A.N. : I've tried for a Gwen who actually cares for Ianto, in a team-way. She is bad enough in the show, most fics have made her insufferable. Not really sure I'm satisfied about the ending, but couldn't think of anything better, and I wanted to publish this. Is Jack weird or what?
Disclaimer: nothing mine, of course. If I owned, I would fire the %&&/($ who proposed season 3 plot.
What's in a name
Quiet afternoon in Cardiff, no Rift activity to speak of. Ianto disappeared somewhere in the Archives – with Jack presumably on his tail. Gwen was considering a bit of e-mail shopping, Owen ogled impartially his two co-workers, when Tosh exclaimed: "Gwen, I can't believe you never teased Jack
about that!"
"About what?" the policewoman inquired.
"What's Ianto's translation in English?" asked the Japanese girl, with an apparently abrupt change of argument.
"Ianto's...translation?" the Welshwoman echoed, dumbfounded.
"Like Ayame in Japanese and Iris. They're the same flower. Or, if you want something simpler, Mary and Marie in french" the tech explained.
"Oh...well, Ianto's a pet name, or nickname for Ifan...and it just sticks to children even when they grow, I guess. And Ifan...it's the evangelist, John. So...Johnny?" Gwen answered.
"Or...Jack" Tosh grinned.
"No way! You think the Captain is that big of a narcissist?" Owen burst out.
"Is ex was a John, wasn't he?" the Japanese added.
"And didn't he flirt with the man he stole his name from? We are onto something here!" the man said.
"Nah! It's true his ego is decidedly overgrown, but whatever it's between him and Ianto is all question of suits. And coffee. Right? So, we don't speak of this. Anymore" Gwen ordered.
"But why?" the medic whined.
"Because Jack wouldn't care anyway, but Ianto would. You tease him enough like it is, Owen, and getting him more unsure than he already is isn't something we need. Seriously, why do you try to enrage the man who keeps us functioning?" ex- PC Cooper questioned.
"Because he's the tea boy?" Owen guessed.
"And he's the one who keeps Myfanwy and Janet fed. What' d happen if he was so distressed he forgot to do it?" Gwen said with a smirk.
"Are you saying he could fed us to them?" the doctor asked, disbelieving.
"To begin with. Really, he could kill us in so many ways that if I had to list them all, he would probably be back before I could end. We are too lucky the worst he has done is put us on decaf" the Welshwoman told with a smile.
"Ok, never mentioning names to the happy couple" Tosh agreed, with a vaguely scared expression.
"I have a lot of ammunition already...and I think I'm going to save it up for a while" Owen announced.
"I knew you'd have seen it like me" Gwen beamed.
"See what?" Ianto asked, emerging from the Archives.
Gwen thought she would choke on the lie she had to tell...and she had frankly no ideas at all.
Luckily Tosh didn't miss a beat: " About Jack, in fact. It's a long time we don't prank him, wouldn't want him to relax too much. You in, Ianto?".
"Sure. Coffee, anyone?" Ianto offered.
There was a chorus of yes, because, seriously, who could turn down Ianto's coffee?
Owen – probably thinking of Myfanwy – added even a 'please'.
"When did Owen get taken over? And by who?" the Welshman joked.
"Come on, Tea boy, to the kitchen" the medic sneered.
"Ok, Ok. Coffee coming right up and alarm withdrawn, you're still an ass" Ianto countered.