A/N This party's getting crazy!
DISCALIMER: I own nothing! I technically own the plot, but I doubt I'm the first one with the idea. I've never seen anything like this, but I'm sure it's been done.
WARNING: Weird pairing, Guyxguy nonsense, language, OOC-ness, and crack!
PAIRINGS: EnglandxRomano, mentions of AustriaxHungary, and various
SLANG/TRANSLATIONS: (Yes, I'm an American. That's why I'm translating slang; for myself and others who are too lazy to Google slang and translations.)
"Ja" – yes [German]
"Chap" – usually used respectfully, but used sarcastically in this case [British]
"A tad" – equivalent to "a bit" [British, technically]
"Programmes" – British spelling of 'programs' [British]
You Can't Spell Love Without Crazy Chapter: 2 He Blinded Me with Magic
Friday, July 16, 2011 12:16 PM: England's House/Austria's House
"Hello Austria. Is Hungary there, by chance?" England inquired the snobbish man on the other end of the phone line.
Roderich Edelstein replied almost immediately, "Ja. Let me go get her." The brunette set the phone on the table beside the base and pranced off to locate his girlfriend.
"Elizaveta! England is on the phone for you!" He purred loudly as he popped his head into the girl's room.
Elizaveta Héderváry looked up from her book, "Hmn? England? Alright."
She clambered off her bed and ambled over to the phone, grasping it and bringing it up to her ear. "Hey, Arthur," she greeted the blonde cheerfully. It had been quite some time since she'd last spoken to the undeniably charming man.
"Hello, Elizaveta. I require your momentary assistance," the Brit replied swiftly, glad she was in a pleasant mood.
The brunette raised an eyebrow that the blonde couldn't see, "Oh? What do you need help with?" England asking for help is unheard of, so this of course piqued her interest.
"…I turned Romano into a girl by accident and I'm hoping you can give him some advice. He's completely clueless about everything that has to do with living as a woman. He has to be a female for a few days, because it'll take some time to regain all the magical energy I unintentionally used on him," England sighed despondently as he explicated his unfortunate predicament to the girl. His embarrassment levels were nearly off the charts—and he wasn't even the one transfigured into a chick.
Hungary was actually quite helpful with her explanations and advice. She gave instructions on how to dress, walk, put on makeup, and other things that assisted Lovino to function properly as a woman. Her last words before hanging up, however, mortified the pair of nations beyond everything.
"Also, I'd recommend pretending that you are a couple. Actually… I implore that you do. It would keep creepers like France and Prussia away from Romano as long as he's female. Alright, now it's a requirement."
Both the countries in Arthur's house froze as the other line went dead. They slowly turned to face each other, blushes creeping across their faces.
"W-well… I guess we should listen to Elizaveta… I mean, it does make a damn lot of sense…" Romano mumbled quietly as she fiddled with the collar of her light blue dress. It's not like dresses were anything new for the Italian, but it had been quite some time since she'd worn one.
England nodded in flustered agreement, "Y-yeah… I su-suppose so… so, uh, are we a couple now…?"
"Y-yeah! You're my boyfriend, Arthur! So prepare yourself. Got it?" Lovino confirmed, her face resembling one of the tomatoes she loves so much as she played with the auburn locks that reached her shoulders.
:-:-:
Friday, July 16, 2011 01:25 PM: England
Soon after they decided to become a pseudo-couple, the pair took to the streets of England. They had a week to slaughter, so they might as well spend time doing something entertaining, apparently like touring the posh country.
Anyway; now the duo was roaming around England's land—holding hands, of course, to become adjusted to keeping their image—and sightseeing.
"Hurry up, Lovino! It tickles like a whore!" Arthur whined childishly and fidgeted as the brunette used a pen from the bank they were in to draw a mustache on the pale man's index finger.
She just laughed and replied, "It'd be easier if the fucking pen wasn't nailed down."
"Oh, stop exaggerating. It's only chained down," the blonde corrected his girlfriend playfully.
Once the mustache was completed, the couple exited the bank and skipped—yes, skipped—down the street, taking photographs of Arthur posing in front of different monuments with his finger under his nose. In one he seemed to be licking Big Ben, in another he appeared to be holding the London Bridge in the palm of his hand, in another he was taking a picture of Lovino taking a picture of him, and many more goofy yet fun things.
Romano decided that she wanted to be in some pictures as well. So they have shots of her pretending to eat the Victoria Memorial outside of Buckingham Palace, appearing to be pushing Stonehenge, faking being trapped in a phone booth, and tons of others.
The duo then began photo-bombing people. They would put bunny ears on people when they took pictures, sneak into large group photos, and Lovino even lifted her dress up over her face and jumped in front of an elderly couple's camera while they tried to take a nice shot of a double-decker bus.
After some time, they were finally caught by a middle-aged man with a magnificent mustache. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YA THINK YA'RE DOING, YA DUMBASSES? WHO DA HELL SAID YA COULD BE IN OUR FUCKING FAMILY PHOTO?" the man shrieked, causing the troublesome couple to cover their ears.
Lovino smirked, sadly the effect it usually had on people wasn't as intense as usual because of her state as a female, but it got her point across quite well nonetheless. "Problem?"
"You mad, bro?" Arthur continued, and then whispered to his girlfriend that he wished he had a trollface print-out with him. The brunette giggled in agreement as she pictured herself and her boyfriend snickering behind a flimsy paper with the trollface on it. The man fumed, his face turning red from anger.
The pair teamed up against the American tourist, locking their arms to signify this, and had a ten minute argument with their current opponent.
The adversaries went back-and-forth for ages; volume escalating with every breath.
When Lovino finally decided to call it quits, she lightly nudged her boyfriend in the ribs, and he ceased his incessant bickering with the intimidating redneck.
Romano rolled her amber eyes at the immature man, "Oh, chill, bastard. Let's go, Arthur." The duo was comprised of nations; they were allowed to be childish. It is kind part of their jobs.
"Alright," England shrugged and agreed with his cheeky girlfriend. "By the way, old chap, I'm England. I would recommend that you respect me a tad more, because this is my turf. This entire island is my bloody land."
That effectively shut the guy up. He just glared at the handsome twosome then stalked off, mumbling what Lovi was sure were curses under his breath.
The couple just laughed their asses off and continued their picture-destructive rampage. It was the most either of them had ever had. Period.
It took some time, but they eventually grew bored of trolling the shit out of people. So they decided it would be a wondrous idea to hop onto one of London's famous buses and start a party. They got the entire population of the vehicle up and grooving while the pair themselves sang to their hearts content. This fiesta lasted over an hour, and by the end it was a dirty, sexy rave rather than the original PG-rated dance. Everyone was grinding; but no two people were grinding harder than our favorite magician and his… girlfriend.
They returned to Arthur's house once they got tired of the lighter and glow-stick filled mode of public transportation. The pair curled up on the couch—after they each took showers—and watched a couple hours of crappy British 'programmes' as they subconsciously cuddled. They went to bed once the clock struck midnight, which is adorably cheesy on their part. England kissed Romano's cheek before blushing and dashing into his bedroom that was directly across the hall from the girl's own room. Lovi smiled, in an astonishingly love-struck way, and raised her hand to caress her lightly tanned cheek.
The nation sighed longingly and retreated back into her bedroom.
Awesome Song: Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls