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Yet Another Halloween – Second Chapter – Guilt.
Yet another Halloween came, and he felt just the same as the one before.
He crawled back to his dungeons, walking like a bat, a large, black and depressing silhouette. The man reached a dark wooden door in the middle of the grey stones on the wall, only seen because of a small torch that was hung on the wall, which lit the dark dungeon with its warm fire. He pushed open the door to his office.
All over the walls, on shelves were jars full of sorts of potions and mixtures of disgusting things, that fascinated him only. He closed the door behind him and locked it, staying in total darkness.
"Muffliato," he murmured in a low tone, pointing his wand at the door. No one can hear him now – no one will see him in his weakest, most vulnerable moments, even though it was unlikely – every single person in the castle of Hogwarts has gone to sleep after the Halloween feast, and there was no one on these dark halls to hear him.
Severus crushed down to his chair, breathing heavily. Yet another Halloween came, and the guilt which he felt has never left him – following him every day, every month, every year once again, sticking to him like a Boggart to a dark closet or a Dementor to an excited soul. It was entirely his fault, no one else's, and that was a horrifying fact. He could not blame it upon anyone else, which could have been a great pleasure, or rather a comfort, to him – but he was entirely at fault, and the guilt crushed him from the inside.
The weak man slid down from his chair to the cold office floor. He did not bother to straighten up; what difference would it make? She was dead, and it was entirely his fault.
Lily's blazing, brilliant green eyes flashed in his memory, setting the stage to remember her beautiful smiling face and her red hair, as enchanting and intoxicating as deadly fire. She was all for him, ever since the moment he had seen her in that public playground, and up until now – but it didn't change the fact that he killed her, no, rather murdered her to benefit his so-called Dark Lord.
"Expecto Patronum," he mumbled yet again, just like last year, in Halloween – and the silver doe has come to him, giving him both comfort and once again, guilt.
"I'm sorry… I'm so, so sorry, Lily…" the poor man said, looking at the beautiful doe for an answer, which he knew that will never come – it was a Patronus, nothing else.
Tears began running down his black, tunnel-like eyes, and then again he whispered, "Lily, forgive me…"
The man cried and apologized until he lost his voice, until he fell asleep on the cold floor, until the assuring silver doe vanished into the air, leaving him with nothing but cold and bitter guilt, which will stay just the same, yet for another Halloween.