I'm so sorry that I haven't been updating. It's been several months and I'm still getting the occasional alert. You guys are amazing, thank you so much! I hope this chapter makes up for the delay in some small way.

Just a small A/N – anything in italics is a thought. I wanted to try and stop saying he said, she said so much.

Castle made it in record time to Kate's apartment. Panic had overtaken him the minute he heard the distress in Kate's voice. What's happened? Has motorcycle boy hurt her? Has something happened to him or another member of Beckett's family? The questions kept on swirling round his head as his overactive imagination took over. The occupational hazard of being a writer, he thought wryly to himself. After what seemed like hours, Castle made it to Kate's door.

"Kate!" he shouted through the door of her apartment and went to slam on the hard wood only to find the door ajar. This can't be good.

He walked inside cautiously, suddenly hyper aware of the fact that he could be walking into a trap with no means of defending himself. His eyes darted around the room for a few seconds before his ears picked up the sound of a resounding sniff and quiet sobbing. It didn't take him long to discover the broken and emotionally drained body of Kate Beckett. She was hugging her knees to her chest. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her nose was starting to run, leaving a silvery trail from her nostrils to her top lip. Castle thought she'd never looked more beautiful! He approached her silently. Her pain becoming increasingly evident on her face. His heart was having palpitations. He'd never seen her look so small. It made him want to cradle her in his arms and promise to never let anything hurt her again. As he reached her, he crouched down on his knees, lowering his eyes in an attempt to get her to look at him,

"Kate?" His voice was barely above a whisper.

She took a deep breath before meeting his eyes. It was almost like she was preparing herself for the inevitable fight they were about to have. The last time she saw him, she'd mocked him mercilessly. Betrayed his trust, and belittled his commitment to her. She knew how scared she was to admit her feelings and now in her time of need there was really only one person who she could trust with her vulnerability. Ironic! She thought to herself, the very thing I accused him of lacking, and yet he's the only person I trust to see me like this.

Kate lifted her pain-filled green eyes to meet his soulful blue ones. What she saw there shocked her. Not pity, not anger, just pure concern, and dare she say it, love. Even the frightful state she was in, and he still looked at her like she was the most beautiful and precious thing he'd ever seen. The final bricks in her already partially demolished wall came crashing down.

"Oh Castle…" she managed to squeeze out before she crumpled, and he launched himself at her and gathered her in his arms.

"Shh, it's ok. I've got you. You're ok. I'm here." He whispered soothing words into her ear. Castle decided to get comfortable, realising that they'd probably be here for a while, as they talked things through and Kate recovered herself. She just needed to let it go. He maneuvered himself so that he was in a sitting position, leaning against the wall where he'd found Kate. She ended up in his lap, her arms around his neck, clinging on for dear life as the emotion poured out of her.

When her eyes dried out and the sobbing subsided, Castle gave her a squeeze, and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Kate couldn't resist the urge to look him in the eye. Castle thought how small she felt in his arms. The expression on her face was similar to that of the one Alexis used to give him when she got upset as a little girl. His heart felt like it was in a vice at the effort it was taking him not to just kiss her troubles away. God how he loved this woman! Instead he settled for,

"Better?"

Kate sniffed again and nodded against his chest, "Yes…thank you."

"What are partners for?" His voice cracked unconvincingly.

She gave him a sad smile, aware of the elephant in the room. She tried to think about where to start, to help get them back on the path of normalcy, but there seemed no way round the fact that she'd hurt him, and now the minute something went wrong in her world, she called out to him, knowing that he'd make it all better. She owed him the truth, that much she was certain. She just didn't know where to start. Castle could see the inner struggle going on in her eyes and mistook it for a decent into the tears again so he quickly piped up.

"You wanna talk about it?" His voice was soft. Gentle. She didn't deserve such a man, she knew it. She nodded her head slowly.

"I just don't know where to start."

"How about we start with why I'm here instead of Dr Motorcycle Boy." There was an icy undertone to his voice. It made Kate shiver.

"He umm…he left." She rubbed the back of her neck in a nervous movement, desperately trying to meet Castle's eye.

"What? Why?" Castle was shocked and he released her from his grip. They both stood up together, starting to pace in opposite directions. He hadn't expected that. Then it hit him that if Josh had left and Kate was in this much of a mess, then he may have lost his chance for good. He never realised that Kate was in love with Josh. He was however, still her friend and he wanted to make sure she felt better before leaving her to go and lick his wounds.

Kate noticed Castle's sudden loss of grip on her. She'd imagined many different scenarios about telling Castle that she and Josh broke up, ranging from indifference to gloating but she hadn't forecast this one. He seemed, angry.

"Castle, I…we…" she stumbled over the words. Her brain couldn't come up with a reason quick enough. His anger had thrown her. She wasn't used to dealing with an angry Castle.

"What Kate? Did he have to go on some mission again and leave you holding the figurative baby?"

"What, no?" She could feel her anger coming to the surface now. How dare he accuse Josh of being the bad guy in this when it was all his fault!

"Then what Kate? Huh? What possible reason could he have for leaving you in such a mess?"

She snapped then, "YOU!" she practically screamed in his face. "You and your damned nosing, not being able to leave me alone and get on with my life. You getting under my skin and elbowing your way into every aspect of my life so that even in sleep you're in my head!" Oh God, here they were again. This wasn't how she wanted this to happen. It wasn't his fault, it was hers. She was the one who was too chickenshit to tell him how she felt. He hadn't been hiding his feelings, his were perfectly clear.

"Me? What did I do? I've done everything to stay out of your way in respect of your relationship with Josh. I've been your friend, I've kept you company when he wasn't there and now that it's over, it's somehow my fault?" Castle's voice cracked as he got to the end of his sentence. He was a broken man. This woman would be the death of him if he continued like this. Rick slumped his shoulders in defeat with is head hanging low. He started for the door but Kate's voice stopped him.

"Don't go. You didn't do anything Rick. It's all my fault. I had one foot out the door like always and he'd had enough of playing second best." Kate was now the dejected looking one. She hugged herself to try and keep the pain out, and to protect herself from the onslaught of Castle's rant which she was certain was coming. When none was forthcoming, she raised her head just in time to see him come towards her with a bemused look on his face.

"Second best to what Kate?" Castle asked with a frown creasing his brow.

Uh-oh thought Kate. This is getting into dangerous territory. The panic was evident in her eyes. Rick was now face to face with her and looking away wasn't an option or he'd know she was lying. She decided to go with the nonchalant approach and shrugged her shoulders.

"To the job. We never saw each other..."

"Bullshit Kate!" he interrupted. "That may have worked if it was Demming, but we're talking about Josh here. He was a doctor. You never saw each other in the beginning either. He knew the score that's not it."

His directness shocked her. He'd called her bluff and now she had to pay the piper. She took a deep breath.

"He was fed up with all the time I was spending with you." There she said it. She didn't need to go any further than that. He didn't need to know that she'd been dreaming of him.

"That's a start Beckett, but what about this?" To her horror he was holding the note that Josh left.

"Where did you get that?" she was breathless, almost to the point of hyperventilating. She couldn't go there now. There was too much baggage in the way. She was fine to admit that her boyfriend dumped her because he thought there was something going on between her and Castle, but to actually talk about her true feelings for him with him was another thing entirely.

"You left it on the side." He wore that smug expression she hated so much when he thought he had the better of her.

"Is any of it true?" Castle kept the veil of smugness on his face, wary of letting her see the hope that was building inside of him. If she loved him then it was all going to be alright. They could move past this and build something together, but if she denied her feelings or didn't feel the same way, then he was quickly calculating the fastest way of leaving to end his suffering, and to get Kate Beckett out of his head once and for all.

"Castle you've been looking at me the whole time, how could you possible know what that says?" She was trying to buy herself some time. She wasn't ready to do this now.

"I'm a speed reader, remember." He flashed her his signature grin before staring her down, willing her to contradict the contents of Josh's note.

"I…" she stumbled over her words. What could she possibly say that would let them move past this and talk about it some other time?

"Kate…I just need you to be honest with me." Rick was imploring her now to validate Josh's observations.

The tears had started again of their own volition. Without hesitation Castle dropped the note and placed both hands either side of her cheeks, wiping away her tears with the pads of his thumbs.

"Hey. I'm not trying to frighten you or pressurise you. I just want to know how you feel so we can move past this."

"Castle, I can't do this now. Please…please just go." Kate felt like she'd just plunged a knife into Rick's heart as she watched the pain cloud his eyes, as tears of his own started to make an appearance. She'd done it again. In an attempt to spare him the pain of trying to love her, she'd caused more damage. She needed to get away. She ran from his embrace, his hands had relaxed their grip. She was next to her kitchen counter, running to her bedroom when she heard him cry,

"Wait!"

The persistence in his tone was enough to make her stop in her tracks. She turned around to face him, a look of determination on his face.

Castle decided that he needed to give it one last shot. If she dismissed him then, he had no choice but to walk away from her. All cards on the table now, it was now or never. Twist or bust.

"Kate, I love you!"

There you have it a nice long chapter for you. A horrible cliffhanger too I know. You will be pleased to know that I have started writing the next chapter already so hopefully it'll be up and running by the weekend (I know, I've said it before), but I'm going to try and make a special effort to do it this time. Smut alert for the next chapter too – you have been warned. Please R&R.