Chapter Two: Speaking Hats, Annoying Brats
There is one axiom, which reads 'Harry James Potter hates apparating'.
After being squeezed through a tiny rubber pipe, chewed in some huge jaws and finally spat on the floor, he was feeling dizzy for a few seconds. But soon his perception returned to him from its short vacation.
"I see you enjoy apparating a lot, my boy" Dumbledore said with his eyes full of mirth. "I remember the time when I had my first side-along apparation - I lost my breakfast, spilling it right onto my instructor's robes.."
"Yes, uncle Albus. I do understand now why you have told me it's better to take bus or underground."
They started walking to their destination.
King's Cross station was crowded with... crowds of people. The little boy had never seen so many people before. Finally after navigating through the sea of people for ten minutes they had seen it - the Barrier. It was a simple brick pillar like all others between the platform 9 and 10. Yet the fact that some strangely dressed people were entering it without anyone noticing them was literally crying out 'Here you'll find magic, son!'.
Once they had passed trough The Barrier, Harry saw a very interesting picture: lots of magical folk mixed up a little with some muggles here and there. And all of them were crying, hugging, shouting, patting each other's backs and shoulders, handshaking, like that was the last chance to do it.
"So... Harry, until the evening and the Sorting!" Dumbledore said.
"But uncle, you promised me to tell about what's going to happen on the sorting!"
Albus smiled at Harry, "Harry, my boy, of course, if I promised I'm surely going to tell you everything I know about it..." He pulled out a golden pocket watch, checking the time. "Whoops! I think I forgot something! I really must go right now! Bon voyage!" the old wizard said, waving, and apparated away from the platform.
Harry pouted for a few seconds.
A little bit more of pouting...
Just one second more..
He started walking to the train – brightly red and old, 'Hogwarts Express' written in huge golden letters on its engine's side.
It was just as crowded with young people inside as the platform outside was. Once people recognised him, they abruptly stopped what they were doing and stared at him, whispering behind his back and pointing at his direction. It made him a little bit angry so the boy shouldered his way to the first empty compartment he found, sending looks which promised pain to everyone who tried to sound his or her displeasure with his rude behaviour.
Time. It always passed quickly and today wasn't an exception, so Harry didn't even noticed at first that the train began moving. A sound of working engine and iron wheels tuck-tucking were making him sleepy.. Yes.. sleeping wasn't such a bad idea..
There was a polite knocking at the compartment door - it shooed sleepiness away from Harry's mind in an instant.
"Yes?" Harry asked.
The door opened, revealing a tall boy with orange hair, he looked funny with placers of freckles on his face, and his blue eyes had a kind light in them. Here an example of a simple nice guy was standing.
"Excuse me, do you mind sharing the compartment with me? My older brothers kicked me out of mine and I don't feel like being in a crowded one any more." he asked.
"Of course, feel like at home, my friend" Harry replied, looking up from his fourth year charms text and gesturing to the opposite bench.
"I'm Ron, by the way. Ron Weasley. This is my first year in Hogwarts."
He was very tall, ridiculously so for his eleven years, around 5 feet 7 inches. Yep, ridiculously tall and wide in shoulders. Harry wondered how high this guy would be after a few years.
Ron's pale blue eyes looked at Harry warmly "... and you are?"
"Harry Potter." The-Boy-Who-Smiled-Friendly said.
Ron's eyes were wide like saucers. "The Harry Potter! It's such great honour to..."
"Stop it, Ron, please. I think it's so stupid of people to deify me for something I did when I was a toddler, not knowing for sure if I did it."
"Well, you do have a point, mate" Ron said with a wide smile "Well, Mr I Despise My Famousness, which house do you think you'll be sorted in?" he asked "Actually don't tell me, I'm sure we'll both end up in Gryffindor House." the redhead stated with devious smile.
"Why are you so sure?" Harry asked him sceptically.
"Just think about it. You are the one who kicked the bony ass of You-Know-Who." he started counting points he made by un-tucking his fingers,
"He was in Slytherin." two "Slytherin's opposite is Gryffindor." three "And you seem to be a great guy." four
"As for me - it's just the fact that all my older brothers ended up there."
"Hah, you have an iron logic, Ron, but you should remember that iron, while very tough, rusts fast." Harry said. "Never be so sure, who know you may as well end up in..."
Their conversation was unceremoniously interrupted by an appearance of a very bossy looking brown haired girl who stood by the entrance with her hands crossed on her chest. A podgy boy stood behind her, shyly looking at his feet.
"Have you seen Neville's frog here?" She asked them directly.
"My dear, there is only one particular frog I've seen and it just happens to be you." Ron said with a fake smile. Well, maybe he wasn't so simple..
"Wow wow! Cool down, Ron. Don't turn into an ass because of somebody who is the one already." Harry said holding up his hands. "Just go away, and return only when you become more friendly" He added to the girl.
"I hate it when people interrupt. But you are right – there is no need to start a conflict because of such nonsense."
Ron turned his head to the now angry girl, who evidently disliked to be a subject of somebody's discussion in the third person especially.
"Do you need my help going out of our compartment? Or maybe you don't understand polite language?" With that he bumped her out and wanted to do the same with the boy that accompanied her, but he helped himself already, then shut the door close with 'Ciao!'.
"Short tempered, huh?" Harry asked.
"My dear friend, to be short-tempered you need to posses the temper, and I don't." Ron answered in a fake lecturing tone.
They had been playing magical chess for two hours already, when the compartment door opened again.
"So, we meet again, Harry" blond boy stated pompously. Behind him were two gorilla-like boys.
"Draco, it's nice to finally see you again! And who are these two charming guys behind you?" Ron actually laughed when Harry said the last part.
The blond lost his snobbish mask, rolling his eyes.
"The cuter one on the left from me is Crabbe, the smarter one on my right is Goyle. You don't need to introduce your friend here - we happen to know each other for quite some time - our parents really like each other, on Saturdays we, Malfoys, invite them on team, on Sundays, they, Weasleys, call us to dinner! Hello, Ronald."
Draco nodded to Ron, who nodded back.
"May I and my... friends sit with you?"
"Of course." Harry answered.
The first few uncomfortable minutes had passed and they finally started to adapt to each other. They spoke about the latest news of the wizarding world, weather, their thoughts about what awaited them in Hogwarts and so on and so on. They as Draco, Harry, Ron, of course. Even little children know that gorillas don't speak. They were being so deep in conversation when the express had arrived they didn't notice it until the last moment when some booming voice began calling out for all the students to leave the train and step onto the platform.
It was cold outside. Cold and wet. Brrrr. Dark too. It was nothing like the night of October 31st, 1981, for sure.
Ron had stopped suddenly, making the whole freshly baked trio stand still.
"Where are the Cutest and the Smartest?" He asked Draco, who in fact wasn't worried about two large boys at all.
"Who cares, Ronald?" Malfoy looked at him incredulously. "The longer these two primates are far away from me the better."
"First years! First years! Come here!" an enormous man with a long and bushy beard shouted, towering above the sea of newcomers like a lone mountain.
"Do you think he is a half-giant or something like that?" Ron asked, measuring the man with his pale blue eyes.
"Dunno, but he is tall." Draco answered, shaking because of the coldness.
"C'mon guys. I want to be in some warmer place. The faster the better." Harry said, while moving to the big guy.
"Oh hello there, Harry. Hagrid's my name. How are you?" the tallest man Potter ever saw said with a smile, which was returned back by Harry.
"Hi, Hagrid. I'm well, as you can see, just a little bit cold." he said amiably.
"Merlin, you are so much bigger than the last time I saw you – then you were just a cute little toddler!" Hagrid said with hint of tears in his small black eyes.
After their little chat, all four moved towards the lake with the rest of the first years.
"Now, enter the boats by four and we go!" shouted the half-giant.
The trio occupied one boat with a stunning black haired girl. Harry gave her a friendly smile and offered his right hand politely for a shake.
"Hi there! Harry Potter. And you are?" he began.
"Somebody who will make you shut up, if you don't close your bread cutter on your own." the girl answered.
Harry was gobsmacked. Ron was howling with laugher, while Draco just smiled a little and whispered to Harry's ear.
"Daphne Greengrass. As you can see, she is as much beautiful as she is straightforward and rude."
"Yeah, lovely she is... and quite a bit... I mean, blunt", Harry whispered back.
She was very tall girl for her age - 5 feet 1 inch, to be precise. Harry suddenly felt short, being 4 feet 7 inches himself - her long, obsidian black hair, azure eyes and elegant, if just a little bit sharp, facial features made him sure of who he was going to dream about during the long winter nights.
A sight before them stunned everyone: a huge castle with thousands of brightly illuminating windows, its turrets so high they were cutting the dark skies above with their pointy caps... but its massive structure didn't press on you like skyscrapers in some muggle megapolis, no it actually had some aura of friendliness and home.
When they docked with water-side and abandoned their boats, they were met by a stern-looking, grey-haired woman, who studied them all with a stare of her dark green eyes.
"Good evening. I'm professor McGonagall, the deputy headmistress, the head of Gryffindor house and your soon-to-be transfiguration teacher. Now. Come with me."
They followed her.
"There are four Houses in Hogwarts: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Whatever House you'll end up in will be your new big family for you time here."
"For every academic success and good deed, you will be rewarded with House Points. For every unacceptable thing you do, be it walking after the curfew, behaving rudely with a teacher or any other kind of rule breaking, you'll serve a detention, your house points will be taken or both."
"The House with the greatest number of points in the end of every academic year will earn the House Cup – a great honour. I sincerely hope that every one of you will be a great addition to whatever house you'll end up in"
They stopped near the large doors, which obviously led to some huge room.
"Now wait here, until I come back for you" she said and went inside.
"What do you think the Sorting is like? I, personally, am sure that it's going to be a test of knowledge. A quiz, or a practical test.. By the way I'm Hermione. Hermione Granger" bushy haired bossy girl back from the train said in an annoyingly fast way.
And she didn't need to wait even a second before Daphne 'sated' Hermione's thirst for knowledge with a reply
"I am not sure what the 'Sorting' " here she made the air quotes " is going to be like and, honestly, I don't care. But I am sure that if you don't close your annoying mouth, you will never see this event – instead you'll be growing your new tongue in the medical ward, after I cut the old one, which apparently is too long."
"She is so cute" Harry said to Draco and Ron.
"Uh-uh. Cute. Of course my horse - she is as cute as Hungarian Horntail is.", the latter answered for both.
Malfoy shook his head, chuckling lightly
"Only you could say such a silly thing, Ronald".
There were terrified screams and the trio turned back. They saw a pair of spectral men lazily floating trough the air to them.
"Hi there, youngsters! I'm Nearly Headless Nick, and this one here is my fellow ghost – Fat Friar." the ghost of the man said, pointing at his spectral fellow. He pulled his own head by hair from his neck, well, almost, proving them that he was, indeed, nearly headless, a piece of skin still connecting his head and neck.
"Nice to meet you, sir. I'm Harry Potter and these are my friends - Draco Malfoy and Ron Weasley." Harry said.
Their conversation was cut short by returned McGonagall.
"Move along now. The Sorting is about to begin".
There were "ohh's" and "ahhh's" from all of them when they entered. And those two expressions were the best to describe all the magnificence of the Great Hall: ceiling imitating night sky and hundreds of lit candles that illuminated the room with their warmness created the most magical picture. The most magical picture that, alas, one day would loose all its 'magicness' for them.
A three legged stool was put in the centre of the hall with an ancient and dirty looking hat placed on top of it. Then two large punctures appeared on the hat, imitating eyes and a horizontal rip near the brim, apparently imitating the mouth, and it started to sing the Welcome Song.
'You heard this song so many times
And skip it anyway.
If you do not, then you're fool -
There's nothing else to say!
Oh wait! There is!
You'll find plot twist
In chapter or in two.
Come on, my friends,
You still read this?
's there nothing else to do?
OK, you won, so I've begun
The writing once again.
This rhyme was shit,
So I smoked weed
To make remake for you!'
There was a huge wave of ovations, which the hat acknowledged by bowing a little its pointy end to each table in the Hall. After that McGonagall took the list with names and started to call out the first years by names in an alphabetical order then they approached the stool, sat on it, put on the hat, it mumbled something to them and shouted out the house name. A very simple process - so much for the conspiration, eh?
"Abbot, Hannah" "Hufflepuff!"
"Granger, Hermione" "Gryffindor!"
"Greengrass, Daphne" "Slytherin!"
"Malfoy, Draco!"
The blond boy's hair hadn't even brushed the Sorting Hat, when it instantly shouted
"Slytherin!"
"Potter, Harry!"
There was a sudden silence. Harry could hear that somebody dropped a fork on the floor. He looked at his uncle who smiled encouragingly, giving him a subtle wink. Slowly he went to the stool, sat and put the hat on. He heard a quiet voice reverberating in his head
"Harry Potter... It's nice to meet you finally... You are as much noble as you are fearless - Gryffindor would be proud to have you in his House. But, ooh.. You also are so much ambitious - you want to be the greatest wizard ever, huh?"
"How do you know it?"
"You can't keep any secret that's inside of your mind, Harry Potter."
"Then finish it already."
"You are so impatient, Harry - you would be a great lion... but the path to greatness lies for you only in SLYTHERIN!"
The last word was cried out loud. All of the students and professors had shocked expressions. Ron's jaw was literally on the floor. Albus looked a bit worried though for a split second. His employee, and, simultaneously the head of the Slytherin House, seemed to be 'lightningstruck'(1), although he, himself, would never use such a metaphor, for quite an apparent reason placed on the green eyed boy's forehead.
Then all the students which occupied the table with green hanging, on which snake was drawn, above it burst in ovations, Draco being the most enthusiastic one.
Ok, all, but one particular witch with jet black hair. She was wearing an annoyed scowl at this moment, which made her even more cute in eyes of our hero.
Harry sat next to Malfoy, who loudly congratulated him.
"Harry, congratulations and welcome to our little family!"
"Thanks" Harry said and smiled to Daphne, giving her a wink - her scowl became even more definite.
He looked at Dumbledore, who was in deep thoughts. The boy wondered what disturbed his uncle so much. But surprises didn't stop there. A few more students were sorted before the Rubicon was reached:
"Weasley, Ronald!"
Ron put the hat on nervously.
"Oh my! Such a loyal friend you are, my dear, you'll do great in Helga's domain, you know?" whispered hat in his head.
"NO! Not Hufflepuff! Please!" The tall redhead actually cried it out loud and in such miserably pathetic tone that he triggered a chain reaction.
Everybody, but the students of one house in black and yellow and, of course, professors, was laughing.
"I'm just joking, boy. Of course not. You are courageous and proud, maybe Gryffindor will be your new family? But no, what is it? You want to be with your new friends. The only right choice is... SLYTHERIN!"
"Argh! Why did you shout in my head?"
"Heh it's such a joy to annoy you, young Ronald. SLYTHERIN!"
This time the hat cried the last word not "inside", but "outside", still the Hat made it sound so high-pitched that it cut everybody's eardrums, especially Ron's.
When the "S" word came out of the Sorting Hat's mouth, his brothers had stopped everything they were doing before and stared disbelievingly at him.
Ron went straight to the Slytherin table, not looking back, and sat between Harry and Draco.
"Quite a spectacle you made, Ronald" the blond said.
"What can I say? I must have been born an actor" the redhead replied.
"Comedian you mean?" joked Harry.
"Screw you, scar-head. You have four eyes and no conscience in even one of them!" Weasley said, punching Potter's right shoulder in a friendly way. Still it made Harry feel pain.
1) Yeah, I know it's thunderstruck, but lightningstruck fits the situation so much more!
AN(19.02.2012): Changed the chapter a bit, hope you find it more appealing now.
Thank you for your reviews, ladies and gentlemen, negative and positive.