In the safety of his rooms, free from any type of video surveillance, Vader set about removing the frightening black mask that caused nearly as much terror as the sound of his breathing. Setting aside the cowl, his gloved fingers immediately returned to the clasps that held the mask itself together. There was a quiet hiss as he unclasped the two sides, pressurized air escaping into the room. Vader held the mask in place for a moment, allowing himself to become used to breathing on his own. It was a few minutes before he carefully removed both parts of his breathing mask and set them down with his cowl.
Three years had passed since he had last seen his face. At first he had been unable to remove the mask except for the treatments the medical droids insisted upon. Afterwards it just became habit. Through touch he knew that it was bad. His hair was all gone and there were two massive scars, one on the top of his head and the other on his right cheekbone. Vader had never seen them, though. He had never wanted to.
Three years ago that very day Padmé and his child had been stolen from him. His son or daughter would have been celebrating its third birthday. He couldn't help but feel nostalgic for what might have been. Would the child have taken after him or Padmé? Would it have been its own little person? Would he have been a good father? Vader scowled, his fists clenching. It was pointless to think about such things because it would never be. Padmé was dead and their child was dead and no amount of wishing would bring them back.
Crossing his room, Vader snatched down the black cloth that had covered the mirror in the 'fresher. The face he saw staring back at him was shocking at first, but not so frightening as he had always imagined it to be. It had always surprised him that his nose hadn't burned off when the rest of his face became enflamed.
What surprised Vader the most was the sight of his eyes. They were reptilian, the blue that he remembered replaced with red and gold. Vader couldn't help but wonder if those were the same eyes Obi-Wan had seen on Mustafar. There had been several times they had been close enough that it would have been impossible for Obi-wan to not have seen his eyes. In comparison, the rest of the changes his face had undertaken were minor.
The same could not be said for his body. Up until the previous year, Vader had relied on medical droids to bathe. There had been no need for him to look at his body when others were attending to it. Adjusting to his prosthetic arm at twenty had been difficult enough. Fascinated as he had always been with machinery, having it as a part of himself had taken some time to get used to. It was only in the past year that he had truly begun to examine his body.
At first Vader had been disgusted by the sight of it. As Anakin he had always taken great care of his body as it had always been as much of a weapon as his lightsaber. Had it just been the lower parts of his extremities that were missing, Vader would have eventually been able to cope with the loss. In the years since Mustafar, his muscles had lost a lot of their definition and strength and his flesh…. Vain or not, there was no mistaking the way the fire had warped his body. Thick scars, mottled skin tones, no hair whatsoever, deformed features; all a result of lying on the heated rocks that made up the shores of the lava beds.
Once he had gotten over the shock of it, and had managed to escape Sidious' watchful eye for a few days, Vader had traveled to Kamino, hoping to have the cloners there help to rectify his problems. It had been a useless trip, though. Vader had always assumed that the lack of new clone troopers in recent years had been because they were no longer needed once the wars had finished. The truth, he discovered, was that Sidious had destroyed all of the clone factories and beings who knew the science of creating them.
It was then that Vader realized just how dependent Sidious was attempting to keep him. If he had new limbs and organs to replace the ruined ones, Vader would no longer have to rely on the Emperor's medical droids and special pressurized rooms to stay alive. He would have been free again. Soon after, Vader had begun weaning himself off the ventilators that had been doing most of his breathing for him since the fires of Mustafar had ravaged his lungs. There was nothing he could do for the rest of his body, but being able to breathe on his own was the most significant hurdle he would have to overcome.
And Vader was nothing if not determined.
Obi-Wan didn't think that he had ever seen Luke's eyes so big. The two of them were standing near the base of one of the large waterfalls; the same one Obi-Wan had stood before thirteen years earlier on an entirely different birthday.
"Big," Luke gasped at last, his eyes never wavering from the sight of the waterfall.
"That it most certainly is," Obi-Wan agreed. Crouching down so he was closer to the little boy's height, he continued, "I took a friend of mine here for his birthday a very long time ago and he said the exact same thing. Big."
"Big."
After a few more minutes, the initial shock of the waterfall's size wore off and Luke was bounding towards the pool at its base, demanding to go swimming. Obi-Wan had barely even reached the shore and Luke already had his tunic off and was working valiantly on his boots.
"Daddy, help!" Luke cried plaintively when one of the buckles refused to come unfastened.
Chuckling, Obi-Wan dropped down to one knee and dutifully began to help Luke with his boots. Impatient as always, while Obi-Wan was doing that, Luke flopped down onto his back and began wiggling out of his trousers. He got them and his undergarments down as far as his knees, his legs twitching up and down while he waited for Obi-Wan to finish. The instant that Obi-Wan had both of his boots off, Luke wiggled out of his trousers then scrambled to his feet.
"Come on, Daddy! Swim!"
Keeping an eye on Luke to make sure he didn't swim out too far, Obi-Wan stripped down as well. He already knew that it would be several hours before he would be able to draw Luke out of the water. His little fish would spend all day in the water if he was allowed. Obi-Wan often marveled how it was possible that Luke had not yet developed gills. He hoped that he would one day be able to take Luke to visit the Gungans. The little boy would be completely at home in that environment once he got used to using a rebreather.
Obi-Wan dutifully turned his back to Luke when he dipped under the water and began swimming towards him, pretending to be shocked when there were sudden a pair of arms wrapped around his neck. He slipped down into the water a bit, supposedly from the shock of Luke's attack. The blonde's laughter was joyful even as he sputtered out a mouthful of water.
"Daddy, who's da man wif sad eyes?" Luke asked, still clutching tight to Obi-Wan's neck. It was a surprisingly solemn question given his enthusiasm only moments before.
"Sad eyes?" Obi-Wan echoed, shifting the little boy around so that Luke was now floating in front of him.
Luke nodded emphatically. "Pretty eyes like th' water. Only sad."
The only person Obi-Wan could think of who matched that description was Anakin. It was impossible for Luke to know what he looked like, though. All the images Luke would have seen of him would have been more heroic shots. After all, Anakin had been the Hero With No Fear and it would hardly due to have him appear melancholy on the HoloNet. It had always saddened Obi-Wan that he never had a holoimage of Anakin. The other man had been the most important person in his life for thirteen years and Obi-Wan didn't have a single thing to remember him by.
Except for Luke.
As much as Obi-Wan loved the little boy, there were moments that he found himself longing to hear Anakin's voice or to see him smile. And knowing that the man who had once been his best friend was still alive pained him even more. Because it was his fault that Vader existed. He had been a failure as a master, the fact that such a kind and generous boy had become so evil proof enough of that. Had Qui Gon lived to train Anakin, Obi-Wan was certain that the galaxy wouldn't have been in such dire straights. Qui Gon would have kept Anakin from falling. He would have trained the Chosen One properly and the Force would be in balance. Luke would have his father.
"Don't be sad, Daddy," Luke implored, kissing Obi-Wan on the cheek.
If Luke would have even existed at all in such a reality.
Obi-Wan pressed a kiss to Luke's forehead. "I don't mean to be sad. I was only thinking of a friend I had long ago. He was very dear to me, but someone very evil took him away."
For several long moments Luke was silent, his young features an absolutely study of concentration. Then, as if coming to a decision, he nodded his head. "He still loves you, Daddy."
In the next instant, Luke dove out of his arms, the seriousness of only a minute before completely forgotten. Even Anakin—who Obi-Wan instinctively knew was the man with the sad eyes –was forgotten and Luke was once again swimming about as happily as any fish.
The rest of the day continued without incident. Luke emerged from the water periodically to create fortresses in the sand that he would immediately stomp all over upon completion. The rest of the time he was either bounding through the surf or swimming blissfully in the water. Obi-Wan himself was equally content. The day was the most relaxing that he could remember in a long while. Even the memories of his and Anakin's own day spent there didn't pain him as he watched Luke play in the water. Because he knew that Anakin would have been proud of Luke. Anakin also would have been glad that his son was allowed such a happy childhood; one so different from his own upbringing.
It was close to sunset when Obi-Wan was finally able to coax Luke away from the waterfall and even then only because the boy was barely able to keep his eyes open. He cradled the small boy against his chest as he returned to his speeder bike to begin the journey home. And futile as he knew it was to have such desires, Obi-Wan couldn't help but hope that he and Luke would be able to return there for the child's next birthday. Even if they were no longer living in the Endor system, Obi-Wan wanted to be able to bring Luke back to that same location the following year.
The long ride back to their village gave Obi-Wan time to think. In particular it gave him time to contemplate Luke's rather strong, and seemingly unconscious, abilities in the Force. Even if he hadn't wanted to admit to it at first, Luke had been picking up on Obi-Wan's own thoughts. That alone spoke volumes about how lax his shields had become. Back before he had become Ben Kenobi, even Anakin had been unable to see beyond his shields. The younger man had certainly made the effort to see what he was hiding, but a lifetime of practice had made Obi-Wan's shields quite formidable. Except, it seemed, to Luke.
More than ever Obi-Wan wished that he could consult Master Yoda. That wise old troll would know what was going on and could help train Luke. After his failure with Anakin, Obi-Wan was no longer certain that he trusted his instincts where training a padawan was concerned. He had decided to instruct Luke only where necessary. Enough to give him control, but not enough so that Luke was aware that there was anything unusual about his abilities. He wanted Luke to be a normal little boy. A time would come later when Luke would have to be informed of his heritage, but that would not be for many years.
The sense of peace Vader had always experienced in Theed wasn't present the third year after Padmé's death. Standing inside her mausoleum, staring down at her beautiful, stasis-maintained face, was the only time Vader ever felt anything remotely resembling peace. She appeared so relaxed that Vader could almost convince himself that she was merely asleep and that at any moment her eyes would flutter open and she'd smile up at him. It as an image Vader could see so clearly in his mind, but through his red-tinged vision he could only see the truth. Padmé was dead. It was no peaceful sleep that kept her from him, but death.
The first time he had gone to Theed as Vader it had been in search of an absolution. He had not received it, but simply staring at Padmé's face had become a yearly meditation that healed some jagged hurt deep inside.
That third year had been no different until he had attempted to see the face of his child. Vader had never before felt the need to give their child a face. It had been easier to simply envision the infant with Padmé's features; a little girl who would have been as beautiful as her mother. Likewise, it had been his own face he had seen upon his son. However, now all that Vader could see were his own ruined features.
So for the first time he had reached out through the Force to hopefully see the true face of his child. Only there had been nothing to see. The swell of Padmé's stomach, which he had always assumed to be the shape of their child, was artificial. Padmé had died after giving birth, not before. The child had lived.
"There is no sign of Kenobi on Roon. There was a Ben Kenobi, but he was too young to be the Jedi and has a child. He's a mechanic."
"I have it on good authority that Master Kenobi was never very proficient with the mechanical arts. All the same, I want him brought to Coruscant."
"My lord, we are no longer on the Roon system. We left it three standard days ago."
"Then return to it and snatch this man. The child too. It might be of some use to us if the father proves difficult."
"Yes, my lord."
Obi-Wan had his child. His child. Like so much else, Obi-Wan had stolen that from him. The father and child—a son some voice whispered in his mind –who had been found on Roon had been Obi-Wan and his son. Vader's son. The child that Padmé had given birth to, Obi-Wan had stolen.
It wasn't until he caught sight of some tumbling rubble at the edges of his vision that Vader realized just how angry he was. He hadn't been that enraged since he had first learned that Padmé had died at his hand. But that couldn't have been true. If he had killed her, she wouldn't have lived to deliver their son. Mother and child would have died together.
What it did mean, however, was that Sidious had lied to him and that the Jedi had killed her. That Sidious would lie to him was not difficult for Vader to comprehend. The man had been doing it for almost two decades. The only thing that Sidious truly cared about was bettering his own power. Angry and disillusioned as he had been with the Jedi, though, Vader had never thought that they would kill Padmé. Obi-Wan in particular had always seemed to care about the Nubian Senator. He had risked his life for her many times and that day on Mustafar had tried to stop Vader from killing her. Obi-Wan couldn't have killed her. Mace might have, but he had already been dead at the time. No, Obi-Wan would have tried to save her; that much Vader knew.
He supposed he should be grateful to Obi-Wan for saving his son.
Whatever minimal trust had remained for the Emperor was no more. Sidious had lied about how Padmé had died and Vader was certain that he'd known about the child's birth. It was the only reason to explain why he'd sent the clones back after Ben Kenobi and his son.
It was just something else that Sidious was keeping from him. More and more Vader was seeing through the lies the Dark Lord spun. He wondered how he could have been fool not to see those same faults before. He had destroyed everything that he loved and cared about because he had believed Sidious' lies. He had destroyed the Republic because of Sidious' lives. The very thing he had fought and bled for and had nearly given his life for had been brought down after one thousand years because of him.
That night, when he left Naboo in his own personal shuttle, Vader didn't return to Coruscant as he'd originally intended. He still wasn't as strong as he'd wanted to be when he finally made a move against Sidious, but after that day's revelation he could no longer stomach the idea of remaining subservient to the monster who had kept him from the truth for so long.
Turning off the respirator, Vader waited a moment until he was once again breathing under his own power. "I'll find our boy, Padmé. I promise."
The only response Vader received was the fading echo of his own voice. Padmé's face remained impassive as ever. For several long minutes he continued to gaze down at her, hoping for the peace she usually brought him to return, at least momentarily. It didn't happen. However, for the first time in years, Vader felt a renewed sense of purpose. He would find Obi-Wan and his son. The small boy he would protect from Sidious and his evil machinations, Obi-Wan he would destroy. Obi-Wan had said that they were brothers, yet the older man had still kept his son from him. And Obi-Wan had probably been glad to do it. He had always criticized him for having too many attachments.
"You will not poison my son against me," Vader insisted as he turned away from his wife's still body.
"You never tol' me who th' man wif the sad eyes is," Luke yawned as Obi-Wan pulled the blankets up over him.
Obi-Wan was silent for a moment, trying to decide just what he would tell Luke. In that instant, he found that he couldn't bear creating yet another story. "That man was my best friend. His name was Anakin and a very bad man named Darth Vader killed him. Anakin was a very good man. The best that I knew. He was very kind and protected who couldn't protect themselves. And I know for a fact that he would have loved you."
Luke yawned again and demanded that Obi-Wan tell him about how he'd met Anakin. Obi-Wan told the truth as best he could. As yet, Luke had no understanding of slavery (something Obi-Wan hoped would always hold true) and couldn't know anything about the Jedi, so Obi-Wan told him about the pod race Anakin had won on Tatooine.
"…. To this day he is the only human I've ever heard of who finished a pod race. And he did it when he was only nine years old…."