Now what is a blessing
And what is a dream
Caught between portraits
And none's what it seems
-Stories I Tell, Toad the Wet Sprocket
She shows emotion.
It is a small, nearly invisible light to her eyes. But it exists. And Edward can't help but hate the fact that he's not the reason she's smiling like that. She looks like a goddess, with the sun hitting the whirling strands of her hair on an angle. The strings of gold and purple-red are flowing around her face and that smile is more brilliant than any sun. The light of the new day is a backdrop to her beauty, just an enhancement of her translucent skin and wide, ruby eyes. Even the bloody swirls are gorgeous to him.
Even the fangs and the marble countenance. He can't help it, he is entranced and enraptured.
She, on the other hand, is doing her best to completely disregard his existence.
"Bella?"
"Jasper?"
"Jasper?" This time it is Alice. She did not see this coming.
"You know Bella?" Alice again. Accusing, worried. Jasper shrugs; gives her an arched eyebrow. His forehead crinkles first in confusion, then smoothes in understanding and amusement. Edward growls lightly.
"Not like that." He chuckles lightly, his golden eyes shining in the morning. Bella is baffled.
"Alice, honey, I used to be a soldier with Bella in World War II. I thought I told you this?" He cocks his head to the side. Alice folds her arms across her chest and pouts.
"Of course you told me about the war, but you never mentioned any Bella," Her lips curl into a delicate sneer. Bella huffs. Jasper chuckles again.
Edward's growl hits an engine-like frequency.
"Oh hush, Edward. You too, Alice. She's just a friend." Jasper's eyes swivel from face to face as Bella's narrow suspiciously at Alice's given name. The small vampire bites her lip in a very human gesture as she meets Bella's gaze. Her countenance is shy, a little awkward for the usually confident and bubbly vampire. Her eyes dart to the ground before she looks back up, false embarrassment with just a hint of determination.
Bella disregards the puppy dog eyes and the trembling lip. She is not easily swayed from her ways. And one of her most treasured standard behaviors is that of mistrust… something she had seemed to forgotten when she first set eyes on this stranger.
I should've known better. She mentally chastises herself. Edward shifts closer when he notices the tightening around her lips.
"So your name isn't Victoria. I should've known, what with you so conveniently showing up at the bar I was in. Figures." She turns away from Alice in a clear sign of dismissal. Alice balks.
"I did what I had to do in the situation. No harm, no foul. Right?" She is nervous, hating that she isn't getting her way. She's so used to being everybody's best friend; so used to others giving in and submitting to her every desire.
Bella will have none of that.
"The one thing I hate more than a vampire is a liar. And guess what? You're both." Jasper and Edward share worried glances as Alice growls lowly and takes a step toward Bella. Bella's body tenses in anticipation, waiting for what seems to be an inevitable attack. The boys slowly move towards the two, hoping to stop the altercation before it happens. But then, out of nowhere, Alice freezes. Her eyes glaze and close, her body relaxes.
She smiles. Finally, her expression screams relief.
Bella looks on curiously.
Alice's eyes open again after a few seconds and she grins at the wary vampire.
"Don't worry," she says, "you'll come around." Then she turns towards the house and motions for the others to follow her.
Jasper starts after her, Bella and Edward trailing behind.
Bella catches up to Jasper and smiles softly at him in a rare show of camaraderie. Edward feels his emotions catch fire and flare as Jasper smiles down at her, then winks cheekily at Edward behind her back. He glares hotly at the teasing lift of Jasper's arm, exaggeratedly slow as it comes around Bella's shoulders for a hug. He reins in a snarl and stomps moodily ahead of them, trying very hard not to rip out Jasper's eyes.
Jasper throws back his head and lets loose a deep belly guffaw.
Bella, for the millionth time, finds herself wondering what in all the hell is going on.
And, for the millionth time, she finds that she has no clue.
"So," she leans into his embrace briefly before extracting herself, "you're a vegetarian now?" Her lips quirk up in a grin but her eyes are troubled, confused. Jasper was the last person she'd expect to give up blood. He is a savage, gorging, remorseless drinker- or, at least, he was.
He shrugs, seeing the question in her eyes and feeling the swirl in her emotions.
"I met Alice and through her, Carlisle. I struggle, don't get me wrong." His hands come up in a surrendering gesture, doing his best to calm the tempest surrounding her. Guilt and shame are thrown at him like metal bricks.
He flinches.
"Sorry," she whispers, more guilt building up and poisoning the air around her. Edward is waiting for them at the door, a worried tilt to his head.
"You okay?" He asks her, a bold move on his part. She ignores him, but her emotions decrease a little in their painful, self-hating quality. They morph into annoyance towards Edward. Jasper sighs in relief; he can deal with annoyance towards Edward. He gets it on a daily basis anyway.
"I heard that." Edward murmurs angrily, just quiet enough so that Jasper can hear him. Bella is oblivious to her surroundings, too focused on fighting the storm within.
She glares at the copper color on his head, the gold in his eyes, the set of his wide, muscular shoulders, and the perfect, aristocratic nose…
Stop! Stop it right now!
She squirms through the doorway; maneuvering her body in such a way that not even a follicle of hair will come into contact with him. But it is useless. His close presence still causes her presumably dead nerve endings ablaze.
She hates him for it. She hates how it thrills her. How it brings a hopeful shine to his pretty eyes.
STOP!
Jasper gives her and her thunderous temperament a wide berth.
Confusion, anger, hatred, shame, guilt, annoyance, aggravation, wariness, and then… desire. What the hell Edward? She was never this unstable before!
Edward ignores the confusing tone of Jasper's mind and focuses instead on that last bit of Bella's emotions. Desire, for him. She feels the same way; she, too, is victim to the pull between them. He smothers a victorious grin and follows her into the house.
She slowly comes to her senses, taking in her surroundings with wonder. The house is beautiful, no doubt, but that's not what is slowly fracturing her careful façade of indifference and hostility.
This house is just so… warm.
Warmth, something she's been missing out on for quite a while.
The colors are rich mahogany and dark cherry wood. The beige and coffee cream couches with their soft, pliable cushions- those downy throw pillows, that blanketed carpet. Oh, it's so human. So used, so perfect. A little piece of something she has lost, something locked deep within her. Her empathy is accessible here, in these homey surroundings.
That chandelier, curved gently and giving the appearance of molded, molten lava.
She smiles up at the curving ceilings and smooth, dappled paintings. Those stairs, curved like hers used to be. The floors around the doorways, scuffed like hers used to be. Those old fashioned doorknobs, almost exactly like hers had been.
Who could have known? Not her. She could live here; she could live. Forget Edward, forget pain, forget dying- she can relive here. She can relate. She can rebuild.
So warm. Who knew?
Just a house. Just a house that looks eerily like the place I used to call home. Stop drifting; maybe it's time to settle?
Maybe I deserve to settle.
And then the light that is temporarily lit inside of her dims, sputters, withers beneath what she perceives to be the selfish needs of her empty body. Of her hollow insides; of a soulless demon called vampire. She does not deserve anything.
Edward can feel her anguish through Jasper. He can see it in her eyes, in the slump of her shoulders, in the fall of her hair, hiding her face. He wants to say something, anything to make her feel better. But, as always, he finds himself unable. What if she refuses his comfort? His concern? It'd be like a knife to the gut. He grimaces- always thinking of himself. Always.
"Fuck. Ing. Hell. Bella and Edward! Stop it! Right now!" Jasper is glaring at the two of them balefully. His left eye twitches as he is bombarded by more simultaneous guilt.
They stare blankly at him, before each cracking their own, wary smiles.
"You two… I swear. It's a mood kill, especially you,Edward. I can't even tell you the amount of times I've been cock blocked by this sodden bastard!" He points accusingly at Edward and grins at Bella's answering giggle. Edward can't even find it in himself to be angry; he knows it's true.
And the sound of her laughter is entrancing.
"Oh, don't even. More often than not it's your fault I'm sulky! Those ringing emotions of disgust and horror would be nonexistent if you and Alice could keep your noises and thoughts to yourself! You've got it easy buddy! Imagine being able to know what is going on in Alice's mind for half a century!" Edward freezes suddenly. Jasper's eyes are wide as they shimmy over to Bella's inquisitive gaze.
"Wait, what do you mean? You're a mind reader?" Her curious expression turns horrified and shocked. She backs away from him slowly, arms stretched out and eyes darting. She looks like the deer he hunts when they realize they are about to die.
"So you've been able to root around in my head this whole time? And you didn't say anything? You- you! I have to get out of here… No, you can't do that, you can't- YOU CAN'T JUST INVADE MY PRIVACY LIKE THAT!"
She is crazed with rage, her stature swinging violently from defensive to about to attack. He flinches at the screech in her voice, the desperation in her eyes. Jasper attempts to calm her down, to no avail. He sends a pleading look in Edward's direction.
It's up to you buddy.
"Bella, calm down. It's all alright, okay? I can't read your mind. I have no idea what you are thinking now or ever. I never did. That's… that's one of the things that drew me to you when you were human," his eyes dart away from her briefly and he gulps, sending a fervent prayer up to the heavens, "your silence. I found it strange. You were the first, and the only, mind that I've never been able to get a read on."
She is about to say something; maybe let her frozen stance melt a bit. Can she even thaw? Is it possible?
Her eyes say no. But what does he know? Eyes used to be windows, and minds used to all be open to him. She is closed and cut off; cherishing the privacy he so wishes to make invalid. Her eyes are weighted down by timid brows, and her mouth opens to utter words stolen by the entrance of the rest of his family.
"Well, well, well," Emmett booms from atop the staircase, "what have we here?"
~Bella~
What does she believe in?
Not words, not gestures, but actions. In front of her is a man of action- a tangible proof of insanity bundled in hope. An idea in ribbons of gold and mercy, that she might someday not be a monster.
But she does not believe in ideas either. Not until they come to fruition.
"Bella, I've been waiting a long time to meet you." A smile plays about the blonde one's face, Carlisle. She gazes at him curiously as he sits on the sofa in across from her reclining figure. He is quite beautiful, as far as vampires' looks go. But it is not just the static beauty she sees bestowed upon many of their kind; he seems to have some inner glow. Some molten gold center swimming in warm, inviting honey. Not a heart, but better, in a way. Like the sun; that's what he is like. A suffering sun, who has battled with temptation and whose gravitational field is still as strong as ever, pulling others in with a disposition similar to his, or at least the desire to have a similar disposition.
She shakes her head at her circular thinking- when had her tactile skills turned so introverted? She used to believe in what she could see and feel beneath her super sensitive skin, now she finds herself contemplating gooey centers, sunny smiles, and little Isaac Newton's floating around, attracting loose apples like a giant, winged magnet.
She smiles to herself, quick and fleeting, at the unbidden and ridiculous image.
"What do you mean?" She glances up to his friendly eyes to see them crinkle at the corners, or maybe it's her imagination. He just seems so human.
"Well," his gaze takes on a more somber frequency, "when Edward first came to me, he had very little to say about why he came to me. Gave me some crackpot story full of holes about how he was curious about my way of life and wanted to try it on, like an experiment or something." He gives a small puff of disbelieving air, a smile slowly seeping onto his face.
"Even when I first met him, I knew he wasn't that kind of vampire. I knew that he was one of those sloth-like psychos who looked at a problem from every angle, then meticulously spent a couple of months sorting through the pros and cons before trying to fix it or change it in any way." He is smiling broadly in Edward's direction now, a teasing tilt to his head and the tone of his voice. Edward grins back mutedly.
Carlisle's gaze snaps back to her, teasing tone abandoned in favor of a questioning, almost wondrous one.
"And here you are; the controversial reason of my greatest, most resolute pupil. Not once has Edward slipped since the start of this lifestyle and I had always wondered what kind of event gave birth to a determination so strong; what melded the iron in his will. And now, here the answer sits before me. But I still have questions, as I'm sure you do also. Maybe it is best you tell your side of the story first." She grimaces minutely and the smallish vampire to the left of Carlisle on the couch stabs his side not too gently. He hops in surprise, glancing fondly at his mini attacker.
"What am I? Chopped liver?" Her voice is smooth and gentle, even in her slightly ferocious reprimand of what is obviously her mate. The way she orbits him, like some satellite- if Carlisle is the sun, then here is his Earth. Dependant on his existence in the universe. Her caramel hair lies gently on her shoulders, bringing out the amber in her eyes. Her eyes are different from Carlisle's, darker in color. Carlisle's arm comes around her shoulders.
"This is my wife, Esme." Such a human term- WIFE is for mortals. MATE is for vampires. Then again, these are strange creatures stuck somewhere between the two species' behaviors. Resilient humans? Funny, that one. Resilient and human should never be paired together; their meanings are just too contradictory.
"And… since nobody's going to introduce me, I'm Emmett." The large one is standing behind the couch, with Edward on his right. Jupiter, that should be his moniker; Carlisle is the sun, Esme the earth, and this giant can be Jupiter. Then what are the rest?
The blonde sitting on the couch in front of him next to Esme is his mate… cold and beautiful, achingly beautiful. She can be his moon, Europa- smooth on the surface and comprising of hard, unyielding rock and ice.
Bella feels like she is looking into a mirror when she sees this vampire. A hard, unforgivable, admittedly more beautiful mirror.
"This is Rosalie, my mate." Emmett points out what she has already deduced and his gaze flits between the two women warily. Rosalie's eyes narrow as she surveys Bella. Bella does not back down, returning her stare with equal suspicion and hostility.
Then the blonde one smiles.
It is gorgeous, almost as gorgeous as Edward, and it seems to take the coven by surprise. They gasp and stare questioningly at Rosalie who just shrugs in response, stands, and sits down by Bella's side.
"She's alright." None seem more shocked than her mate, whose head keeps swinging from Rosalie to Bella and back.
"I'm Alice," the lying one announces jovially, pulling Bella's attention away from her new ally, "as you already know, and my mate is Jasper, as you, again, already know. Then you also know Edward and yadda, yadda, yadda… let's get on to the good part. You know? Where you tell me how you know my husband?" Her spiky hair vibrates with energy and pent up curiosity. Bella feels Jasper sending calming waves in her direction, and the emphatic manipulation is enough to get her to relax a bit and open her mouth.
"We met during World War II." She stops. Watches with growing amusement as Alice tries to hold in her words. The small lips purse, golden eyes narrow, and she opens her mouth as if to speak several times. Jasper huffs in amusement, knowing Bella is making Alice sweat, and is just about to give her the "go ahead and ask her some questions, you dork" signal when he is interrupted.
By an impatient Edward.
"AND?"Jasper laughs outright and Bella can't help but smile when she sees Edward-arms crossed, foot tapping. Then she sobers.
He should not make demands on her. He has no right.
No matter how adorable he looks when he pouts.
"Consider yourself lucky you're even within ten feet of me right now. Any more petulant outbursts and you're getting nada." He is properly mollified and Rosalie whispers under her breath (but loud enough for every bloodsucker, vegetarian or otherwise, within fifty feet to hear her) "Brava."
Bella grins.
Edward glares.
Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Esme, and Carlisle contain their laughter and decide a communal smirk is in order.
Bella takes a deep breath. "I was in Russia when we met. I'd always wanted to go there when I was-" she stops, glances furtively at the ceiling, avoiding Edward's eyes.
"When I was younger and as a nomad I had nothing stopping me from visiting. I ran up through Canada and Alaska, and then swam across the Bering Sea. The coast on the Asian side of Russia was scarcely populated. So I had to move more towards the center." Shame coats her features. Moving inland to satisfy the bloodlust. That's what she had to do.
She looks around at all the honeyed eyes.
You didn't have to. There's another way. You're just too weak.
"I met a family on my way, asked them where I could find the "heart of Russia". I was a tourist, still a bit romanticized back then. I came to Russia as a tourist, and I wanted the full experience to take my mind off of….other things. They told me to go to the Volga River. So, I went." She begins to smile.
"I'm fairly sure I was a fish in a former life, because whenever I see water, I'm just compelled to take a swim. I was like that when I was younger too, always jumping into random lakes and ponds. So when I saw the magnificent Volga, I just couldn't help myself. I did a cannonball in, trying to make the biggest splash possible." She smiles broadly now, her eyes twinkling.
"And I landed right on Jasper's head."
Jasper winces in pain but Alice is shaking with suppressed laughter along with Emmett and Edward. Jasper glares at his family, all of which are either grinning or chuckling at his expense.
Bella laughs out loud, not even bothering to hide it.
"You know you wouldn't have it any other way," she teases. He shakes his head, muttering quietly to himself.
She smiles at him softly, her eyes turning a little sadder as she gazes upon him. He avoids her eyes.
"He was writhing in pain when I found him." Everything is quiet and still. The laughter fades into nothing, as if it had never been. Somberly, it strains for a few seconds more, trying to keep the situation light. But, as it is with most good things, it doesn't last.
"Only halfway through the change, and drowning uselessly too." Her hands are clasped and quiver shortly. A shiver runs through her body at the memory.
"His lungs were already embedded with the venom, so he wouldn't die from inhaling the water, but I dragged him up on the shore anyway-"
"Shh, shh. You're alright, you're alright. Shh…" She brushed the flaxen hair from his forehead as he whimpered and wailed in agony. His limbs flailed weakly and he coughed up water. She grimaced; the poor thing.
To change is painful enough! But that? That must have been hell.
She sat with him as his cries increased, running her fingers through his hair and slowly stroking his skin. His features were waxy and hardening; she watched with wonder as the bones shifted and narrowed beneath his skin, how the chin seemed to become more set. His skin rippled and tightened, wrinkles smoothed out and the bags under his eyes disappeared. She had never seen a change up close before.
It was awe inspiring, gruesome, and painful. She remembered her own change well enough. And now he, too, would have to go through the same ordeal.
He got a new face that day, and a stronger body. The guilt and the self loathing would sit indefinitely upon those durable new shoulders of his.
Only the indestructible vampire could carry a burden that heavy.
The sun rose and set, hidden by the clouds and the trees surrounding the bank on which she and her new companion rested. His body had gone suddenly still just as the last streaks of light faded away, every line of muscle and ligament tautened under the strain. Her hand rested lightly on his chest, just over his heart. It raced frantically, heartbeat chasing heartbeat towards some inevitable end.
Thump… Thump… Thump- thump- thump,thump,thumpthumpthumpthumpthu-
….
His eyes opened unexpectedly. They stared into hers, a bright red color.
He snarled. Long and low. He bucked against her hands that had traveled abruptly to his shoulders. A voice whispered in her mind, traced guttural syllables along her consciousness. A primitive language with a primal meaning- run, save yourself.
She ignored it and held him down. His strength surprised her.
She, at the time, had known nothing about newborns.
He growled savagely, those dark eyes still trained on hers. His hands clasped her arms and he lifted her bodily, flinging her away from him. She went spinning through the air, the world around her disorienting to her eyes. She closed them and twisted her body, landing on all fours like a cat. Her eyes opened and she watched as the vampire leapt to his feet.
His head swiveled back and forth; his eyes were confused and scared. He crouched low and the rumble in his throat was like thunder. Suddenly, he cried out in pain and gripped his throat. She winced sympathetically. He had felt the burn of their kind.
The flames of hell signaling an evil need.
He whimpered again, but when she tried to approach him, he bared his teeth and backed away. Staying very still, she tried to speak to him. She opened her mouth, useless words on the tip of her tongue, when a breeze stumbled through the air.
Humans.
Blood.
His head snapped up and his eyes took on a manic glint. With the desperate, clumsy spin of a marionette, he went bounding in the direction of the mouthwatering scent.
She watched in horror and fought with the pull herself. Those veins pulsing with life were like iron strings, bound to her body.
Bella went running after him, trying desperately to catch up. But he was like the wind, and he pulled ahead of her, tongue nearly lolling out in salivation. The sun was out now, his skin sparkled. She flinched in horror.
Their kind was beautiful even in vile pursuit; how dreadfully ironic.
The Volga in that area was about six hundred yards; slim for the mightiest river in Europe, but still impressively large. The golden curled vampire leapt all six hundred yards in a single bound, with Bella hot on his heels.
She went crashing to the other side just as he launched himself into the trees and started cart wheeling from trunk to trunk, using his momentum to push him faster and faster. She followed on the ground, dodging and hoping that she could catch him before he hurled himself into the abyss.
As the sweet, cloying scent grew stronger, she was afraid that she would not be able to.
Suddenly, she heard a rustling sound. Warm, saturated bodies with soft, tender skin. Her mouth watered, her pace quickened. She no longer wanted to stop him; she wanted to get to the prey first.
The two came bursting out of the trees and descended on the humans at the same time. The blonde got there first and shoved his razor teeth brutally into one of the humans' necks. Bella ignored the tearing sound and reached for the other, shocked man. Her eyes met his.
Big, blue, scared eyes. She relented.
The other vampire growled and lifted himself from his brutalized meal, only to snatch the other one up and break his neck. He alternated between the two, sucking, gulping, gurgling in joy as Bella stood by- conflicted, warring with the savage inside, and watching in horrified fascination as the other vampire drank remorselessly.
When the bodies were fully drained and the land around them licked clean, he stood up and calmly brushed himself off. He turned to Bella and smiled. She blanched and glared accusingly.
He spoke in Russian, holding out his hand. His voice was smooth and littered with recurring syllables. Stressed. Unstressed. High, soft, hard, low. A rollercoaster of sound.
"I don't speak your language." She glared coldly at him. He knew she understood that he meant to shake her hand and he retracted his slowly, returning her hardened stare.
"It's not my language." His voice took on a Southern lilt. Bella stumbled back, surprised.
He laughed. "What? Not expecting a good old Texan in the Soviet Union?"
He grinned at her slowly and she felt the hostility slowly melt from her bones.
"No, not really. But never mind that. Let's focus on the fact that you just brutally murdered two men and you seem to have no guilt whatsoever." She couldn't contain her disgust and jealousy and her tension came back fully.
How come he's spared the guilt?
"Hi. I'm Jasper."
"Answer me."
He sighed and glanced passively at the bodies sprawled at his feet. He shrugged nonchalantly and met her gaze. His grin turned wry, careless. She felt fury settle in her bones.
He bent towards the carnage and slid something off the arm of the blue-eyed one. She watched as he lifted it to her and shook it ostentatiously in her face.
"Because, my dear nameless companion, these are NOT men."
The red armband swayed back and forth like a pendulum, its white circle containing what looked like a twisted cross.
The Swastika.
"Nazi's." She breathed. He dropped the cursed symbol and kicked the dead bodies savagely.
She gulped, looked down, and then raised her hand with her eyes.
"Nice to meet you Jasper, my name's Bella."
"We disposed of the bodies, of course, and then Jasper had a talking to about no matter how spineless and evil some humans are, you still shouldn't treat them like cattle. Yes, eat them if you must, but don't rip them to shreds and then further abuse their corpses. As he did with those two Nazi officers." She fixed him in a hard stare.
"She makes it out like I skinned helpless little kittens or drowned a puppy." He grumbles, not meeting her eyes. He tries to play off his discomfort, but nobody is fooled. Tensed shoulders tend to give away a lot.
"Yeah, well-"
"Maybe I should finish the story." Jasper finally looks at her. She hesitates and cocks an eyebrow.
"Very well then." She waves her hands and sits back against the couch. Jasper leans forward, head down, forearms balanced on his knees. Edward and Emmet hunch against the wall. Alice sits next to Jasper and rubs his back, Carlisle and Esme on her other side. Only Rosalie sits on the same couch as Bella.
Jasper huffs.
"I guess I can only begin at the real beginning. Or, at least, the one that I can remember. See, I have an unnaturally good recall of my human years before the change. Most likely because they were just so… chaotic…"
"I travelled to Russia after the War broke out. I wanted to be part of the fighting over there. I was bored with my life in Texas, and I craved the excitement of war. It was still romanticized back then, even after All Quiet on the Western Front." His hands curl briefly into fists.
"My mama begged me not to go but I wouldn't listen to her. I wanted to get over to the fighting and though I was a good Southern boy, my pa had been a Russian immigrant. We had a deeply instilled respect for Russia, a country that he loved but had to leave behind during the Communist take over. Russia needed our help and pa couldn't be prouder when I declared that I was going over there to fight. He gave me some money and the names of relatives then carted me off, a big smile on his face and his arm around my sobbing ma." He shook his head and snorted.
"That was the last time I ever saw them."
"I sailed over there with the money I'd made working a ranch two miles from my home and the money from pa. Cost an arm and a leg to get to Alaska, across the Bering Sea, and off to the closest recruiting camp. Of course, it only got harder from there on out."
"I had to prove myself, had to learn Russian. But I was used to my dad speaking it around the house and I'd picked up some of the basic language from him. Plus, there wasn't much you had to say in the Army. It was more about doing stuff. The Red Army was all about strength, bravery, and cunning. I was strong after years of hauling ass in sweltering heat for assholes a fourth my size. I wasn't brave, just stupid. Which, if you think about it, is kind of the same thing."
His lips quirk up. Bella shakes her head in amusement. That's Jasper, finding humor in even the dreariest environment.
"And I had cunning. I was damn good at strategy and anticipating my opponents' intentions. I had a sort of gift for understanding how people felt and influencing their emotions in return. I knew when the commanders were pissed and when they were in a mood for some good, American entertainment. I guess they really appreciated that out of me. I could make them laugh even when the days looked bleak and endless."
"I got a better hang on the language as the months went by, and I guess my southern charm endeared me to the Russians, because I finally, after weeks of training in camps and being sent on bogus scout missions, was on my way to the battlefield. Stalingrad." His eyes shine with excitement suddenly, as if the name of that city itself is enough to make him invincible.
Well, more invincible.
"My camp was steadily progressing along the Volga River, as that was the fastest route. She was worshipped by the Russians. They love big, strong, and fast. The Volga was the biggest, the strongest, the fastest and that made them deliriously smug. You should've seen the way those people looked at it. Like they were hankering to take a swim in it, and it was one damn cold river, mind you." His accent gets thicker, little rivers of baked honey dripping from his tongue with that throaty "hankering". Emmett snorts.
"Just you wait. Mr. Southern is going to be throwing out a y'all, mighty fine, hush puppy, or howdy in the near future. You can always tell when he gets his draaaaawl on." He mocks good-naturedly and Bella can't but wonder how he- a large, explosive, warm kind of volcano, ended up with Rosalie. The proverbial glacier.
She casts a side glance at Rosalie and finds her question answered. The way she stares at her mate- all glossy eyed and goofy smile- is enough. The warmth of Emmett is her core. Opposites attract; isn't that so?
Fiery Emmett melting the icy Rosalie.
Is that how it would be for Edward and me? Guilt balancing out Guilt? The past failures vs. the present?
She can't help but hate herself for wondering. And she can't help but wonder. He is just…
Leaning against the wall, arms crossed. Muscular lines and shadows she is dying to lick. That jaw, that small piece of hair hanging in front of his downturned eyes. She longs to brush it away, and then trail her hand across his body. She longs for that spark when his skin meets hers, the chemical reaction, and the heat. Oh, how she craves his warmth.
She can lust after him, right? She doesn't have to like him to think he's gorgeous. He just is, and there's nothing wrong with her making an… observation. Yes, that's what it is. Observing. She can hate him and admire his body. After all, it's his insides that she dislikes. Let him be a piece of meat. An odd kind of satisfaction flows through her.
Let him be a piece of meat. Prey. Let him be powerless and immaterial. Let him not matter. Because, after all, he doesn't.
Edward's eyes suddenly meet hers. Golden, surprised, gloating. He sees the way she watches him and she looks away.
Those fucking eyes.
They make her shiver in disgust with herself.
He is a person, no matter how much she denies it. And she knows it, too. She tries to treat him like an object, but it is impossible. Purely impossible every time she sees those eyes.
Windows to the soul. They should be empty, because he should be soulless.
Before she can dwell on it for too much longer, Jasper's story starts up again. She glances slyly at him, only to find him glaring at her in an exasperated kind of way. She smiles apologetically.
Yeah, I know. I'll try and control my bipolar tendencies.
"Anyway," he drags the word out to catch the attention of an otherwise distracted audience (i.e. Bella and Edward), "as I was saying, it was the summer of 1942. I'd been in the Red Army for nearly a year and the outlook was getting a bit better. The Nazi's had failed to take Moscow and that gave us hope. They knew it too, that's why they went for Stalingrad. They wanted to stamp out our hope. But we were made of stronger stuff than they thought. We were going to defend that city until the gates of hell opened up and the Devil himself, Hitler, came to deal with us personally. Of course, he never did. Bastard." Jasper's usually calm façade drops suddenly and fury rings in his eyes, in his sneer.
"We were stationed near Brykino and I was sent on a scouting mission to find kindling and scope the terrain. They sent me with a friend of mine, Alexei, and we were approaching the river when we heard a screeching sound. We thought it was an owl at first, but then we heard a rushing noise, like feet moving across the ground. We got our guns out, in case it was a moose or a bear." His eyes close, clenching shut so that minute lines appear near the corners. His body tenses and Alice wraps her arms around his waist, leaning her head against his shoulder blades.
"It came out of the darkness. Bright red eyes and teeth that glinted in the moonlight. It struck Alexei first and he went down screaming, thrashing uselessly. I remember holding up my gun and shooting two bullets, praying that I hit the creature and not Alexei. One of the bullets came bouncing back and I ducked. The other ricocheted into a tree trunk. The creature didn't even flinch. I… I ran. I was so terrified, so confused. All I can remember thinking is what the fuck? Over and over again." He seems to curl in on himself. His voice is now a whisper. Bella has never heard him tell it in this much detail. She knew the basics but never about Alexei.
"I ran towards the Volga. I was about ten feet away when I heard it behind me. I never ran as fast as I did in those last seconds. I thought I could dive in the water and escape, I thought about how Alexei would not survive, I thought about my ma and pa and Stalingrad. And then it caught me, stuck its fangs in my arm, and drank."
"I guess it was an older vampire, because a third way through draining me dry, it just stopped. Apparently, Alexei had been more than enough to sustain its thirst. Then, as it stopped, it leaned down and kissed my cheek. All I saw was red hair and the red eyes again, and then it was gone. I think it was a girl though, because it whispered to me as it turned to leave. A name. Nessie. And then I was changing. When she had tackled me I was about a foot from the water. All my thrashing and screaming pushed me into the river and the flow carried me for a couple of miles to where Bella landed on me. I think it was near Belyj Gorodok? Where you pulled me out?"
She nods.
"And that's how we met, originally. That's how it began." He is silent. Nobody speaks.
"But…" Carlisle calmly goads.
"But…" Bella continues, picking up the reins after a grateful look from Jasper.
"That's not how it ended. I didn't want to leave Jasper by himself because I felt like I could help him. And I was lonely. Plus, he'd had this absolutely fantastic idea-"
"Let's go to Stalingrad." They had been swimming casually down the river, at Bella's insistence. She gave him a questioning glance as she kicked lazily, letting the current carry her on her back. Her ears were underwater but she could hear him perfectly as he spoke.
"Why? And what for? Isn't there a war going on over there?" Jasper hummed in agreement and they floated silently for a while more. He turned onto his stomach and started doggy-paddling.
"Yes, and that is exactly why we should go over there. To help fight the Nazi's." Bella turned and swam next to him, gazing at him curiously. His eyes had taken on a shiny glint, like a penny in the sun.
"But what is the point?" Jasper sighed exasperatedly and shook his head. He fixed her with an intent gaze. Suddenly, she felt as if her bones were on fire. Her body hummed excitedly, and if she'd had a pulse, it would have been hammering.
His eyes glowed like a cat's.
"The point is to do some good with what we have. The Russians need help and we need blood. The Nazi's are evil. Have you heard what they've done to Jews and Gypsies and anyone else who stands in their way? It's all hush-hush, but the camps I was trained in were alight with rumors and one of our newer recruits had been there when it happened. They tortured people, Bella. Children! Whole families watched each other die in gas chambers or were starved to death. They are brutal, inhuman animals. They deserve to die. And, besides, we need the blood." She found herself nodding unconsciously as he spoke. He was just so…persuasive.
"Now," he said, his eyebrows scrunched together in determination, "I don't know about you, but I'd much rather spend my time killing Nazi's than innocent people."
Somehow, she just couldn't say no. And anyway, she was planning to stick with him in the first place. Might as well make it worthwhile.
Right?
"Let's do it."
They started to swim faster, racing the current down the river for a day before they reached the banks near Stalingrad. The shots rang out from half a mile away, where they stood, soaking on the western side of the river. A pair of officers in brown, folded hats and jackets with lapels neatly smoothed pulled out their guns and started blubbering in Russian.
"Стой!Кто вы?"
Jasper held up his hands in surrender and spoke soothingly, explaining how he and his partner had been chased from a village nearby on the Eastern bank and had jumped into the river to escape the Nazi's. They would be happy to help the soldiers if the soldiers helped them.
Placated, the officers led them to their commander.
"Follow my lead," Jasper whispered to Bella as, dripping wet, they approached a broad, intimidating man with dark eyes and an even darker beard.
The commander asked Jasper some questions and Jasper answered them easily enough. Bella felt that same strange sense of calm she'd felt when she first met him as he talked and she watched in amazement as the harsh commander relaxed slightly. He gave them clothes and food, which they discreetly ignored.
After they had been taken care of, the commander turned away.
"Вы! Возьмите их вокопах!" He said to one of the commanders. Jasper cleared his throat as the other soldier approached them cautiously.
The soldier was staring into Bella's eyes. Probably wondering about the red color.
"Пожалуйста, мысолдаты. Мы будем бороться-" He said firmly to the commander, who'd tensed. He turned slowly, his black eyes looking into Jasper's.
He flinched and turned away, then waved his hand at the officer who retreated.
The commander waved them over and pointed off into the distant darkness, where a fire was roaring. Soldiers sat around it.
Jasper tensed and Bella put her hand on his arm. He'd done wonderfully, keeping himself from killing these humans on first sight so far. But to approach them near a fire, where they were warm and full?
Impossible.
"Wait." Edward interrupts, his voice tinged with confusion. Bella turns to him reluctantly, her eyes flashing in annoyance.
"How did he not kill those people? Newborns don't have that amount of control." Bella shrugs and Jasper raises his head to smile at Edward.
"See, the thing is," he says, blonde hair swinging in front of glittering eyes, "they smelled like animals, not humans." Edward is incredulous.
"That's it? They smelled?"
"Well, yeah. They'd been in that city for a while, and they were coated in ash and metallic shit, and they hadn't showered in a couple of months. And it wasn't the soldiers that attracted me; it was the infirmary not too far away." He shudders.
"All those open wounds… but I knew I'd get to feast on Nazi's in a few hours so I managed to reign it in. I guess my army discipline had followed me into this new life." His eyes suddenly dampen.
"And I could feel their emotions. It made them less appetizing to me, because they felt like people. Not just food. It was weird, I had no idea what was going on. I didn't know if it was normal vampire behavior to feel when others are scared, confused, sad, etc."
Bella gives him the stink eye and he bursts into laughter.
"He was sneaky," she says sullenly, "using that power of his to get me to go with him to Stalingrad and then using it on the commander. I knew something was up, but it wasn't until later that I really approached him about The Vibes, as I'd come to call them."
Emmett raises an eyebrow but stays silent.
"It was sometime around January of 1943, we'd been fighting for a couple of months…"
"Jasper!" Bella whispered as they sat on the bank of the Volga. It was quiet for once, both sides waiting through the night after nearly a month of constant bombardment.
"Yeah?" He was reclining next to her, staring up at the lights in the night sky. She looked at him briefly before copying his pose, stretching her body out along his. With hands behind her head, she gazed up at the night sky with him. She felt a wave of calm flow over her slowly. It rocked from her head to her toes until she felt blanketed in warmth.
The Vibes again.
"What is that?" She kept her voice low, not wanting to disturb the night. She felt peaceful; they'd just had a good meal of Nazi officers an hour before. But the peace she felt wasn't due to that. It was due to something that rolled off of Jasper and glided across her skin.
"What is what?" She heard the scratch of hair against dirt and felt the burn of his eyes as they focused on the side of her face.
She continued to stare into the night. Stars were so much clearer and closer as a vampire.
"What is that… calm? You know what I mean!" She was exasperated and she waited to hear him laugh at her expense. He usually did. Jasper was an easygoing guy.
But, to her surprise, all she heard was the sound of the humans breathing fitfully in their sleep hundreds of yards away.
She turned on her side and found him looking up at the sky, a rumpled expression on his face. The calm disintegrated.
"I…don't know. I can feel other people's emotions. Vampires, animals, humans… and I can kind of push my emotions on them. Ya know? Like, if I want someone to be angry, they'll get angry. Or if I want a human to be paralyzed with fear, that's what they'll be." He turned his eyes towards her.
"Wow." She was impressed. He grimaced.
"It's not what you think. I feel other people's emotions like they are my own. So whenever I go to kill, I can feel the terror and the pain. And I just want to run away. And when you feed, I feel this crushing guilt. Like a ten-ton weight is dropped on my head." He looked at her with a hint of pity in his eyes. She rolled onto her back again as the guilt crept back in.
"How do you stand it?" He was the one whispering, then. She didn't answer.
She couldn't.
They lay together in the silence, and a heavy blanket pressed on their chests. Bella couldn't bear it anymore, and was about to get up, but an officer came sprinting towards them. They could see through the supposedly impenetrable dark as he stumbled and shivered.
He stopped fifty feet away, as if he couldn't bear to go any closer.
"R-Rusalka? Vodn-n-nik?" His voice trembled as he called them by their army names. They grinned slightly at each other.
Rusalka- a beautiful, female water demon from Slavic folklore; pastimes include luring men to rivers and drowning them.
Vodnik (or Vodyanoy) - male water demon from Slavic folklore; he enjoys dragging helpless fishermen down to the deeps to keep as slaves.
Of course, Bella and Jasper didn't completely match the descriptions of the two faeries, (Rusalki being drowned women unable to leave the water and the Vodnik having the appearance of bums or large, bearded fish), but their infamous arrival into the camp by water and the rumors of their savage, demonic, no-mercy killing of the Germans was enough to have the Russians whispering tales of water-demon assassins in Stalingrad.
And so, with no other names by which they could be called (they agreed to not reveal their real names) they took on the names Rusalka and Vodnik.
Jasper spoke to the soldier and sent some calming Vibes in his direction. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.
He shrugged as the man ran away after sighing in relief.
"The commander has asked that we come. He wants his "best assassins" to get some credit."
Bella frowned.
"They don't know our real names or our natures really… I mean, we only feed after the other guards have left. It wouldn't hurt, right?" Bella was babbling.
"Worried about, what did you call them? The Volturi?" She nodded. The ruling regime had been introduced to her by some of the vampires she'd come into contact with in the past decade or so. And she, in turn, had explained their existence to Jasper.
"Yes. But these humans will be dead in less than a century! It can't hurt that we've made ourselves known to them. "Best assassins" he said, not vampires." Jasper just watched as she tried to convince herself.
"Should we leave?" She asked with a timid kind of voice. He shook his head.
"No. We're doing a benefit for mankind here. Fuck the Volturi." He said it with conviction and started off towards the crumbling building where the commander was waiting for them. Bella, after a momentary pause of doubt, hurried after him.
He was right. Fuck the Volturi.
Of course, an hour later, they were leaving with all thoughts concerning bravado far from their minds.
"They wanted us there to congratulate us and publish a story about us in an inspirational Russian newspaper. We were going to be in a column next to the story on the sniper raids. We agreed to be questioned the next day and then hightailed it out of there." She shivers.
"War propaganda with vampires? The Volturi would have ripped us to shreds. Jasper wasn't too happy about it, but we both agreed to leave. The Russians managed to do well enough without us." She grins in his direction. He frowns grumpily.
"I wasn't ready to leave." He grumbles and glares at her. She ignores it.
"We went our separate ways after that." Her eyes shift to his briefly.
"He wanted more war time but I was still a little bit shaken up by our close brush with fame. Where did you go anyway?" She turns her body to his and waits with the rest of the coven.
"Well, I went back to the States. Turns out pa had been inspired by my leave for Russia but didn't have enough money to travel over there after half funding my trip. He went to train at Pearl Harbor instead." His eyes show pain.
"He was killed by the Japanese. Got blown up on one of the ships. Ma died of grief after receiving army reports of both mine and his death. I came back to an empty house." Alice grips him tightly as he gives a shuddering breath, his dark gold eyes swirling with grief.
"I went mad with rage, started killing anyone I came across. Broke into one of those Japanese internment camps and went on a killing spree. It was…horrible."
Silence meets his admission. Bella wonders if the others have ever heard about any of this.
"Afterwards, I felt so guilty but I didn't think I could really change. I was on my way to the city one night to find a meal when I got knocked into from behind by this one." He puts his arm around Alice's shoulder and hugs her to his side. He smiles down at her with an expression of absolute peace. It is the first time Bella has ever seen that kind of expression on his face.
"I always seem to be crashing into the ladies." Alice smiles up at him warmly, her eyes glazing over.
"She started yelling at me, hitting me with her tiny fists. Saying "what is the matter with you, you big oaf? You were supposed to be in that bar downtown ages ago!" I asked her what she meant and she just rolled her eyes then pulled me down to kiss her." He grins lecherously and Alice, who, though unable to blush, looks down in an embarrassed manner.
"It was a little more than kissing," she mumbles nearly incoherently. Edward laughs boisterously, obviously amused by Alice's thoughts; it sets off what feels like fireworks in Bella's stomach. She does her best not to replay the sound over and over again in her mind.
And she fails. Miserably.
"Then she poked me in the chest and said "That's what I mean, buddy. Don't ever make me wait again." And I told I wouldn't. So I haven't." He winks at her fondly.
"He really hasn't," she says with a sly grin before cuddling up to his side in a grossly insinuative gesture. Emmett whistles, which earns him a glare from his wife.
Bella is confused by the story. Alice sees it and smiles warily.
"Um, have I mentioned that I can see the future?" Her eyes are nervous. Bella is incredulous.
She's kidding.
But nobody is laughing.
A mind reader, psychic, and an empath? Is this some kind of supernatural breeding ground?
"No, not really." She says wryly, a little bit of acid creeping into her tone.
"What about you?" Esme asks Bella, trying to deflect the tense conversation.
"What about me?"
"What did you do after you and Jasper separated?" She clarifies, a coaxing smile on her face. Bella wants to huff in frustration and ream into Alice or Jasper for holding yet another important piece of information back, but finds herself somehow compelled to answer the gentle woman's question.
Might as well make the situation even more awkward…
"I travelled. Hunted criminals because it made me feel less guilty." Hunted Edward. She thinks bitterly.
Fantasized about killing him. Planned ways to trap and torture him.
"You know, the usual." She shrugs nonchalantly. Out of the corner of her eye she can see Edward shrink into the wall. Does he know what she is thinking?
But… he said he can't read my mind?
Oh, wait. I'm glaring at him.
And indeed she is. He cringes away from her basilisk stare.
"Bella?" It is Carlisle this time, his gaze flitting worriedly between Bella and Edward. The rest of the coven watches on the sidelines.
"Would you like to take a walk with me?" He wants to talk to her away from prying ears and minds. She agrees, if only to calm herself down. So much has changed over the past few days that she still has issues with her temper. Especially when it's provoked by a few choice memories about her attitude towards Edward for the past century or so.
But, then again, that's all changing a bit now.
Isn't it?
She walks stiffly past Edward on her way out the door, and against her volition, feels the frisson of energy between them. He catches her eye, and she is unable to read his expression. It gives her goosebumps. She isn't sure if they are the good or the bad kind.
Carlisle opens the large, wooden door and she walks almost regretfully through its arch. She throws a longing glance back at the house she is just a little bit attached to and then dashes into the trees, Carlisle keeping pace beside her.
She leads him towards one of the many clearings she has recently familiarized herself with and motions for him to sit.
"I know you have questions," she begins, "but before you start, can I tell you something?" He nods warily, probably expecting her to tell him something about how she seems to… dislike Edward. Which she does.
Sort of.
But that's not it. That's for another time and place. This, right here, is much more important than her whirlwind of confusion regarding a certain bronze haired vampire.
"Edward told me something interesting a short while ago and I'm here to ask you if you can help me with it."
Her voice falters slightly before gaining strength.
"He told me I don't have to live this way anymore; I don't have to be a monster. I want to try your way of life." She waits nervously as the vampire before her observes her quietly.
His eyes roam over her face. She is hit suddenly with an image of those eyes staring back at her from the mirror. Gold eyes. Her gold eyes.
He smiles.
"I think we can make that happen."
I did a LOT of research for this one. I'm American, so of course we learned NEXT TO NOTHING about Stalingrad, seeing as we had basically no part in it. I was inspired by Enemy at the Gates (sniper newspaper reference anyone?) and I got my Russian from Google translator, so I've no idea how authentic it is.
Стой!Кто вы?- Halt! Who are you?
Вы! Возьмите их вокопах!- You! Take them to (in) the trenches!
Пожалуйста, мысолдаты. Мы будем бороться- Please, we are soldiers. We will fight.
Creative license?
Anyway, I've got a new story in the works. Here's a summary:
There's a new girl in school today. Well guess what? I REALLY DON'T CARE. I have bigger things to worry about than doe-eyed, curvaceous, smart girls from Arizona, like the fact that I've been hopelessly in love with Rosalie Hale for nearly a decade and my dad's marrying her mom. I've got adoption papers to burn and a wedding to sabotage. Bella Swan is the LAST thing on my mind right now… I think.
All EPOV, Crazy Edward, a little less clueless Bella... yeah, the works. Now I just need to research the adoption process! GOOO OCD tendencies!
Thing is, I don't have a clever title yet. If you have any ideas, just leave them in your review (INCENTIVE!).
So, my minions, yay or nay?