Her Eyes Opened: Chapter 2
With Marianne's progressing recovery, Elinor and Edward's wedding plans progressed as well. Edward had already moved to his parish and Brandon had had good repairs made to the house to make it comfortable for Edward and Elinor and – he hoped – any offspring there might be. Both Edward and Elinor had become dear friends to him. They had swiftly overcome the momentary awkwardness when Edward (and no doubt many others) thought that Brandon may have switched his attentions from the younger Dashwood girl to Elinor as the sensible option. It was not Edward's nature to harbour doubts when the two of the most decent people he knew both had made it clear to him that they were friends but there was never any assumption of anything further.
It hadn't taken Edward very long either to see how the older man was still hopelessly in love with Marianne. Brandon kept his composure admirably and it was very likely that most people would not notice a thing, but Edward did. Edward could just about feel a stab in his heart when he saw how much the Colonel yearned to be closer to Marianne when they were in the same room. The man's face seemingly did not flinch, but Edward could see it lit up even at a mention of Marianne.
During the renovations to the parish house, Brandon had taken to visiting the house regularly. Nothing too formal, simply swing by when he was out on his rides. Say hello to Edward and check that the work was being done as specified. Gradually the friendship grew to a point that Edward asked Brandon to be his best man at the wedding. Brandon felt honoured and accepted easily.
In the time that he had learned to know the Dashwood women better, Sir John had decided he would be a sort of a godfather to them all. A cousin who could extend his better fortune to look after the less fortunate (but ever so lovely) relatives. The fun those girls had added to his and his mother-in-law's family in the time they had known them. Well, less fun times as well, he had to admit. Marianne's turn with Willoughby had not been utterly positive even though initially they had not been able to fault the girl for showing interest in such a dashing young man. Of course Sir John had, from the start, tried to champion his dear friend even when his friend simply refused to believe that Marianne would ever look at him twice, and now that Willoughby was safely out of the picture Sir John was adamant that dear Brandon and Miss Marianne should try to re-acquaint themselves properly.
Sir John kept inviting Brandon over frequently, knowing that the younger man would most probably also visit the Dashwoods when he came over. Sir John also made sure to invite the Dashwoods over at the same time as Colonel Brandon as often as he was able to without making it too obvious. That poor girl had really been knocked sideways with that fever and was still not quite back to her old self. Physically she seemed to have recovered by the time Elinor's wedding plans really gathered speed, but somehow the girl was still a mere shadow of her former self. When Sir John looked at his friend Brandon looking at the girl, thinking no one was taking any notice of him, Sir John could feel Brandon's longing as clearly as it had walked over and slapped him in the face. Brandon was by no means over his feelings towards Marianne even though he had been putting on a cooler front on it of late. Sir John wondered why, but suspected it was the usual reasons Brandon gave him when asked: why would a lovely, beautiful and young woman like Miss Marianne be interested in a man like him.
"A man like you? And what kind of a man is that, Brandon?" Sir John had asked him once. Brandon hadn't replied straight away but had stoked the fire they had been sitting by a little too aggressively.
"Old. A boring recluse." Brandon had eventually answered. Sir John had laughed.
"If you're old and boring then I'm Queen Salome. Brandon, my man, you are the best friend a man can have and you will be the best husband a woman could want. It's just a little hidden under there somewhere. Look, all you need to do is to woo the girl a little. I can tell she already thinks the world of you."
But Brandon had not tried to "woo" the girl. It was almost the opposite, as Sir John noticed that his friend did not visit as often as he used to, hence not visiting the Dashwoods as often either. Something was holding the man back and seeing how much keeping his distance seemed to hurt Brandon, Sir John for once held back and did not ask any more. It did not mean, however, that he would idly stand by and let the two of his very favourite people pass each other by without any effort to really see if there could be a mutual spark. Brandon was on fire, he could see that, but Marianne was not in a state to light up just yet. And so it was that when it was time to think of the other Dashwood girl's wedding, Sir John took over as the self-appointed godfather and offered his house for the wedding. This way he would not only get to do something nice to his second favourite people in the world, Elinor and Edward, but he could also perhaps have some influence in making sure that the paths would cross as frequently as possible for Brandon and Marianne.
Elinor had delayed setting the wedding date for the sole purpose of making sure that her sister would be well enough to take part in everything as the maid of honour. The young women were both getting a little emotional as the wedding date approached. Although Marianne was now seventeen and no longer had her head in exceedingly romantic and sentimental clouds when it came to relationships, be it romantic or otherwise, it was still a big event. The one person she had been able to lean onto her entire life, the one person who was always constant and never turned her away, would leave their little family to start one of her own.
Of course Marianne was overjoyed with happiness when she thought of Elinor and Edward together. They were so well suited and it was clear that there was no shortage of love there. She laughed at herself now, thinking back how she had perceived Edward when she first met him. Reserved, passionless, bland. How wrong she had been. Gods, what an appalling judge of character she had been and all she could now hope for that she had perhaps learned from all that had happened and was getting better at understanding other people. There was really only one way of describing her attitude to the world around her just that short time ago: solipsistic. Marianne just about shivered with shame thinking about her own behaviour. And to think that someone as amazing as Colonel Brandon had been there and she had now probably managed to drive him away. Why would he want anything to do with such a childish girl as she clearly was?
Elinor and Marianne did not let the impending feeling of separation stop them from enjoying everything that went into preparing for the wedding. Working out what each was going to wear, thinking about the flowers and invitation list were a great way for the two sisters to spend time together. Even young Margaret was able to pitch in in the plans and, though the girls did not really notice, their mother took a great deal of pleasure in seeing her daughters spending time together like that, so close to each other.
The guest list was not long. Not because Sir John or Lady Middleton had limited it in any way, but because that's what both Elinor and Edward wanted. Neither was keen on being the centre of attention to a huge gathering of people and neither had ever been ardent ball-goers. It was one evening when Marianne and Elinor were once more going over their invitation list when Marianne noticed the lack of a certain Colonel she had secretly hoped she'd see at the wedding.
"Are we not inviting Colonel Brandon?"
At first Elinor didn't know what she meant, then remembered.
"Ahh, Gods I forgot to tell you: Edward has asked the Colonel to be his best man so he's already included in everything."
Marianne's fear that the Colonel was slowly stepping from their circle of friends, and the budding panic she felt over this prospect quickly did a full summersault in her gut and the relief brought a slight blush on her cheeks along with a smile she tried to cover by leaning over the guest list a little deeper. He would be at the wedding! Elinor had seen this, though. Marianne was clearly harbouring warm feelings towards her dear friend, just like she knew he had not stopped caring for Marianne. What was holding them back, though? That she could not work out and from the little probing she had tried with both parties she wasn't going to find out either. There was no argument, no difference of opinion or dislike of character that she could tell, yet Brandon had decided to keep a distance to Marianne. He wasn't being distant with herself or Edward and he was still friendly enough with Marianne but something was amiss. Elinor was not keen on the kind of plotting Sir John and Mrs Jennings were into, trying to marry people off, but in this case she might just have to make an exception and talk to the Middletons and Mrs Jennings about the seating arrangements at the wedding.
Meanwhile, Brandon knew Marianne would be maid of honour and understood that this would mean they would need to work together to make the wedding day go smoothly for Edward and Elinor. A part of him was overjoyed at the thought of spending some more time with Marianne, but another part was just about dreading it. Not because he wouldn't enjoy her company but for that very reason: he would so enjoy her company that not being able to admit it to her and even hope that she would feel the same way was pulling his heart to shreds. What he wouldn't do to be able to hold her close? To spend time with her alone talking about anything and everything like he knew he was always happy to do when there weren't too many people around. But perhaps that joy was not meant for the likes of him? Perhaps the universe had tried to teach him a lesson when he had first fallen in love as a young lad. And he had been young. Not out of his teens yet but absolutely certain of his feelings. Those feelings had been real, then, and learning with age that perhaps it had been more of a young heart's infatuation than fully rounded love did not mean he would change his loyalties or not be true to any promises he had made. To her or himself. What he now felt for Marianne was, no doubt, related to the infatuation he had felt then, but it was also so much more. And if he thought he had hurt when he was not allowed to marry his first love, he did not know what to call this agonizing torment that was tearing his soul now when he looked at Marianne and worried that when she found her feet again she might not want him in her life at all.