Disclaimer: SM owns all recognizable places, characters, and Twilight related events. The plot full of angst and despair, however, is mine.
The blind lead the blind
So why can't I find my way?
This could be heaven
I don't know where I am
-An Olive Grove Facing the Sea, Snow Patrol.
Rule three:
Everyone has an agenda. So make sure the thing their after doesn't happen to be you.
Alice's mind is frantic- run thin with possibilities. The path of the future has never been more volatile, and never before has the outcome been so important. She dashes through the rainy town of Forks until she reaches pure wilderness. Then, on the outskirts of Seattle, she stops.
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! What do I do? What can I do? Should I talk to her? What should I say?
She imagines herself next to the girl and she is hit with a vision of being attacked. She cringes as she watches her head being ripped off and the girl screaming, "You're with him! You're with him!"
Okay then… that's a no. What set her off? My scent? Fine, I'll mask it.
She imagines herself walking into a hospital, bleaching herself, surrounding herself with the dead and dying and all their tasty blood. She shudders; it will be hard. But she has to do it.
Alright, now I don't smell like Alice. Now I smell like… Victoria. I'll call myself Victoria. Now I'm approaching her and…
She watches as the girl eyes her curiously. She watches as her body parts stay intact.
What next, what to say…
"Hey, what's your name?"
"Bella." Her eyes are shifty.
"I'm Victoria. Gosh, it's been a long-"
"What's with your eyes? Why are they gold?" She looks curious.
"Ahh… I drink animal blood?" Bella looks incredulous.
"Yeah. Right."
"I swear."
The vision shifts. She's in the forest with Bella, drinking from a buck. Bella looks on, amazed, almost awed, but disgusted.
"How can you drink… that?" She asks.
"You get used to it. It may not taste like the alternative, but… there's no guilt."
It shifts again. A whirl of red and gold eyes.
"-husband? Don't you mean mate?"
"Yeah, I suppose. Do you have a mate?"
"No." Her tone is short, clipped.
"Well I've known mine a long time. He's actually the one who changed me."
Bella looks horrified.
"And you fell in love with him?"
"I loved him when I was human. I was in a bad place and dying. He saved me."
"No. He condemned you." Bella's eyes are hard and red like a sharp stone dripping blood.
"I don't think so. I love him and we have eternity together. That's all I need. I've made peace with myself Bella; maybe you should too."
The livid, confused face gets distant as Alice turns her back and runs in a roundabout way home.
She shakes her head and smiles as a Bella with golden eyes becomes a more solid future.
~Bella~
She's sitting in a bar, hugging to the shadows and nursing her beer. It tastes terrible, but she needs to keep up the human act. She watches as the bartender turns to look at her for the hundredth time since she'd walked in. She sips at the bitter mug and grimaces minutely, an expression so brief and controlled that no human would notice it. Not even the bartender watching her so avidly.
She closes her eyes and extends her hearing; is there a problem somewhere? A criminal? Her next monstrous meal? She tilts her head from side to side like a bird of prey. Snippets of conversation are caught with ease.
"Coffee tomorrow? Around ten-"
"Another margarita for the lady-"
"Fucking Seahawks. You lost to the Bears?"
"Yeah. Give me a beer."
She starts, whipping around to find the source of the perfect, unnaturally clear voice. It could only belong to a vampire.
The speaker is short- just under five feet. Her hair is a shiny, stylish bob with spikes of inky black coiffed into a chaotic tornado that contrasts beautifully with the fine contours of her face. She has the expected pale skin, ruby kissed lips, high cheekbones, aristocratic sloping nose, and a curling smile that lights up the surprisingly kind eyes.
The surprisingly kind golden eyes.
Bella blanches, her jaw falling open in a rare moment of stupor. The woman walking towards her with the grace and body of a ballerina is a vampire; of that she is sure. But golden eyes? She's never seen that before.
The woman sits at the table in Bella's corner and places her mug down in a familiar motion, like she's been randomly conversing with supernatural creatures for centuries. Bella arches an eyebrow and crosses her arms and legs defensively.
"Hey, what's your name?" The golden eyes spark as she gets right into it. Bella is immediately wary; it's never good to disclose personal information before someone else does. But those eyes unnerve her and she finds herself speaking.
"Bella." Short and to the point. Survival belongs to the most secretive, she thinks.
"I'm Victoria. Gosh, it's been a long-"
"What's with your eyes? Why are they gold?" Bella can't control her curiosity. Those swirling amber eyes of sunset are putting her on edge and she doesn't know why. Maybe it's because she doesn't know why they're gold. And ignorance is bliss because when you're ignorant, you're dead. Victoria smiles again, her eyes radiating warmth. It makes Bella want to relax.
What is this trickery?
Victoria's smile is gone as fast as it appeared. Her dainty eyebrows converge in a small v above the curious eyes. She frowns as if confused and tilts her head to the side, regarding Bella like she's a stray dog asking for food. The motion seems… practiced.
"Ahh… I drink animal blood?" She states it like it's the most natural thing in the world.
Bella balks and stares, incredulous. Shocked two times in one day; that's got to be a record. She'd heard of animal drinkers before, of course. "Vegetarians" they called themselves. But she always thought that it was some ruse, some ridiculous fantasy or tall tale that the nomads passed around to amuse themselves. She'd painted herself in animal blood not too long ago, and still the stench was imprinted on her mind. Her nose wrinkles; how anyone can drink that is beyond her.
It is simply not possible.
"Yeah. Right." She states sarcastically to Victoria, shooting up her defenses like a rocket into space. She juts her chin defiantly while her insides quake in curiosity and the tiniest bit of wariness.
Maybe… Something akin to a conscience whispers to her. She ignores it.
"I swear." The amber eyes are honest and clear, not a shadow of doubt or mischief lurking in them. Bella bites her lip, a human habit that occasionally resurfaces when she is unsure or embarrassed. She feels her teeth dig into her skin and is hit with a memory of herself, as Isabella, doing the same thing only ninety years before.
Bronze hair blowing in the breeze… shade beneath a tree… teeth latch onto her lip. Then fangs latch onto her neck.
She resurfaces, grimacing, before controlling her expression. Victoria looks concerned and opens her mouth to say something in that clear, crystalline voice when Bella cuts her off.
"Fine. If you're serious, show me."
Victoria smiles.
The women rise and saunter out of the bar, leaving their nearly untouched ale behind. Eyes follow them avidly, worshipping their ethereal figures. Men watch and want, but stay where they are. The taste of fear is strong in the room and dissipates as the door slowly shuts behind them.
Bella can feel the stares at her back. They're red-hot and stab at her with the need to be acknowledged. Her brow furrows as she thinks about the double edged sword her beauty presents; a bounty and bait. She raises her ivory hand and watches as the moonlight glints off of it like waves of silver.
So beautiful. So deadly.
Victoria turns down an alley and, after looking to see that nobody is watching, leaps up onto the right hand building. She motions that Bella join her and soon the two of them are leaping and bounding across the rooftops of Seattle.
They approach a forest and soar into the trees then slide down to the ground before picking up the pace again. Victoria stops after about five minutes and Bella sidles up next to her. Victoria motions with a finger to her lips in the universal sign for "quiet" before cocking her head to the side and narrowing her eyes.
A branch snaps and the acrid smell of animal wafts towards them.
She is after it, faster and quieter than a bullet from a gun. Bella follows and watches avidly as Victoria charges the cougar, a rare animal to be found so close to the city. The cat barely has time to howl before Victoria's fangs are ripping apart its neck and her tongue lapping at its blood. The animal gives a halfhearted swipe with its useless paws; the three inch claws don't even scratch the vampire's stony skin.
When nothing but a dry carcass and empty eyes are left, Victoria disengages her fangs and tears apart the body. She digs up the ground, scooping out dirt like a child in a sandbox before placing the body parts inside and covering them up again. She smoothes out her handiwork and brushes her palms on her jeans. Not even a hair is left. The process took about three minutes.
Bella looks on, astounded.
"How can you drink… that?" She cringes at the smell of wet fur and raw meat still lingering in the air. Victoria shrugs and smiles, casually wiping some blood from her lower lip.
"You get used to it. It may not taste like the alternative, but… there's no guilt." Her eyes flick to the side, contemplative. Bella's own eyes flick away, but hers are ashamed. The guilt… she could live without the guilt. But could she be strong enough to live without the taste?
"It's hard. Really hard; I still have trouble with it, almost as much trouble as my husband does." Bella looks up sharply, her eyes narrowing at the spiky haired individual before her. Husband? Did she say husband? The term was a human one, and vampires rarely, if ever, applied it to themselves and their mates. Husband- like she is a human and her mate a mortal. Most vampires see themselves as above humans, like gods. Bella doesn't; but Bella doesn't have a mate to call husband either.
"Your husband? Don't you mean mate?" Victoria smiles that smile again, the warm, pleased one.
Then she shrugs.
"Yeah, I suppose. Do you have a mate?" She watches expectantly.
"No." Her tone is colder than her body temperature. She has no use for a mate, a distraction. He would keep her from her real goal in life; killing her Vampyre. Victoria eyes her like she's an impossible puzzle that she has the answer sheet to and yet still can't figure out.
"Well I've known mine a long time," she says in a controlled tone.
"He's actually the one who changed me."
Bella is horrified and stares at the seemingly nice vampire in front of her with new eyes. Her mate is her killer? Her mate is her Vampyre? Her mate is her reason for this existence, this hell on earth? The one she loves is the one she is supposed to hate.
"And you fell in love with him?" She knows her tone is horrified and she doesn't try to change it. She wants Victoria to see her disgust and disbelief. Because the relationship between a victim and their maker should be anything but loving.
"I loved him when I was human. I was in a bad place and dying. He saved me." She is accepting, perfectly okay with what she's just said. Saved- Bella wants to laugh in her face. Laugh until the sky echoes with it.
"No. He condemned you."
He stole your soul. Heaven is closed to you now. And happiness should be too. I'm not happy; why should she be?
Bella feels empty, drained. There is no way this woman can feel happiness and love. No way, none. And not with the one who brought her into this life because that is just not possible.
Because if it were possible…
That fascination with his beautiful hair, that calm in his arms, that total sense of peace even as he ended her right to salvation… His sweet scent… The reluctance to kill.
She shakes her head. It's not. It's not. Victoria is insane and delusional.
But she seems so down to earth, so normal. So human. She isn't cruel or deifying herself like many of their kind usually do after a while. She isn't crippled with loneliness and despair; she seems content.
Victoria's gaze is pitying, soft.
"I don't think so. I love him and we have eternity together." Her whisper carries to Bella's ears with the fragility of a butterfly's wings.
"That's all I need. I've made peace with myself Bella; maybe you should too." Victoria turns her back and runs, looking over her shoulder only once to see Bella, livid and confused.
There's no way. She's a liar.
But what if…
She falls to the ground under the weight of her questions and slowly lifts her head up to gaze at the moon.
It doesn't matter, anyway.
In the end, the most convincing lies are self spoken.
~Edward~
He is lying on the floor of his room. The carpet fabric drifts through his fingers, brushing against the stone marble in a way that almost warms him. The smooth, sensual, quieting timbre of Snow Patrol drifts through his speakers, blocking off the cacophony of noise he has never been able to escape.
She was an angel, I saw her swimming there…
His eyes shut as he gets the closest he can to being asleep, to being at peace.
The sun glinted off of her long brown hair, bringing out highlights of red, gold, and smooth honey comb. His gaze was soft, worshipping.
Her smooth plump lips curled softly into a smile as a dark blush painted her cheeks.
He almost sighed like a lovesick fool. But his throat was too raw for him to doing anymore than swallow back the ever-present rush of venom.
She was so beautiful, so absolutely innocent and pure and perfect. And he wanted to kiss those perfect lips, to make that sly smile be of his doing, to make her eyes shine with happiness.
He also wanted to sink his fangs into her soft, white throat and suck her dry.
He'd never denied himself before. He'd never really needed to. If he wanted a drink, he went for it and ignored the sickness building within. But he wanted her like no other in every way. He wanted to kill her; he wanted to taste her lips and other parts of her body. He wanted her, violently. And it disgusted him.
Her small, white teeth sunk into her rosy bottom lip. And he couldn't take it any more.
He sighs sadly, pulling his mind from the bittersweet memories. His eyes open and examine the pristine ceiling, looking for anything. Anything to distract him.
Her silent mind…
He growls in frustration.
Her gorgeous figure…
His fists clench.
Her blood like honey and ambrosia, flowing into your monstrous body…
He hops up, opens the window, and is outside in less than a second. He runs into the forest and, after about three miles, stops to climb a tree. He breaks the top and stares up at the moon. It is not even comparable to her beauty.
"Isabella…" His tone is that of a tortured animal. He wants to howl in pain, wants to clutch at the mile wide fracture in his chest which is invisible to all but him.
You killed her. You killed her. You killed her.
A low whine builds in the back of his throat and his eyes prick. He is on fire in his guilt, in his sorrow. Isabella, beautiful, pure Isabella; it had been ninety years and he had yet to forget. She is always there, at the edge of his thoughts. He can still see her big, brown, endless eyes staring into his unflinchingly. She had gazed at him like he was beautiful, and not only on the outside. Her warmth against his body had been the most glorifying experience in his entire existence- one split second that absolutely demolished all others.
He shivers, though he isn't cold, and wraps his arms around his torso in an attempt to hold himself together. It gets so bad when he is left alone to his thoughts. His family knows there is something haunting him, but he's never told any of them. The closest he'd ever gotten to confessing the terrible events of that summer's day was to Carlisle when he first got on the vegetarian diet. And even then he produced only the bare minimum.
All around is silent, there are no thoughts for miles. The branches blow in the breeze. Then, he hears it. A light buzzing sound; a thought coming within hearing range.
Edward is going to have to be careful, very careful… but if this works out the way I want it to, maybe he and Bella can work out whatever problems they have and, well… it's a very real possibility. Very possible to make real… just, go carefully from here on Alice. Take steps one at a-
Her thoughts stop abruptly as Edward drops from the tree to come to a crouch in front of her.
Fuck.
Her wide eyes meet his confused ones. She keeps her thoughts controlled, concentrating only on Edward. The way his nostrils flare as he catches a scent, the way his eyes widen as he recognizes it, the way his body freezes in shock before he stands straight up and glares down at her.
Isabella. He thinks.
"Where is she?" He all but growls at her. She is thinking how his eyes are darker than the night surrounding them.
"I've no idea what you are talking about." She stares up at him, guarded. He growls this time, low and menacing. He bends till he is at her eye level and there is barely a hand's width between their noses. His eyes are wild, feral. He bares his teeth, the fangs clicking into place as his body tenses.
"Where. Is. She?" He doesn't care that he looks like he is about to attack her. Alice is in shock, almost afraid. Where did her brother go? Who is this predator in front of her?
Horrified eyes, red and confused staring out of a stark white face. Beautiful.
Vampire.
His thoughts are frantic and scared; elated and despairing. He didn't kill her.
He did much, much worse.
So, what do you think? What's Edward going to do? Do you feel sorry for the poor guy?
Get ready for the next chapter. It's going to be a doozy :)