to drink, so he did not really care. But on his left, across the alley from the bar, was The One-Horned Stag. The outside of the storefront was relatively plain. In point of fact, it was oddly plain, with no displays in the windows but rather many printed signs, almost as if they were trying to be modest. Spinner was unsure whether he wanted to go in at first, but no one was around. No one was standing in front of the bar or looking out the darkened glass at this place. Still, he felt embarrassed by all the signs marked "XXX" and "ADULTS ONLY." The rest of the BF5 would be catcalling and jeering if they knew he was here.

But…they did not know. And they did not have to find out, either…

Casually looking around to see the coast was still clear, Spinner strolled as nonchalantly as possible towards the store and crossed the threshold. Time for a little adventure!

Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight
Won't somebody help me chase the shadows away?
Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight
Take me through the darkness to the break of the day

The gorgeous blonde behind the counter stopped dancing and perked up when she heard the door chime signal his approach. "Hi there, sugar," she said breathily, smiling and fluttering her long lashes at her new customer. "I'm Bambi. Are you looking for anything in particular?"

"No, just browsing," Spinner blurted, blushing furiously. Of course there had to be a boner-inducing beautiful girl working here, knowing why he had come in, and knowing what he wanted. God, this was so embarrassing! At least if it had been just some guy he could have just not looked him in the eye the whole time and ignored him, but this chick was so hot she made Meagan Fox look like a big, fat, slobbering pig! On the verge of a panic attack, Spinner kept his head down, refusing to meet her gaze out of mortification.

Bambi, for her part, seemed oblivious. "Okay then. Just let me know if you need anything, sugar."

Spinner blushed more deeply at the pet name. Well, he had been vaguely interested in a nudey-mag or something, but in hindsight, getting one's porn via the internet and keeping it in an encrypted file on a portable hard drive had much less potential for humiliation. There was no way he could get up the nerve to actually purchase anything here, not with the counter being manned by that hottie. But now Spinner could not leave…because she was watching him.

Spinner gulped, nervous. She was totally judging him for a pervert, or worse, a shoplifter. Or even worse than that, a perverted shoplifter! She smiled at him, and he imagined she knew he was ashamed. She licked her lips, and Spinner looked away, blushing again as she giggled. But what really got under his skin was when she walked towards him, swaying her hips to the disco playing over the radio and still smiling sweetly. She looked him up and down, murmuring approval, and the gamer became decidedly confused.

This did not compute. If she had acted this way with anyone else, even another girl, Spinner would have automatically assumed she was flirting. But people just did not flirt with Spinner Cortez! Least ways, pretty girls he would actually be interested in, and especially not random hot chicks with epic tits and legs for miles. Nervously he smiled and feebly raised his hand in greeting.

"You're such a cute little thing," she cooed in that soft and breathy voice. "So, tell me, sugar, what's your name?"

"S-Spinner."

"Spinner? Oh, that's adorable!" She giggled again. "You don't have to be so self-conscious, Spinner. It's only me and you here. So, are you looking for something to surprise your girlfriend?"

"Oh, no, I, um…I don't have a girlfriend."

"Boyfriend, then?"

"NO! Uh, not that there's anything wrong with that. I mean, um."

Bambi smiled innocently. "Hey, I don't judge. Come on, there's got to be someone you were thinking about. You don't strike me as the type to be into toys, if you know what I mean."

"No. There's no one," Spinner said sadly.

"Aw, really? A cute little fella like you?" Bambi reached out a hand to curl a piece of Spinner's hair around her finger. "If that's the case then I've got half a mind to snatch you up myself."

There was no denying it, no matter how down on himself he was. This girl was flirting with Spinner. Maybe Bambi had an ulterior motive, maybe she was planning to rob him or something, but she seemed genuinely nice. She did not come off as predatory, like Chet at the sporting goods store, or AJ's ex, Mrs. Robinson. She was sweet and bubbly, like a ditzy cheerleader. For the first time he could remember, Spinner was not utterly terrified that someone seemed interested in him. On the contrary, he was flattered. This girl was beautiful, and apparently sane.

'Then again, maybe she's not.'

Spinner sighed miserably. She did not seem exactly the type you would bring home to meet the folks. He had his duties as a member of the Battle Force 5 to think of and Bambi did not come off as very smart. His team's secret would be in danger. "Thank you for the compliment. You seem really nice," he said. "But I'm not really looking for a relationship right now."

This time, she did not giggle.

Bambi snorted with incredulous laughter. "A girl working in a sex shop is nice to you, and you think she's looking for a relationship?" The bubbly blonde cracked up in a most unladylike manner, holding her sides. "Oh, god, you are just precious! Ha!"

"Jeez, thanks for the boost to my self-esteem, lady," Spinner muttered darkly.

"Sugar, no," she soothed, calming down. "What I meant is that I don't do 'relationships.' I just thought we could have a little fun."

The gamer's eyebrows shot up in shock. "Are…are you propositioning me?" he asked, suddenly remembering the fortune cookie. "Me?"

"Why not?" she asked with a shrug. "You're here, you're cute, and I've always had a thing for sweet little guys. When the other girls were trying to date football players, I was banging the chess team. And the science club. And the mathletes. Do you see where I'm going with this? Because I loves me some nerds." She was playing with his hair again. "How about it, sugar? You game?"

Spinner swallowed nervously. "I'm not so sure about this. I'm… I mean, I've never…y'know…"

"You're a virgin?" She took Spinner's blushing to mean she was correct and clapped her hands together, squealing with delight. "That's perfect! I can teach you everything! I really know what I'm doing, too. This is going to be so much fun!"

"Uh, you sure you won't be disappointed, Bambi?" Spinner asked, watching giddily as she locked the door and flipped the open sign to closed. "If I'm, um, not that great?"

"Well, if that happens then we'll just have to keep trying until you get it right," she said, her voice a husky whisper. "Unless you had other plans?"

Spinner weighed his options. On the one hand, there was a chance this might be a bad idea. On the other hand, the chance of it being a bad idea was very small and almost every part of Spinner—including a very important one—said that this was a very, very good idea.

The elder Cortez shrugged and grinned. "Well, I've got an appointment at seven-thirty, but my schedule's clear until then."

"Oh, that's plenty of time!"

"All right!"

Spinner found a whole new world in this girl he had never met, this blonde bombshell named Bambi. Yes, their first time around had not exactly lasted long, but she kept her word, and they went at it again. She was the eager gatekeeper to his clueless keymaster, the rampaging Godzilla to his unsuspecting Tokyo. She showed him things he had never dreamed of, the pair of them rolling together as one in the back room of the store. He loved the soft yield of her flesh, the perkiness of her firm yet supple breasts. He loved the things she could do with her tongue! And it seemed that Bambi loved Spinner's enthusiasm and hand-eye coordination. Spinner committed every direction she gave him to memory, filing it away for future use.

Confidence can take years to build. Sometimes, confidence must be gained with knowledge and determination. Sometimes, confidence must be built up with the physical body through manual labor. But sometimes, all it takes is bringing a woman to orgasm. All too soon, it was over. They got cleaned up and parted ways as if they had never met, though she told Spinner he was welcome back anytime.

Spinner strutted out of the One-Horned Stag a new man, a tad disheveled but distinctly pleased with himself. There was a greater self-assurance to him than there had ever been, for he was no longer a stranger in the ways of women. After all was said and done, today had been a pretty great day.

At least until a certain someone tried to ruin it again.

"Hey, buddy, just the guy I wanted to see," Lloyd falsely enthused, his lip bruised and split. "Listen, chief, I know we got off on the wrong foot earlier and I wanted to apologize. Are we cool, bro?"

"Lloyd, I think you need some downtime!" Spinner cheerfully called. The spastic gamer took a running leap and punched Lloyd in his left eye. Lloyd's head snapped back from the force of the padded, bandaged fist connecting with his face. He fell, slamming his head against the pavement. Spinner strode off smiling like not a single fuck was given that day.

Lloyd lay on the ground for a few minutes, woozy, before rolling over and pulling himself up onto his knees. His ears were ringing from the impact and a knot was already forming on the back of his skull. Shakily, he got to his feet, using the wall for support as he moved.

"Hey, pal, wait for me," he feebly rasped. Little by little he lurched out of the alley in which the sex shop was located, confused and searching for Spinner. Lloyd had a plan, even if he was too dazed and concussed to carry it out. He would convince Spinner not to play with Tag and Bink, just as he had convinced the others. Whether he had to do it by trickery or violence, he would do it. He would fight down the weakness and nausea that was overtaking him and by God, he would get it done.

But Lloyd did not know that he was being followed. In his confused state, he did not realize that Tag and Bink were waiting patiently for him to leave the field of view of the Tipsy Roadrunner's security camera. As soon as he was a few feet from the mouth of the alley, Lloyd was grabbed and dragged behind the One-Horned Stag.

"You just couldn't leave him alone," Tag hissed, shoving him forward. Lloyd hit the wall face first, crumpling down to his knees with a groan.

"Why did you have to drive us to this, Lloyd? We asked you time and again to stop your bullying ways," Bink expressed disapprovingly. "We warned you earlier today not to bother Spinner again. We told you before to stop harassing all the other gamers. It's not the other players; it's your attitude that's the problem here. That's why no one wants to play with you, Lloyd. We warned you to quit before things got rough."

"I think we need to warn 'im a little harder, eh, Bink?" Tag snarled.

"Not the face!" Lloyd begged, throwing his arms over his head. Tag and Bink closed in on him…

Spinner stepped confidently over the threshold of Dragon's Wing Gaming, taking in the smell of snacks, soda, and well-worn monster manuals. The usually spastic gamer stilled, recognizing the music over the store's speakers as the score from Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. At one table were a group of nerds gathered around a deck of Pokemon cards. The shelves in the front of the store were lined with video games, both new and used, and even classic cartridges and platforms for more old school gamers. But from the books, dice, and miniatures that lined the counter, the proprietor was clearly the oldest of old school: a tabletop roleplayer.

"Now all I gotta do is find the big man," he murmured, glancing around.

"The big man's right here. You must be Spinner."

Spinner lived up to his name, spinning around to face the owner of the deep voice and slammed face first into a muscular chest as wide as a barrel, tufts of blonde hair sticking out from the collar of his Hawaiian shirt. As the playful hacker slowly looked up in fear, he realized just how big the thirty-something was; he was easily broader than AJ. Sure, he was not as well-defined as Sherman, but who was? His square face, the bottom half covered by his close cropped moustache and beard, was set in a slight frown. He looked down at Spinner not in disapproval, but as if he was waiting for the elder Cortez to fuck up. His cold blue eyes bore into Spinner, and he knew this was who he was looking for.

"Yes, sir. I'm Spinner Cortez. Sir."

"Strider Drake," he replied, catching Spin's hand in an iron grip. "Welcome to Dragon's Wing Gaming. Tag and Bink said you were inquiring about joining our rpg?"

"They actually asked me to join, sir," he said meekly. "But, yes, sir, it does sound like a lot of fun."

"Stop calling me sir."

"Yes, sir. I mean, Strider."

His blue eyes narrowed. "How much experience do you have roleplaying?"

"Mostly I stick to video games, but my brother and I played a lot of Dungeons & Dragons with friends."

"Fourth edition?"

Spinner scoffed. "Three point five."

Strider murmured, looming over Spinner with suspicious eyes. "Uh huh. And what kind of character were you looking to bring to the party?"

"I was thinking a cleric. No angst-fest backstory, no 'I shall avenge you, mother!' Just a chaotic good human cleric of Corellon Larethian who grew up in a small town and wants to do as much good as possible while seeing the world and having adventures."

The large man regarded Spinner for a minute, circling him as he stroked his beard in thought. "Seems a bit pared down. Most players like to come up with epically badass histories for their characters to make them as cool as possible."

"Well, yeah, but that's so overdone, and it totally highjacks whatever plot the DM's got cooked up, forcing them to center around your own story. It's kind of a dick move." Spinner harumphed. "I had this idea that I'd play a wide-eyed idealist whose story is only beginning. Anyway, I'd think it's preferable to a lawful good Drow."

Strider chuckled. "You heard about that, huh?" he asked good naturedly. "Okay, you pass. Let's get you're cleric rolled up to level five. You got dice?"

"Didn't have a chance to stop at home, actually."

"That's cool, I can lend you some. JUNIOR!"

A little boy of about six or seven popped out from behind a display of Super Mario plush toys, his legionnaire's helmet skewed from the sudden movement. His forest green cape billowed about dramatically as he stood at attention, and Spinner noticed his Hawaiian shirt matched that of the shopkeeper. "Yes, Daddy!" he barked, saluting, looking straight ahead.

"Fetch the spare dice, Junior."

"Kay!" Junior ran off making whooshing noises, his arms high above his head, and came back a few minutes later with a large plastic jar of assorted polyhedral dice…and, oddly enough, three chameleons.

Spinner picked out a handful of dice in varying shades of blue, all with different sides, and got to rolling at the table in the back where he was told the game would take place. Junior kept him company, claiming he was there to make sure Spinner did not cheat, but the entire time he merely babbled excitedly on about cool feats he thought Spinner's character should take and how awesome their adventures would be. Spin thought it was kind of adorable that a six year old should be so knowledgeable about these geeky pursuits, but going by his parents it was only natural.

Once Spin got his character sheet finished and handed it off to Strider for inspection, Junior enthusiastically introduced Spinner to his three chameleons named Paisley, Plaid and Stripes, his father's old tomcat Frosty and kitten Frisbee, and the family iguana, Kitty. Why anyone would name an iguana Kitty was beyond him, but the only answer Junior gave in that regard was "Daddy was thinking about a snake which I think woulda been super cool but Mommy said we could only have pets with legs." Yes, because that made sense.

He continued to humor the child, but after a little make believe he saw a flash of pink out of the corner of his eye. A girl sat down on the other side of the table, lining up her miniatures. Spinner recognized her from the day the Vandals had stopped time. While everyone in town had frozen that day, she had done so in a particularly hilarious manor; she had frozen in the diner angrily throwing pizza at her male companion, who he now realized, thinking back on it, was Lloyd. The elder Cortez felt a pang of guilt; he had laughed when he heard Stanford had turned the pizza around to hit her instead, but now that he knew firsthand what a prick Lloyd Carter was…

Well, if she had problems with Lloyd, she was probably okay. But rules were rules.

"Sorry, Miss," he said politely, "but this table's reserved for a D&D session."

"I know. I never miss it." Once her books and dice were arranged just so, she leaned over on her elbows and smiled. "So, you're the new guy Tag and Bink promised, huh? Those boys never disappoint. I'm Kitty Guildenstern, a.k.a. Peony Merryweather, level five chaotic neutral Halfling Rogue. And you are?"

Spinner wrinkled his nose. "Kitty? But I thought the iguana's name was Kitty."

"Yes, but my name was Kitty first," she said rolling her eyes. "Are you going to make a joke about it?"

"No, I think I'll hold on that until I've got a good one."

Kitty raised her eyebrows and smiled; this guy was kind of cute. "Really, now? That's a nice change. Usually I hear the same old material. So…?"

"Huh? Oh! Yeah, me! Sorry. I'm Spinner Cortez, a.k.a. Carlos San Dimas, level four chaotic good Human Cleric of Corellon Larethian. I'll be here regularly if Strider gives the go ahead."

"I think at this point he'd give the go ahead to anyone but Lloyd. Big jerk…"

"Tell me about it. Jackass tried to mug me."

"That crazy sonuvabitch! Did he hurt you?"

"Yeah, he hit my fist with his face real hard," he said smugly, raising his bandaged hand. "But by the time he tried it again, the giant guy at Lucky Panda had showed me how to do it better, and I knocked his ass out a second time."

"Yeah, Po Xiang Mao's awesome. He runs a great establishment."

And on that note, Kitty giggled coquettishly and proceeded to tell stories about the things Lloyd had done to get himself declared a walking cancer. Sure, he had made lewd comments to her; of course he had insulted Tag and Bink on numerous occasions. But apparently the final straw had been when he spilled Red Bull™ on Strider's new kitten, and most likely on purpose. Frisbee's subsequent illness had prompted an investigation for animal cruelty and the Drake family had been hounded for quite some time. This new information only made Spinner feel even more vindicated in punching out that colossal dickcheese, and his good mood could only get better.

"Hey, hey, hey! The gang's all here!" Tag called triumphantly as he and Bink made their way to the table. "We got ten minutes to spare. See, Bink, I told ya we'd be back in time! You lovebirds ready to play?"

"They'd better be," Strider intoned, his voice as ominous as an ancient being from beyond. "Exodius has plans for you, young adventurers…"

What a night!

Spinner had not expected the game to go on for so long, but he was far from complaining; he had a wonderful time. He had hardly even realized how stressed he was getting; all cooped up at the hub, no social life beyond his battle companions—but even though he was exhausted, he felt so refreshed! By the time he stumbled out of the elevator and into the secret underground base—ha! He never got tired of that—it was nearly two in the morning. He whistled the main theme from Legend of Zelda and lazily kicked off his shoes so as to sneak down to bed.

Then the lights flipped on, far too bright for someone who had spent the last six hours in a dim back room with three guys, a girl, fresh 'za and Harry Potter theme music. Sherman stood there, still dressed. His shoes were still on, his keys were in his hands, and his eyes were noticeably bloodshot; he had been ready to go out looking for Spinner. And he did not look happy. No, not at all.

"Sherman, little buddy…"

Spinner was cut off as big, strong arms wrapped around him, lifting him off his feet.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you!" the younger Cortez whined. "Please, don't scare me like that again! Why did you turn off your tracking beacon? Why didn't you answer my calls? I didn't know where you were! I was worried! Where have you been all night?"

"Bro, shh, it's all right, I'm fine." The usually spastic gamer was calm now, patting this muscular genius on the back to soothe him. "I'm sorry, too, Sherm. I didn't mean to scare you. I just got upset, is all, and I just needed some time to myself. I think you did, too." He chuckled. "Hell, I think everyone needed time away from me. I know how bad I can get."

"But you promise you're okay? Are we cool?"

"Bro, we are downright groovy!" He laughed good-naturedly, ruffling his brother's hair as he was lowered gently to his feet.

The brothers Cortez walked to the kitchen for a quick snack before bed. There they found their intrepid leader in his bathrobe with a glass of milk.

Vert yawned and rubbed his bleary eyes. "Hey fellas. 'Sup?"

Spinner's expression became grim. He had been having so much fun he forgot about his message. Well, a promise was a promise, and the pentacle around his neck was proof enough that he had made that promise.

"Hey, Vert. Listen, when I was in town today I saw this old woman and she said she wanted to talk to you. She said she knew your mother."

Sherman frowned in sympathy. Like all of Vert's friends at the hub, he thought Mrs. Wheeler was dead. Two of the three young men in the kitchen knew she was not, but out of respect, Spinner did not mention this.

"She give you a name?"

"Maria Wise Raven."

Vert frowned, furrowing his eyebrows. "Yeah. Yeah, thanks for passing that along. G'night, guys."

"Good night," Spinner called. He and his brother continued down to their quarters. "So, what did you do today?"

"Oh, mostly worked in the lab…until I got too worried about you and went a little stir crazy. Tezz kicked me out, said AJ'd be a better assistant. Can you imagine that? AJ? Don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy, but he's dumb as a sack of hammers. The indignity of it all!" Sherman sighed. "Sorry, ranting. How about you, Spin? How was your day?"

Spinner smiled a secretive, knowing kind of smile. "Oh, it was all right, I guess. Nothing special…"