Chapter 6. Hey guys! So, finally a new chapter. Sorry it took so long, I've reposted all the previous chapters, now with the help of my beta reader Nittles - a really big thank you to her - before I posted this one.

I want to thank everyone who reviewed, favourited and alerted this story, it really makes me happy to know people are enjoying it.

I hope you like this chapter, don't forget to review.

And just like that I had made my decision. I had no idea where this road was going to take me, but somehow I knew it the path I wanted to take. I mean, I'm scared as hell, and I'm pretty sure I am going to spend most of my time down this route being travelsick, but the moment his lips met mine, I just lose all resolve. This is right.

I know how cheesy it sounds, but it was like time stood still. I forgot about everything; who we were supposed to be, our friends, our jobs, our reputations. Everything. It felt like everything dissolved around us and all I could see was him. I saw hope, and I may have dreamt it, but I am pretty sure I saw a hint of fear and doubt cloud his eyes before I finally smiled at him.

"We have no privacy here," Perry announced all of a sudden, pushing his chair back with his feet and making a move to stand. "Let's go back to my place, you know, where we can actually have a proper conversation without this crappy music."

The illusion was shattered. All of a sudden the barriers were straight back up. Music began pouring into my ears again and I was conscious of my surroundings. He was inviting back to his house for 'privacy.' Call me frigid, or a girl, or whatever, but I'm not sure I am quite ready for whatever privacy he is implying.

I stared at the man in front of me for a few moments before I was finally able to find my voice. "Banana hammock!"

I wasn't supposed to say that. Perry smirked and crossed his arms across his chest.

"Nervous, Newbie?"

I shake my head a little too quickly.

"Really?" I could practically hear him laughing. "Because you'd think…" He saw my face and stopped himself. "I do actually mean to talk, Newbie."

"Oh." I felt my cheeks heat up from the embarrassment of already reading him wrong. Great start!

"Look, do you want to come back to my place or not?"

His patience was finally wearing thin. I nod. "You want to leave now?"

He nodded his head towards the bar. "I need to pay for what I have just drunk. You should head off now; with your little girl's bike I'll probably still beat you there."

I could tell he was making an effort to be humorous, but his refusal to look in my direction said it all.

"Oh…" I furrow my brow in confusion. "So, we're not leaving together then?"

"It would appear not."

I didn't say anything just in case he could hear the hurt in my voice. The silence was awkward, but it was enough to finally make him look at me.

"Newbie, don't look at me like that. You know we can't just…"

"What? What can't we just do? Get a car together? Are you that ashamed to be seen with me?" I hear my tone rise to the point where I'm almost shouting. The music was blaring far too loud for it to have made any difference anyway, but it doesn't stop Perry looking around nervously, checking to see if anybody had spotted us in the corner.

"Are you insane?" Perry leant towards me and hissed dangerously. "You can't just scream things like that! Look, things are not that simple, Princess. Just head off to my place and meet me there."

We stared at each other and slowly his gaze began to soften. "Just trust me, Newbie."

I nod slowly, and drag my feet towards the exit. He knew just as well as I that I would not refuse his offer. I valued him too much for that.

Needless to say, I jumped on Sasha and headed straight to Perry's house. We had a lot to talk about, and somehow it just seemed like more problems were being piled on than being solved. What happened at the bar had fuelled all of my doubts. He claims to like me, a lot, and yet he can't be seen in public with me, even though we work together. It's like I am a dent to his ego. How could that possibly work in a relationship? Was that even what he wanted, a relationship?

He was right though, it wasn't long until he pulled up outside his apartment. Neither one of us spoke as we entered the building and found his apartment. I really wanted to say something, to break the silent, but for what seemed like the first time in my life, I didn't have the words.

"Do you want something to drink?" Perry finally mumbled as he pushed open the front door and headed straight towards his liquor cabinet.

"I'm fine thanks, but I don't think you should be drinking."

Perry raised his eyebrow at me and smirked.

"It's a little late for that, don't you think?"

"Perry…"

"I'm just messing with you, Sunshine. " I could tell that this was hard for him. "Come on, we need to talk this out."

I watched him slump onto the sofa and decided to follow suit.

"Do you want to be with me?" The words were out of my mouth before I had a chance to register my thoughts. Uh, oh.

I could tell he was getting frustrated. Yes, I was being frank, but you know as much as I do that he hates to talk, especially to me, and being direct was probably the worst thing I could have done. I mean, if you saw the way he was looking at me, you'd have bolted by now.

"Of course I do."

The look on my face said it all. I was thrown. That was the last thing I had expected Perry to say, and now he had actually come out and said it, I was speechless. He wants us to be together. This is more exciting than the time Carla cleaned Rowdy. Is it possible to be excited, confused and frustrated all at the same time? Emotions are scary.

"I don't get it." I should really learn to think before I speak. "You invite me to a bar where you are afraid to be seen with me; you treat me like crap at work. I mean, what do you want from this? Besides getting back at Jordan."

"I want us to, you know, hang out. I really do, but we can't just…"

"Can't just what? Be seen together?" I should have known this man would be impossible. How can something so confusing turn into something so beautiful? Then how can that very same thing turn into something so… Nasty?

"Yeah," Perry was shouting at this point. I think it's also relevant to add that he has moved from his spot on the sofa and is now leaning against the liquor cabinet, arms folded, eyes glaring into my very soul. "Now listen to me, Priscilla! If we lived in a perfect world, where we could live our lives just how we wanted to, where we could be together how we wanted to be together, it would be our own damn business, you understand that?"

He waits for me to nod before he continues.

"I hate to break your heart, Daisy, but this isn't a perfect world. It's a rotten, cynical world. Do you think it's ok to be openly different? Do you think you can live a life where there are bunnies, and rainbows and giant castles and cuddly toys and not be judged? You just can't, Newbie. That's just some crap they feed to the children for them to be able to 'accept who they really are' in the playground. Do you want to know what happens to you when people know you're different? You're ostracized, pushed away, abused. There will always be somebody watching you, judging whatever you do, and breathing down your neck just waiting for the day you become a complete and utter fuck up. Think about what would happen to you, to us, if people at the hospital knew we were gay. If our neighbors knew we were gay. Patients would refuse treatment, nurses would gossip… We'd lose all the goddamn respect we've earned in that Godforsaken dump!"

Once again I was speechless. I wanted him to be wrong so much, I really did. I wanted to tell him that he's the cynical one, that the world has changed, that it doesn't matter what you are in 21st Century America. God, I really did. But he was right, and he knew it. He was completely right. I've had patients get emotional and critical if I do so much as act feminine, to think that things could get so much worse if I even came to the conclusion that I was gay. Suddenly, I'm exhausted. This is so much harder than it needs to be.

"You're right," I sigh.

"I am," he nods. I know just how much he loves being right, but right now he doesn't look happy, or triumphant or whatever. He just looks… Sad.

"We have to keep this a secret? Whatever this is?"

"I think that would be smart, Newbie."

"Not even Turk?"

He only needs to glare at me for me to know the answer to that one.

"You're probably right, again."

"Yeah," Perry smiled for the first time since we arrived at his apartment.

I started to relax.

"So, erm…" I decide to alter the conversation just slightly. I mean, we have pretty much determined how we feel, and what we shouldn't be doing. But there's just the one thing I'm not quite sure on.

"What do we do now?"