Her voice sounded flat with little emotion as he finished telling her that he had received her letter. He told her he wanted to see her in person and talk some things through. Amanda at first told him they had no reason really to see each other, that he had made that point fine and clear a little less then five months ago. Struggling with losing his temper he told her that he knew she really did want to talk and settle things, why did she even send the letter in the first place? After a few minutes more they decided she would meet him at his apartment later that night.
Rushing around, Adam took out three whole bags of trash and tossed them in the dumpster out back. Taking a shower and giving himself a clean shave, he threw on an old shirt of his and a pair of worn out jeans. Looking around his apartment, most of his trash and junk was shoved in the very same closet where he had been attacked, and slid on the lock. He knew it wasn't perfect…but it would have to do. Finally a little past eight the doorbell went off and Adam answered it.
He was stunned.
Amanda looked so different now, in fact he took him at a loss of words as he stood in the doorframe, unable to speak. Her hair was much longer now, and she wore what looked like a black long skirt and thin violet sweater, which showed off her perfectly round stomach. In fact…she looked as if she was about to burst. Standing there for a moment, her dark eyes looked him over and she slowly nodded.
"Hey Adam…"
Adam let her in and walked with her to his couch. Digging his hands deeply in his pockets, he had no idea what to say…in fact he really didn't have any idea what she was doing here in the first place.
"Do you want some coffee?"
"No thanks, can't."
"Oh…well anything else, I might have…"
"No I'm fine…"
She set down her messenger bag and sat on the couch, Adam came over and sat beside her, not being able to take his eyes off her stomach. Settling in the awkward silence she finally looked at him.
"So?"
Gulping he looked her over.
"I guess…I wanted to say that I'm sorry for how I acted."
"What?"
"Treating you like that…I'm telling the truth Amanda, and it might be the only time, but I'm really messed up…ever since it happened I haven't been able to feel normal again." "I wish it would go away…but I feel as if I'm half here most of the time, I'm really beep up…"
Amanda pushed back some of her hair and set one of her hands on her stomach. Adam felt his heart racing as he went on. "And I'll keep telling the truth if that's what you really want to hear…I'll tell you that I really am a bad person who doesn't deserve to still be alive, and I'll say that I don't want this baby…I never wanted kids and I never will."
"So why did you call me?"
"To let you understand how sorry I am…that I shouldn't of clutched onto you like that after just one night, I felt so alone and I thought we might have had something…but honest Amanda, I could never be a father, I'm too messed up."
"And I'm not."
"No…your stronger then me, you could of gotten an abortion, but you didn't…I don't know what you've been up too…but your still going, that's more then I can say."
"I…"
He heard Amanda's voice shake deep inside her throat.
"I liked you Adam…but your not the only one who's messed up, I have this aching going on inside me all the time, as if even the most extreme things won't help…I'm alone and all I have to show for anything is this baby which I don't even deserve." "I've messed up a lot too…and I think I crossed the line when I started to like you, I've been told I let my emotions take the best of me, even from the only person that cares if I live or die…and now I have to give up everything for someone who doesn't even care."
Adam didn't fully understand where she was going with this…but he saw she was getting worked up.
"I'm sorry Amanda, I just wanted you to know that…and there's really not I can do for you, but I wanted to admit that I understand what I did to you, and that your going to have a baby girl all alone…I'm sorry."
Amanda reached out and touched Adam's arm.
"It's okay…at least now you know what you did and you know the results of your actions, that's all I wanted."
Adam felt close to crying himself, really not being able to grasp the trouble he got himself into he simply shook his head.
"I'm just tried you know?"
"Yeah…"
"Even when I'm asleep it feels like I'm going."
"I'm sure there's a place where there is peace…like death."
Adam looked at her.
"With my luck it's going to be an alarm clock ringing all the time."
'No…I think death is just stillness, peace."
"Alone?"
Amanda gave a faint smile and rubbed her stomach.
"Well not anymore…"
Adam cleared his throat, trying to block away the exhausted tears that had formed in his eyes.
"What have you been doing?"
Amanda looked at him.
"I'm staying with a close friend, I've been doing all right."
"You said your due date is coming up?"
"Yeah two weeks…"
Adam nodded.
"I really haven't gotten much together, but at least let me do this…"
He reached behind him from his pack jean pocket and showed her his bank book.
"I have about three thousand in the bank, mostly saved up things from the reporters…I don't really want it, so tomorrow I'm going to cash it all out and give it to you."
"What?"
"Don't take this the wrong way…but it's really all I can do, it's for the baby."
Amanda looked at the bank book and nodded.
"Your not going to be in it's life at all?"
Adam shook his head.
"I think that would be for the best…don't you think?"
Amanda nodded again looking at her stomach.
"I'll be moving away shortly after the baby is born…so you'll probably won't see us anyways."
Adam was temped to ask where, but knew better.
"Will you be okay?"
"Oh sure…we'll be fine."
She smiled as she kept rubbing her stomach.
"I have a reason to keep going…"
Adam felt his heart sink as he wanted her.
"Tomorrow will probably be the last time I'll ever hear from you."
"Yeah…"
"You don't have to tell the baby about me…"
"I will…I'll tell her that her father's name was Adam and that we met when he took a photo of me one day…and that he just drifted away, that's all."
Both stared at each other and Adam nodded.
"I'm sorry Amanda…I'll just mess it up."
"No, it's okay…as much as you think how hard it will be, you only wish it really was that easy."
Adam looked down at his hands and nodded.
"I think not letting me see you, or the baby again might be the smartest thing I'll done so far in my life."
Amanda touched his hand.
"Do you wanna feel it kick?"
Adam looked at her and slowly nodded as he took his hand and placed it on her stomach. After a few moments a slight bump was felt under the palm of his hand. Smiling a little, he felt again and couldn't believe how a messed up person like him made that.
"Do you remember when we first met?"
Adam looked up, still touching her stomach and gave a slight smile.
"On the stairwell…"
"You took my photo."
Adam slowly nodded, remembering back so long ago. The last nice thing he saw before the hell started.
Amanda then leaned in, touching the hair behind his head and gently kissed him on the lips. Shutting his eyes he moved his hand to the side of her cheek and kissed back as their mouths slowly opened and closed.
"I love you Adam…I'll make sure nobody hurts you again."
He heard her whisperer under her breath as they kept kissing…then she stopped.
Adam opened his eyes and looked at her.
"What?"
Suddenly Adam felt dampness soak into the knee of his jeans. Looking up Amanda stared down at herself.
"My water just broke."
Adam froze.