Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto
A/N: Yes, I know that chapter 7 was supposed to be the last update before two weeks time, but because I'm making you guys wait so long & I'd finished this chapter, I thought I might as well post it ;) Once again, thanks to those who have reviewed and I hope everyone else has enjoyed reading so far. Hope you all have a fantastic next few weeks!
Note: Writing in bold or bold italics are thoughts out of Anko's control i.e. snake spirit's influence
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Chapter 8
Control
Kakashi was leaving for a week-long mission early the next morning. Anko watched him with half-open eyes as he moved around the room, gathering together his clothes and pulling on a shirt after he'd finished showering. He towelled his hair dry, and it looked endearingly unruly and messy. Anko was in her bed, still sprawled under the sheets and bare, and from the way Kakashi was determinedly not looking too closely at her, she knew he was regretting leaving.
"Kurenai will be here for the next few days, if you need her," the nin said softly. Anko grunted in reply, closing her eyes so she couldn't see the concern on his face. He hesitated, as if he wanted to say more, but finally said shortly "Take care."
Anko sighed, and opened her eyes to smirk at him. "You too. Have fun keeping Asuma and his whelps in line."
Kakashi rolled his eyes, exaggerating his displeasure at her reminding him what he would have to deal with on this mission. "Cruel woman." he kissed her forehead softly.
"Perverted lazyass," she grinned, punching his shoulder.
Smiling and nursing his soon-to-be bruised shoulder, the Copy Nin left.
Anko's smile faded instantly. She felt less safe, somehow, with him gone. She scowled at herself, I can handle anything he can! Better! She would miss the Sharingan-induced sleep for sure. Maybe I should get some pills ... but then Tsunade-sama will ask why ... damn it ... her thoughts blurred as she slipped back to sleep.
...o..o.o..o...
"Anko"
"A little higher ..."
"Do you want it?"
"You're such a liar, Anko,"
"I'll see you again soon."
...o..o.o..o...
Anko woke up with a start to banging on her door. She got up, cursing and grumbling and rubbing her curse seal, pulled on a dressing gown and stumbled to the door. Going to give that person a piece of my mind!
"What the fuck do you want?" she growled as she pulled the apartment door open.
Kurenai smiled at her, all too cheerful for Anko's taste. "I came to see if you want to join a bunch of us at the bar. A few guys finished their missions today, so there are more of us home than usual and we're going to celebrate," she told Anko, ignoring her blunt greeting.
Anko considered briefly. Sleep with less than pleasing ... um, creepy, dreams, or sake and dango (which she could 'convince' any bar to make her). Hmm ...
"Meet you there," she grinned at Kurenai, who didn't remark that her friend looked slightly insane when she smiled like that. She wanted to get out of her apartment. Fucking snake. Can't let me sleep in peace.
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Anko moved easily through the crowded bar. She was one person that even the other shinobi were careful around. Her attitude seemed to creep a lot of them out for some reason ...
"Anko!" Genma greeted her, smiling around his senbon.
"Fuck off, Genma," Anko said shortly, before dropping heavily into a seat at the table surrounded by the few of her fellow jonin who weren't currently out on a mission. Kurenai, Genma, Gai, even Kotetsu and Izumo with his ever-present bandage over his nose. Those two hadn't lead genin recently, but were often seen assisting the Hokage. It feels strange without Kakashi and Asuma here.
"Sake," she called to a waitress, "And dango!"
Genma merely grinned wider at her. "You seem to be in a better mood than usual. Missing Kakashi, maybe?" He winked suggestively at her: "You know, if you feel lonely ..."
Anko smirked at the womanising jonin. "Sorry, Genma, you just don't do it for me ... besides, I don't think you could handle what I have to offer."
The rest of the table laughed loudly at Genma's stunned face. Anko felt uplifted – Genma was always good to play around with. It was practically a ritual of theirs. Genma would act insulted when she turned him down, and then promptly laugh uproariously and proceed to hit on the waitress, or Kurenai when Asuma wasn't watching, or if he was feeling brave he'd try Anko again.
Iruka soon joined them to the loud greetings of the group. Although he wasn't a jonin, not one of them even thought about it. No one could dislike the friendly teacher, though Anko liked mocking his passion for teaching those 'brats' (the language got slightly stronger the more she drank).
"Damn, I'm tired from these constant missions," Genma groaned a little later. "They're really wearing me out ..."
"You mean you haven't been able to get with as many women, hey Genma?" Kurenai teased him.
"Yeah, if your stamina is that bad, you really won't be able to keep up with me," Anko grinned wickedly as his eyes widened. She winked at Kurenai, who broke into laughter again. Kotetsu and Izumo took the opportunity to tease Genma about how he let the kunoichi pick on him, and Gai went off into a rant about how Genma should join his early, middle-morning, lunch-time, mid-afternoon, afternoon, evening and night-time runs around Konoha. He seemed to think that it would cure his tiredness and invigorate his 'youthful spirit of fire'.
"But seriously," Kurenai interjected at last, "don't you think we're being stretched a bit thin? What with Akatsuki and all."
Izumo shrugged. "Not much we can do about it. Hokage-sama is trying to prevent any hints of weakness from encouraging other shinobi villages to think of war."
"But we're allied with Suna now, surely that would discourage any villages from attacking us?" Anko said.
"Yeah, plus our younger generation performed well at the Chunin exams." Genma added.
"Well I think Tsunade-sama is just being cautious. Plus we need funds to repair and improve our defences." Kotetsu said. He and Izumo spent a lot of time around the Hokage, and knew more than the others about her reasons for taking on almost more missions than they could handle.
"How were the kids you took along to the Ocean Country, Anko?" Izumo asked interestedly.
"Yes, how was Naruto?" Iruka asked. He had a soft spot for the boy, and Anko knew why.
She shrugged, pretending not to care too much. "They were fine. More competent than I expected, I guess, though they are all so naïve. That Naruto ..."
"Yes?" Iruka prompted.
"He's got some spirit. He seems to bond with anyone. And that chakra capacity ... I can't say I wasn't impressed. I didn't even have to do much after he summoned Gamabunta. I just held their hands every now and then, but they managed fine." They all looked at her, surprised to hear her praise the genin. Anko wasn't known as being too patient or caring. "What?" she growled, when she noticed them all staring at her.
They jumped. "N-nothing, Anko," Kurenai said nervously. And then she smiled. "I'm glad that they were of some help."
"Yeah. The Aburame boy is one of yours, right?" Anko replied, still grouchy. "He's good. But not very talkative, is he?" They all laughed, knowing the characteristic silence of that clan.
"So how are the next batch of brats coming along, Iruka?" Anko asked him.
The chunin smiled mildly, "Well, there might not be as many geniuses as in the previous group, but there are a number of talented and strong-willed students. I think they are going to do Konoha proud."
Genma clapped him on the back, though he almost missed. The sake was beginning to get to him, much to the amusement of those watching. "I don't know how you ... how you do it, Iruka. I don't think I could handle trying to theach ... gah, teach a bunch of kids."
"Well, isn't it your turn to take on a genin team this time, Genma?" Kurenai said slyly.
The jonin looked stunned for a moment, and then laid his head on the table. "Damn."
"It's not that bad, Genma. Really, it can be rewarding when you see how much they have grown and know that you have had something to do with it." Kurenai said earnestly.
"Yes!!" Gai shouted loudly, standing and pumping his fist in the air. The rest of the people in the pub didn't turn around or bat an eyelid even though his voice deafened those around him. "To show them how to grasp and shine with the fire of youthful energy!! To pass on your knowledge of the shinobi way!! To teach them the value of will and-"
"Yes, yes, Gai, I think we get the point!" Anko growled. "But really Iruka, I don't think those kids are ready for being shinobi after they leave the academy. They're too soft."
"I think it's important to give them a grounding, and allow them a bit of childhood as well." the chunin replied, "I think those that advance too quickly without being allowed a time of carefree happiness tend to be the most unstable. They are still children, after all."
"You're too easy on them, Iruka," Anko scowled, "The shinobi world isn't easier on children."
"No," Kurenai interrupted. "I agree with Iruka. I think not having time to be children can make them unstable. Look at Itachi, and Or-" she stopped suddenly, with that sick feeling in her stomach that you get when you know you've said something wrong.
Genma tried to cover it up, acting quickly even in his drunken state, "But look at the Yondaime, and Kakashi! They were geniuses and graduated early, and they have done so much good-" he rattled on and the debate continued, but with the tenseness in the air failing to dissipate while certain names were avoided.
Anko couldn't help how she'd tensed up, and couldn't help the killer-rage that boiled around her person at the mere hint of his name. She knew she was making the people closest to being her friends uncomfortable, and hated him all the more which only made it worse.
"Anko-" Kurenai began finally, soft and hesitant.
Anko downed her sake and banged the glass back on the table, standing abruptly.
"'Night," she said, with her usual on-the-edge grin. She waved off Gai's urgent plea to 'show her vibrant youth' and stay longer, and Kurenai's concern, and left. She sauntered out of the bar, moving easily as the crowd hastily made way. She may have been smiling, but sharks also 'smile' just before they relieve you of a limb and a silent threat rolled off her in waves.
Kurenai dropped her head in her hands. "Gods, I'm so stupid!" she cursed, frustrated at her slip.
"It's okay," Genma comforted her, "It's just a sensitive topic. She'll get over it."
Kurenai shook her head, but didn't say any more. No one else needed to know what Kakashi had told her – that Anko had had a run in with her ex-sensei and tried to kill him only the day before. Fucking snake, she thought bitterly, it's your fault ... You ruined her, and any chance that she would live a happy life.
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Back in her apartment, Anko stared at her bed. She didn't really feel like sleeping, especially when she knew what dreams would await her, and the snake spirit was restless. No one knew about it except for Orochimaru – not even Kakashi. If Tsunade found out, then she would forcibly remove it and then remove Anko from the shinobi ranks forever. It was a forbidden technique, after all.
Anko turned on her heels, and headed for a remote training ground. It was night, but all the better to improve her skills and try to control the snake though she couldn't release its power - the ANBU would be all over her, sticking as tight as Gai's spandex to unmentionable places. Instead, she decided to train herself to exhaustion.
She set up exploding traps, trip wires, falling logs and targets. She moved through them, slipping through the undergrowth like a serpent, darting through the dark forest and dodging balls of flame and shining shuriken, with back flips, rolls and twists of her body that defied natural flexibility. She trained until she was too tired to dodge effectively, and then carried on, ignoring the cuts and the pain until she almost fainted from exhaustion and blood loss.
She finally slipped on a branch, dizzy, and fell to the ground with a thud. She didn't make a sound except to sigh. I need to get better. But it was more than that.
When Kurenai had almost mentioned his name in the bar, Anko had had a sudden rush of almost uncontrollable fury, magnified and multiplied by her snake resident. The power of the urge to bite, to hurt, one of her companions stunned and worried her. She had had to leave there and work herself to exhaustion or she wasn't sure what she would do.
What also disturbed her was the way the snake spirit twisted inside her at the thought of her ex-sensei. It gave her a strange, but not entirely unpleasant feeling and she didn't know what to make of it.
Sprawled out on the grass, tired, bruised and bleeding, Anko stared up at the cloud-filled night sky. It was so oppressive and blank compared to a clear sky of stars and a numbness spread over her, watching it. She couldn't and didn't resist the persistent pull into sleep that took her then, but she tried hard to resist the strange dreams of lips and tongue and blood. Always blood.
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It was a few days later when Anko was awoken by banging on her apartment door again. She groaned and cursed, and forced herself to get up. The kunoichi had been training herself into exhaustion every day since Kakashi had left five days previously. She hadn't had any hints of lapse of control since that night at the bar, but then she hadn't been allowing herself excess energy to even think either.
She pulled on some clothes, pulling herself together at the same time, and moved to open the door. Who the hell is it now?
"Yes?" she said curtly, before she registered that it was Izumo at the door. She only had to glance at him for ice to run down her spine and shake off her remnants of weariness. Anko recognised that expression, and recognised that it never meant anything good. She flung the door open wide. "What is it?" she demanded, allowing anger to colour the concern that was welling up in her chest.
Izumo took a deep breath. "It's Kakashi, Anko. He's in the hospital."
Nonononono ... "What happened? Wasn't he still supposed to be on his mission?"
"I don't know any details, except that it's serious. I'm sorry. I'm sure Tsunade-sama or Shizune-san will be able to fill you in." He touched her hand gently, but Anko didn't seem to notice. "He's tough, Anko."
She turned away from him, shutting the door and he made no move to stop her. He had never seen her like this. She looks so ... human. Maybe there was more between them than any of us thought.
Inside her apartment, Anko allowed herself one moment of despair before pulling on her proper clothes. She left through the window and leapt across rooftops – it was the fastest way and she didn't want any questions. She only wanted answers.
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Anko strode through the corridors of the hospital without taking any notice of the people scurrying out of her way. She didn't even take any satisfaction in her terrorising of the receptionist when she was getting details of Kakashi's whereabouts. She only felt anger in the time she had had to waste while the woman stuttered her answer.
She saw the double doors of the emergency room where Kakashi was and would have walked straight through them if a woman hadn't stepped in her way. Anko put out her hand to knock her aside.
"Anko-san! Stop!" the woman said sharply. Anko blinked. It was Shizune. "You can't go in there – you can't disturb them!"
Anko licked her lips. Her mouth was suddenly dry. She tried to focus on the Hokage's aide, and managed with difficulty. "Shizune-san. How is he? What happened?"
Shizune sighed, lowering her eyes. "He's ... They ran into Akatsuki. It was completely unexpected, and they ... they weren't prepared. It was only supposed to be a B rank mission."
Anko glared at her. "How is he." she hissed, voice harsh in warning.
Shizune still didn't look at her. "Tsunade-sama and Sakura-san are in there with a number of medic nin. His comrades carried him here after doing all they could, but they were a day's travel away and he took the brunt of the attack. It ... it doesn't look good. There were some head injuries."
Anko stared at the floor. There was a feeling surging up inside her, and she couldn't determine what it was. She was almost afraid to examine it too closely.
Shizune touched her arm lightly, and Anko wondered abstractly why she was the second one to do so. Why did they think she would welcome their touch? "If anyone can help him, then Tsunade-sama and Sakura-san can."
Anko didn't reply, and Shizune backed away to stand by the doors. Anko didn't even notice the ANBU member who was standing there as well, but he noticed her.
She clenched her fist, digging her nails into her skin. Anko felt herself slipping – her control was slipping and she couldn't stop it. The snake spirit was rising up inside her rapidly, raging and demanding blood and vengeance. It roared inside her head, and she was sliding and slipping on the edge of darkness. Who ... who did it. Who did it
She didn't realise she had asked out loud until the ANBU answered her. "Uchiha Itachi."
Anko was going to snap. She was going to scream and kill, so she ran. She ran out of the hospital, ignoring Shizune's shout, and ran as swiftly as she could into the forest. Ignoring Tsunade's command not to leave Konoha, she was hours away before she allowed herself to stop. The transformation took over her, and she let it. She raged through the forest and roared, burning trees to ash and dust and killing all the green life around her but it wasn't enough. It didn't sooth the aching inside, or the serpent. She could feel ANBU sentries moving towards her to investigate, and she managed to stay sane enough to avoid them.
She had to move further and further away from Konoha to avoid the ANBU, until eventually she was at least half a day away, in the direction of the place she used to train with Orochimaru; the place where she had sealed the snake.
She landed in a clearing, panting and tense, but still not herself. Uchiha Itachi ... I'm going to kill him! I'm going to tear into him and spill his blood! I'm going to kill everything.
She snapped back into awareness at that thought that hadn't truly come from her. She was spinning and spinning, out of control and her mind was cracking, breaking, and she didn't know how to stop to heal to kill-
She was brought back by hands on her shoulders. Hands that belonged to the one who had cracked her sanity and stole her peace. She lunged forward, the thought kill overtaking her again, but he brought her back with a blow across the face that would have flung her to the floor if he didn't catch her.
"Orochimaru ..." she managed to mumble with blood in her mouth from the split lip he had just given her. "Come to laugh at the wreck you have made of me?"
He studied her with an indecipherable expression, and said nothing.
"Why are you here?" she asked, ignoring the shaking of her body and the thoughts of -kill- what she had run from and where she was.
"You are out of control." he said calmly. She glared at him, and he smirked. "This is a mess you have made, Anko, not me. And I wonder what brought this on? Could it be an encounter some Konoha nin had with Akatsuki?"
Anko shook and her seal burned and the snake raged, and she wanted to die. Kakashi ... gods, Kakashi ...
"You cannot control the spirit enough to get your revenge, Anko, whether on Akatsuki or on me." He sneered at her broken form, "You are pathetic, once again. And I thought you had found some fire, some spirit. I was obviously wrong." He stood and started to walk away.
"Fuck you!" she shouted, staggering to her feet, "You fucking bastard! I'm going to kill you!" She lost control again, and when she gained conciousness this time he had her with her back to a tree. The thought this seems to be happening too often flitted across her mind, but she shook it off. He smiled down at her, watching her as she looked around confused and breathing heavily. "What ... what is happening to me?"
He licked his lips, and she watched him, dazed, as he spoke. She couldn't keep her eyes from his mouth. "You are losing control of your body, Anko. You will die if you continue like this. But-" he leaned down, and breathed in her ear, "You will kill everything you love first if you can't stop it, and you can't. You will bathe in their blood, and the only one who can teach you control is me. I'm the only one who can help you."
"Come with me."
Anko was drowning in memories. "Hey. Come with me." He had said it to her then, and she had refused. But now ... now she didn't know what to do. If she didn't go with him, she would lose more and more control, and go insane, killing those around her if they didn't lock her up or kill her first. But if she went with him ... I might end up losing my soul anyway. She stared into the depths of his cold golden eyes that were the focus for so much pain and confusion in her life. I could ... I could go, and learn control and power ... and then I could kill him and Itachi. I could ... go ...
"Why would you help me?" she asked, searching his eyes for some of the compassion she had imagined to be there in her childhood.
He ran the fingers of one hand across her jaw, and smiled almost pleasantly though it didn't reach the coldness in his eyes. "Oh, Anko. You should know I offer nothing for free." he laughed lightly in amusement, as if she were a child and had said something so naïve it was funny.
"I won't kill for you!" she spat, anger rising again, "I won't help any of your plans! I'd rather die, or better, I'd rather kill you!"
He smirked. "But you will die. Not only that, you will kill all those around you as well. So tell me, Anko: what will you do? Serve me, kill for me? Or kill those you love?" He laughed mockingly, "Or maybe just those you care for, because you can't love, can you? You're not capable of love."
She turned her head away and didn't reply, because in her mind she believed him. It was what she herself thought: she was not capable of love. Once she had loved ... but after the utter betrayal ... Her soul was too dark, too tainted. That was why she was considering his words, considering his offer. He had broken her once, and the cracks had never really healed. His poison spread too deep for even the legendary Godaime to heal.
"How do you know I won't just kill myself?" she managed to say, trying to ignore how close he was, trying to block from her mind what happened the last time they were so close.
"Because you want revenge too much."
It was true. It was so true, she wanted to cry. That's why I couldn't be at peace after finding out I had left him, and not been abandoned. I want my revenge so badly, because finding that out hadn't made anything better! Nothing can make it better! But if I kill him ... maybe I can find some peace. And now that Uchiha ... I want revenge on him too. Not just for me – for Naruto. That boy had touched her heart, like he touched so many. He will lose his life to Itachi because of the Kyuubi. Kakashi may have lost his life to him ... If I can kill him, then I must.
I could go, and learn, and then kill them both. I could do this.
Orochimaru watched her all the while, able to read most of what she was feeling and he could understand the gist of what she was thinking as well. Manipulation was a technique he had made in to an art – a jutsu almost. There is only one thing she can decide. He chuckled to himself cruelly, Oh, Anko, you have fallen back into my hands. What a useful tool you will be. So easy to twist to my will – and even easier once I have you away from Konoha. Soon, you won't even remember these people you cared for. All you will concern yourself with are my wishes, my will. His smile widened covetously, But for now I will give you a little more time to discover how much you need me – and to cut your ties to this place so you can never return.
He leaned forward again, and moved his mouth from her shoulder, up along her neck to her ear again – never touching her, but his lips and breath an inch from her skin causing her to shiver in response. "I will be near here for one more day. You have that long." He stepped back, and dissolved into smoke. He left her standing in the clearing, alone.