Her Eyes Opened: Chapter 8
If Brandon refused her now Marianne would be doomed. Was her awful brother right after all: she had lost any appeal she may have had before and would have to settle for anyone who was willing to have her, just so her mother's small income would not have to support her for the rest of her days! Rest of her days without Christopher Brandon. The thought was mortifying. Just as mortifying as the thought of having to tolerate someone like Mr Fitzwilliam for the rest of her days. "Oh Gods!" Marianne had time to think when Fitzwilliam made his approach. Too near. What would the party of people in the room think if she was to burst into tears right now and run out of the house screaming?
Marianne did not have time to think about that option for too long: with just a few determined strides Colonel Brandon had suddenly joined their little group, interrupting Fitzwilliam almost rudely.
"Miss Marianne, Mrs Ferrars, Miss Margaret," he greeted all the ladies in an almost too aloof sort of a way. All the ladies nodded and curtsied modestly in reply.
"I was wondering, Miss Marianne, if you would do me the honour and allow me to escort you to dinner later on?" Brandon asked, coolly ignoring the almost child-like expression on Fitzwilliam's face: the young man looked very much like a little boy whose sweet was just stolen from his grasp.
"But I was just going to…" Fitzwilliam started to protest. Who was this man who just strode in like that to reap the rewards for all the work he had put in in charming this Miss Marianne?
"Thank you, Colonel Brandon, I would love to. And I believe I am the one who should feel honoured." Marianne quickly answered before there was any doubt for anyone witnessing the exchange where her interest and loyalty resided.
"Sir, I don't know you but must insist that we exchange a few words," Fitzwilliam spat out indignantly. Elinor rolled her eyes and covered her brow under her hand so that she wouldn't show her embarrassment quite so openly. The younger man was going to make a scene.
Brandon's expression was as calm and neutral as it had been the entire time. Only those who had known him long enough were able to read the warning signs on the man's face and posture: the man who got things done, who would defend those dear to him at any cost, who did not step back or give in in front of disruptive behaviour was very much present. Young Fitzwilliam did not know whom he was throwing his challenge at.
"In deed," was Brandon's laconic response. He was not going to rise to the bait too easily and would only do what was necessary. Marianne had at this point taken hold of his arm as if ready to be escorted to the promised dinner table and Fitzwilliam's eyes darted from this man Brandon to Miss Marianne's grip on him.
"I do believe we had an understanding," Fitzwilliam addressed Marianne none too subtly. He really was starting to behave more and more like a spoilt child who had been denied his treat.
"Please forgive me, Mr Fitzwilliam, but there must be a misunderstanding. I only met you here today and I am unawares of any such promise made – I do apologize if I have given you reason to believe otherwise," Marianne tried to diffuse the situation but making it adamantly clear that she was not letting go of her Brandon. Not anymore. Fitzwilliam, however, was anything less than subtle.
"Sir, a word, please," he insisted with Brandon.
Brandon sighed. He really did not want to enter into some odd locking of horns with a foolish boy, but the said boy was not getting the message.
"Fine," Brandon said, and with his free hand took Marianne's hand that was still firmly around his forearm. Lifting the hand to his lips, giving her a gracious bow as his lips barely touched her hand he excused himself.
"Miss Marianne, Mrs Ferrars, Miss Margaret. I trust you will excuse us for a moment."
Mr Palmer had seen the way Fitzwilliam had headed towards the Dashwood sisters and had a bad feeling. He'd been thoughtless enough to bring the boy here and, despite wanting to feel like none of this was really any of his business, he did feel responsible for causing troubles with some of the few people he actually liked. Palmer made his way across the room as discreetly as possible to interject and reached the group at the moment when Brandon was making his excuses.
"Actually, I apologize most sincerely, but I must have a word with my cousin," Palmer stepped in.
"But…" Fitzwilliam started to protest.
"Really, Fitzwilliam, I must insist. It is extremely important that I have a word with you right now. Why don't we go into Sir John's study, eh?" Palmer cut in grabbing hold of his cousin's elbow and in no uncertain terms started to direct him away from the parlour.
Marianne realized she as standing there with her mouth open. It was like there was some great big operation going on in the room and she was a mere pawn to be moved and shifted around the board without much say at what she would do next.
"Colonel Brandon, Marianne, that was a little more than awkward, I must admit, and I could do with some air. Would you care to join me outside for a short moment?" Elinor said, taking hold of the situation. There had to be a way of letting her sister and the Colonel talk. She caught Edward's eye across the room and simply by glancing at the door she signalled where she was going. Edward nodded and started making the right noises in his present company to excuse himself for a dash of fresh air.
Brandon had a quizzical look on his face as he started to follow Elinor. Mrs Ferrars had not left the party any room to decline her request. Once thy had stepped outside into the garden Elinor made sure she was with Margaret (who naturally had not allowed herself to be left behind) and practically pushed Marianne to walk by Brandon's side. The man offered Marianne his arm and quietly they strolled deeper into the garden, further away from the windows. Edward joined Elinor and Margaret and the three made appearances of following the Colonel and Marianne, except at a suitable distance from the house quietly agreed on their little conspiracy and stopped where they would be able to see if anyone came after them from the house. It did seem quite certain that that Fitzwilliam would not be coming after them, but there had been too many unfortunate coincidences with these two for Elinor to take any chances.
Meanwhile, in Sir John's study, Sir John had the questionable pleasure of watching young Fitzwilliam squirm under Palmer's strict talking to. Most people would not have believed Palmer capable of commanding attention in such manner, but Sir John knew the man was not a waste of space in his work at the parliament. Palmer simply chose not to impose his drive too eagerly on his immediate family unless absolutely necessary.
"Where are your manners, young man?" Palmer had started. Fitzwilliam and looked most indignant at being talked to as if he was just a boy, but had not managed to get a word out. Only open and shut his mouth over an over.
"Any gentleman equipped with a reasonable brain would have picked up on the less than subtle message I was trying to pass on earlier when I directed you away from Miss Marianne, but not you." Palmer was not shouting, he never shouted, but there was no mistaking his serious tone. Fitzwilliam had caused his cousin embarrassment.
"But there were no other suitable young ladies present. Not even young gentlemen! I thought you had arranged this gathering today so that I was to meet Miss Marianne. And she didn't seem to mind my company. Frankly, I thought she was enjoying herself." Fitzwilliam go this voice back. Sir John had a sudden fit of cough at this point, nearly choking on the whisky he was sipping. He other two looked at him, but Palmer saw quickly his father-in-law was simply trying to cover for a fit of laughter.
"Enjoying? Good grief man, have you not heard of people being civil and polite? She was simply trying not to draw attention by dismissing you too harshly. But there was no dismissing you, was there?"
Fitzwilliam was starting at the floor now. He hadn't meant to be rude, of course not, and how he felt like a complete idiot.
"Then why didn't anyone tell me she was already spoken for?" he then said with a very small voice. He was genuinely sad. Miss Marianne had been the loveliest of all the girls he had met on his visits to various relatives and he, in all honesty, had had his hopes up. Palmer and Sir John both laughed. Not really at Fitzwilliam, and this left the younger man wonder what the inside joke was.
"You never realized what kind of a man you were so brashly challenging there, did you?" Palmer asked. Fitzwilliam said nothing, merely looked at his cousin and waited for him to continue.
"Colonel Brandon may seem unassuming and perhaps a little detached when it comes to gatherings like today, but those who know him know he has been keen on that girl for quite some time. It's been merely a series of unfortunate events that really have kept the Colonel from approaching Miss Marianne as a suitor. The truth is, he probably would have waited even longer had you not raised his heckles earlier." Sir John was still laughing when he thought about the determination he'd seen in Brandon's step earlier.
In the garden, Brandon and Marianne soon noticed the rest of their party ha dropped behind. They were still in their view but out of range of voice by now. The pair stopped and looked at each other, then opened their mouth at the same time:
"Miss Marianne, I…."
"Colonel, I must…"
They stopped, still looking at each other in silence for a moment.
"Please, go ahead, " Brandon encouraged her.
"I was just saying that I must apologize if I somehow gave you a wrong impression of my acquaintance with Mr Fitzwilliam," she said quietly, now lowering her eyes to the ground.
"Please, Miss Marianne, you have done nothing to give me any impression…" Brandon started. How could he possible explain his reaction there? He continued:
"Any assumptions I may have made were all my own doing and, I must confess, brought on simply by the slightest notion of someone claiming your company so brashly." The Colonel's voice betrayed the insecurity nagging at his heart this very moment.
"To call it brash is correct. I came to Barton today hoping to see you and to… talk to you if you would give me the opportunity. Then suddenly I found I could not get away from Mr Fitzwilliam."
"To talk to me?"
"Yes, if you don't find that objectionable." Marianne requested. Brandon shook his head to tell her he did not.
"It has also been my meaning to talk to you, Miss Marianne," Brandon then decided to confess, "but I would like to hear what you had in mind first."
Marianne looked at him again, and a faint smile crossed her face.
"I have been terribly worried that you have, perhaps, grown tired of my company of late. We…I used to see you more frequently before and for some time now it has been a rare occasion when we…, no I, have had the pleasure of your company. Have I done something to upset you?" There was nothing for it but to plunge in and have it all out.
The Colonel looked injured and alarmed.
"Oh, no. No, my dearest Marianne, you have done nothing to upset me. Quite the opposite! I have worried that I have been imposing my company on you too much. I have been selfish, just like that young man in there, demanding all your attention when you perhaps would have wished to find more cheerful company…" he was protesting in earnest now. He had never wanted her to feel like she had done something wrong. She let out a little nervous laugh.
"So we were worrying about the same thing?" she said. He laughed a little as well. Gods how did this situation make him feel like a bumbling idiot, like a schoolboy.
"The truth is, Colonel, that I have learned to enjoy your company immensely and through all the time we have been getting to know each other I find I respect and… admire you a great deal," Marianne really was getting into the thick of it now. Brandon found his breathing was turning more shallow and his heartbeat was not under his control in any way.
"Miss Marianne, it probably is no secret that I have nothing but the highest regard for you," he responded. Their eyes had once again found each other's and talking was difficult. Yet it had to be done. The tension was killing him.
"I cannot hold this in any longer, Marianne, and I hope I do not cause any offence. Should you reject now what I tell you, I may shatter to thousands of pieces, but I cannot hold it back any longer." Brandon was deadly serious now. Marianne did not even realize how she was holding her breath.
"For such a long time I have admired you, Miss Marianne, and have come to care for you in a way that goes beyond simple friendship and pleasant company. I have found such joy and solace in your company I cannot begin to describe how every time I see you warms my very soul. Yet, I cannot but be afraid that you cannot return such feelings and that I take too much of your time, perhaps even get in the way of someone more suitable to…" Brandon never got to finish expressing his fears for Marianne grabbed his hand.
"My dear Colonel, please, do not give any room for such thoughts! You could never be in the way or be unwanted company in any way. I… I have wanted to tell you as well how much I enjoy every moment I can spend with your and I can tell you that I do return your feelings. I was so afraid of having upset you somehow just when I did come to realize how much I, too, care."
The couple were in shock. Here they were, confessing their deep feelings for each other as much as it seemed possible without being too forward, and it turns out all the fears of the other not feeling the same way were unnecessary.
"Gods I feel useless trying to put these things into words…" Brandon mumbled. Marianne took a look around and saw that Elinor, Edward and Margaret were still a good distance away, seemingly terribly interested in some flowerbed.
"There is no one here but us, and I feel like we really have known each other a small lifetime. Let us be open and completely honest with each other?" Marianne suggested. Brandon nodded.
"I hold our friendship very dear, and would never want to do or say anything to upset it. Yet my heart has grown to long for your company in a different way as well. When I saw less of you I was truly worried that perhaps you had grown tired of me. Well, my brother did say my illness had left me dull looking and lacking spirit…" Marianne started.
"Oh no, Marianne, your brother, if I may be honest and open, is an idiot. You are so beautiful and radiant – my only concern had been that you have been, well, a little withdrawn since your illness."
Marianne nodded.
"Yes, I'm aware of that. And to be honest, I must confess to you I have not been very interested in new company. I only feel at ease with my own family and you."
"I was worried about that, too." Brandon confessed.
"Worried?"
"Yes. I was, and must say I still am, afraid that I have simply imposed my company on you and if you do share any of my feelings perhaps these are only because I have pushed myself into your company…" Brandon explained. He realized Marianne had never let go of his hand after she had grabbed it and he was not willing to let go of it now.
"No, please, Colonel. I have thought about this, too, and please believe me when I say that how I feel about you has grown to measures I cannot begin to fathom in the past few months. I cannot stop thinking of you and wishing for your company. I wonder if it is all because you have been such a friend to me and my family, but I have come to see that how I feel is beyond that as well. Your presence fills a place in my very soul." Moisture was building behind Marianne's eyes, and she saw moisture gathering in Brandon's eyes as well.
"Do you really mean that?" he asked, whispering, in case this was not quite true after all.
"I really mean that," she reassured him.
"But I am so much older, and not endlessly fun company…" he started, but Marianne made a quick "shush" and shook her head. Enough of such doubts.
"I value your company beyond anyone else's. I long for your company when you are away. You have become my dearest friend."
Brandon laughed again, more openly now, and smiled. He was so handsome when he smiled broadly like that, Marianne thought, and blushed somewhat when she realized that she had made him smile such a happy smile.
"Then I hope you do not mind if I talk to your mother? I would like to court you like a gentleman does. Give you time to get to know me a little more before we talk of further commitments?" Brandon felt like he was proposing already. He needed to do this right. He would not make such a delicate young woman commit to him at first realization of mutual feelings. He still needed to be certain. Marianne almost bounced with excitement.
"Yes, please talk to mother. I would be honoured to have chance to learn to know you better. And would like to let you know me, too. I hope we have many opportunities to talk like this: openly and honestly." Marianne said with delight.
Brandon was now holding Marianne's hand with both of his and he lifted it to his lips, bowing lightly. Their eyes were locked and both were smiling.
"Openly and honestly. I would like that very much."