A.N: Welcome to another installment of COA! Today, we get to read a song-fic chapter in the P.O.V of everyone's favorite Slayer, Buffy! Please enjoy this somewhat angst-y song-fic chapter! :D
Disclaimer; If I owned BtVS, Drusilla and Cecily would have died horrible, painful deaths at the hands of Spike. If I owned Shinedown, They would come to perform in my hometown -_-
(Buffy's P.O.V)
"Do you think she'll be O.K?" I could hear Willow murmur.
"I don't know Wills..." Xander mumbled. "She was completely unresponsive the whole way home."
"She's probably in shock." Giles said quietly.
"C'mon." Angel murmured. "Let's leave her alone. I need to check on Ember anyway."
I could hear their footsteps get father away, and I heard the door shut quietly behind them.
I could feel the tears well up behind my eyes as the image of Spike staking himself flashed through my mind. I let out a soft little whimper, curling up into a ball under the covers. I was shivering as if I was lying on a block of ice though I was wrapped in blanket after blanket.
If you only knew
I'm hanging by a thread, the web I spin for you
If you only knew
I'd sacrifice my beating heart before I lose you
I could feel my sanity slipping away, I was barely hanging on by a thread. I wish he would have known I would've sacrificed my own beating heart before I lost him.
I still hold on to the letters you returned
I swear I've lived and learned
I slipped my hand under my pillow and my fingertips brushed the soft worn paper of the long white envelope. My hand tightened around the first, last, and only letter he had ever written me. It felt like I had lived a hundred times over, and I had to learn what it's like to lose someone I loved just as many times.
It's four o' three
And I can't sleep
Without you next to me
I toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing I still believe in is you
If you only knew
I flipped over onto my side, and I stared at the flashing green neon numbers. 4:03.
I sighed. There was no way I'd be able to fall to sleep without him lying next to me. I hadn't even realized how used I had gotten to sleeping in his arms, falling into a relaxed sleep as he whispered in my ear how much he loved me. Even though I hadn't realized he was telling the truth until it was too late.
I flipped back over. The feeling if grief was beginning to choke me, it was as if I had slipped underwater and I couldn't resurface, and, the thing was, did I even want to? Though, if I did fall into the dark, I know I'd want Spike to be the one to claim me. I didn't care if I ended up in Heaven or Hell, just wanted to be with him again.
'Oh Spike...' I thought brokenly. 'If you only knew...'
If you only knew
How many times I counted all the words that went wrong
If you only knew
How I refuse to let you go even when you're gone
I wish he knew how I couldn't stop counting how many times I had counted how many times one of our conversations had gone wrong. I sniffled, trying to fight back the tears. I just couldn't deal with the fact that he was really dead. Gone. No longer here.
I don't regret any days I spent
Nights we shared
Or letters that I sent
Despite everything I had ever said to him, I didn't regret any days I spent thinking about him, nights we had together, or letters that I had sent him. (Though I had only gotten one responce)
It's four o' three
And I can't sleep
Without you next to me
I toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing I still believe in is you
If you only knew
I flipped back over, unable to find a comfortable position. I couldn't help from looking over at the spot next to me, and flinching when I saw it was empty. (Though I was already fully aware of that.) I could feel the tears stinging at my eyes again. I just wanted him lying at my side again.
If you only knew...
I still hold on to the letters you returned
You helped me live and learn
It's four o' three
And I can't sleep
Without you next to me
I toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing I still believe in is you
(If I drown tonight, bring me back to life
If I drown tonight, bring me back to life)
I still believe in you
If you only knew
I sighed, slowly swinging my legs over the side of the bed. I dragged myself over to the window and looked up to the starry sky, clutching his letter to my chest. A tear escaped from the corner of my eyes, ran down my face, and splashed onto the floor.
Spike...I love you.
Please come home.
A.N; This was my pathetic attempt at angst. I hope you all enjoyed!
Until next time,
Peace, Love, and Blond Vampires
Jalice
:D
Song; If You Only Knew by Shinedown