It's about to get awkward. And hot. Enjoy!

Chapter 7

Something had shifted overnight.

Over the past few days, Morgana had begun to feel more at home in her James persona. The voice wasn't quite so awkward nor the gait so overdone. But the most notable change was that she had started to feel comfortable around Merlin.

Before she felt the connection. The tension between them and tried to hide from it. In disguise, she felt free to be open. It was almost as if the role of James let her finally be Morgana with Merlin. Of course, she still had to guard herself and pretend masculinity, but on the whole, she felt less restricted.

But last night had changed it all. It was one thing to have an inkling of Merlin's feelings. To fantasize about him and imagine that such feelings were mutual. To interpret and agonize over the shift of his eyes at dinner or the crooked half smile he gave her in the hallway. Everything had been fraught with meaning and yet, it was all in the world of her imagination.

But never in her wildest fantasies or deepest desires had she imagined Merlin would actually admit such things. She's a goddess sent to earth to torment men like me.

The entire morning she felt dazed, anxious. And strangely euphoric.

More than that, she was…unsure of how to react. Did she dare believe his drunken confession? Did she dare hope that the ale had loosened his tongue enough to wrangle out his true feelings? If she was hoping to observe any indication of Merlin's feelings at breakfast, she was bound to be disappointed. Unsurprisingly, Merlin had not made an appearance in the great hall. They were still scheduled to meet after the noonday meal, as per usual (and likely if Merlin's hangover abated) but she couldn't be easy about it. What was she to say? How was she to react? And what the hell was James supposed to say? Did men joke with each other after a night of whispered confessions and drunken debacles? Did James even dare ask about Morgana?

She couldn't forget his words, his wonderful passionate confession of attraction, but she was still doubtful of its validity. Did he really mean it?

There had always been a sense of connection between them. She'd shied away from it, feeling vulnerable, feeling exposed and knowing that he couldn't find that Morgana attractive. She'd always secretly hoped for a return of feelings, but this was too much. More than she had ever wanted. And she still wasn't sure she could believe it.

So by the time she had snuck to Gwen, changed into her James attire, and walked to the practice field, she was fit to be tied. Would he even show up?

She didn't have to wait long; nearly five minutes later, Merlin wandered on the field. He looked like hell. His usually rumpled hair was even more disheveled, sticking up at the most odd angles. His eyes were squinted as if the bright noonday sun was much too bright.

"Hey Merlin," she said, a little bit of her anxiety dissolving. She couldn't help but inwardly chuckle at the aftereffects of their late night.

He winced at the greeting and said tonelessly, "Hey."

"How are you feeling?" James said sweetly.

"Not great."

"Are you still up for this? We could always skip today."

"No, I'll be fine. I think I just need go somewhere else. It's too bright here. Why don't we go to the lake?"

Grabbing their practice swords, James said, "That's fine. Let's go."

They walked in silence. Merlin was dragging so she slowed her pace. She'd ridden past the lake on many of her afternoon rides. It was mostly a spot for the locals to enjoy a meandering walk or a lovely picnic.

It was a short walk. Near the lake was a large clearing that was shaded by trees. Since it was early afternoon and most of the townspeople were at work, it was deserted. Merlin walked to the water's edge and kneeling, he splashed water on his face. He shook his head, as if to clear it and came to stand in front of her, looking a little better.

"I think I'm ready," he said and took one of the swords she handed him.

"You sure?" James asked.

"Let's just go, I'll find my groove," he said and they started.

She tried to be a little less intensive. James didn't attack with quite so much zeal nor did she take the openings he left. After a few more minutes, he seemed much better. While his reflexes weren't as sharp as usual, he did appear to be much more composed.

But just as she began to really show her true aggression and talent, Merlin's shoddy reflexes kicked in. She aimed her sword for his shoulder and while he managed to block it, he wasn't quick enough. The slightly dull tip scrapped against his upper arm and cut a gash in his skin.

Merlin winced and covered the wound with his hand but said nothing else about the pain. James, on the other hand, was overcome with words.

"Oh my God, are you alright? I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have been so forceful. We've never even gotten close to that and now you're injured-"

"It's alright," said Merlin comfortingly. "It's nothing but a scratch."

"Nothing but a scratch? Are you mad? The blood is already soaking your shirt."

"It's only a flesh wound, it'll stop bleeding soon. Stop worrying."

Grabbing his uninjured arm, James dragged Merlin to the water's edge, mumbling about flesh wounds and stupid men.

"Where are you taking me? Plan to finish the job off? Drowning's a good choice."

"No, I'm going to bandage it. But we need to take off your shirt," James said, the last bit a little shaky. Really, she didn't want to tear his sleeve further and it was the only way to get a good look at the wound.

She grabbed the hem of his shirt and tried to ignore the sudden tremor in her hands. Lifting the shirt up, she and Merlin managed to maneuver his injured arm out of the sleeve and tug the shirt over his head. While she was extra careful, her fingers kept brushing against his chest. Finally, his shirt was off and she made him sit down.

"I need your neckerchief too," said James. Moving to kneel behind Merlin, she worked to untie the knot at the base of his neck. They were so close and with shaking hands, she kept fumbling and touching the soft skin on the back of his neck. Which only made her clumsier.

"If you plan to be back there any longer, would you mind giving me a back massage? I could really use one, you know," said Merlin.

"Prat," said James and finally managed to get the knot undone. She walked to the water's edge and knelt to wet Merlin's wet neckerchief. And to try to calm her nerves. She needed to put herself together. She was nursing Merlin, not fondling him. He was just like every other patient she'd tended during Camelot's battles. Just another injured person, just someone else who needed her help.

She'd almost convinced herself of that. And then, of course, she turned around to face the person she was trying to help…and help was the last thing on her mind. Merlin was stretched out on the grass, his arms propping him up. His face was turned towards the sun, his eyes closed as a small frown marred his brows and his lips parted. He looked like some dark god with his broad and pale chest and muscular arms. While she'd seen other men's chests before, never had she wanted to do so many things to them. Right now, she wanted to walk over, straddle his lap and run her hands all over his taut body. Her palms practically itched to touch him, to feel all that tightly wound muscle and hot skin beneath her.

Realizing that she was taking too long and that her mouth was dry from keeping it open, she walked over and knelt by Merlin's side. Focus, she thought, focus on the task at hand. He's just another patient, just another patient…keep your eyes away from his amazing chest

Gently she began to clean the wound. Merlin was right, it wasn't serious and it had already stopped bleeding. Thankfully it didn't look as serious as she initially thought.

"Am I hurting?" she asked, the silence a little awkward. Mostly because it enabled her to keep stealing glances at his half naked body.

"No, it's fine, really. I've had my share of injuries. This isn't bad," Merlin replied.

"That's good. I wouldn't want to maim Arthur's servant. He might retaliate in some fashion, considering that he hates me."

"Wait, how did you know that he hates you?"

"You told me last night."

"Oh God, I must be the biggest lightweight ever. Seriously, I only had like six pints and already I'm spilling secrets. Oh God, did I hug you?" Merlin asked mortified.

Smiling, James replied, "Yeah. Bit awkward really."

"Sorry. Apparently I'm an affectionate drunk. I vaguely remember that you walked me home. Thanks."

"You said as much last night. I think the hug sufficed as gesture of thanks."

Groaning, Merlin covered his eyes with his hand. She continued to clean the wound, pressing against it to staunch any additional bleeding.

After another few moments of silence, she asked the question she wanted to know the most, "Did you mean what you said last night?"

"Oh God, what else did I say?"

Trying to act nonchalant, James shrugged and said "Something about Lady Morgana and how much you fancied her. Compliments and feelings and such."

"Oh God. Tell me I said that on the way home."

"Sorry, mate. You said it in the pub, while everyone was there," said James.

"This is bad. Very. Bad. All of the knights are pretty discreet. Something about what happens at the tavern, stays at the tavern. But Sir Leon, for all his many fine points, gossips like an old woman. Soon Arthur will know and then he'll have an awkward chat with me. And that's after he skewers my bollocks with a sword that I've just polished. This gets worse and worse," finished Merlin, his hand still over his eyes.

Untying her own scarf, she began to wrap the clean neckerchief around his wound.

But after a few more moments of Merlin's mumbles and anguished groans, she asked again, "But did you mean it? Do you have feelings for Lady Morgana?"

"I'll answer that, if you answer this: are you involved with Gwen?"

"Me? Involved with Gwen? No, she's just a friend. She's been…err…helping me adjust to life at Camelot. Really. I think of her as more of a sister."

"Well, that's nice of her. Although, frankly, that sounds like Gwen. Arthur…thought you two might be involved. He saw the two of you hugging and well, he was worried about Gwen."

Arthur thought James was involved with Gwen? Merlin's inquisition made sense now. "I see. Now answer my question," said James, anxious to know the answer.

"Yes, alright, yes. I have feelings for Morgana. But it can never be. We're…similar in a lot of ways, but it's my destiny to watch her from afar. Nothing can come of it," Merlin said dejectedly as he moved to sit up. "Although, with Sir Leon the Tattler, I apparently won't have much more time to admire her."

"What do you like most about her?" When Merlin didn't answer, James said, "You can trust me, you know. I'll keep your secrets. Besides, it might be nice to talk to someone about it."

"True. I guess. Well, we're mates, right? We should be talking about women," said Merlin.

They walked back to where the swords lay. Merlin picked his up and winced a bit, "I'm fine. Really. I'll work with my other arm. It'll be good practice."

"If you say so…" said James, determined to go easy on Merlin.

"Look, I can't have you nagging me like my mother. Besides, I'll only share these feelings if we're doing something physical. Seems a bit unmanly to sit around talking about feelings without ale. Alright?"

"Alright," said James.

They began to spar, working slower and perfecting each move. After a few minutes, Merlin began, "I knew from the first moment I saw her that I was in trouble. I'd just come to Camelot from Ealdor and the first thing I witnessed was an execution for magic. While the whole scene was…horrific to say the least, I looked up to see a young woman in a blue dress, watching the scene with the same look of the terror as on my face. She was…gorgeous. Beautiful. More lovely than anyone I had ever seen in my entire life."

She felt herself blush at his compliments but hoped he would assume it was from exertion.

He continued, "I didn't know who she was. Of course, I found out pretty quickly that she was the Lady Morgana and that she was Uther's ward, practically a princess. Way beyond my reach, really beyond anyone's reach. She's likely destined for someone equally as rich and equally as handsome. Probably some alliance brokered by Uther. But definitely not Arthur's servant."

The more emotions he spilled, the harder he fought. As if he were battling the barriers between them.

"She's more compassionate and kind than any person I know. She's risked her life to help me, to help others-Arthur, Gwen, my mother and my entire town, and numerous other people. Like us all, she has a dark side, but I…can't stop myself from wanting her. I think about her all the time. I want her. I know nothing can ever come of it, I know that it's dangerous for both of us. But it's like breathing. I can't stop. I don't want to stop," he finished. She was so entranced by his speech that her own reflexes were slowed. Merlin had knocked her sword to ground with her back against the tree trunk before she

He playfully pointed the sword at her chest and said, "Do you yield?"

"Yes," James said breathily. Her mind was reeling…it's like breathing. I can't stop. I don't want to stop.

Merlin lowered the sword and smiled. But before he could move away, she grabbed his neck and pulled his head down, covering his mouth with hers.

She felt his shock as he tensed but he didn't pull away. She fused their lips together, reveling in the softness, the heat of his mouth against hers. It was divine. Essential. He said that being near her was like breathing. Well, kissing him seemed that necessary to her. Like finding the cure for a disease that has long plagued you. She opened her mouth slightly, nibbling on his plump bottom lip with her lips. As she flicked out her tongue, she heard him groan before he quickly shoved her away.

For the space of a moment, neither said anything. His face was a mask of intense astonishment as his chest rose rapidly. His lips were still slightly puckered and she wondered if she dared to kiss him again.

"I ummmm have to go. I'm ….supposed to be somewhere. Arthur. That's right, Arthur wants me. I have to go," he shouted the last bit out and tore through the woods towards the castle.

Too little, too late she realized how difficult this situation had just become. She had been overcome with Merlin's words. So overcome that she had done the unthinkable, had completely blown her James cover and had made everything so bloody awkward.

"Merlin!" she called in vain, wanting to explain everything. "Merlin!"

But he was gone.

How the hell was she going to fix this?

FINIS

Told ya! Awkward! Now we have Merlin worried about his sexuality and rather confused about his new friend. We have Sir Leon with his gossip and we have Merlin with the truth about Gwen and James. Phew, quite a bit happened here. Not to mention some rather sexy kissing. Yum. It's a bit naughty of Morgana to use her James persona to gain information about Merlin's crush. But come on, how's she supposed to know?

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Don't worry, Merlin won't be questioning his sexuality for too long. It's about to get really hot next chapter.

Please review!

They kiss with her as a man. He runs away and wants to pretend nothing happened.

She has to tell him the truth and then they make out, hardcore in the stables (yeah!)