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A/N: Words in italic are describing a flashback.
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Chapter 4
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"Need help with unpacking?" The speaker, dressed in a suit and tie, stood relaxed at the doorway to my new bedroom in his penthouse. The sun shining through the windows illuminates his entire being, making him seems even more God-like than ever.
Yes, I, Misaki Takahashi, age 18, first year in M University, is currently living in this high class 5-bedroom apartment in the best area of Tokyo with my landlord. He is a super popular novelist and winner of the Shisen award; he also writes my favorite BL novels. He's the God named Usami Akihiko. Life is really unpredictable. After Nii-san got married, he was transferred to Osaka, so I got to stay here since I had nowhere else to go. Usagi san was my brother's classmate in high school…and he then became my tutor. He has weird interests, such as having a bedroom more suited for a kid, stuffed with toys and plushies of all kind, wears a suit and tie at home all the time even though he works at home and hardly goes out, and can be strangely gentle towards me sometimes…
"It's fine, I can do this myself! Oh everything is a mess now, don't come into my room like this!"
As usual, he ignores my protestations and strolled leisurely in. Well, if he's going to ignore me, I'll do the same to him! I started unpacking my books from the nearest opened box and put them onto the shelf.
"What's this…? This novel, 'The Faraway Sun' is all worn out…"
"Oh, that's my favorite BL novel! I was so touched by the author that I even wrote a fan letter to encourage…" WHAT AM I SAYING! How could I have forgotten for just a second that the author is right here and I am making such an embarrassing confession about being a fan of his BL novels! ARRRRRRRRRGH!
"Ho? Encourage? Do go on…" Without turning around to look at him, I could feel the author smirking that arrogant mouth of his and raising his right eyebrow in an irritating manner.
"NOTHING! You heard nothing! Give me back that book!"
I felt the warmth of his body as he towered over me. Spinning round to face him, my previous suspicions were confirmed – yes he is totally smirking at me! That jerk!
"No. Tell me…are you a fan of my BL novels? Did reading what I wrote make you hot…in certain areas…?" As he drawled out in a husky, alluring voice, he dragged his fingers lightly over my cheeks, down to my neck, stroking at my pulse repeatedly.
Thump. Thump thump. Thump thump thump.
I'm sure he could feel my heart rate raising. That's not the only thing that's going up, as he lowered his head, resting his forehead against mine. Our breath mingled and my mind was blanking out, as my face flushed a vivid red. His other hand wandered down my body and grazed the bulge in my pants.
"Are you getting turned on?
"Hey look, he's getting turned on! Wow, what a small penis he has, are you sure you are a boy, Takahashi?"
"NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!" I shoved hard at the body encroaching upon my personal space, as tears dripped from my eyes.
"Oh look! The little fag is crying! Shouldn't you be happy you are getting some? Don't worry, all of us will get our turns with you, so you will definitely be satisfied!"
"No, I'm not, no, please don't, no...no…" The strength went out of my legs and I crumpled into a pathetic heap onto the floor. Burying my face into my knees, I rocked to and fro, mumbling mindlessly. I don't want to remember again, no…
"…Mi….Misa…Misaki….MISAKI!"
Hands were on my shoulders, shaking me. I don't want anyone to touch me! Get off! With a snap, I utilized a well-practiced Aikido move and the person flew off me, landing with a thump on the other side of the room. I ran blindly out of the room, searching for a safe place to hide, where nobody can get hold of me. Making a turn, I saw the unoccupied bathroom and locked myself in securely.
"Must get clean…it's dirty…dirty…must wash…wash…" I dived into the gleaming white tub, turned on the shower and began my ritual of scrubbing my entire body, head to toes. My head was pounding, and it aches…my skin was tingling and it hurts, but it doesn't hurt as much as my heart. The thumping in my head was getting louder…wait…it's coming from the door?
"MISAKI! Please open up! What's wrong?" That frantic yet concerned voice sounded so familiar…who is it? …where am I?
My mind started to clear up, and I took deep, meditative breaths to calm myself. Oh, yes, I'm at Usagi san's house…I am safe…yes…OH NO! Usagi san must be thinking I'm such a weird person! Did I really shoved and kicked him back then? He must be so mad at me!
"I'M ALL RIGHT! GIVE ME A MINUTE TO DRESS AND I WIL BE OUT!" I shouted over the ruckus that Usagi san was making at the door. Turning off the shower, I hopped out of the tub, dried myself and got dressed in light speed. I didn't want to make Usagi san any angrier by waiting too long for me.
The sight that greeted me as I opened the bathroom's door surprised me. The usually composed Usagi san was ruffled, hair a mess, clothes crumpled and he has a look on his face I have never seen before…is…is he worried about me?
A tentative hand reached out towards me, but fell away before it touched me.
"Misaki, are you all right? What happened?"
"I'm so sorry Usagi san! Please excuse my actions! Are you hurt? I didn't mean to kick you so hard!"
"I'm fine, don't worry about me…I'm worried about you! What was that back there?"
"I just over-reacted, you know how dramatic I am sometimes right? Ha ha ha…"
"Do you know who you are talking to? Who are you trying to fool? Don't lie to me, Misaki!" Usagi san's glare pierced right through me, I couldn't brush off his questions with a weak excuse. Should I tell him the truth? Tell him…tell him that I…
NO! I don't want to talk about it again! But he's so stubborn, he wouldn't just let this matter rest like this! And…what if he hears me screaming out from my nightmares? Although I haven't had a nightmare in weeks, it could come back…I don't want to trouble him…should I just move out? Where can I go? No, I shouldn't keep running away, I need to be stronger, and I don't want to leave Usagi san. All right, all right, I can do this. I trust him, Usagi san makes me feel safe, he is a gentle person, and I will be okay.
"You know I stopped going to my high school at the end of my second year right?"
"Yes, both Takahiro and you mentioned it was due to some circumstances before."
"I…well…as you can probably guess from my hobby of reading BL novels, I'm gay. Some of my schoolmates found out about this and started to bully me. It wasn't that bad at first, just disparaging words, but towards the end of my second high school year, I was cornered by five of them after school one day."
Taking a deep breath, and digging into my reserve of courage, I continued haltingly.
"…they beat me up…but it wasn't enough…they threatened me, telling me to leave school and not come back, since fags like me are polluting the environment…I refused and they…they decided to teach me a harsher lesson. Four of them pinned me down on my arms and legs…the leader of the group…he ripped open my shirt, gagged my mouth when I tried to scream for help. I struggled, I did! But what could one person do against five others?"
Usagi san gathered me into his arms and embraced me gently; his hug doesn't feel restraining, rather, it feels safe and protective. The rest of my explanation rushed out.
"It was disgusting! They licked me and touched me everywhere! I didn't want it…I didn't! But what was worse, I felt aroused by their groping! How could I be so dirty, so shameful to feel turned on by unwanted advances from those bullies! Of course they noticed my state as they took off the rest of my clothes off, and they made fun of me further…I have never felt so helpless or humiliated!" I started sobbing so hard as I buried my head into Usagi san's chest that I had difficulty talking. I could feel his arms tightened around me as he mumbled into my hair.
"Those bastards…how dare they…not your fault, Misaki, you are not dirty, you are the most pure person I have ever known…I love you, I love you Misaki…Nobody will ever hurt you again, I will protect you…"
"…thank you Usagi san, I love you too…" I whispered back shyly.
"What are their names? I will make them disappear off the face of the earth forever." Somehow, coming from Usagi san, it doesn't sound remotely like a joke, and it is entirely all too real that he could make it happen.
"No! They were already caught and expelled from school. Anyway, I was saved by my teacher before they went any further…"
"Oh! So they didn't…?"
"…no they didn't….there wasn't…any…penetration…" I forced out the last word in embarrassment.
Usagi san heaved out a sigh of relief? He kissed me softly on my forehead and carried me to my bed. "You must be exhausted, get some sleep, I will stay here with you."
I gripped his hand tightly. I'm such a mess, why does someone great like Usagi san love someone like me? Does he really love me? Or is it only pity? He was in love with my brother only a while ago, wasn't he? How could he be in love with me now? I…I don't want to be a replacement for Nii-san…but I also don't want to lose the warmth of this person…what should I do?
"You look troubled…care to tell me what you are thinking?"
Should I clarify with Usagi san? What if I'm really a replacement and he's not really in love with me? Dare I face the truth now?
…
Yes, I don't want to live a life of regrets nor lies, no matter what happens, I will go forth with courage and truth. No relationship can be built upon falsehoods. No matter what happens, I will always love Usagi san…
"Am I…am I a replacement for nii-san?"
"Replacement for Takahiro? What are you talking about?"
"Because…because weren't you in love with my brother? How could you give up so quickly?
"Before…when I lost Takahiro, weren't you crying like crazy? I thought I have hidden my feelings, but it was seen through by a kid I'd only known half a year. When I saw you crying over other people's feelings, I thought… 'Ah – that's the one!' So…you aren't a replacement, you are the only person I am in love with now."
Upon hearing this touching confession, my heart was about to burst with happiness. The person whom I had been admiring since the first time I've laid my eyes upon, my favorite BL novel author, my tutor, my landlord, is in love with me! How fortunate am I? I don't want to live in the shadows of my fears anymore…I love this person, I want to be with him, I want…I want to give all of me to him…
"Usagi san…will you…will you…"
"What…what is it you want Misaki? I will do anything for you…"
"Please…please make me forget about the past…I want to start anew with you…please…make love to me…"
"Yes, I will, I will fill your entire mind with nothing but me, your whole heart with my love and your body…I will never let anyone else touch you!"
It was strange, as if I was in a dream, everything in slow motion, the panting was loud in the quiet room, I was melting…it was so hot, so passionate…nothing felt unnatural, and I wasn't afraid. In Usagi san's embrace, I feel so safe, so loved, as if the world only consists of only the two of us. Our bodies were so close; nothing else could have come between us. His kisses, his touch, it were all so passionate, yet gentle. When the two of us finally joined, my mind had never felt clearer before. It was a little painful at first, but everything soon gave way into intense pleasure that I could never achieve alone, or with anyone else. This person…this special person who love me…whom I love…I have no regrets now that we are together.
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The morning sun was bright and burning through my eyelids, and birds chirping just outside my bedroom's windows woke me. The sunlight was glaring, my body (especially the lower part) was burning with a sweet ache, yet my heart felt lighter than a feather. I was alone, but the unique scent of Usagi san remained in the rumpled sheets and convinced me that last night wasn't just a dream. I blushed to the tips of my toes as images from our lovemaking flashed across my mind. Wow…talk about mind-blowing…thought my mind wasn't the only thing that was blown last night…heh heh heh…
Eww…I'm all sticky, I should take a bath before doing anything else. For the first time since I dropped out from high school, my bath was relaxing and I had no obsessive need to clean myself excessively. Making my way down to the living room, I wondered where Usagi san is.
Clank Clank Clank
The sounds were coming from the kitchen?
"Good morning!" Usagi san was cooking up something at the stove, and greeted me cheerfully.
"…morning…" It's so embarrassing! Why is it so embarrassing for me to look at him! The black smoke emanating from the pan Usagi san was using drew my attention.
"What are you making?"
"Omelets."
That black and sticky mess in the pan with more ominous smoke coming out of it definitely looks nothing like omelets…in fact…it doesn't look like anything edible!
"What the heck is that thing?"
"Hmm…a bit of fresh cream should make the flavor more reach and fragrant?"
"What? You put in what? How did it turn out like that? …Wait! That's cream for coffee! Stop. Now! Don't attempt to do things you can't do!"
What the heck is this? A guy who normally only makes coffee trying to make actual food? He was…trying to make this for me? Oh…
Finally the 'Omelets' stopped smoking and was placed on a large round plate. We sat at the dinning table in silence.
"… … …"
"Sensei…what is this?"
"Usami-sensei's special fluffy delicious egg omelet super luxurious feast! Itadakimasu!"
Something that sounds like fizzling were coming out of the…omelet…should I risk my life and eat it? I looked up to see Usagi san eating happily, there was a suspicious crunching as he chewed, then swallowed. Well…since he put in so much effort…and I guess he was trying to make me a breakfast…I...*blush* should just eat it. Don't the old people have a saying 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' or something like that?
Chomp chomp chomp
Swallow
… … …
… … …
WHAT THE HECK IS THIS THING! Nii-san, living here…can indeed be a dangerous thing!
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I couldn't really bring myself to write a lemon now…so I leave it to your imagination on the sex scene between Usagi and Misaki in this chapter…Anyway, aren't we happy that Misaki finally lost his V-card with a hot guy like Usagi chan? Heh heh heh if you are happy and you like it too…please review!