A very big thank you to Akiru Chan and Disgruntled Minion for allowing me to use their story "The Devil's Canvas" as the background for these prompts! If you haven't read it yet, you really should. For one thing, it's amazing, and for another thing, it will probably be difficult to follow this story if you haven't read it. This was inspired by Chapter 30, and it takes place in between Chapter 29 and Chapter 30. Read and review, flame if you must!
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters Sebastian and Ciel. I do not own the background plot. So basically, I own nothing of this story. XD
It is the hardest thing Ciel has ever done. Nothing in previous months can even compete. Overcoming his fears with Sebastian. Taking care of Sebastian's wounds when he was seriously injured. Facing Sebastian after learning the truth. Making love with Sebastian for the first time. Telling Tanaka that he wanted to join the family. Training with Sebastian for that month. Moving to the mansion. All of that was mere child's play compared to what he is doing today.
Today he is breaking up with his lover.
And it hurts.
Ciel should have known that it was coming eventually. Claude had warned him, and he'd seen the signs himself. But he had been stupid, blinded by love and promises and fairy tales and happily ever afters.
Now, the shades have been pulled from his eyes, and he realizes that it's over. There is nothing that can be done to salvage their relationship. Had they even had a chance to begin with?
And it hurts.
Ciel has been thrown aside by Sebastian, and all for what? Because Sebastian was too loyal to the family to go against them. The rumors swirling around only made it worse; Sebastian was reluctant to drag Ciel into the mess, even though he was clearly a part of it since he was the red-eyed male's boyfriend.
And it hurts.
It is all Ciel can do to not break down into sobs at this point. Everything that he and Sebastian had gone through - all that they had fought for - was all for naught. It is all gone now. There is no 'they' anymore. Now there is simply 'Ciel' and 'Sebastian.'
And it hurts.
It hurts so freaking bad, and Ciel can do nothing about it. There is this pain in his chest where his heart is - where his heart used to be. He doesn't have it anymore. His heart has been ripped out, played with, and handed back in a bloody lump.
And it hurts.
He didn't sleep at all last night. He'd tossed and turned and thought and wept and wished, and has nothing to show for it the next morning except bags under his eyes. There had been no startling revelation - no miraculous epiphany - directing him in what to do.
Because he knows what he has to do.
And it hurts.
Even as he holds the envelope in his left hand and stares at the ring in his right hand, it hurts. And yet he knows that he must do it. They can't - hell, he can't! - keep up this shoddy facade of a relationship. It is hollow and dead.
And it hurts.
His boyfriend - his lover - is a complete stranger to him. There is no love, no kisses, no touches.
And for a moment, Ciel regrets. He regrets ever letting Sebastian get close. He regrets ever digging and prodding about Sebastian's life. He regrets ever wanting to be in the family.
Ciel gives a bitter laugh. He'd wanted in the family in order to be close to Sebastian and help him. What has it done instead? It has torn them apart.
How ironic. Fate must be laughing at them by now, the two star-crossed lovers desperately trying to keep their love alive. But in all honesty, had Sebastian even been trying? Or had he merely resigned himself to the fact that it didn't matter what they did, it wouldn't change anything?
And it hurts.
And he is unable to stop the pain and make it go away. He wishes - oh, but he wishes! - that Sebastian were here to kiss away his tears and whisper that Everything's going to be fine; we're going to make it; you'll see, baby; we'll be okay.
But all he hears are his pathetic sobs and the weak thumping of his heart that hasn't worked quite right in the past few weeks. And all he feels is betrayed and used and abused and angry.
And it hurts.
And he collapses against the wall in his bedroom, hand pressed to his mouth to stifle the sobs. And his ragged breaths match the uneven beating of his heart. And he knows that he can't put it off any longer.
Sebastian will soon be home, and he doesn't want to be caught by the older man in his room. He doesn't want a confrontation. He is done with them. He is done with him.
And it hurts.
He rises to his feet shakily, and slowly makes his way to Sebastian's bedroom, slipping inside when no one is watching. The room is empty, save for Soot sleeping on the bed, but she doesn't move.
And Ciel can smell Sebastian. His scent is overpowering.
And it hurts.
And he can't think straight. All he wants to do is back out of this room and forget about what he was going to do. But then he feels the envelope in his pocket and he knows that he cannot continue like this.
And it hurts.
He sets the envelope on the bed, his fingers lingering just a bit longer on the bulge created by the item inside. Tears threaten to flow once more, but he quickly blinks them back. He won't cry anymore. There isn't anything left to cry over.
And it hurts.
How had they gone from being so strong to being so weak? Ciel had allowed Sebastian to have his time, his body, his heart, and Sebastian had taken it, used it, and callously shoved it back like Ciel was nothing more than a plaything, something to amuse himself with.
And it hurts.
And Ciel can't stay in that room any longer or he will snatch the envelope back up and rip it open and pull out the ring and put it back on his finger. So he leaves. And the door shuts to Sebastian's room, and the door shuts to whatever future he and Sebastian had.
His ring finger is empty.
Their relationship is empty.
He is empty.
And it hurts.