He actually came. He was strangely subdued all evening, though Mom had made boeuf bourguignon, which he had once mentioned was a particular favorite, and joked about the French woman learning a French dish from Julia Child. He told Mom he thought he was coming down with a cold and then had to strenuously resist her solicitous offers of medicine and orange juice and chicken soup and garlic. As he and Alex sat over her history later, his mind was clearly on other things, though he could usually be counted on to become quite enthusiastic about the subject of how the Norman conquest changed Anglo-Saxon culture in England.

Then he said abruptly, "Alex, what would you do if you found out that someone you looked up to and respected had once been a really horrible person? What if you found out that the worst thing that had ever happened to you was all the fault of someone who later became your friend?"

She stared at him. "Dr. Linus, did someone do something to you?"

"What? No—consider it a—a hypothetical situation. I just want to know what you would do in a situation like that."

"I don't think I can even imagine a situation like that." But even as she said it, there was one of the flashes, an instant of extreme terror, of needing someone to protect her, of feeling absolute betrayal by whoever was supposed to protect her. She clutched her desk and tried to keep from bursting into terrified tears. It's not real. It's not real. It's all in your mind.

"Alex, are you alright?"

She looked up into a comforting, self-reproachful face and immediately felt better. Of course it's not real. "I suppose it would depend on the person, wouldn't it? I mean, the friend? Is he a friend just so he can hurt you again? Or does he want to try to make up for what he did? You couldn't stay friends with someone who wanted to hurt you."

"What if he wants to make up for it? But what if he never can? What if what he did was so bad that he can never make up for it, no matter how much he wants to? He could never deserve forgiveness."

"Dr. Linus, don't you know anything about forgiveness? You don't forgive people because they deserve it. You forgive people because they need it. If they deserved it, they wouldn't need it."

For a moment Dr. Linus was the one who looked like he was going to burst into tears. He got up from his chair and walked away to the window. Alex followed him. She put a hand on his arm.

"Dr. Linus, who hurt you?"

He stared out through the crack in the curtains like he was seeing something far removed from the quiet street outside.

"I did. I hurt me. I'm sorry, Alex. I—I need to go. I have a meeting—at church. Thank your mother for the lovely meal for me. I'm sorry—"

He took his jacket and was gone, and she stared after him and wondered if he was ever coming back.

That night she dreamed she lived in a jungle.