Lights. Bright. White.
Summary: After a case she's working goes wrong, Hermione Weasley wakes up in the hospital, her memories gone. Can she relearn the details of her life and fall in love with her husband again?
Disclaimer: I do not own, nor do I claim any rights to, Harry Potter or any associated themes, characters, places, or plots. This is for entertainment purposes only. No profit is being made from this story. Not copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Note: I know excuses are excuses either way, but I would still like to apologize. I am not sure if I ever mentioned this or not, but I am a teacher (and I teach a very young grade...) and for those of you who are familiar with the education system know that things are beginning to change. It's a lot more work than anyone ever cares to imagine (I HATE when people say, "Oh you're a teacher... you only work until 3 pm and have weekends and long holidays and summer vacations!" UH NO! I work until 6 pm most nights, take work home with me EVERY weekend, and my holidays/summers are spent preparing things for the next semester/school year. Yet, I only get paid for HALF of the work I do...). /end rant.
Anywho, between all this extra stuff I have to do and my kids completely losing their minds these last couple weeks (seriously!), I honestly have not felt much like writing. Every night that I have come home, I have added a couple chapters to this and a couple chapters to I Never Knew You, but I am so tired at the end of the day, I can't focus and I go to bed at 7:30 instead... So I am sorry for the delays in both of my stories.
I would like to thank all of my reviewers (personal messages did not make it out this time around...): DJxDANGAAxCRNPPS, Lily Luna 731 (I hope you enjoy the interaction. I like your idea, and will be sure to credit you if I use it), Punzie the Platypus, Portkey To Heaven, LillyMay77, Loli-pop0394, ObsessedRHShipper, Beasley, fatty73, HelloItsErika, Gjg1 (plenty of hits, I assure you...), saturnspell, rhmac12. YOU ARE ALL WONDERFUL!
I had the most reviews for Chapter 3 thus far. Can we change that for Chapter 4?
CHAPTER FOUR: The Kiss
Darkness. It was an odd sensation, waking up to complete blackness, when before it had been so bright. Hermione opened her eyes slowly, fearing she was only imagining the dark room, sure the lights would blind her at any moment. Once she felt sure the lights would not appear, she tried to take in her surroundings. As her eyes adjusted, she realized she was lying in a bed. Was she still at the hospital? This bed was too comfortable, too soft to belong in a hospital room. Hermione sat up and threw her legs over the side of the bed. She had to find a light switch. It was impossible to distinguish where she was in the dark. Hermione shuffled across the floor slowly, arms outstretched, anticipating the wall. She frowned when she could not find the familiar plate of a switch.
"Honestly, how thick could you be?"
Hermione's head shot up. It was a woman's voice. Her forehead scrunched in thought, unable to place the voice. In fact, she realized, I have no idea where I am either.
"Oi! Keep your voice down! She's sleeping!" A man's voice had countered the first and this one she did recognize. Almost immediately, the last couple of days came flooding back to her in rapid succession. The hospital. Her memory loss. The things she had been told.
I'm Hermione Granger—Hermione Weasley. There was an accident and I lost my memories. I am witch, of all bloody things I could be told. And I'm—I'm pregnant. Hermione pressed her forehead to the wall for support, breathing deeply. She placed her hand on her stomach and felt for the first time a very small bump, gone unnoticed before. Being told she was a witch had been unbelievable in itself, but this, well this she was not quite sure how she would handle. She did not know herself, her husband, her life, how was she supposed to bring a baby into a world she herself did not know?
"I'm sorry, mate, but I have to agree with Ginny on this one." It was a second man's voice, and Hermione again recognized it. The man from this morning, she thought. Harry, Ron had said.
She heard Ron scoff. "What was I supposed to do?"
"Take it slow!" the woman shrieked. "She's only just woken up and she doesn't remember herself!"
"How slow am I supposed to go? Really, Ginny, it could take ages for her to remember anything, and even longer if I have to tell her everything. Dean said the chances of her recalling much of her life is rare. I mean, he said that every day things and even common spells would come back as she got back into routine, but any memories of her past are likely gone forever." He paused. Hermione thought she heard him choke back a sob. "I don't know what to do."
Hermione lifted her head from the wall, struggling to hear more of the conversation. Their voices had softened, and she could not make out the muffled words Ginny spoke. Ginny, Ron's sister, my sister-in-law. Hermione sighed, struggling with an internal battle. She was not quite sure if she wanted to emerge from the room, but she felt it necessary to make her appearance known. She felt uncomfortable eavesdropping and they were her family. It was only right she go and meet—see—them. Reaching for the doorknob, she breathed deeply through her nose and headed down the hallway.
When she reached the sitting room, Ron was sitting on the couch, his head in his hands, labored sobs escaping. Ginny, who Hermione noticed had the same striking red hair as her brother, was sitting beside him, an arm wrapped tenderly around his shoulders. Her other hand was placed on his knee, and she was patting him comfortingly. Harry was standing beside the pair, his back to Hermione. His hands were stuffed into his pockets, and his pose indicated he was uncomfortable.
"I just feel so helpless," Ron was saying. "I mean, it's like I'm letting her down all over again. I'm supposed to protect her."
"You couldn't have known, mate," Harry said, shuffling his feet. Ron sighed heavily and Ginny shot Harry a look.
"What if—what if she never remembers? What if she doesn't love me anymore? What if she doesn't want this life?" His sobs escalated then and Hermione found her own eyes tearing. His fears were not irrational. Although she had not yet thought of these possibilities, there were plausible. After all, she did not know Ron, did not know herself. She could not remember what loving Ron felt like. She did not feel a pull towards him, like she assumed love would create.
"Ron," Ginny soothed. "You can only take it day by day."
Ron looked up then, seemingly to look at his sister. Instead, his bloodshot eyes met Hermione's.
"Hermione!" he exclaimed, trying to wipe away his eyes quickly. He scrambled from his seat but once he was up, he did not make any further movements.
"Hi," Hermione whispered sheepishly.
Ginny had turned now and was staring intently at Hermione. Hermione felt her cheeks warm under the woman's intense gaze.
"Hello, Hermione," Harry interrupted and Hermione gladly turned her attention to him. He was smiling warmly at her and without thinking, Hermione stuck her hand out, offering a hand shake. Harry's smile wavered for a moment, but he awkwardly accepted her hand. His hand was soft, and he held hers gently as they moved up and down in a clumsy handshake.
"Did you, uh, sleep well?" Ron inquired then, eyeing his wife and friend cautiously.
Hermione released Harry's hand and turned to Ron. "Yes, I think so. I don't really remember sleeping." No one else spoke for a moment, and Hermione focused her attention on the wooden floor beneath her feet.
"We woke you, didn't we?" Ginny finally asked.
"No," Hermione protested. "I only heard you after." Hermione saw Ginny and Ron exchange a look.
Ron made a move towards her then, outstretching his arm. "Would you like to come sit down?" Hermione nodded and allowed him to lead her to the couch. She sat next to Ginny, expecting Ron to take up on her other side. She felt oddly grateful when he sat across from her in an armchair. Harry joined the group next to his own wife and again, silence blanketed the room.
In turn, each member of the group opened and closed their mouths, trying to think of something to say to ease the tension.
"So, I'm pregnant, eh?" Hermione said awkwardly, which proved to be a poor attempt at humor.
Ginny gave a small giggle, in which Harry and Ron followed. And suddenly, the tension was broken. "That would be my dear brother's fault," Ginny blamed through laughter. "I tried to warn you."
Hermione forced a smile—she obviously could not remember Ginny's warning, but she was sure it had been in good fun.
"How are you feeling, Hermione?" Harry asked, clearly attempting to change the subject.
"As good I suppose I can." She sighed. "I'm sorry. This is all a bit awkward for me. I don't understand why I can't at least remember simple things." Harry nodded, but offered no other words.
"Hermione," Ron said from his armchair. "If you're up for it, we could tell you some things from the past." He said all of this very slowly, and Hermione studied him intently. He had gotten his wish of telling her why the present was so important, and while she agreed, she was desperate for more memories of her past. She could not focus on this present life with Ron and a family if she did not remember how she had come into such a life. She felt in her heart that she was very happy with Ron, but without her memories, she could not grasp that emotion. She was still clinging to fear, anger, and confusion.
"I would like that," she finally said after a moment.
"Suppose we should start from the very beginning, eh, Ron?" Harry laughed, a twinkle in his eye. "What was it? 'Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow…'"
"Turn this stupid, fat rat yellow!" Ron finished with a smile. Hermione only stared. "We met for the first time on the Hogwarts Express, on our way to begin our first year at Hogwarts," Ron began to explain. "Harry and I had only just begun talking, and I was so awed by him. You see, Hermione, I told you that you didn't have a normal childhood even by wizarding standards, yeah? Well, all that stuff I told you about Harry is the reason it wasn't so normal. And our fate was sealed that day on the train.
"Anyhow, you came barging into our compartment, Miss Know-It-All—" Hermione glared, but Ron's grin did not falter. "—looking for Neville Longbottom's toad. All was forgotten when you saw me attempting that worthless spell the twins had given me. Quick to tell me I was doing it all wrong and you had to show me up."
"Match made in heaven, the two of you were," Harry piped up. "None of us knew it then. In fact, we didn't quite like you there in the beginning, Hermione." Ron blushed.
"Mostly my fault," Ron said. "Halloween changed it all, though."
"What happened on Halloween?" Hermione asked. The shine in Ron's eyes diminished slightly as he began to recall the memory.
"I had said some nasty things to you that afternoon. I would have never been able to forgive myself if something happened. Professor Quirrell let in a troll—part of the whole Voldemort thing—and you were in the girls' bathroom crying. Naturally, that's where the troll ended up." Ron stopped, a faraway look in his eyes. "It was so long ago, but it still haunts me," he admitted.
"Ron was brilliant," Harry added. "He finally mastering Wingardium Leviosa saved your life."
"So you got it then?" Hermione asked, looking at Ron.
"Got what?" Ginny asked in confusion.
"Oh! Oh right!" Ron exclaimed. "I forgot to tell you," he said, addressing Harry and Ginny. "This afternoon, she remembered the Charms lesson from that day." Ginny suddenly dissolved into a fit of giggles. All eyes turned to her.
"Sorry," she breathed. "I remember the letter Ron had sent home that afternoon. He was so mad."
"Thinking back, it was pretty funny," Harry said. Hermione stayed quiet, unable to add anything to the conversation. Instead, she leaned against the cushions, closing her eyes. Maybe, she thought, maybe if I concentrate hard enough, more will come. She removed her thoughts from the room, blocking out the others' voices. She focused on the blackness of her eyelids, hoping, willing for something, anything. After a moment, she sighed in frustration, unable to see anything and she opened her eyes again. When she did, Ron was staring at her with a worried look in his eyes.
"You okay?" he asked quietly. Harry and Ginny were still in their own conversation, and Hermione was thankful Ron was not bringing the attention back to her. Hermione nodded and waited for Harry and Ginny to stop talking.
"What else happened that year?" Hermione asked as soon as the room grew quiet. If she could not remember on her own, she was very interested in others' interpretations of her life.
"Loads," Ron said simply.
Ginny rolled her eyes as Harry shook his head at Ron's lack of tact. Hermione found herself smiling.
"Well, after Halloween," Harry began to explain, "it became more and more apparent Voldemort was coming after me sooner rather than later…"
The next couple of hours passed, the room filled with joyous and sometimes frightful memories. Hermione sat quietly, gasping and laughing at the appropriate moments as Ron, Harry, and Ginny told her stories from her time at school. She knew there were gaps in their stories; sometimes they were blatantly missing, other times she could tell the story teller deemed them irrelevant. Regardless, she absorbed as much as she could, hoping she would start to remember something. However, their memories triggered no real emotion inside her, and in fact, as the evening wore on, she felt more drained then rejuvenated.
Ron obviously could see how tired she was becoming, and although they had only made it to fifth year, Ron signaled for his brother-in-law to stop. Harry nodded knowingly as Hermione struggled to keep her eyes open.
"Well, I guess we better get going then," Harry said, standing. Ginny followed immediately, adding, "Yeah, I'm sure Mum is ready to give James back."
Hermione perked up. "James?" She felt herself standing now.
Ginny shot Ron a look, but her merely shrugged as if to say 'What did you expect?'
"He's our son," Harry explained, ignoring the exchanged between the two redheads. "A year and a half now. Quite the handful, actually." He laughed and Hermione gave him a smile. She momentarily thought of her own growing child, one that she had forgotten.
"We could bring him by tomorrow," Ginny interrupted, and then added as an afterthought, "if you would like."
"I think I would like that very much," Hermione said, actually feeling quite excited at the prospect of meeting her young nephew.
Ginny smiled warmly and stepped closer to Hermione. She hesitated for a moment before pulling her into an awkward hug. Hermione stiffed for a moment as Ginny's arms enveloped her shoulders. Hermione slowly returned the gesture and almost immediately after Hermione's hands touched her back, Ginny was pulling away. Hermione could not be sure, but she thought she had seen tears in the other woman's eyes, but Ginny was quick to hide her face.
"Tomorrow, then?" Harry asked, although he did not step forward as his wife had. Hermione merely nodded, contemplating offering her hand as she had done before. Harry adverted her eyes however, instead reaching out for Ginny. Ron followed them from the room, seemingly leading them to the front door, and Hermione fell back onto the couch and sighed in defeat.
She was standing in the middle of a forest, surrounded by trees. It was raining heavily and her clothes were already soaked through. Her bushy hair was matted to her face, but she knew she was crying.
"Ron! RON!" she screamed, although she knew it was no use. He was already gone. She choked back sobs as she continued to call his name.
Her tears began to subside as she felt the anger rise inside her. How could he be so thick? she thought.
Shivering from the cold and rain, she turned away from the trees, walking towards the tent. Harry was still standing in the middle of the room, a bewildered expression on his face.
"He's g-g-gone! Disapparated!" she managed. She threw herself into the nearest chair, allowing the sobs to overtake her again. She felt the mixed emotions of anger and sadness, unsure of which was more prevalent. She pulled her knees to her chin, hiding her face from Harry. As she cried, she felt him throw a blanket over her. Although thankful for his gesture, she could not bring herself to acknowledge him. Her only focus was on Ron, upset and worried about where he had disappeared to and if he would be okay.
When Hermione opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was Ron. He was leaning against the doorway, watching her intently. He clearly had not noticed she had opened her eyes. She took the opportunity to study him as well. He was looking at her with care and adoration, a small smile on his lips. She narrowed her eyes, suddenly uncertain of his character. Where had she been? It was clear, she had been with Harry in the middle of the forest, and obviously, Ron had just abandoned them for reasons unknown. She involuntarily shivered, recalling how she had stood in the rain, calling out his name. Had she done something wrong? Had Harry?
"Why did you leave us?" she suddenly felt herself saying. Ron jumped at the sound of her voice, his smile instantly disappearing.
"W—What?" he stammered.
"When were we with Harry?" she asked. "In a forest?"
Ron frowned, realization appearing on his face. "Oh," he said quietly.
"I was out in the rain, calling for you. But you had gone." She knew she did not have to explain, as it was clear Ron knew exactly what she was talking about.
"When we were looking for the horcruxes—"
"What exactly is a horcrux?" she asked, interrupting his explanation.
Ron sighed. "It's dark magic. When you split your soul, you put the pieces into an object, making it a horcrux. It's dangerous enough, splitting your soul into two separate pieces. Voldemort split his into seven." Hermione looked at him in disbelief. He has got to be kidding me. Ron ignored her. "We had found a piece of it, which had found its new home in this locket. We had no idea how to destroy it—it was the first we had actually found—and in the mean time we were stuck taking turns wearing it. It did awful things to my thoughts while I was wearing it. And, it didn't help that I—that I—" He stopped.
"That you what?"
"I was jealous of you and Harry," he admitted.
Hermione met his eyes. "Were Harry and I—were we together?"
Ron looked horrified. "No!" he exclaimed, and then stated more quietly. "No. But, I was an idiot back then, imagined things that weren't really there. You see, Hermione, I had tried so hard for years to convince myself you were only my friend, that you would only see me as your friend—second to Harry Potter—that I refused to acknowledge my feelings for you. Instead, I allowed myself to be jealous of every guy you came in contact with, and I especially hated those who showed an interest in you." Hermione continued to stare, unsure of what to say.
"Well, anyway, in my insane fit of jealousy, I picked a fight with Harry. It started to get out of hand, and you stopped it. However, I was such a prat I just saw it as you taking his side and I—well, I left." He hung his head as he finished his story.
Hermione felt paralyzed. The room felt heavy with emotion. While the weight of Ron's past rested on his shoulders once more, Hermione's confusion weighed on hers. Several moments past before Ron spoke again.
"I know it doesn't mean much," he whispered. "But I've never forgiven myself for leaving."
"Did it make you feel better?" Hermione found herself asking. Ron looked up again to meet her gaze. She was frowning at him, suddenly hurt by the realization that the man who she was married to had once turned his back on her.
Ron shook his head. "My biggest regret."
Hermione nodded. "How long did I take to forgive you?" she whispered.
Ron looked as if he was fighting his emotions, refusing to give into the temptation of crying. "A while. You were really upset when I first came back, but with everything else that was happening, none of us could focus on it for too long. The war and all… Anyway, when everything was over, you told me that while you loved me, we were going to have a lot to work through. And we did. The first year of our relationship was extremely rocky…" He trailed off and did not elaborate further. Hermione remained silent, processing the information.
"You, uh, you can have our room," Ron stated after a tense moment had passed. "I'll sleep in the spare." He took a few steps forward, his movements awkward. Hermione knew he was just as uncomfortable around her as he was around him. "Look, Hermione," he was rubbing his neck, "I'm really sorry… for everything." He leaned forward.
Hermione's body instantly responded and she felt herself meeting his gaze. She broke eye contact almost immediately, suddenly focused on his slightly puckered lips. Again, her body responded without consulting her mind and they drew closer. She closed her eyes, trying to prepare herself. And then, at the last instant, Hermione looked down quickly, and she felt Ron's lips collide with her forehead. I'm just not ready, she rationalized with herself.
Ron pulled away. He looked at her sadly, but nodded, understanding.
"Thank you," she whispered.
He gave her a small smile but made no further movements. Hermione returned the sentiment and then turned, headed back down the hallway, not allowing herself a second glance at the man she was supposed the love, the man she no longer knew.
Author's Note I am sorry if Ron seems to OOC. While I know he is not a perfect gentleman (and I wouldn't want him any other way), he is being more cautious around Hermione. He is trying to get her to love him remember? Poor Ron though... always so clueless. Hermione NEVER wanted a gentleman, did she? :)
On a side note, I still have not been able to see The Vow. I am hoping my husband will take me this weekend...