Her Eyes Opened: Chapter 4
Brandon thought he was perhaps sitting next to a roaring fire, but that was just a telling tale of how his heart was affecting his body. He was sitting next to Marianne. There was plenty of chatter, toasting, speeches and what have you to hold his attention, seemingly, otherwise, but there was not a moment when he was not aware of her presence by his side. Here and there they even talked to each other and when they did the way she smiled at him really shook him to the foundations. To him it felt like it was more than friendly, that she was engaging him at a level that was not accessible to others and every look and smile was a private conversation of its own. Could it be? He did not dare hope and was certain that it was still too early for her to make an informed decision about what kind of a friend he might be to her.
She hadn't been visiting people or been to gatherings beyond Barton since her recovery so it just wasn't possible, in Brandon's view, for her to know what company would appeal to her most. With all the lively talk and laughter at the table Brandon failed to notice he and Marianne were both under heavy scrutiny. Sir John, Lady Middleton, Mrs Dashwood and even the newlyweds whom you' expect to notice only each other were taking note of how Brandon and Marianne got on. Sir John smiled to himself when he noticed the slight blushing on Marianne's cheeks whenever Brandon turned to talk to her. He also noticed how long his friend would get stuck just watching the young woman next to him when he thought she wouldn't notice.
Meanwhile, Marianne was at a loss at what was going on. Her attraction towards Colonel Brandon had grown exponentially ever since he started to visit Barton Cottage. They'd agreed to be friends, but then he had started to pull away and the only explanation she could think for it was that he no longer was interested in her the way everyone told her he had been when they first met. Not the way she thought he was based on what Elinor had told her about his actions and behaviour during her illness. And now, today, he had been more his usual self: perfectly charming in his quiet sort of way, attentive (to everyone, not just her), and good company. The few looks they had shared made her tremble.
When their friendship had been developing after her illness, she had had an inkling of the possibility that there could be more between them. The better she felt the more certain she had become of this possibility and since he had stopped coming Marianne had come to realize there had been some threshold between friendship and more, and she had clearly stepped over it. She missed Brandon's presence when he wasn't near, she longed for his attention and she dreamt of him feeling the same way. If only she could make him understand that his attention really was not unwelcome!
"What an idiot I am!" Marianne then thought to herself. Wedding breakfast over, the guests were socializing amongst themselves, everyone taking their turn wishing Elinor and Edward the happiest future, Colonel Brandon had disappeared entirely. So much for her sensing that perhaps they were finding a connection – the curious man had left as soon as he could! What would Marianne do about her realization? The one that made her call herself an idiot? She was one, after all: how could Brandon possibly approach her as a man instead of a friend of the family if he might still be under the impression that she had no interest in him at all? Who could even hint of such a thing to him if not Elinor, and Marianne had not been particularly open about her developing feelings to Elinor either. And really, she had not had a chance to reciprocate any such query from him as there had not been one. Everything she knew of the possibility that Brandon perhaps could be interested had been second hand from Elinor after that time when Marianne so rudely had brushed him off in favour of Willoughby.
"I must talk to him. I must." Marianne thought. It was no good sitting around waiting and hoping, she'd have to indicate to him somehow that being friends was all well and good, but that his friendship was becoming so very special and important to her. If he thought she was still indifferent about him, why would he chance approaching her?
Elinor spotted her sister scanning the rooms, looking for someone.
"Have you lost someone?" Elinor asked as she approached Marianne, leaving Edward with some of the gentlemen.
"Colonel Brandon, surely he hasn't left yet?" Marianne pondered, looking quite frustrated.
"I think I saw him go to that study at the end of the hall way," Elinor helped. Marianne's face lifted with relief.
"You seem to have something important on your mind?" Elinor suggested. She was overjoyed with finally being married to her dear Edward, but that had not stopped her from seeing also Brandon's face when he had stood there by the altar with Edward and it hadn't taken much of a guess who he was looking at when his gaze clearly bypassed her and landed on the person right behind her.
"Yes. Elinor, I think I've realized something, and then I realized that Brandon should know about it or else he'll think I'm still…." Marianne couldn't quite find the words.
"Not keen?" Elinor helped with a knowing smirk. Marianne stared at her.
"Oh come on, Marianne. You don't think I've seen you look at him, blush when he talks to you?" Elinor decided it was time to face some facts. Marianne sighed.
"It's taken me forever, but it's just somehow washed over me recently how I wish to spend time with him and he hasn't been around. That sort of thing." She shrugged.
"Go find him then, dearest." Elinor said with a smile and gave her a gentle push towards the hallway. Edward had meanwhile been released from the gentleman company and came over just to catch the end of the conversation.
"Find who? Something going on I should know about?" he asked Elinor, lacing his fingers into hers, then lifting her hand to his lips.
"Oh, Marianne and Brandon. Everyone, well, except Marianne, can see Brandon is keen on Marianne, and Marianne's only now apparently realizing she feels the same way. And she was supposed to be the romantic, emotional one!" Elinor laughed. Edward laughed as well.
"Have you worked out why he's keeping away? You'd think a man would jump at an opportunity to court a girl under these circumstances." Edward wondered. Elinor thought about what he said and the word 'opportunity' somehow rang wrong in the context of Colonel Brandon.
"You might be right, dearest, if it was just about any other man but our dear Colonel. But think about it: would he really take advantage of the situation like that? Marianne was poorly and we know, though she won't admit to it, that she's not been keen on meeting new people or to have much company at all. She got slapped on the wrists by the hardest with that awful Willoughby and was basically rescued and saved by Brandon. Not just when he found her in the rain but by uncovering Willoughby's actions. I think what Marianne felt for him earlier was mostly gratefulness and I wouldn't be surprised if a man with Brandon's sensitivities sensed that. He wouldn't take advantage of that, I'm sure."
Edward wanted to kick himself: Elinor was perfectly right.
"You're absolutely right there, my dear," he said. Another aspect to the situation came to his mind as well.
"It just also occurred to me that our friend Brandon has received the cold shoulder from Marianne before. He might just be a little cautious with her now, don't you think?" Edward suggested. Elinor nodded. Brandon was not the type to take these matters lightly and once burned he would be careful not to expose himself too easily again.
Edward and Elinor then caught sight of Marianne again. Her shoulders were slumped and there was sadness in her eyes though she did try and put on a reasonably unaffected face for the people who were still at the reception. She walked straight to her sister and her husband. The sight of them together cheered Marianne up immediately, albeit she was not able to forget the reason for feeling a little blue for a moment.
"What is it, dearest?" Elinor asked straight away. Marianne sighed.
"Sorry to be moping like this, it's your happy day and I shouldn't have troubled you with any of this…" Marianne started.
"Never mind that now, what is it?" Elinor encouraged her. She felt for her sister and wanted to help her along, but nothing could dent the happiness she felt today. The thought of finally being married to Edward gave her a sense of happiness that ran like an unbreakable chord through her very core. She would be able to talk about her sister's issues and still enjoy her day for sure.
"Colonel Brandon's gone. He's not in the house and I went to the stables and his horse is gone, too."
With her free hand Elinor took Marianne's hand and gave it a squeeze. Poor girl had worked her courage up to talk to Brandon but was so deflated now that she wouldn't be able to.
"There will be another opportunity, I'm sure," Elinor tried to cheer her up.
"I hope so – I feel such an idiot and I'm so afraid he's grown tired of me." Marianne said in a small voice. Edward felt he should pitch in:
"Elinor's right, I'm sure you'll see him soon again. And I'm sure you don't have to worry about him being tired of you."
Marianne gave the couple a small smile, then gave herself a shrug so as to snap out of her gloom. This was Elinor's day, and Edward's, and she was not going to bring the mood down. She gave them both a wide smile.
"Alright, I trust you are both correct. Now, will there be dancing at this wedding?"