A/N: Crossover with Seikai Ichi Hatsukoi, as I borrowed a character from that story.

Warning: Not a happy chapter, some unwanted molestation but I think it will build character into Misaki and make him into a stronger person.

Not beta'ed, may contain grammatical and spelling errors, please excuse any I have overlooked. Thanks!

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Chapter 2

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Another boring day in high school, not even any eye candy in my class to distract me from the monotony, nope none at all. The boys in my second year were as disappointing as my first, in terms of looks I mean. Personality wise, they were an easygoing bunch, and I had no problem getting along with most of my classmates. However, none were even vaguely attractive, at least not in the way I like. And I soon found that although I could find gay couples in my neighborhood, none were in my school, at least, none that I could detect. Either they were in, way in, the closet, or my gaydar is not working in school. I wasn't in any athletic clubs, as I wasn't sure I could resist the temptation of naked bodies in changing rooms or shared showers, and didn't want to risk committing a sexual offense in high school despite being out of the closet. Other club activities didn't interest me much, so I remain free after classes. Glancing at the clock, I mentally counted down the minutes to the last period of the day, and then I would be free!

The bell finally rang and I hurriedly packed up my stuff in my bag, eager to leave the stifling environment. Most of my classmates were involved in club activities after school, so I was alone most of the weekdays. I didn't want to hang around school longer than I had to, for there were a few troublemakers who had discovered that I am gay, and bullied me for it. So far, most of their tactics were limited to disparaging words, except this one time when it almost escalated to a fight. Being smart, as I was out-numbered at the time, I ran away from the fight and tried to stay away from the bullies ever since.

I made my way to my favorite bookstore, the one where I got my first gay porn video. The shop attendant, Yukina Kou, was a really nice guy. He was sociable and never raised an eyebrow at my choice of reading material or videos. Yukina was good looking, being the prince type, but I was strangely not all that attracted to him. Maybe it's because he's too flashy for my taste, or it's obvious as anything that he's straighter than a ruler. Besides, he's nice to everyone, and I prefer my boyfriend to be nice only to me. I guess I can be the possessive type when I fall in love. Anyway, Yukina was good enough eye candy and it also helps that we have common interests in manga. He was more into shoujo manga though, unlike me, who was into BL. He was chatty enough for both of us, and we never run out of topics to talk about. However, today was a sad, sad day for me, as Yukina informed me that he would be quitting this job by the end of this week as he will be starting his college studies next week, and it is inconvenient to commute to work here. We promised to keep in touch, and I wished him the best. Since I just got my allowance, I decided to get this new BL novel written by Akikawa Yayoi. I liked the cover of the novel, and the plot seemed interesting enough. It was also written by one of my favorite BL authors. Akikawa sensei is very good with words, the reader could visualize the scenes vividly from the author's passionate description of emotions. There was smut, as with most BL novels, but the plot was also interesting, although there was a bittersweet tinge I got every time I finish one of sensei's novels. After reading the last page of The Faraway Sun, I decided to write a letter to encourage the author, since the novel's ending brought me to tears for the first time since my parents' death. I rummaged through my drawers for a letter and envelope set, and finally found some leftover from my elementary school days, when I was obsessed with teddy bears. The paper was a cheerful orange, with fuzzy brown bears dancing on the borders. Oh well, since the author wouldn't know who I am, I shouldn't be fussy with the childish stationery.

"Dear Akikawa Sensei,

I have just finished reading your latest novel, The Faraway Sun, and it has touched my heart and to my embarrassment, made me cried for the first time since my parents passed away when I was eight years old. Most of your novels, the ones with BL theme, were interesting enough, although I have always felt a bittersweet emotion I couldn't understand when I complete each volume. I read in between the lines of your words and could feel that you have experience great heartbreak, or perhaps unrequited love, as these intense emotions were reflected in your story. If The Faraway Sun is based on your real life experience or feelings, I hope you will never give up on true love and remain optimistic in life. Although the one you love may not be in love with you, it doesn't mean that you will never find someone else whom you will be more in love with, and will return your feelings. I do not know what kind of person you are, but from your writing, I deduce that you are a sensitive soul who is considerate towards the ones you care about while perhaps being pessimistic in your general outlook of life.

You may not be interested in the type of person I am, but a while ago, I were somewhat like you, being careful in my feelings, not want to burden others, and hiding my true self. Fortunately, I have a caring brother who accepted me for who I am, once I got up my courage to admit my sexual orientation to him. It was a huge load off my shoulders, and I am now happier than before. Although not everyone accepted me, there were some narrow-minded bullies in my school who just wouldn't give up, I never regretted being true to myself. Life, as I realized at a young age, is fragile and can be shorter than expected. If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again. I wish you courage, and live a life full of love and dreams, without regrets.

Your humble fan,

M. T."

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Warning: Non-con, skip this if you feel uncomfortable.

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Remember the bullies who found out that I was gay and was giving me a hard time about it? Well, towards the end of my second year in high school, they got worse. The group of idiots increased from three to five, and managed to corner me on a Friday afternoon after school ended. I was short, and it seemed like the muscles I gained from playing basketball in middle school wasn't of much help against the punches the bullies rained down upon me. Besides, I just wasn't much of a fighter, and had no chance against five boys my age. The leader of the group, stopped the rest from beating me to a pulp and crouched down to threaten me.

"Takahashi, fags like you shouldn't pollute the good environment of the school. You should just leave, nobody wants you here."

I think the pain must have caused my logical mind to be warped, as I retorted back, "Yeah, you think you are a representative of the school or something? Five against one small little me, you must be a coward!"

Lying face down, I couldn't see the expression of the bullies but I could almost feel the anger emanating from them. Oh shit, I just had to open my big fat mouth!

Someone, I don't know who, made a suggestion that gave me chills down my spine.

"Hey, I reckon this fag is getting off on the beating, why don't we give him what he wants? I bet his ass is aching to have some."

As oblivious as I can be sometimes, I could hardly misinterpret their intentions from the malicious words. I struggled to get up and run away, but was held down by my arms and legs. I was turned to lie on my back and the bullies were smirking, as the leader approached me and with a forceful rip, tore open my shirt. Buttons flew and one of it hit me in my eye. Maybe it was the button, or maybe it was the fear, that caused tears to fall from my eyes.

"Oh look! The little fag is crying! Shouldn't you be happy you are getting some? Don't worry, all of us will get our turns with you, so you will definitely be satisfied!"

"Get off me! HELP, SOMEONE HELP ME!"

My cries were stopped as my mouth was gagged by a piece of cloth ripped off from my shirt. The leader continued with his assault, licking his way from my neck, to my nipples, down to my bellybutton. It was slimy and disgusting, and I felt sick. All too soon, I was undressed to my boxers, and roaming hands groped my privates, my chest, all over my body. I clenched my eyes closed, not wanting to see the disaster that's going to happen. Despite being molested unwillingly, I could feel myself getting aroused by the stroking and licking.

"Hey look, he's getting turned on! Wow, what a small penis he has, are you sure you are a boy, Takahashi?"

By now, my boxers were taken off, and the bullies were all examining my shameful erection. I made a final, futile struggle against the restraints. A sudden shout interrupted the bullies and saved me.

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End of non-con, safe to read from here on.

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"What's happening here!" The Aikido teacher, Kinomoto san, approached the bullies. Cowards that they were, they ran away and left me alone. I curled into a tiny ball, wanting to disappear from the world. Darkness overtook my consciousness and I guess I fainted.

It was the smell that hit me first. The antiseptic scent hospitals have with an underlying waft of bleach. I opened my eyes to white ceiling and an eerie quietness. It took me a moment to recall what happened. I shook with fear, shame, and humiliation. Logically, I knew there was no way I could have defended myself against five boys, but I was still humiliated. I was also ashamed at feeling turned on by the molestation, was it rape if one was willing? No, I wasn't willing, that I know for sure. Why did my body respond to those bullies? Am I so weak I couldn't even control my own body? The sound of the door opening broke my train of thoughts.

"Misaki, you are awake! How are you feeling?" My brother asked me, sounding relieved.

I tried to smile bravely to put him at ease, but failed. "I'm okay, I guess. Just some aches."

"Oh Misaki, I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you!" My brother cried and collapsed next to me on the hospital bed.

"Your teacher, Kinomoto san, told me that when he found you, there were five boys escaping from the scene. You were wounded and…naked…"

I could hear the question that my brother didn't know how to ask, but wanted an explanation to. Gathering the vestiges of my courage, I slowly and briefly described the assault, leaving out most details.

"Those five, I don't know their names, but they are my school mates. They found out that I am gay a few months ago, and have been bullying me ever since. It was mostly just words, so I didn't take it seriously. This is the first time they turned physical and beat me. I…the reason I was undressed…"

My brother waited patiently. I took in a deep breath and continued.

"They probably thought that the beating wasn't enough to teach me a lesson, so they decided to…to…rape me." I could hear my brother gasping loudly.

"No! They didn't succeed in doing that… but they did touch me…I…onii-chan, can I take a bath now?" I suddenly felt really dirty and in desperate need of a shower and bath.

"Of course, Misaki, whatever you want. I will be here waiting for you. Here's the clothes I brought from home, you can change into them if you want. The doctor did mention that your injuries were mostly on the surface, no fractures or anything serious."

I interrupted my brother's nervous rambling by taking the clothes and rushed into the bathroom. I jumped into the shower and started scrubbing my body with the soup bar vigorously. Scenes from the recent assault poured into my mind, unwelcomed but unstoppable. Gagging, I stopped washing and vomited into the toilet bowl. When there was nothing left to puke and the nausea left me, I went back to cleaning myself with a single-mindedness I rarely used. However, the feeling of being dirty didn't leave me no matter how hard I scrubbed. Soon, tears fell and joined the water from the shower cascading down my tainted body.

I didn't know how long I was in the bathroom, in a semi-comatose state, before my brother started banging on the door and calling out my name.

"Misaki! Misaki! Please, open the door!"

My feeling of wanting to escape reality warred against the need to reassure my brother. Finally I crawled to the door and unlocked it. Without looking at my brother, I hurried back into the shower and continue to wash myself.

"Misaki, stop, please, you are scrubbing yourself raw, please…" The cries of my brother reached my ears as his arms came around me.

"Onii-chan, why…why do I still feel so dirty…"

"You are not! It's not your fault, oh please, don't think that you are dirty, Misaki, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you…"

The days after the incident passed in a haze. I was vaguely aware of things, however it was as if a veil of gauze separates my view from reality. The doctor suggested I speak to a counselor who handles cases like mine, but I refused rather fiercely. I had no wish to recount that experience over and over again to a stranger. My brother didn't force me; in fact, he was gentler towards than before. I took a leave from school, not wanting to return to the location where that happened. Kinomoto sensei, came to visit me once and told me about the five students who assaulted me. They were overheard boasting about scaring me away from school by their fearsome tactics, and was interrogated thereafter. Being the cowards they were, their confessions came fast and they were expelled from school. Sensei asked if I wanted to pursue this and take the case to the police. After some consideration, I decided to let the matter rest, as I do not want to make this case public. I know the five bullies were getting off lightly from just being expelled, but I just couldn't face the process of bringing this case to the police, going through the questioning and describing what happened to strangers. Even if I were willing to report this case, being underage, the most they would have been sentenced to would be to a correction facility. What's the point? Just as I was saved in the nick of time before the worst could happen to me, I believe justice and punishment would be carried out onto those who deserve it in time to come.

It was some time before my mind cleared up and I started coming out of the haze I have been wandering in. A quick glance at the calendar informed me that a season has passed. I should be in my third year now, if I have been attending school. The past 3 months have been nightmarish, literally. I was plagued almost every night with nightmares, sometimes actual recall of the incident, and other times a warped version of what happened, ending with me getting raped. Most nights I woke up either screaming, or running to the bathroom puking.

On the advice of my brother, who has been reading up on books to help me, I began writing in a journal. I wrote about the assault, described the nightmares, poured out my insecurities, my fear of this happening again, my shame and the never-ending feeling of being dirty no matter how much I wash myself. After numerous times of my brother finding me in the bath scrubbing my skin raw and bleeding, he made a point of checking on me every night to make sure I didn't overdo it. He was my rock in a tornedo of swirling emotions I couldn't control. Steady, patient and gentle, he spent most of his time with me when he's not working. The nights when I woke him up with my screams from the nightmares, he held me and kept whispering words of comfort to reassure me. I had no idea I would become this fragile, or needy. My determination not to be troublesome wavered after the incident. I relied on the strength of my only family, despite being guilty on placing a burden on him.

To take the load off my brother's shoulders, I started reading those self-help books. Some of the words made sense to me, and were actually really helpful, while others were more useless psycho-babble than anything else. I recognized that the dirtiness I feel was translated into the intense need to clean. Slowly, I got better, I stopped scrubbing myself into a bleeding mess, although I still couldn't help using the bath at least 3 times a day, nor could I stop myself from cleaning the apartment so much that it sparkles and was squeaky clean. Writing in the journal helped, I think, as the number of my nightmares went down as the days went by. My appetite, which was almost bird-like when I was first discharged from the hospital, slowly increased to that of a normal person, after much coaxing and supervision from my brother.

My brother's girlfriend, Minami, is a pleasant and friendly person. She visited me a few times recently. It was nice to be treated like a normal person, as most times my brother tend to be too gentle and walk around me as if on eggshells. Since I was not attending school, I had much free time and decided to put it into good use. I wanted to become stronger, to be able to protect myself, to stop being afraid. I got in touch with Kinomoto sensei, my savior, and asked if he is able to give me one-on-one Aikido lessons. Kinomoto sensei is probably the only man other than my brother that I do not fear close contact with. Perhaps it is due to him saving me, or something, I do not know for sure. I was glad he agreed to give me private lessons every once a week on Sunday. I spent the next 3 months practicing mediation, part of learning Aikido was not only physical training but also mental strengthening. When I wasn't practicing Aikido, I was reading on the anatomy of humans, learning how to inflict the most hurt with minimal strength. With my petite figure, I need to learn an efficient way of causing deterrence against those who wish me harm. Minami was encouraging in my attempts to learn self-defense, and gifted me with a pepper spray, a small stunner that comes in the form of an inconspicuous pen and a personal alarm on a key chain.

Not neglecting my studies, even though I no longer attended school, I studied the third year's syllabus on my own at home, and got ready to attend the upcoming entrance exams of my chosen college, Mitsuhashi University since that was the college my brother turned down so that he could begin taking care of me after our parents died. I had attended the cram school a few times to take mock tests in order to determine how I fared. It was a nerve wreaking experience, getting out of the house and making way through the crowd to the nearby cram school. Through sheer determination at not burdening my brother any further, I managed to get through the mock tests in one piece. It got easier after the first time, and I could now go out in public without becoming a shivering mess.

Unfortunately, although I got better at managing my emotions, my brains at studying didn't improve much. At the rate I'm going, from the results I got back on the mock tests, I probably wouldn't manage to get into Mitsuhashi University. My brother, noticing my distress as usual, came up with a solution. He got me a tutor, his friend, Akihiko Usami, or as my brother like to affectionately refer to him as "Usagi-chan". Although I have heard of Usagi-san plenty of times, I have never seen the guy. I supposed ever since I got assaulted, my brother was conscious of my discomfort of being close to strangers, particular men, and so didn't invite his friends to come to our house. Well, I have gotten better, and can now be in the presence of strangers, be it men or women. And so, armed with a pot of pork soup as a "first-time meeting" gift I made myself, I prepared to visit my tutor for the first time.

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I am half way through writing the next chapter, and I promise it will be a happier one than this. Misaki is going to meet his tutor, who is also his favorite BL novel author. How will he react? Stay tuned, and please review in the meantime!