Jasper's walk home from work was nearly over; he was passing right beneath his own balcony and was nearly to the stairs when something plunked him on the head. A pink candy heart hit the sidewalk in front of him and when he reached down to pick it up he saw that it said "U SUCK."

"What the fuck?" Jasper mumbled to himself as he straightened up and looked around for whoever was throwing mean candy hearts at innocent passers-by. When his eyes glanced over Edward and his balcony, he saw two ratty Chucks propped up on the railing and noticed a plume of cigarette smoke trailing up towards the sky.

"What on Earth are you doing?" he called up to Edward.

"Day drinking."

"Uh, ok. So is this heart an insult or an invitation?"

Edward barked out a laugh but didn't answer, so Jasper figured he'd go find out for himself. He took the stairs to their front door two at a time and dumped his bag and jacket on the floor of the entryway before hurrying out to the balcony to see exactly what was up with his drunk-at-two-in-the-afternoon boyfriend.

"Fuck off, asshole!" Jasper heard as he pulled the sliding glass door shut behind him and walked out to stand next to Edward.

"Happy Valentine's Day, donkeylicker!" Edward shouted down to the guy who he had just pelted with a candy heart.

"Edward, why are you throwing candy at people? Is that tequila? For fuck's sake."

Edward just passed him the bottle of El Toro-with the screw top sombrero lid-and chucked another candy heart at the girl who lived across the hall from them. She looked up and glared, but didn't say anything. She was still traumatized from the time when she got to the top of the stairs and was greeted with a lovely view of Edward's ass as he plowed into Jasper up against their front door, too drunk and horny to actually have made it through the front door and into the privacy of their own apartment.

Jasper took a swig of tequila and grabbed the box of candy hearts away from his boyfriend before someone called the cops. He wasn't entirely sure that assault with a mean-spirited candy heart was an arrestable offense, but he also wasn't really in the mood to find out.

"The one I threw at her said 'Peaked 17.' I'm being very specific about this. Now give me my hearts back," Edward said, grabbing at the box.

"No way. You're being mean. Not everyone hates Valentine's Day like you do, Scrooge McDuck. And it's not like you're single and miserable," Jasper responded, holding the box of candy above his head and out of Edward's drunken reach.

"Harshin' my buzz, Cupid. Give me back my goddamn candy," Edward said as he stood up and yanked the box from Jasper's hands. Jasper responded by immediately tackling him to the ground and wrestling the candy away from him. He then promptly threw the box into the corner of the balcony and started to wriggle around since he was (conveniently) straddling Edward.

"Stop being a dick," Jasper said. Edward opened his mouth to say something snarky about dicks, but Jasper silenced him with a wet, sloppy kiss and a sharp thrust of his hips.

"Okay," Edward groaned into Jasper's mouth as he snaked his hands up under Jasper's t-shirt and pulled him closer. They flopped around on the floor of the balcony making out for a while until Jasper was missing a shirt, Edward had one leg out of his pants, and they both had friction burns from the rough wood of the floorboards.

"Inside, inside," Jasper panted, grabbing Edward by the collar of his shirt and dragging him up and into the living room. He shoved Edward down onto the sofa and started to climb back on top, but Edward got all flaily-handed and started freaking out.

"Wait! Jasper, wait. We can't have sex. It's Valentine's Day," he said as he pushed Jasper off of him and attempted to stand up. He forgot that he only had one leg inside his pants, though, and crashed down to the floor, pulling Jasper with him. They landed in a heap and Jasper had a very strong urge to bitchslap his boyfriend right across his perfect jaw, but instead took a deep breath and raked his fingers through his hair.

"You cannot be serious right now."

"Dead serious," Edward said. "If we have sex right now, They win. No sex. There will be no sex."

"They? Who is They?"

Edward threw his hands up in the air and looked deranged again as he started shouting things about Hallmark and Hershey's and vaginas.

"Edward. You have approximately thirty seconds to remove your head from your ass and put it into mine."

They stared at each other for approximately twenty eight seconds before Jasper saw defeat flash across Edward's face. Jasper smirked in victory and Edward wiggled the rest of the way out of his pants and before he had time to start complaining again, his dick was in Jasper's very capable hand.

"I still...ungh...don't condone...fuck, Jasper...this..." Edward groaned, his back involuntarily arching up off the floor as Jasper expertly twisted his spit-slicked hand across the head of his cock.

"Shut up, Edward," Jasper replied, smiling sweetly despite the tone of his demand. He slid down Edward's torso, kissing and sucking along the way, until he reached his dick, which he promptly swallowed. Completely. He hummed around Edward's cock and licked from base to tip before taking it so deep that it hit the back of his throat.

Edward groaned; his thoughts were one giant, run-on sentence by that point and he was desperately trying to remember why he had been so against this in the first place.

And then it hit him. "VAGINAS!" Edward yelled on an upstroke, wiggling out of Jasper's mouth and jumping to his feet.

"Edward, for the love of all that is holy. I swear to god if you don't get back down here and put your cock back in my mouth RIGHT THE FUCK NOW I will break up with you."

"You will not."

"Oh I will."

They had another staring contest and this time it was Jasper who broke down first, mostly because his dick hurt so bad with need that he was about to start crying.

"Baby, please," Jasper begged, doing the best impression of a kicked puppy that he could muster given the circumstances. He could see Edward's resolve crumble and he did a little internal happy dance as Edward sighed and walked back over to him.

"We're not fucking on the living room floor," Edward said, reaching his hand down towards Jasper and then hauling him up. Jasper thought this was an odd thing for Edward to say, given that they'd fucked on just about every surface, wall and piece of furniture in the apartment and it had never bothered him before. But he kept his mouth shut and followed Edward into the bedroom.

"I just hate the commercialism and I hate that you never see two guys in a stupid jewelry commercial and I hate that there's so much pressure to show you how much I really fucking love you. Because I do," Edward paused, "really fucking love you. Every day. It's just a lot of pressure and I was scared that whatever I did wouldn't be good enough."

He stopped and took a shuddering breath before looking up at Jasper, who was trying really hard not to cry.

"We could totally be on a Kay's Jewelers commercial right now," Jasper sob-laughed. "I love you too, baby. I wish you'd said something to me before you drank half a bottle of rotgut tequila and assaulted our neighbors with rude candy hearts. I would have told you that just coming home to you this afternoon was all I really needed. It's all I ever need."

Edward wiped the back of his hand across his snotty nose and smiled at his boyfriend. Then he laughed and Jasper started laughing and Edward crawled back on top of him and laughter was replaced by sloppy kisses and breathy groans. Edward reached for the lube and got Jasper ready in a hurry. But then he slowed down and carefully pushed in until he was filling Jasper and they were both gasping for air. They made love to each other and it was so, so good, despite Edward's pants of fucking Valentine's Day and Jasper's embarrassing stamina. He didn't last long but Edward was right behind him and when they were both finished they collapsed into the pillows and held each other as they came back down to Earth.

"See?" Jasper said after they'd laid in silence for a while. "It's not that evil of a holiday, is it?"

Edward didn't answer, but instead reached over Jasper and rummaged around in the nightstand until he produced a little pink heart that he had stashed there earlier. He handed it to Jasper with a smile before curling back up around him.

Be Mine.

A/N

Well, happy Valentine's Day. I guess. ;)

Thank you texaskatherine and TheRainGirl4 for pre-reading and beta'ing. Thank you sadtomatoFF for the candy heart idea and for being the mac to my cheese.

xo